Does anyone have the kind of love where you can look in each others eyes and cherish what you see?
Is that just Hollywood?
Does anyone look in your eyes and treasure you? Have you ever had that? Or given that kind of love?
Is it real or movie love?
In marriage I can honestly say that I have given it, but never truly received it.
It seems in my life anyway, that this kind of love is a fleeting thing and must be worked on constantly for it to be maintained. But that may be because for the most part it was one sided.
I think that I have come close to "treasure" in friendships. At least the admiration and respect is two sided.
When I was 18 I had a serious boyfriend named Mike. One still winter's day there was a quiest snow falling. No wind and not really cold. We took a long walk by an unused RR track in the woods. At one point, he looked into my face and he kissed/licked the snowflakes off my eye lashes.
I never felt that loved again.
I do not know if maturity, bill paying and life steals those moments. I do not know why I have never really looked into another's eyes with that kind of honesty. There are great people. Somehow, I do not know how many REALLY connect....
I have had happy moments, funny moments and serious talks. Many times it seems marriage became a bill paying business. It is a shame, for I feel there are snowflakes on all our lashes just waiting to be kissed (so-to-speak)
Sometimes I think we come to marriage with unresolved baggage. Such as my litney incl. x-cult member, angry father, mother dying when I was younger, thrown out of the house when my father remarried. That is a lot for a spouse to hunt through. Maybe the key is getting healthy.
Maybe "hollywood" love or "movie" love is possible between two healthy people. People who did not hide their hearts away afraid of injury. Does fear prevent us from getting to love? Is it out there? So we begin with it and kill it with fear? What happens to people?
Polar Bear how did you get and maintain a happy relationship, what are your secrets?
Sometimes I think we come to marriage with unresolved baggage. Such as my litney incl. x-cult member, angry father, mother dying when I was younger, thrown out of the house when my father remarried. That is a lot for a spouse to hunt through. Maybe the key is getting healthy.
Maybe "hollywood" love or "movie" love is possible between two healthy people. People who did not hide their hearts away afraid of injury. Does fear prevent us from getting to love? Is it out there? So we begin with it and kill it with fear? What happens to people?
I don't think love is an illusion. I also don't think that even the healthiest people stay exactly the same as they were when they first fell in love.
Relationships grow and change. How we move through those changes affects the outcome.
I think that it takes a lot of honesty and willingness to be vulnerable to maintain a real, healthy relationship. In my limited experience - trust is a major factor in maintaining that delicate balance. Too many times we lose trust in each other, and we also lose trust in ourselves in the process. When communication dies, we are left to try to figure the other person out - and usually that ends up in disaster.
Sometimes I think we come to marriage with unresolved baggage. Such as my litney incl. x-cult member, angry father, mother dying when I was younger, thrown out of the house when my father remarried. That is a lot for a spouse to hunt through. Maybe the key is getting healthy.
Well, it's probably at least ONE key.
I'm sure we go into marriage with unresolved baggage. And likely most of us didn't realize it until it was too late... I know that's the way it was for me.
Well, I just as my dearly beloved of 25 years this question, and his reply......"Of course." He says, "People are flawed, we all have issues to work through over the years, but the bottom line is, I would still rather be with you than anyone else on the planet."
Dave & I have a GREAT relationship. I know he loves me without a doubt and I certainly love him. It's been 18 years now. We even made it through the hardships of raising each other's children from previous marriages. He is the love of my life.
Sorry, I took my own thing off into what makes things fall apart.
I guess I want to know if there are happy marriages out there and how they have been able to make it. Keys perhaps. And if it is truly out there.
One of my dear friends, a cutie pie to boot, told me she has NEVER been loved and maybe never "in love" she wonders if it is real or something we spend our lives dreaming about.
Ex10 - That is sweet.
Do you feel treasured?
How have you built that in your relationship? Being each other's treasure?
No longer lurking - that is great. What is your success? Marrying a friend?
Rocky sorry to hear that.
