Sushi, around the home I’m always running into an old friend with the same name – but it’s no accident that my dog’s name is T-Bone…Thanks for the hints – from what I’m able to gather on the immediate context [your hydrogen atoms/electron/positive joke of post # 69] and Internet research on “litmus” – “base” in chemistry usually refers to an aqueous substance that can accept protons and is the chemical opposite of acids. Litmus is a water-soluble mixture of different dyes extracted from lichens. The one I’m familiar with is a test strip used to check pool water for acidity – the litmus test of the water is a pH indicator. One base says to the other “let’s get the ‘h’ outta here.”
Wow, good one Sushi!
I love it when I have to do research on a joke [honestly, I really do]. Most people don’t appreciate the hard work that goes into comedy . Maybe that’s why they’re called “groaners” – in reference to the enormous strain the comedic efforts put on the funny bone.
And speaking of comedic research, it took me awhile to come up with this one in post # 5:
...A bar walks into a rabbi, a priest, and a minister and says "Am I where Monadism Anonymous is meeting tonight?"
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Finally decided I was going to tell my wife who's the boss.
"Honey," I said, proudly, "I've read the Bible and I'm going to assert myself as the head of this household. That's right, I'm the head of this house and you will submit to me!"
Well, I didn't see her for a week. After that, I could see her a little bit out of my right eye...
One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says “Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you…”
Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.
The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.
Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says “Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!”
The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says “Surpise, its me the Hippie!”
The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says “Surprise, its me the bus driver!”
Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what be wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So the man decided to go after Sister Logical and Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived. Finally, Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical. Thank God you are here. Tell us what happened.
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my habit up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her habit up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
And shame on you if you thought this was a dirty joke...
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JeffSjo
Two peanuts walked into a rowdy bar, one was a salted.
Ham
Old Chionese proverb: Egg Foo yung left out overnight is egg foo old.
RumRunner
WAIT if you have kids around the below is rated M - OK go ahead and read The Brothel The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignifi
T-Bone
Sushi, around the home I’m always running into an old friend with the same name – but it’s no accident that my dog’s name is T-Bone…Thanks for the hints – from what I’m able to gather on the immediate context [your hydrogen atoms/electron/positive joke of post # 69] and Internet research on “litmus” – “base” in chemistry usually refers to an aqueous substance that can accept protons and is the chemical opposite of acids. Litmus is a water-soluble mixture of different dyes extracted from lichens. The one I’m familiar with is a test strip used to check pool water for acidity – the litmus test of the water is a pH indicator. One base says to the other “let’s get the ‘h’ outta here.”
Wow, good one Sushi!
I love it when I have to do research on a joke [honestly, I really do]. Most people don’t appreciate the hard work that goes into comedy
. Maybe that’s why they’re called “groaners” – in reference to the enormous strain the comedic efforts put on the funny bone.
And speaking of comedic research, it took me awhile to come up with this one in post # 5:
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Sushi
Yes, T Bone, comedy is a serious business.
Here's the the geekiest joke I know (even I had to look it up).
Why did the cat fall off the roof?
It lost its 'mew'.
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Steveo
~()~
A giraffe walks into a bar. "High balls are on me!"
~()~
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Sushi
Showing your age there, Steve.
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Mark Clarke
Rene Descartes was in a bar, and it was almost closing. The bartender asked him if he'll have another drink.
"I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared.
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T-Bone
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Mark Clarke
No, I heard it from someone I used to work with, and he said it was an old one he heard many years ago.
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Sushi
Know what you get when you throw a grenade into a French kitchen?
Linoleum blown apart.
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T-Bone
English: cut the grass
French: mow de lawn
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cheranne
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
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Mark Clarke
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waysider
What did the Sadist say when the Masochist said "Hit Me!"?
NO!
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Kit Sober
At the Greasespot Cafe there is plenty of room for mis-steaks, and they are [mostly] tender.
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Steveo
Corniest joke in the world....
Two cannibals are eating a clown and one cannibal says; “something taste funny about this clown.”
Honorable mentions.....
Why didn't the mom not let her twelve year old see Pirates of the Caribean?
Becuase it was rated Arr!!
What do you call the father of all corny jokes?
Popcorn
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Why did Piglet go to the bath room?
He was looking for Pooh.
Why did Mozart kill his chicken?
Because it kept saying "Bach, bach, bach.
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Mark Clarke
I thought it was Pharaoh's daughter when she found baby Moses, because she drew a prophet from a rush on the bank.
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Raf
Finally decided I was going to tell my wife who's the boss.
"Honey," I said, proudly, "I've read the Bible and I'm going to assert myself as the head of this household. That's right, I'm the head of this house and you will submit to me!"
Well, I didn't see her for a week. After that, I could see her a little bit out of my right eye...
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doojable
A big bubba and his tiny bride on their wedding night were getting ready for bed.
He took off his pants and threw them at her.
"Put these on!" he demanded.
"I can't wear these. They're too big," she replied.
"And don't you forget it!" he retorted.
She quietly proceeded to take off her panties and threw them to him.
"Put these on," she said.
"I can't get into these," he answered.
She looked at him, and calmly stated:
"Yes. And you won't either if you don't change your attitude"
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Mark Clarke
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Steveo
WARNING ADULTS ONLY!!!!
Hippie And The Nun
One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says “Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you…”
Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.
The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.
Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says “Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!”
The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says “Surpise, its me the Hippie!”
The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says “Surprise, its me the bus driver!”
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Mark Clarke
Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what be wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So the man decided to go after Sister Logical and Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived. Finally, Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical. Thank God you are here. Tell us what happened.
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my habit up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her habit up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
And shame on you if you thought this was a dirty joke...
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JeffSjo
HOLY CRAP BATMAN!
I always wanted to say that.
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Steveo
I had a spiritual crisis! Last night I ran over my dogma with my karma!
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T-Bone
You better file an occident report.
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JeffSjo
Did it end up as a Greasespot?
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