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rebooting after twi


cman
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Do we trash everything we learned in the way,

or hang on to some doctrine that originated or stems from their teachings?

If we truly pitch the whole thing,

will some come back and explain itself to you?

Not as 'truth' but as what it's talking about.

Is any of it any kind of a basis to understand God?

A post just to consider, response is appreciated, but not necessary.

Personally aftyer much ado, I had to burn it all out of my mind.

And start fresh.

although we have already have what it takes to see,

I just started looking at many different things.

Whatever stuck or went away is how it goes.

Even that which sticks will sometimes be swept away by other understandings.

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Personally, I think you have to do a "hard boot". I look around on facebook and such places and see people who haven't changed one single thing about the way they think or act in the last 35-40 years except that they don't go to Twig anymore...or, at least, not a TWI Twig.

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I dunno. I think an individual almost needs some kind of religious "experience" or psychotic episode to entirely break it..

:biglaugh:

something like.. what if one brief moment, you found out the (practically) everything you believed was just, plain wrong..

it's happened to me, in a couple different stages.

I think the most important step is, get involved in the community. Surely you learned something that can be useful to somebody other than yourself over the years..

I learned a lot about electronics, computers, and a lot of math. I got involved in the local radio club.

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yes, stages for me, or steps to take

then the '"experience" or psychotic episode' happened

dead bs is still dead bs no matter how it's played

all my figuring got a serious reconstruct

mainly for new perspectives to see and live

one brief moment, like the twinkling of an eye...

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so this HAS happened to someone else..

:)

yet life goes on. One still gets up in the morning.. goes to work, or school, or whatever else it is that is life's calling..

What was it that I saw..

I saw the light of god almighty, or whoever or whatever you want to name him, she, or it.. in a human being, who was not inferior to me..

whatever it was.. it burned like fire.. but it did not really hurt..

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What was it that I saw..

still progressing I expect

trying to interpret gets in the way sometimes

just let it flow

just part of the whole limitlessness

just to get our attention, that there more in us and with us then we thought

whatever it was.. it burned like fire.. but it did not really hurt..

amen, enough to bring a man to tears

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I trashed everything, but not right away.

One significant event--we visited my family for 3 weeks right before leaving TWI. My children were small and at fellowships they were always such a huge concern, behavior wise--even though none were badly behaved. But they(and I ) were constantly scrutinized as though pure evil flowed through our veins.

So we went to visit my family. My father was terminally ill, my older brother was/is semi dependant mentally ill adult, my mother was also very fragile with an auto-immune disease. You'd think three small children would be a problem...but my parents and siblings enjoyed every minute with them, we had fun, I could relax. Mentally ill sibling taught them to play frisbee while I enjoyed a cocktail on the deck. That whole vacation was such a contrast to the harsh, cold demanding life we lived in TWI. I wasn't exhausted and keyed up. It gave me a huge reminder of what family is supposed to be--not the fake monkey performance we lived in TWI.

Once we left I did deliberately rebelled against TWI teachings. Took kids to a trinitarian vacation bible school. Read lots of feminist library books, watched Buffy...

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Thanks for your input Bramble.

I don't think anyone with a lot of time in the way,

could trash it all immediately or right away.

It was designed to integrate into our lives.

It never really did though cause our minds are not designed to hold that crap.

I think a vacation to the beach, just me, my wife and kids helped a lot too.

That was while I was still in, that same year I quit the way.

Took a while to bust it out of my head after that.

I had a lot of help so I can't take the credit.

But I did determine to see it all, good or bad.

Edited by cman
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Cman,

I think this is one of the great tragedies of groups like TWI. One tends to throw everything out because you feel betrayed, bamboozled, and misled. I know I got so invested in TWI that when a few things fell, all of it fell. I was left gazing on a pile of broken doctrine and I didn't know if I had the energy or desire to sift through it to find any valuables.

I do know that I couldn't read my KJV for a long time. My brain would automatically correct the text to TWI doctrine. For a while I just quit reading the bible altogether. But I found that eventually I could read versions that for the most part were very divergent from the KJV. I enjoyed it and I'd ask myself why they translated certain sections the way they did. Low and behold I found out that many of the things that I was taught in TWI were simply wrong and that many traditional Christian teachings that TWI railed against were much closer to the truth than what they taught. I learned a lot from these types of translations. I didn't accept them all, but at least it helped me get my brain to quit jumping to TWI interpretations.

