[markomalley]

I understand that sometimes women have a hard time understanding men. Hopefully the following will help you a bit:

quote:

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

presented as a public service to the fairer sex

[Shellon]

--> HA!

[Belle]

Loved it! -->

[Jim]

quote:

quote:

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.

Guilty
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

Not Guilty. I fix it anyway. I might drink beer with male friends, but no farting.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Not Guilty. I'm the one running around taking care of the girls when they are sick.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

No Contest. I'm best with simple stuff, but can follow detailed orders when they are written down.

And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)

Not Guilty. I had an exquisitely embarrasing visit to the drugstore one time. My wife needed a certain type of *cough* tampon and was too sick to go to the store and I had to ask the lady clerk for help.

BTW, watching your child being born breaks away alot of the male squeemishness of that sort of stuff.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

No Contest. I *will* take it apart and fix it. It may cost more in time than a new one though.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.

Guilty
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Not Guilty. I tend to think of sex, classical music and computer design.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.

Not Guilty. I tend to be the one that keeps the peace during in-law visits.
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.

No Contest.
___________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?

Guilty
___________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

Not Guilty. I do my own laundry, and share the rest of the stuff. I do the front lawn and keep the cars maintained, she does the back yard and keeps the clothes maintained. Works for us.

[Steve!]

quote:

And never, under any
circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Once I realized a couple of things, it's actually not been a problem for me - as a matter of fact, just the opposite!

1. Is anyone in the store seriously going to think that these products will be used by a me?

2. Isn't a purchase of these products a huge banner that says "I got a woman!"?

[notinKansasanymore]

Okay, so you're men.

But are you intelligent men?

Simple test. Answer this question, as though it came from your wife or girlfriend.


"Tell me the truth. Does this make me look fat?"

-->

[Jim]

"Don't ask a question you might not want to hear the answer to"

[notinKansasanymore]

Wrong answer!

Grab a club and head off to the Mammoth hunts.


(kidding, kidding.)

[Zshot]

I would answer if I could actually see the picture...

And if I were able to see the picture, I would sa..."You look lovely".

[Shellon]

quote:

"Don't ask a question you might not want to hear the answer to"

That's your answer??

[George Aar]

No, Honey, the clothes don't make you look fat, the fat does...

Yeah, honesty has done wonders for my sex life.

(fortunately I have a skinny wife)

[dmiller]

You forgot to add:

"I am a man, therefore I do not ask directions, even when I am hopelessly lost -- being convinced in my mind I can find the way, without help from any other person."

Not guilty:
I always ask directions. And any man worth his salt should too, since it gets you there faster, even though you have to ask. Proves we're human too, which is already known by the female half, even though we try to hide it. -->
.
.
.

This post has been edited by dmiller: 21 April 2005 - 12:09 AM

[Jim]

quote:

That's your answer??

No, that's the ground rule we established years ago concerning such questions.

[ChasUFarley]

Jim --

I think I'm in love.

You wrote:

"Not Guilty. I do my own laundry, and share the rest of the stuff. I do the front lawn and keep the cars maintained, she does the back yard and keeps the clothes maintained. Works for us"



Can you please send me some of your DNA so I can have a clone made?

Bonus points if you'll change a diaper and feed the little critter every now and then.... And if you don't ask, "What's the matter with him?" when he cries - all the better!

[reikilady]

My man and I pick out movies together. Once, and just once for each of us, we didn't particular enjoy the choice of the other and it was all right. I've been really ill and asked for assistance and received it. I was so sick it hurt to take a couple of steps and they were doing a remodel in my kitchen and the stuff in and around the cupboards needed to be moved. Daughter wasn't acting like she would do it and I called Oak. He didn't quite understand why I was asking for his help until he saw how ill I was. He has helped me with math when tears of frustration have been streaming down my face and he still loves me.

Some guys may be like what the intro to the thread was like. Mine is not. I do recognize some differences between communication styles and the sexes. I have learned you have to speak plain english and not "hint" about stuff that is important to you and sometimes you have to talk about on more than a few occasions for the other to get how important it is and consider a different way of handling some situations.

I don't like anything that even resembles a confrontation and have to be careful of saying "Oh this is great" when in reality it wouldn't be if it was an all the time thing.

Jim, it's awesome that you and your wife can depend on one another for stuff around the house to be done and that you can handle it when your girls are sick. They are lucky to have you and I think the reverse is true is well.