I really wanted someone with whom I could laugh, trust and grow old with -- I would cherish that.
Excath - I thought you were cleaning your house?
I hope love exists for you. I'd like to think you will find it.
I've been married twice, and I have had several relationships. On the honeymoon of my first marriage, I knew I made a mistake. That was the worst 6 years of my life, and it was a lesson well-learned. My last boyfriend in TWI didn't deserve me, but it took me 2 years and leaving TWI to figure it out. I've had some terrible relationships. There was much soul-searching for me before I would get in to another relationship. I learned to love my life without a man before getting another.
Today I feel like I am loved by my husband more than any person on this earth has EVER loved me. He loves me inspite of my personality flaws. He's doesn't turn a blind eye nor is he naieve, but he is genuinely an easy-going person who doesn't hold grudges.
It wasn't until I learned to love myself and decide what kind of life I wanted to live that we found each other. We are like 2 magnets, and I know we will be together until death do us part. I've never felt that way about any previous relationship. I was 40 and he was 42 when we met. We were both divorced, and I think that our time in this world along with knowing how we wanted to live has allowed us to live blissfully. He is incredibly loving; he likes to kiss and spoon and hold my hand DAILY. Some men may not find that very macho. If they knew what spooning and kissing got them, they might do it more often! ;)
We've been together for 4 years next month. It might seem like a short time, but it has been enought time to prove to me that this is where I want to be the rest of my life.
I'm pretty bossy. I like to tell drivers where to turn, when to slow down, all of the annoying stuff. When I first did that to my husband, he just kept driving where HE wanted to go and didn't say a word.
I would say "Did you hear what I said?"
He said, "Yes, but I"m not doing it."
I had to start laughing. My husband has taught me how to curtail my bossy nature without a fight. Now that is a skill IMHO.
I don't think there are any secrets. I just put up with the things that I know I can't change. We are both stubborn people and we have come to realize that. Perhaps that helps.
We started out as friends and enjoyed the same things like music etc. I think that's important.
It was important to me that we both trust in God in our lives. We do pray together for things in life.
I think for the most part we built our relationship, in no way did it start off as being great. In fact we went through many hard times. Twi pressures etc. bringing up kids, we almost lost it several times. I think a part of it is we were very fortunate to find each other and to stay together. I know many don't make it and whether or not you do you just have to start over and realize it's never too late. It took many years for us to find what we wanted.
Perhaps patience and searching for the one you will really be happy with is the best advice I could ever offer.
I think I have reached an age where I have let go of alot of petty things in life, and decided I can trust again...I dont want to spend my next 20 thinking I can fix the past...so, ever so slowly I have awakened to there is love yet to be found in my life....which I feel the harvest will be better...
What's it like to be in a relationship where you are loved? Danger Danger land minds.
After 28 years of marriage I will give you my version. Probably 16 years were great, 6 years that were good, and the rest of the time I wanted to kill her or divorce her.
A long loving relationship is an illusion. There are always times when you disagree. THERE are times when you hate each other.
I can tell you the times I was down on my knee's praying to God asking for permission to divorce my wife. I can also tell you that to see her smile makes my heart leep with joy.
Love is an illusion given to use through books and Hollywood. Marriage is an institution that works the best when both parties are willing to give 100%, 100% of the time. If you ever start looking at the percentage you give verse the percentage they give you are in trouble. Thats where a lot of my troubles began. Its not about me its about us.
And that's the opinion of a male chauvinist pig, redneck, hick. But we wont talk about the fact that I did the dish's this morning.
I know that we all have influences about marriage. Maybe some of us grew up with loving parents. Maybe those parents put on a story because that's what people did back in time. Maybe you grew up with parents who had a tumultuous marriage. I did. Then I got involved in TWI. We all know what kind of influence that can provide. Not all are bad, but the idea of marriage in TWI was not ideal especially if you are a woman.
I don't think anyone has to be the head. That is the biggest BS story I ever heard. But then again, I no longer believe the Word of God is the Will of God. I believe in God, and I consider myself Christian, but there are way too many things in the Bible that just are not always practical, especially in this day and age.