I also did something that for the most part was discouraged in TWI: I read commentaries. When I found any that really spoke to my heart I would make sure I checked them while deciphering a section of scripture. Most of them went much deeper than TWI ever did. I always found TWI teachings very shallow and repetitive, even when I bought into them. Just figured it was "the simplicity of the word" when it was really just limited, narrow, and arrogant.

I also got out and talked to other Christians without allowing myself to jump in with my opinion. I just listened and considered. Again, I didn't accept all that I heard but at least I was hearing a different perspective.

Along those lines I also got out and did community service. Since this was severely lacking in TWI it was a whole new perspective on life and gave me a sense of compassion, thankfulness, and gratitude and also gave me satisfaction by truly helping my fellow humans.

I've not settled in to any particular way of thinking yet, but I'm at peace with my God.

Do we trash everything we learned in the way,

or hang on to some doctrine that originated or stems from their teachings?

If we truly pitch the whole thing,

will some come back and explain itself to you?

Not as 'truth' but as what it's talking about.

Is any of it any kind of a basis to understand God?

A post just to consider, response is appreciated, but not necessary.

Personally aftyer much ado, I had to burn it all out of my mind.

And start fresh.

although we have already have what it takes to see,

I just started looking at many different things.

Whatever stuck or went away is how it goes.

Even that which sticks will sometimes be swept away by other understandings.

Edited by PatAnswer
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nice, good sharing

I don't think it's a tragedy to throw everything out.

The saying 'cast your bread upon the waters' comes to mind.

Whatever is good that you gained you haven't lost.

Probably modified and better.

Like taking it all and smashing it against a brick wall.

And see what sticks.

I know I got to the place of relying on the doctrine as sound.

but I could never rest my hat on it so to speak.

Such an uneasy feeling, as most of it had no foundation.

The house (mind) built on sand, or something.

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I haven't thrown all of it out because some of it was good and helpful to my life.

But I had to throw a lot of it out, not really the bible but the OCD and poor examples we had of Christian leadership.

I enjoyed Bramble's post about visiting family for three weeks. That was very touching. I'm so glad you got to have that time.

"the harsh, cold demanding life we lived in TWI" would have condemned a terminally ill Father, a mentally ill Brother and a fragile Mother.

What a blessing to Bramble and her family that twi was not a part of that special vacation.

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yeah, nice thread.

something ive often considered...

in my experience, life after twi involved rebooting my relationship with a large portion of language...because it was as if half of language had been infected and deformed, while the other half hid in the shadows of ignorance.

Doesn't leave much. Like being offered a choice between darkness and a scab.

but if a large portion of twi's doctrines, principles, sayings, and cliches are essentially a crude amalgam of loosely appropriated, re-interpreted, remixed, repackaged and re-labelled fragments of information from other sources, then a large portion of what we heard and read in twi's theologies have its roots in something else. Quite natural that we all start running into the pieces everywhere (and not just in Christianity) after we somehow excommunicate, which then typically immediately reminds us of the previous sting associated with them.

This is quite a wall of fire to walk through. thank God for places like the GSC.

but it seems as if most any of this language can, in a sense, be redeemed, or somehow reconciled...especially if we can first find some sense of relief for the pain of the original bite...and then we heal more and more words as we become more able to revisit and rediscover those pieces of language again...and especially as we notice the nature of our inner dictionaries.

There is another inner book burning, of sorts...whether our whole library burns down in a moment, or we patiently toss page after page into a fire.

as cman asked outloud..."will some come back and explain itself to you?"

maybe.

probably.

if there is a burning bush that is never consumed. and not just a long time ago, far far away. but right here, right now. we are fields of fire.

Edited by sirguessalot
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"will some come back and explain itself to you?"

I think in it's own time

all at once with some things

and bits and pieces for others...

mainly leaving behind that which held us back

and moving forward with those things we used to break free

and perhaps no longer needing those things,

other things will present themselves to us

and yes Ham, back to the jobs and family, living

but without the oppression and fear of the unknown

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I should say, this is how it's been going for me sometimes.

Sometimes differently.

No way is what I experience some kind of standard.

A disclaimer I suppose...lol.

Or where I'm at at this point and other times.

Anyone else's could be different and quite good and just what they need.