I liked Steve!'s comment about how it shows you have a woman in your life if you are purchasing female sanitary products.

[WordWolf]

Steve! may have gotten it from a comedian.
One comedian once was sent to buy them, and, while he was in the checkout line,
he saw a gay guy looking at him.
"I was never so glad to be buying pads in all my life.
Miss? Can we get a price check on these PADS?
We all know they're not for ME..."

[Galen]

Mark:
“Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in. AAA is not an option. I will win.”

I will ask for help long before hypothermia or heat stroke has set in.



“Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.”

That is absurd. Cute but absurd, I really don’t think that any guy actually does this.

I know that I can not fix a modern car. My ’57 Willy yes, but not our modern vehicles, call for help.



“Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.”

I take care of Bonnie and the kids when they are sick.



“Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)”

This sounds like something off “blue-collar TV”.

I can shop for everything, but Bonnie has the prices memorized and cuts coupons, there is no way that I could ever match her with her coupons; so she does most grocery shopping. I routinely only shop for the fresh veggies and fruits [Bonnie can not tell a ripe watermelon from a green cantaloupe, and she works as a produce grocer. Heh heh heh].

If a woman needs tampons or anything else, and your making the next trip to the store than why not get what is needed?

I secretly think that the other females in the store will highly respect you once they see you getting the goods without complaint.

This is like guys shopping for condoms. I would be proud to shop for them, it says that you hope to get some. I dont understand why gusy would want to hide that. Personally I get them for free, which is why I dont shop for them myself, they are too expensive.



“Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.”

Some appliances I fix, others I do not.

It comes with knowing what you can do.

I have NEVER, needed anyone else to go back in later to fix my screw-up.



“Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.”

What?

Who cares where or who has the remote?



“Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.”

Get a life.

Yes sex is nice, but only within a given context.

Cars are tools, I ‘think’ about them when driving or shopping for a new one.

I don’t like team sports, never have. I have watched too many guys devote way too much time trying to find the scores each week, and seen them go to pieces when the teleprinter died without printing the scores [heh heh heh].



“Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.”

I don’t get this one either.

Bonnie does not have a mother [she was orphaned as a child] so I guess I will leave this one to you who do have mother-in-laws. I do have a sister-in-law, she is great. I have no issues with her visiting, in fact Bonnie is traveling this weekend down to D.C. to spend a few days with her sister. Good for them.



“Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
others.”

If it makes me want to cry, I walk out.

I don’t think I have ever seen Bonnie cry. Nor do I recall a movie ever changing her mood towards ‘amorous’.



“Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
now?”

LOL

I have seen women like this.

I am very thankful that I did not marry such.

She puts on what she is going to wear, and out we go. I have never been asked if it looked ‘okay’ or ‘better’, and that is fine with me.

On the other hand, once or twice in 21 years, I have asked her about what she thinks of my clothing and looks [she thinks the entire train of thought is far too vain].



“Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.”

I do laundry [but I hate hanging clothes on the line, I prefer winter when I use the dryer].

I cook, if I am home during the hour before dinner.

I clean [sweep, mop, wax the floors [I do the floors because I do a better job with them]. Make my bed. Wipe down all horizontal counter-tops, etc].

I load the dish-washer [the kids unload it].

I don’t garden anymore, I did at the first dozen homes we lived at, but everytime I went away, everything died from lack of watering. So after years of trying I finally gave-up. I have started over a dozen gardens, but have never been able to harvest any of them, since I was a child.



“presented as a public service to the fairer sex”

Truly not a balanced perspective at all.


NotinKansas-
“Simple test. Answer this question, as though it came from your wife or girlfriend."
"Tell me the truth. Does this make me look fat?"

Maybe it is just from living a life with security clearances, but I have no issue at all, with simply not ansering some questions.

Or changing the subject,

Or answering a question with another question,

Or answering a question with a totally absurd whimsical answer.

Do you think it does?

I like the other pair.

I would prefer that you wore nothing at all.

In the greater scheme of the universe a blue mu-mu with flowers, is a miniacure cosmos all in itself and would truly require far more thought and consideration than I am willing to give it.

[markomalley]

Galen,

It was intended as humor. Geez.

[Galen]

Mark:

Yes, sir.

I go back in corner now.

[Steve!]

quote:

“Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.”

That is absurd. Cute but absurd, I really don’t think that any guy actually does this.

I saw guys doing that just last weekend.