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As a former lawyer, and occasionally I did a bit of work in matrimonial matters, I never really "got" abusive couple relationships and why one would keep returning to the abusive partner time after time. I knew the "theory" (if you like); but I didn't understand the gradual erosion of boundaries. "If he keeps hitting you like that - just leave!" Later, processing my experiences post-Way, ah! then I "got" it. Emotionally. Whole different picture then.

Wow, JJ, well done! I so ID with the highlighted sections above!! Pretty amazing what we can endure sometimes... So glad you have reconnected well with families, and thank you for processing/telling your amazing Life Story here!

I think being in TWI is like being in a toxic relationship. It proved to be a one-sided relationship - something very bad and draining to my intellectual, emotional, physical, social, and financial health. It’s been some 34 years since I left the cult and have come to realize that TWI is like a parasite.... It needs the life, money and energy of followers – this is a one-sided relationship and by far outweighs whatever the cult supposedly provides its followers. A cult needs people – it depends on them for its very survival…I think cult leaders want to have a lot of power over followers to properly manage their “resources” and ensure that no talent, energy, money…whatever is wasted on anything outside the cult. Annio, that Terror, Love and Brainwashing book by Alexandra Stein sounds interesting – I’ve put it on my wish list to check out sometime – thanks for mentioning it.

Congratulations JJ!

THIS. THIS. This is why I could not leave the group for so long. 1. My family went into the FC when I was just over the age limit. So, my entire family left me behind. - RELATIONSHIP WEAKENED 2. Abandoned, I had nowhere else to go, so I obeyed my parents and went WOW so that I could have some kind of support around me. WOW became my family. FAMILY RELATIONSHIP REPLACED BY TWI 3. I stayed in Las Vegas with some of the WOWs on my team afterwards - where else would I go? My family was still in FC for another 2 or 3 years. FAMILY EVEN MORE WEAKENED 4. Family was made Mark and Avoid. Mosqueda called my Limb coordinator so that he could get to me before my family was able to call. FAMILY RELATIONSHIP DESTROYED, DEPEND ON TWI ONLY 5. I tried to keep connection with my family but was told by my Limb coordinator that I needed to "put God first" and that my family was "operating devil spirits, especially your mom." 6. I Marked and Avoided my family. For YEARS I had no contact with them. The only people I had around for support were from twi. 7. I decided (at the pushing of the Limb Coordinators) to go WD. 7a. Coincidentally, I finally accepted calls and a visit from my brothers, and then my parents at this time. Started rebuilding those relationships again. 8. I was treated as "special" when John Rupp called me and asked me to go on Staff as a WD - what an HONOR! (puke) 9. I went WD, met this guy who wasn't raised in the Word, who stood up against leadership when they were wrong. 10. HQ people (WC) tried to separate us. Told us "NO DATING ON THE WAY DISCIPLE FIELD." OH NO, STOP RELATIONSHIP BUILDING! 11. The night WD ended, we started dating. 12. Engaged in 3 months and stayed at HQ - both of us were afraid the other would break up if we left HQ (didn't figure this out until years later.) 13. We both finally had someone we could really talk to and trust. Started figuring out just HOW HORRIBLE HQ was - and that it wasn't just in our heads, and it wasn't us who was "out of fellowship." 14. Married at HQ the next year - probably too early in our relationship. My family came. REBUILDING FAMILY. STARTING A NEW ONE. 15. Left HQ, moved out on the field. But our eyes were opened, and we could see that it was just as messed up on the field as it was at HQ. 16. When my husband realized that he wasn't treating me well AS HIS WIFE, he turned to his leadership for help - they told him he was right to treat me that way because a man is the head of the house. TRYING TO ERODE AND ERASE THE RELATIONSHIP 17. Married for 3 years, and got pregnant. Husband had stopped attending fellowship at that point, and I was wavering. My fellowship coordinator shows up AT MY JOB and asks how I am doing. I tell him I am pregnant, and he responds "oh, is that a good thing?" FAMILY ISN'T GOOD TO THE WAY BECAUSE IT GETS IN THE WAY OF CONTROL. 18. We finally ghosted TWI and moved out of town, leaving no forwarding address. We were able to do this BECAUSE of my husband's family, who we are very close with. 19. Happily married now for 15 years. Our daughter turns 12 tomorrow. I have a better relationship with my family than I ever have. We talk weekly. TWI can suck it. IT WAS THE RELATIONSHIPS THEY KEPT TRYING TO DESTROY. IT WAS THE RELATIONSHIPS THAT GOT ME OUT. MORE HARMONY IN THE HOME?? That was a LIE from hell.

Ghosted - I would have been on staff from 2003-2005. WD on staff in 2003, married in 2005. I probably knew your folks. I was also raised in The Word (TM) and got out. It is PTSD. Don't downplay it, that place causes serious trauma, and when you are raised in it it makes it worse. Know that there are people who understand, and if you need anything feel free to reach out. I come and go as needed on this site to help manage my own PTSD, and to help others when I can. Sending love - it gets better the longer you are gone.

They go well on a woodburner or bonfire, too!

Think the best way to do this is to examine your own boundaries. Why do you say to yourself, "This is okay but this other is not"? What are you comfortable with? Why? Where did you learn that it was (or was not) okay? And, most important, if you still adhere to Christian principles, "How does this line up with [mainstream] Biblical teaching?" I add "mainstream" as a starting point - you can't believe everything that is supposedly Christian doctrine, but there is a general consensus and it will stop you picking up some other out-there cultic idea of right and wrong. A consideration of Proverbs early chapters might help with clarity. You're learning from your mistakes and the tricks that have been played on you. Forgive yourself for being fooled. Use your experiences to be watchful for others, and to teach them how to be watchful - revenge!