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I should be dead. Not by any desire on my part, just statistically speaking. The many lousy decisions I made, the outrageous and repetitive risks I took, the utterly careless life I lived In my immediate post-TWI years, I should have died a long time ago. Yet here I sit, getting old and enjoying a casual retirement and still in great health. Also enjoying my rather constant reading of whatever Biblical works that come my way and interest me. Meanwhile, Craig Martindale toils away in an orange smock at a Home Depot somewhere near Akron, and TWI (shell that it is) is led by a lesbian. (No offense to lesbians; just pointing out the irony). Who says God has no sense of humor?!?!

Hey, TWI. Next time you want a room full of chairs lined up real pretty, take that ball of string and stick it where the sun don't shine.

Edited by OperaBuff
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I do know that I couldn't read my KJV for a long time. My brain would automatically correct the text to TWI doctrine. For a while I just quit reading the bible altogether. But I found that eventually I could read versions that for the most part were very divergent from the KJV.... I learned a lot from these types of translations. I didn't accept them all, but at least it helped me get my brain to quit jumping to TWI interpretations.

Long time before I could read a Bible of any type. When I finally got to opening one - it wasn't KJV which had become totally incomprehensible to me - but The Message. About as far apart as you can get. But readable, startlingly different in its paraphases, and got me thinking again.

Now I most regularly read Holman Christian Bible, which I rather like - but other versions come to hand sometimes, when I prefer a change.

If we'd been encouraged to read other versions in the first place, a lot of TWI "teaching" would have been dispensible because it would have been easier to comprehend what was written plainly, instead of wrestling with 15th century English as well as the meaning of the message being conveyed. But hey, that would have denied too much scope for "teaching" and "literals according to usage."

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I haven't thrown all of it out because some of it was good and helpful to my life.

But I had to throw a lot of it out, not really the bible but the OCD and poor examples we had of Christian leadership.

I enjoyed Bramble's post about visiting family for three weeks. That was very touching. I'm so glad you got to have that time.

"the harsh, cold demanding life we lived in TWI" would have condemned a terminally ill Father, a mentally ill Brother and a fragile Mother.

What a blessing to Bramble and her family that twi was not a part of that special vacation.

I think about that visit , especially this time of year, which was the time we visited. My dad never got healed, he died the following winter. My mom's disease progressed so she needed 24/7 care until her death, two years later. My older brother is still mentally ill...and none of them expected a miracle like we would have in TWI. There was no sense of condemnation for succumbing to copd or autoimmune illness, no one blamed my bro for being paranoid schizophrenic. Much of that visit was just enjoying the moment, sitting on the deck with dinner on the grill, small children kicking balls on the lawn, or riding around the neighborhood w/grandpa in the golf cart. A gentle, gracious time, with people TWI classified as natural man, not born again Roman Catholics, even devil possessed. And I desperately wanted that type of gentle graciousness in my life.

The moment we arrived back in our home, TWI leaders were demanding things. Our area was having leadership go in detail over finances of people in debt(we owed medical bills), there was a branch meeting the day after we got back, be there etc. Nothing gentle, nothing gracious, already condemning us for our failings...it was a huge contrast.

<br><br>After we left it did seem to me that something had gone wrong with TWI though for so long it was hard to pinpoint anything. GSC helped unravel the mess, bit by bit.<br>

Edited by Bramble
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I think about that visit , especially this time of year, which was the time we visited. My dad never got healed, he died the following winter. My mom's disease progressed so she needed 24/7 care until her death, two years later. My older brother is still mentally ill...and none of them expected a miracle like we would have in TWI. There was no sense of condemnation for succumbing to copd or autoimmune illness, no one blamed my bro for being paranoid schizophrenic. Much of that visit was just enjoying the moment, sitting on the deck with dinner on the grill, small children kicking balls on the lawn, or riding around the neighborhood w/grandpa in the golf cart. A gentle, gracious time, with people TWI classified as natural man, not born again Roman Catholics, even devil possessed. And I desperately wanted that type of gentle graciousness in my life.

The moment we arrived back in our home, TWI leaders were demanding things. Our area was having leadership go in detail over finances of people in debt(we owed medical bills), there was a branch meeting the day after we got back, be there etc. Nothing gentle, nothing gracious, already condemning us for our failings...it was a huge contrast.

