Self Reliance

[troubledwine]

In reading Emerson's essay I couldn't help but notice one particular section that struck home. Having been with TWI for so long now and struggling to understand the differences between legalism / grace and supporting a leader / vs. being aware of false brethren this is quite revealing. I have also struggled mightily with the feeling of guilt that comes when you DARE to question and DARE to think for yourself and to DOUBLE CHECK what the word really says. I was able to find some courage in reading this and want to share it. Does this ring a chord with you too?

"The objection to conforming to usages that have become dead t oyou is, that it scatters your force. It loses your time and blurs the impression of your character. If you maintain a dead church, contribute to a dead Bible-society, vote with a great party either for the government or against it, spread your table like base housekeepers, - under all these screens I have difficulty to detect the precise man you are. And of course, so much force is withdrawn from your proper life. But do your work, and I shall know you. do your work, and you shall reinforce yourself.

A man must consider what a blindman's-buff is this game of conformtiy. If I know your sect, I anticipate your argument. I hear a preacher announce for his text and topic the expediency of one of the institutions of his church. Do I not know that he is pledged to himself to not look but at one side. -- the permitted side, not as a man but as a parish minister? he is a retained attorney, and these airs of the bench are the emptiest affectation.

Well, most men have bound their eyes with one or another handkerchief, and attached themselves to some one of the communities of opinion. this conformity makes them not false in a few particulars, authors of a few lies, but false in all particulars. Their every truth is not quite true. their two is not the real two, their four not the real four; so that every word they say chagrins us, and we know not where to begin to set them right.

Meantime, nature is not slow to equip us in the prison-uniform of the party to which we adhere. We come to wear one cut of face and figure, and acquire by degrees the gentlest assinine expression. There is a mortifying experience in particular, which does not fail to wreak itself also in the general history; I mean "the foolish face of praise," the forced smile which we put on in company where we do not feel at ease in answer to conversation which does not interest us."

[troubledwine]

This line in particular: If I know your sect, I anticipate your argument. I hear a preacher announce for his text and topic the expediency of one of the institutions of his church. Do I not know that he is pledged to himself to not look but at one side. -- the permitted side, not as a man but as a parish minister? he is a retained attorney,

This is how I have felt lately. Have any of you heard the latest STS teachings? Oh, they read from the Bible and hit a few points here and there but it is definitely not meaty. It seems that TWI is content to parrot VPW teachings practically verbatim.

How does this parroting lead people to know Christ??? Where is the Christ in this outfit??? Absent Christ doesn't even begin to describe their position. he is for all practical purposes NON-EXISTENT.

This goes back to a reoccurring theme in my posts namely that TWI seems to be on track to reduce Christianity to a set of habits without the real and dynamic relationship with God. Is not the overtone of all that comes from HQ that God just works in a plan, and mostly in the leadership only? What kind of spiritual aristocracy is this? Is God that small that he doesn't care to fill those who hunger and thirst? Isn't this the veil that was torn in twain? ARe we committed to sewing it back together????

Why does the word say to WORK OUT YOUR OWN SALVATION WITH FEAR AND TREMBLING??? Is it not because a major part of this life is to do just that? Is it not to think and to reason and search and discover and live and share what you have learned? I am not saying there are not gift ministries.

I have found more openess here in discussing the deep things of the Word and life than I get after a fellowship. The don't ask don't tell atmosphere is quite pervasive. Let's not talk about anything that would ruffle anyone's feathers.

That line in self reliance that says "I ought to go upright and vital and to speak the rude truth in all its ways." speaks volumes.

Please feel free to comment on your take on this. I would appreciate any insights you might offer as to your experience now and zen....

[grasshopper]

Eloquent words from emerson and eloquent words from you.

In or out, mortgage or not, God answers prayers.

Sounds like we are both living in the same hell!

I heard the most recent STS teaching by Nick Maxson and many others.. including the anniversary service. Dry as the desert. Empty as a graveyard echo.

All I can say is it wasn't what I needed to hear. I've gotten far, far more comfort from GS'ers, friends, family and others that are still in but also trying to beat against the TWI system.

Best teachings I've heard at fellowship are from the unjaded neophytes.

The guilt and fear comes and goes with me along with blind hatred and numbness.

But I'm getting more and more convinced every day that God is still with me unconditionally.

My prayers are with you.

Love,

grasshopper

[excathedra]

thank you troubled

my only comment is i became very unhappy and dead inside in the way ministry

((((((troubled)))))) (((((((((ry))))))))))

[Grizzy]

When is the last time you heard any thing concerning God being a god of individuals and dealing directly and meeting the needs of each person? Oh, I forgot its all now the good of the household always out weighs the need of the person.

My Dad and I seldom saw eye to eye, but he did teach me to be my own man. Never just follow the crowd only to be part of the crowd. I lost that rugged individualism that was so carefully instilled in me and started slowly giving in and giving up myself starting in the early 90's as TWI turned. Part of the reason so many of us have fond memories of TWI-1 revolves around being allowed to be individuals and working to become the best *me* I could be.

Teachings almost always seemed tailored specifically for me, and to tell you the truth even classes back then always seemed to open our eyes no matter how many times we had already been through them. The *root* at least gave the appearance of caring by sending visitors or coming to visit even remote states.

Now what do you get for your time and money? Before I left in 99 I couldn?t remember the last teaching that blessed and didn?t condemn and that I wanted to take as personal. I began feeling guilty because my need wasn?t being meet and I would be damned to find enough time to work areas of the Word I felt were vital to me at the time. I couldn?t find the time because of the ridiculous study and fellowship already placed on us.

Then the real killer came when we traveled all the way to Camp Gunnie to have EH re-teach the previous weeks STS!!! All that travel to hear the same ridiculous teaching and then given a small time frame for us all to go!

You know God does work within a plan!!!! But the big news is it is according to His plan and us mere mortals need to follow that plan. It is designed specifically for you and it will actually bless you! And His plan doesn?t include having to drive for several hours listening to parrots parrot what a parrot parroted that wasn?t what you needed to hear when the bird taught it the first time.

Be a man and stand for what you know is right..............................

(Not pointing at any one)

Grizzy COLOR>SIZE>

[grasshopper]

Thanks, Grizzy

I remember starting to hear from local leadership especially during the inquisitions of the mid 90's that every decision we make needs to be made in light of how the household will be affected. Seemed innocent enough at first.

Then the teachings on selfishness started to pop up all the time.

but by the middle of last year I started to thinkin....what about MY f**kin household?

My wife, My kids, My future?

guess I started to be more of a man round then.

It was a neccessity for survival.

hopper

[johniam]

Grasshopper: You said it: "God is still with me, unconditionally." That's as 'self reliant' as it gets. Believe that, and NOBODY can mess with you for very long.

"You may have my corpse, but you may not have my obedience." - Ghandi