My Christmas Gift to you All

[Digger]

Politically Correct Fellowship Ho-Ho Party (altered from the original version)

This is dedicated to all of us who have ever tried to be politically correct in a politically incorrect world, especially in the religiously twisted world of the Way.

December 1st

FROM: YOUR LOVING TWIG COORDINATOR's WIFE

TO: ALL LEAVES

I'm happy to inform you that the Twig Christmas

Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's

Open Pit barbecue. There will be lots of spiked

eggnog and our own twig Way Productions will be playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our Twig Coordinator shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among friends can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis

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December 2nd

TO: ALL TWIG

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude

our Jewish friends who haven't taken our wonderful class yet. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanza at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis

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December 3rd

TO: ALL TWIG

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a

member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a

non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate

this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign

on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be

anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about

the gifts exchange-- no gifts will be allowed

since the Board of Directors feel that $10 could constitute a bribe.

Patty Lewis

--------------------------------------------------December 7th

TO: ALL TWIG

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous

to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and

pregnant women closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians

do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower

arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?

Patty Lewis

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December 9th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people--nothing sinister was intended by

wanting our Twig Coordinator to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis

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December 10th

TO: TWIG

Vegetarians--I've had it with you people!! We're

going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you

all have a rotten Ho-HO! Drive drunk and die, you

hear me?

The Bitch from Hell

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December 14th

TO: ALL TWIG

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty

Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related

illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to

her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, the Board of Directors has decided to all Ho-Ho parties and just have a mandatory listening to this weeks tape - Living with Love on Ho-Ho in the Abundant Land of the Living Self-Righteous. Thank you - please remember to bring you tithe (10%) and ABS (11%+)

[OCD #1]

that rocked!!!

[excathedra]

thank you digger. how did i miss that before? that was a riot!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you.

that was crazy i like crazy mwah