Bug on the Wall

A friend emailed me recently... they know someone who is looking for Arnold Bolen. He was in the College Division in 1984-85. Anyone know where he is or how he's doing? Thanks

This is a really interesting question... I thought I had left most of my emotional hurt/anger behind me regarding twi... I thought I was able to discuss the ins-and-outs of this group, and my time with it, rather factually and dispassionately... but recent events have revealed to me that some of those dark feelings are still around. I might have put them in an airtight box and stored it in the highest, deepest closet shelf I have in my mind, but they are still there and if someone lifts the lid of that box, they still come pouring out. Clearly, I still have work to do to make myself whole. But I find that most of my remaining emotions have to do with specific individuals, not the organization. So, if twi-the-international issued a formal apology today... 1 - I would be genuinely suspicious of its sincerity 2 - I might appreciate the effort, depending on #1 3 - I would be watching closely to see if any actions/changes followed their words 4 - I would keep posting on Greasespot because it is a personal journey... if twi suddenly became perfect tomorrow, it wouldn't change what they were yesterday, and I still need to better understand THAT and the part it played in my life. That's why I post on Greasespot.

A big-wig in my area has recently had contact with some ex-ers and he's taken the occasion to apologize. They feel he was sincere. But, I'm not aware that he's sought out these interactions, which speaks volumes to me. And he certainly hasn't called me to apologize... I would definately accept an honest apology, but not without making sure he knew exactly what the consequences of his actions were in my life. (my tail-tucked-between-my-legs days are long gone!!) As far as ever rejoining their ranks... HAH!!

Mo, I love your answer. Because sometimes I think I would want to help the man, and sometimes I think I would just want to stomp all over him!!! I guess I'd have to agree that it would depend on his genuine repentance. If he showed up on my doorstep asking for help, but not genuinely repentant, I think my nature would be to try and get him to see the truth, and have genuine remorse. But I lived with a subtle manipulator for a lot of years, so I think my BS-o-meter is finely tuned enough these days that I wouldn't try for long if I didn't see real results, real fast, you know? And I don't think I would stick my own neck out very far, in any case. Because I know people, first hand, who simply cannot seem to learn from their mistakes in certain categories of life. And these are not generally stupid people. But it's as if they are just "broken" in that category. And I've learned that if I help them out of a bind, it's good for that ONE time. It will NOT help them to avoid that mistake again. It will NOT keep them from asking for my help the next time, and the next time and the next. There seems to be NO lasting impact or understanding of consequences for them in those categories. It boggles the mind, and it goes against my nature not to help. But I have come to accept it as fact, and so, for my own sake, I avoid being too involved with these people. I think that's how I would view Craig until he proved otherwise.

I only remember one chapel as well. But the spring water they are talking about was pumped into the water fountain at one end of the building, and it was pretty good. We would all stand in line and fill up our water bottles from that fountain every day. There was another spigot (I forget where) that was tapped into the spring water, but they were the only two. I wonder what the current property owner has to say about all this? Would he have a choice about selling? Would the church have to offer him fair compensation? (please excuse my ignorance)

Cool Waters, That was a wonderful post/letter. I hope someday you can have that conversation with Craig. I have recently been "hit" with the knowledge that someone local, someone who did great harm to myself and my family within the context of twi, someone I thought would NEVER leave twi, is actually attending alternative fellowships and seriously thinking about saying goodbye to twi for good. It was so hard to see past my anger to be happy for this person and his family. And I realized that I was carrying all that baggage, long after I thought I had let it go, because the hurts and conflicts, in my opinion, didn't arise from twi doctrines and practices but from this person's own personality and ego. But, in order for me to be at peace, I realized I need to forgive this person, no matter what was driving their actions... and it has made me realize I need to do the same regarding Craig Martindale. So, I really, really appreciate this thread and your letter. It is exactly how I am feeling right now: I don't want to spit venom, or rant and rage... I just want some honest answers. Even if the answers are, "I was a jerk and I have no excuse." I just want an honest dialog; and the opportunity to ask questions and let them know that there were consequences to their actions, but that I forgive them. I am, frankly, not terribly hopeful that this dialog will ever take place. I'm not entirely convinced this person will ever get to the level of humility required to have this kind of discussion, just as I'm not convinced Craig will ever be able to have such discussions. But, you know, I have to hope... for my own sake, and for the sake of others... we have to keep hoping...

There were many, many "bumps" in the road, but the final eye-opener was: I went to THE meeting where they told us Craig was being hit with the Allen lawsuit. They wouldn't tell us what the specific charges were, stating we didn't need to put that lying garbage in our minds. We were told that Craig messed up, but that this was really an attack on US, the believers. Huh???? I actually defended Craig at the meeting ( :blink: ) but right after I left I realized that I was tired of being treated like an idiot, and I went online looking for anything I could find on the lawsuit. What I found was WayDale (thank god!!!) and a whole bunch of people just like me: hurt, frustrated, angry, and thinking that the problems in their area were isolated issues. Once it hit me that the way's problems were systemic, and, for the most part, started by VP, I was ready to walk.

I recently (very briefly) crossed paths with the President of Emporia State University at a conference, and sheepishly admitted that I had spent a year at The Way College of Emporia. At first she was puzzled by my embarrassment, but I told her I had become quite disgusted with the Way International, and had left them several years ago. She shrugged and graciously said, "We all have our learning experiences." She also went on to say that when the Way sold that campus, it got broken up into "lots" and is being used for several different things. The Anderson Memorial Library was donated to Emporia State. She said she was very impressed at the restoration work the Way had done on it. But, she said, they are thinking about selling it because the upkeep is so expensive. (Obviously, they don't use their students as free laborers!) Anyone want to buy an historic library?

Someone over on Friend-Tracker was looking for Bill Voltz. They said he was 21st corps. Anyone here know him? Please go over to FT and post. :)

Sogwap, it took me awhile to realize you were talking about my beloved DeeAnn Price (was Wingate). She left twi maybe 6-7 years ago. Last I heard she was living in Charleston, WV and doing well. Don't know if she is still there, but it shouldn't be that hard to look up.

I would also be curious to know if they are still "in" or "out" or "on their way out"...