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Gen-2
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It was dark. It was raining, and I didn't know my older bother Josh had been looking for me for 6 hours. I was sitting on a rock. I had been there for a long time. I was soaking wet.

I looked down. The wet ground was a half a meter below where I was sitting crosslegged and I could only remember seeing the date - 08 Oct 2009, yesterday's date now. It sank in then, that he was as dead as the rock I bought and was sitting on. I hopped off into the wet mud and took a look at the rock. I took a second or two letting it register in my brain. That was my father's name alright. I started then to kick that rock.

'"But - - - - you - - - - promised!" I'm not sure how many times I yelled that. There was mud everywhere. Somewhere inside I felt bad, as though I had disrespected him and I waited a while for the rain to wash all the mud off of everything.

I heard a sound in the rain behind me as the rain picked up again. Josh was standing there with an umbrella, wrapped in a long macintosh coat. I'm not sure how long he'd been there. He walked up to mom's tombstone, which was next to dad's, said something I couldn't hear, and then walked up to me and handed me the umbrella. Without thinking I took it. Watching the rain hit Josh I began to laugh. He just waited there. I of course was already soaked to the bone, the umbrella couldn't change that. Then he said, "You going to let me get all wet, or are we going to go?" He pointed at some distant lightning and said, "It's not smart to stand out here holding an umbrella."

I kept his umbrella, sisters do that kind of thing. I still have it.

More later

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Welcome to the cafe, Gen! I'm glad to see you're finding your way around here rather nicely!

I'm so sorry for your huge losses so young in your life. That's a LOT to deal with for anyone.

You're a good writer - you have my attention - I look forward to reading more.

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Welcome to the cafe, Gen! I'm glad to see you're finding your way around here rather nicely!

I'm so sorry for your huge losses so young in your life. That's a LOT to deal with for anyone.

You're a good writer - you have my attention - I look forward to reading more.

ME TOO!

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  • 1 month later...

Well I'll skip to 1987. That's where my first memory of life is. I was in Adare Ireland, although if you told me that at the time, I would have just stared at you. I had just turned seven and I didn't even know my own name. To this day I don't remember being six or five or four. I just don't.

I spoke my first word when I was seven, but about 6 months before that, in April of 87, I became aware of the world. Well I think it was April. My Brain woke up and I began to catalogue everything. I do remember putting ideas to what I saw and heard. I picked up language very fast but there were a few pitfalls. Dad spoke English, but Gaelige art home. Mom mostly spoke French. It would have been hard to convince me then, that both of them would be dead today.

You can think of what a dilemma I had been for them for those seven years,... I didn't speak. But in addition to me, there was Ken and AJ - Mark and Maggie (twins) - and Josh. And I had another sister that didn't live with us. Up till this point I had just been the little vegetable kid. For seven years My mom had dressed me every day helped me to eat, eliminate, bathe, etc,... all without any help from me. I had been a non-participating member of Life and the Human Race. They call this condition extremely severe Autism By January of 1988 I could speak Gaeilge. and French as well as anyone my age and my English was quickly improving. I remember being happy, I mean delighted to be alive. It was decided to have me placed in a regular school the next admissions. My happiness was a reaction to my father, who had never given up on me. EVER. He was very happy to see me learning and doing things. Now I know my mother was as well, but she was scared of me and I knew it.

I now understand that my mother hated me, but I didn't realize that then. her hatred stemmed form a resentment of me and how I had affected her life. I didn't know this then, so I just loved her anyways. It's strange - but you can be good to someone and hate them still. My mom always took good care of me. She was always good to me, and she always hated me. it's a difficult concept to reconcile, so I told myself that she loved me, and I believed that.

My first word was "Please". asked of my Father. He had to go to sea and I had wanted him to stay home. I remember he started crying and I thought he was going to squeeze me to death. The next day he was gone to sea. My mother sent me to a boarding home that afternoon. I remember taking a boat on the Shannon River to the place. I was there for six months. I had a room with a window facing the boat dock and the river In those six months I spoke exactly 873 words, and mostly yes and no, to other people. A t night though I practiced all the words I heard without saying them aloud. they would later require little practice I also learned to read several Doctor Seuss Books. To this day I can recite 3 of those booksin their entirety without flaw. I won a lot of free beer this way later in life because of this. On the front of the Seuss Books it says "I can read it - All by myself"

Nothing could have been more true.

more later

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  • 2 weeks later...

Mom didn't know what to do with me. She had her career and I was a high-maintenance kid. My oldest sibs already lived on their own. My oldest Brother was born when Dad was only 14 and his mom wasn't my mom, and I was the youngest of seven. I remember the boarding house vaguely. It was a Catholic place. I had a room in the basement, but it had a window High up, that you could see out of if you stood on a chair. Lots of days went by. Lots of nights. I remember one of the sisters saying I was promising. I liked her. She never knew it, but she taught me how to talk and how to read.

Sister Idunno (I don't remember her name, just her) read me Green eggs and Ham by Doctor Seuss. She would point to the pictures of Sam I Am and point to each word. The first time she did this I just didn't get it. I didn't understand her words. I didn't understand the book. But I did understand that she was nice to me. Life went along that way for a while. Sister Idunno kept reading me Green Eggs and Ham most every day. On days that she didn't show I refused to eat.

I was being a terrible disappointment to Sister Idunno, Until the day she came late at night with the bottle, It was sort of like a coffee can, a round cyllindrical glass jar with a metal screw-on top. I had brought my cup to the kitchen on the ground floor where Sister Idonlike filled it (if I was hungry I would go and sit by the food cabinets or the fridge and one of the sisters would get me food). Well Sister Idunno was all excited and happy (she scared me then) But in that sizable bottle was a bunch of fireflies. I was amazed by them, and this is the first really clear memory I have in my life. I was six going on seven. I'm not sure of dates here.I wasn't doing calenders, but I made a real dumb sound, the first one I had ever made and Sister Idunno spooked, hearing a sound come out of my mouth (I know now there was speculation that I was a deaf mute, back then). She dropped the jar and they stared at me.

I immediately ran away and hid in my room, slamming the door shut on the world behind me.

more later

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  • 3 weeks later...

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