My husband and I are equals. We treat each other as equals, and we don't disrespect each other. Neither one of us lords over the other. I was never an equal in any other relationship I had. All of my previous relationships in my adult life were wayfer-based relationships.
Dot, I think most love songs are based on people in lust trying ot figure out why love didn't happen. It's mostly based on disfunctional sex.
We had neighbors who were in love the whole marriage until death.
What I saw with them was, he provided well for the family so there were not money problems, they let the small stuff go, they prayed together and they did FUN things. Like up to the cabin for a fun weekend.
He died a couple years ago. She is in her 80's and he was the love of her life. She still talks about him as if he were alive, she is filled with good memories.
ex70's, doing the dishes can sometimes do the trick just as well as spooning and kissing!
another2cents
Without risk, there is no love. Trust is always a risk. I'm glad you have your snowflake moment to remember. Brought me back to younger days, too -- my own moments. Liz and I are 30 year veterans, but we haven't "got it down" yet. I do think that some great answers were posted. This thread is a keeper.
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polar bear
Absotultely great.
I'm not saying it's "Hollywood" and it's not always perfect.
But I am happy and thankful and loved. What more could you want.
It's been 24+ years.
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Eyesopen
In marriage I can honestly say that I have given it, but never truly received it.
It seems in my life anyway, that this kind of love is a fleeting thing and must be worked on constantly for it to be maintained. But that may be because for the most part it was one sided.
I think that I have come close to "treasure" in friendships. At least the admiration and respect is two sided.
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Dot Matrix
When I was 18 I had a serious boyfriend named Mike. One still winter's day there was a quiest snow falling. No wind and not really cold. We took a long walk by an unused RR track in the woods. At one point, he looked into my face and he kissed/licked the snowflakes off my eye lashes.
I never felt that loved again.
I do not know if maturity, bill paying and life steals those moments. I do not know why I have never really looked into another's eyes with that kind of honesty. There are great people. Somehow, I do not know how many REALLY connect....
I have had happy moments, funny moments and serious talks. Many times it seems marriage became a bill paying business. It is a shame, for I feel there are snowflakes on all our lashes just waiting to be kissed (so-to-speak)
Sometimes I think we come to marriage with unresolved baggage. Such as my litney incl. x-cult member, angry father, mother dying when I was younger, thrown out of the house when my father remarried. That is a lot for a spouse to hunt through. Maybe the key is getting healthy.
Maybe "hollywood" love or "movie" love is possible between two healthy people. People who did not hide their hearts away afraid of injury. Does fear prevent us from getting to love? Is it out there? So we begin with it and kill it with fear? What happens to people?
Polar Bear how did you get and maintain a happy relationship, what are your secrets?
Eyes I feel you...
Is staying in love an illusion?
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doojable
I don't think love is an illusion. I also don't think that even the healthiest people stay exactly the same as they were when they first fell in love.
Relationships grow and change. How we move through those changes affects the outcome.
I think that it takes a lot of honesty and willingness to be vulnerable to maintain a real, healthy relationship. In my limited experience - trust is a major factor in maintaining that delicate balance. Too many times we lose trust in each other, and we also lose trust in ourselves in the process. When communication dies, we are left to try to figure the other person out - and usually that ends up in disaster.
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Rocky
Well, it's probably at least ONE key.
I'm sure we go into marriage with unresolved baggage. And likely most of us didn't realize it until it was too late... I know that's the way it was for me.
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ex10
Well, I just as my dearly beloved of 25 years this question, and his reply......"Of course." He says, "People are flawed, we all have issues to work through over the years, but the bottom line is, I would still rather be with you than anyone else on the planet."
Guess that answers it for me.
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nolongerlurking
Dave & I have a GREAT relationship. I know he loves me without a doubt and I certainly love him. It's been 18 years now. We even made it through the hardships of raising each other's children from previous marriages. He is the love of my life.
