Appendix J

Reason:

I married a woman with a very weak sexual drive, and I have a very strong sexual drive. I am always "horny." I know that God meets needs, and I believe He meets my needs through other women who are willing to have intercourse with me.

Answer:

You are correct that God meets needs, but He does not meet them in ways that flow at cross purposes with His Word. There are probably very few marriages where the sexual drives of both partners are the same. Part of the joy and privilege of working together as a Christian husband and wife is to work out differences using the Word of God as a standard. The reason the needs exist is that you and your wife have not gone honestly and lovingly to the Word of God. I Corinthians 7:3 and 4 apply to your situation.

I Corinthians 7:3-4

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his body, but the wife.

The word "render" in verse 3 is apodidomi, and in the context of I Corinthians 7 it means "to pay off what is due" (Thayer). It carries a sense of obligation (Bullinger). The words "due benevolence" are the Greek words ten opheilen and mean "the debt," or "that which is due." This phrase is a euphemism for marital duties (Bauer).

The use of the words "render" and "due benevolence" are clear. The wife is to meet the sexual needs of her husband, and vice versa. Neither the husband nor the wife has the right to refuse to meet the sexual needs of the spouse. They have a "debt" to each other, as verse 4 makes clear: "The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." There may be times when one partner may not "feel" like having sexual intercourse. If the husband and wife wait until they both "feel like it" to have sexual intercourse, God would not have written I Corinthians 7:3 and 4. Believing men and women are to love God enough that they work with their minds and bodies to obey God. Believers work with their minds and bodies in many other categories and try to "put on the new man" (Colossians 3:10), so there is no reason for believers not to obey God in the sexual field.

If the husband and wife will walk in the love of God and genuinely obey the written Word of God from their hearts, they will find that they can work out their sexual differences. The richness of the relationship as a husband and wife standing together on the Word of God will be one of the greatest blessings of life.