<br><br>After we left it did seem to me that something had gone wrong with TWI though for so long it was hard to pinpoint anything. GSC helped unravel the mess, bit by bit.<br>

I remember that time. i felt humiliated to show our twig coords how much I was making at the time. It wasn't much per hour and I felt embarrassed when they said they thought I would be making more than this.

In my budget I had made gifts/entertainment one category because I did not know when I would need to buy gifts and when I would be able to go out. I was told I had to specify how much I would spend on gifts that year and how much I would have to spend on entertainment for the year. It had to be seperated and I had to stay committed to the amounts I decided.

This really perplexed me, because what if I was invited to a wedding or a baby shower? What if there were no movies I wanted to see? I gave them some made up amounts that I did not stay "committed to".

In fact, that year at Christmas I ended up regifting a lot of things. I know it sounds terrible to some people, but bless my Mothers heart and the hearts of her friends. I was sent so many baked goods and jams, there was no way I could use or store all of them. So I gave them to friends, telling them my Mother or her friends had made what i was giving them. It seemed to go over well.

So I had money left over that I used on some unexpected bills instead. But I knew the reproof I would have been met with if I had ever told anyone this.

I think your vacation was a special blessing. While you were able to see the contrast because of it, I was not yet able to at that time. I tapped danced to every thing they wanted me to do and I was super stressed they would find out I had not stayed "committed to" how much I spent on gifts and entertainment that year.

So many ridiculous demands. And so unnecessary.

Bramble, I don't know why you sharing about your vacation touched me so much but it did. While my awakening was very gradual, I was eventually able to see the contrast also. I started to make friends that were truly fun, interesting and supportive. The contrast was stark.

I also think your brother has probably been blessed in many ways because of the love you and your family have for him. It's not easy being mentally ill. Those of us who are not should never judge or condemn anyone who is. It is not their fault and they have to be brave every day. i'm glad he has you.

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Took me quite a while to get used to how "gracious" people were ... kind, generous, willing to help, "let-you-get-on-with-it" kinda easy living. Too many kindnesses to even begin to quantify. I was so suspicious - thought they were all out to "trick" me. What a numbskull I was!

...Embarrassing to reflect on what shameful, evil, thinking we had been taught...

Be kind. You never know what weird stuff people are dealing with in their minds. Even if they look and act "normal."

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Well, at first I threw everything out.....hard to read the bible...but figured I would go the opposite of what WI taught. One extreme to another, I've learned is never the answer for me. I've been to churches, probably bought every known bible in the world to "search" for truth. I was terribly confused. I listened to this preacher and that one. Anything that was "spiritual" I investigated. Still confused. And what happened was a found a very simple approach finally....that is the practical application of principles from the word. Kindness, forgiveness, not thinking evil, helping someone else, Not thinking about me all the time, (the universe doesn't revolve around me in other words), Gratitude, tolerance are among the many things that I found I needed to apply in my life. Humbleness instead of being egotistical that I know everything is another good one. So, I set out and started just to examine my own life and apply principles I found in the word....my life started getting better and better...not that the outside life changed so much, but the inside of me started changing for the better. And I still put practical application high on my list to be aware of every single day in my life....I ask myself how am I doing today? Now recently, some of the teachings I learned years ago have come back into my life. With a new perspective and new "eyes" I am again relearning some of the things I once knew but threw out. It looks totally different to me now. The bible said "Knowledge Puffeth up".....I was all puffed up believe me. So, for me there has to be a balance.....doctrine and practical application. What good is it if I can't put it into my living on a daily basis. But what a process....tough, rewarding, sometimes frustrating, but I am so glad to be where I am today....very thankful to God for what He has done in my life. I know the journey will continue and my eyes will be opened wider....and they will finally be totally opened at the Return.

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I think that visit to my family was a special blessing, too, 100%. It still amazes me about the timing, hubby and I were so beat up in our minds, so weary by that point. Even though we have experienced ups and downs in life since then, we have never again reached that ugly, discouraged-can't-ever-do-anything-right stage again. Even in bad times we have people who love and support us as much as they are able, and haven't experienced what TWI calls 'reproof', which is really abuse, in all these yrs since leaving.

My brother's psychiatrist once told us that brother's quality of life is not bad considering the severity of his illness. He lives simply, doesn't hold a job, but he lived with and helped our parents as they aged, and now lives with my widowed sister and helps upkeep her country home. He is a generous fellow who likes to do things for others. Mental illness, even severe, does not equal evil as TWI insisted.

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