JesseJoe

I saw Scarlet and Kelly weekend before last. We spent the day laughing, reminiscing and talking of the greatness of God. Those two really are quite remarkable. Shelly Aka JesseJoe

Where is the post you are referencing? I would like to check it out. Thanks! Shelly

Paw, reading your post brought tears to my eyes, for many reasons. Smiling, Shelly

I agree wholeheartedly :)

HAP, check out I Kings 19:19-21; then, II Kings 2:8-15 Personally, I think LCM did receive double of what VPW had, only it wasn’t the spirit of the living God. Shelly

Kit, thank you for the encouraging words and prayers. Yes, it is very good to be out of TWI and able to deal with things in a real way. One of the challenges for me after TWI was realizing it is ok to explore, understand, and mourn my past. For years, I pushed, “forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth.” Many of us did, much to our detriment. I realize now, I had been “forgetting” things I hadn’t even processed and that had caused a massive amount of nasty attitudes and anger in my life. It feels good not to be angry. The main case study of the book deals with 20 children in California who where kidnapped while on their school bus and buried alive in 1979. There are other case studies as well, ranging the spectrum. The book goes through the effects of the trauma on the kids as well as those around them. Too Scared to Cry is a very enlightening book. It has helped me considerably. If/when you read it, let me know what you think. I have always respected your opinion and would be very interested in what you have to say. All the best to you and yours, Shelly

I don’t know, dmiller. That sounds WAY too WAY spiritual for me :) Ex, been there done that. And survived. HAP, think of VPW to LCM.

Hey, Bolshevic. Thanks for your post. I appreciate your frankness. Views such as yours always makes me think, reevaluate. You wrote, “Is nobody willing to admit it until they hear one of their peers say it first?” It isn’t about my admitting I was in a cult. It is a matter of me being able accept what happened to me. It is about being able to talk it through with the only people I have ever found that understand. They understand because they were there. It is about validation of feelings and learning I am ok. I left as Leafy and her husband did. I thought I had failed God. I didn’t leave because I thought I was in a Cult. TWI taught us not to question. If something was wrong we were responsible because we weren’t mature enough, we didn’t believe enough, we didn't study enough, we gave our ABS to some one in need and not God's Ministry, we were thinking evil, we were out of fellowship, we were off the word, or any number of other BS things that were pounded into our heads. The sad part is, at the time it made sense and I believed it. Remember? “”””””If you can control your mind, you can control your entire life.”””””” Such BS. GSC allowed me to question. I learned I wasn’t responsible for every “negative” in my life. It is ok to tell it like it is, even when others call it thinking evil. I learned .... happens and no amount of believing is going to change that. I learned so much, most after I started posting, exposing my shame and my guilt. Anyway, thanks. Life isn’t as cut and dry as TWI would have us believe.

Throwing in the towel sounds too much like quitting to me. I can’t see Paw quitting at being who he is; which, in my opinion, is someone who cares deeply about bringing the evils of TWI to light and helping put the hearts of those broken back together. Even if GSC closed, that wouldn’t change. I like the phrase passing the baton better. Although, if this site closes with no baton passing, I can’t imagine another site not popping up to replace it, with a prominent link to the read only GSC, and really good instructions on how to search it :) Shelly

Happy 2009 to you as well, Kit. And to all of you out there! New beginnings And continued journeys With thankfulness, Shelly

Hi, Pond. Paw pretty much said it, “Let me make one thing very clear, this site will never require a poster to use their real name in public or private!!!” Although the issue is closed, I want to give you something else to consider beyond what Mister P has said. When I found WayDale, and continued on to Grease Spot, I can’t tell you the amount of guilt and shame I had. I had failed everything. I had failed God. I had failed people I loved. I had hurt people in vicious verbal ways. I had shunned my family for many, many years. I turned my back on the ones I held most dear, both in and out of TWI. The only thing I felt I could right is string the F____ chairs. I was at the point my heart was a weak as my flesh, and 10,000 times as hard. I don’t know if you can relate to that type of guilt and shame. All I wanted to do was stay hidden. But I wanted answers more than I wanted to hide, so I registered under my dog’s name. Jesse was my strength for a very long time. If I had to use my real name and expose myself, I don’t think I would have ever been able to stand in the light again. I wouldn’t have been strong enough to register under my real name, let alone ask my questions, or comment on others, which was healing as well. Some of my greatest understanding came because of the conflict, some of which I was right in the middle of. (Sorry Paw. I know I was part of the reason for your headaches then.) Even when I wasn't posting, many times the antagonist said what I was thinking. The arguments helped me weed out the garbage in my mind that the Way had put there. Yes, many of us had been out of the Way for years before coming here. I had been out for 11 years, ’88 to ‘99. It took that long to find a place to help me get the Way out of me. Along with the Way, I lost the guilt and shame as well. Just something to think about. Shelly Patton AKA JesseJoe

Too Scared to Cry - How Trauma Affects Children… And Ultimately Us All, by Lenore Kerr, M.D. My mom died early June 2008, four months after my 50th birthday. Soon after her death, I realized I was asking questions about my childhood I hadn’t asked in almost 30 years. Questions I had learned to stop asking, because of the pain they stirred. While involved with TWI, I forgot about the questions I had. I worked very hard forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. For some reason, after my mom died, I remembered and felt free to ask the questions that I realized have always been in the back of my mind somewhere. My family has actually been supportive. In talking to a friend several months back, she suggested I read Too Scared to Cry. As I read, I could see myself on so many of the pages; my parents’ broken marriage, being kidnapped by my father and separated from mother when I was two, never having stability, being molested repeatedly by a cousin when I was 8, the nightmares, sleepwalking, feelings of shame, worthlessness and guilt. I was halfway through the book when, for the first time in my life, I cried for the childhood I never had. It was the beginning of my journey to understand who I am and why I am the way I am. It has been a very healing journey. If any one has read this book, I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts. Shelly

Satori, good to see you. I am glad you haven’t lost your skills as a wordsmith. Although I find your post counterproductive, your way with words is simply amazing. Just like old times :)

The Walls The walls are tight, suffocating Built one experience at a time Reinforced by steel phrases Mortared by insensitive hearts The thickness impenetrable Height overwhelming Seamless, no doors No hope of escape Pressure builds Explosions occur The tongue slashes Bleeding hearts left behind The walls are tight, suffocating Torn down one experience at a time Weakened by tender words Chiseled by caring hearts The thickness permeable Height insignificant Seamless, no doors Hope Pressure released Explosions prevented The tongue controlled Healing heart left behind

Hey Paw. I can tell you what this site has meant to me, personally. Because of you, I was able to explore my losses, my regrets, my mistakes, my beliefs, even my sexuality. You made available an environment where I could expose myself, as I hid. Grease Spot allowed me to speak my truth and be challenged to reconsider my position, or embrace it, whatever the case may be. I am very happy with my life, Paw. The things I learned here, about TWI and myself as I posted, were the catalyst to my freedom. I still have chains. I will always have chains. But those chains are less binding because of you. I remember a similar panic when WayDale closed. It was very hard for the many of us who had come to depend on what we had found there. WayDale did close, and someone else carried on the healing. Paw, someone will always carry on the healing. I have mixed emotions about the Grease Spot forums closing. I haven’t posted in years, but I do lurk. For me, having the forums close will be like losing a friend: in this case, losing a friend to a life of love and companionship. It would be bittersweet. I learned to express my thoughts here, Paw. Thank you. Shelly (((((((((((((excathedra))))))))))))