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excathedra
you're a lucky girl, sisex
--
in my opinion, it doesn't exist
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Dot Matrix
Sorry, I took my own thing off into what makes things fall apart.
I guess I want to know if there are happy marriages out there and how they have been able to make it. Keys perhaps. And if it is truly out there.
One of my dear friends, a cutie pie to boot, told me she has NEVER been loved and maybe never "in love" she wonders if it is real or something we spend our lives dreaming about.
Ex10 - That is sweet.
Do you feel treasured?
How have you built that in your relationship? Being each other's treasure?
No longer lurking - that is great. What is your success? Marrying a friend?
Rocky sorry to hear that.
I really wanted someone with whom I could laugh, trust and grow old with -- I would cherish that.
Excath - I thought you were cleaning your house?
I hope love exists for you. I'd like to think you will find it.
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Nottawayfer
I've been married twice, and I have had several relationships. On the honeymoon of my first marriage, I knew I made a mistake. That was the worst 6 years of my life, and it was a lesson well-learned. My last boyfriend in TWI didn't deserve me, but it took me 2 years and leaving TWI to figure it out. I've had some terrible relationships. There was much soul-searching for me before I would get in to another relationship. I learned to love my life without a man before getting another.
Today I feel like I am loved by my husband more than any person on this earth has EVER loved me. He loves me inspite of my personality flaws. He's doesn't turn a blind eye nor is he naieve, but he is genuinely an easy-going person who doesn't hold grudges.
It wasn't until I learned to love myself and decide what kind of life I wanted to live that we found each other. We are like 2 magnets, and I know we will be together until death do us part. I've never felt that way about any previous relationship. I was 40 and he was 42 when we met. We were both divorced, and I think that our time in this world along with knowing how we wanted to live has allowed us to live blissfully. He is incredibly loving; he likes to kiss and spoon and hold my hand DAILY. Some men may not find that very macho. If they knew what spooning and kissing got them, they might do it more often! ;)
We've been together for 4 years next month. It might seem like a short time, but it has been enought time to prove to me that this is where I want to be the rest of my life.
I'm pretty bossy. I like to tell drivers where to turn, when to slow down, all of the annoying stuff. When I first did that to my husband, he just kept driving where HE wanted to go and didn't say a word.
I would say "Did you hear what I said?"
He said, "Yes, but I"m not doing it."
I had to start laughing. My husband has taught me how to curtail my bossy nature without a fight. Now that is a skill IMHO.
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Dot Matrix
Notta
You describe him so well, it is easy to see how you treasure each other.
I do think that being healthy and lving alone for a little bit to discover one's self can be helpful. Age may also give us clearer perspective
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polar bear
Dot-
I don't think there are any secrets. I just put up with the things that I know I can't change. We are both stubborn people and we have come to realize that. Perhaps that helps.
We started out as friends and enjoyed the same things like music etc. I think that's important.
It was important to me that we both trust in God in our lives. We do pray together for things in life.
I think for the most part we built our relationship, in no way did it start off as being great. In fact we went through many hard times. Twi pressures etc. bringing up kids, we almost lost it several times. I think a part of it is we were very fortunate to find each other and to stay together. I know many don't make it and whether or not you do you just have to start over and realize it's never too late. It took many years for us to find what we wanted.
Perhaps patience and searching for the one you will really be happy with is the best advice I could ever offer.
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excathedra
no, just the top of my fridge
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likeaneagle
I think I have reached an age where I have let go of alot of petty things in life, and decided I can trust again...I dont want to spend my next 20 thinking I can fix the past...so, ever so slowly I have awakened to there is love yet to be found in my life....which I feel the harvest will be better...
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excathedra
as i realize there ain't no harvest
no offense
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likeaneagle
You didnt offend mw Exie- Its a sad day when we let go of our future..what can be.
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Dot Matrix
Maybe it is timing and hit or miss... Look at all the love songs about pain--
(But as long as it is a painful love song let me use one with a cool beat that is easy to dance to- wink!)
First thing he says is What is love -- followed by Oh baby don't hurt me Just found it interesting
Haddaway
What Is Love Lyrics
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Oh, baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Yeah
Oh, I don't know why you're not there
I give you my love, but you don't care
So what is right and what is wrong
Gimme a sign
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh
Oh, I don't know, what can I do
What else can I say, it's up to you
I know we're one, just me and you
I can't go on
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh
Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh
What is love, oooh, oooh, oooh
What is love, oooh, oooh, oooh
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
I want no other, no other lover
This is your life, our time
When we are together, I need you forever
Is it love
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more (oooh, oooh)
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more (oooh, oooh)
What is love?
http://offer.rhapsody.com/?src=cj&pcod...&rsrc=14dFT
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Dot Matrix
Like an eagle
I think you are sweet, I hope you find what you deserve in happiness
Polar bear
You pushed through the tough times and are happy. So, there is a treasure at the end of the perserverence rainbow?
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ex70sHouston
What's it like to be in a relationship where you are loved? Danger Danger land minds.
After 28 years of marriage I will give you my version. Probably 16 years were great, 6 years that were good, and the rest of the time I wanted to kill her or divorce her.
A long loving relationship is an illusion. There are always times when you disagree. THERE are times when you hate each other.
I can tell you the times I was down on my knee's praying to God asking for permission to divorce my wife. I can also tell you that to see her smile makes my heart leep with joy.
Love is an illusion given to use through books and Hollywood. Marriage is an institution that works the best when both parties are willing to give 100%, 100% of the time. If you ever start looking at the percentage you give verse the percentage they give you are in trouble. Thats where a lot of my troubles began. Its not about me its about us.
And that's the opinion of a male chauvinist pig, redneck, hick. But we wont talk about the fact that I did the dish's this morning.
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Nottawayfer
I know that we all have influences about marriage. Maybe some of us grew up with loving parents. Maybe those parents put on a story because that's what people did back in time. Maybe you grew up with parents who had a tumultuous marriage. I did. Then I got involved in TWI. We all know what kind of influence that can provide. Not all are bad, but the idea of marriage in TWI was not ideal especially if you are a woman.
I don't think anyone has to be the head. That is the biggest BS story I ever heard. But then again, I no longer believe the Word of God is the Will of God. I believe in God, and I consider myself Christian, but there are way too many things in the Bible that just are not always practical, especially in this day and age.
My husband and I are equals. We treat each other as equals, and we don't disrespect each other. Neither one of us lords over the other. I was never an equal in any other relationship I had. All of my previous relationships in my adult life were wayfer-based relationships.
Dot, I think most love songs are based on people in lust trying ot figure out why love didn't happen. It's mostly based on disfunctional sex.
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Dot Matrix
That might very well have truth in it!
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Dot Matrix
We had neighbors who were in love the whole marriage until death.
What I saw with them was, he provided well for the family so there were not money problems, they let the small stuff go, they prayed together and they did FUN things. Like up to the cabin for a fun weekend.
He died a couple years ago. She is in her 80's and he was the love of her life. She still talks about him as if he were alive, she is filled with good memories.
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waysider
Maybe the problem is not so much a question of whether love is real, but a misconception(foisted upon us by Hollywood) of what love encompasses.
We all want to feel loved.
Is it possible that's why it felt so good at those early twig meetings when people said, "We sure love ya!!!"?
Yeah, they said it, but the evidence was not always there to prove it.
Love is not an illusion.
Our perception of it can be and often is.(an illusion.)
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anotherDan
ex70's, doing the dishes can sometimes do the trick just as well as spooning and kissing!
another2cents
Without risk, there is no love. Trust is always a risk. I'm glad you have your snowflake moment to remember. Brought me back to younger days, too -- my own moments. Liz and I are 30 year veterans, but we haven't "got it down" yet. I do think that some great answers were posted. This thread is a keeper.
(( dot )))
(( you all ))
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