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Blonde Joke


ChattyKathy
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Told to me by a blonde.

This blonde gets on a plane and sits down in first class.

The ticket holder for that seat comes up and asks her to please get up.

She refuses.

Several attempts to convince her to move to her ticketed seating in coach and to no avail.

Finally the flight attendant is approached by the co-pilot asking what the problem is, as they need to hit the taxi way now.

The situation is explained to him.

The co-pilot says "no problem, I am married to a blonde, I will handle this".

He leans down and wispers something to her.

To which she immediately gets up and heads to the coach area.

Mumbling as she walks down the aisle, "well why didn't they tell me that in the first place".

The co-pilot was asked "what did you say to her".

He replied "I told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New Jersey".

Hope it gets a smile.

Kathy

(Paw, did I put this one in the correct place )

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I just know I'm going to get crucifried, but here goes . . .

Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowperson than a non-blonde?

You have to hollow out the head.

-----------------------------

Why is Japan smarter than the US?

No blondes

---------------------

How can you tell where the blonde's desk is?

Wite-out on the monitor

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This blonde goes into the beauty shop to get her hair cut.

She is wearing a walkman headset and will not take it off for her hair to be cut.

The next visit she does the same, making it very difficult for the beautician to do a good job on the cut.

The third time the beautician decides screw it, I am yanking those things off so I can cut her hair like it needs to be done.

At which point the blonde falls to the floor and dies.

The puzzled beautician kneels down and puts the headset to her ear to hear what this blonde was so protective of.

She hears "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out".

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A blonde comes out of Wal-Mart and finds that it's blizzarding badly. Visability is zero.

As she begins to drive home she spots a snow plow and sighs in relief...for she has been told that if you can follow a snow plow in a blizzard you wont get stranded.

It's slow going, but she stays right behind the truck. After two hours the truck stops...the driver gets out and says, "I noticed you were following me...I wanted to let you know that we're through with Wal-Mart and now we're going to plow the lot across the street."

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A blonde goes into a sporting goods store where a shiny aluminum thermos caught her eye as the sun relfected off of it.

She was mesmerized by its beauty.

After asking the store clerk what it was and how you used it she purchased it.

The next day she took it to work, and was so proud to show it off to her coworkers.

She explained how it will keep things cold or hot.

When asked what she had in it she replied "I have a cup of coffee and half of an icecream bar".

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  • 2 weeks later...

A blonde is driving down the street and she sees another blonde in the soybean field rowing her arms in a boat like she is in the water.

She stops her car, gets out and yells to this blonde "you know it is blondes like you that give us a bad name", "if I knew how to swim I would come out there and kick your butt".

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Great Jokes Kathy. I liked yours also Yanagisawa.

Here is one to add to the mix.

A woman was so blond she did the following:

1. Took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

2. Thought a quarterback was a refund.

3. Thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

4. Told a friend to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.

5. Thought she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

Kathy, are you blond?

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Mark,

A few to add to yours:

6. She tripped over a cordless phone

7. She got stabbed in a shoot-out

8. She asked for a price at a Dollar Store

9. It takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes"

10. She studied for a urine test - and failed

11. She sold the car for gas money

12. When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur

around the home, she moved

13. When she went to the airport and saw a sign

that said "Airport Left", she turned around

and went home

So Mark, do I sound blonde?

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  • 3 weeks later...

I walk at lunch with a blonde Swede who is so fiesty she makes me look like a lamb.

Anyway she is telling me this account of her night that I thought someone else may enjoy.

She and hubby are driving along a back road and are engaged in a heated talk about what store to pick up milk from (don't ask ) when all of a sudden a deer runs out in front of them and wham they hit it. Both get out of the truck and see it did some pretty major damage to the front in. (if you only knew how often this happens in my neck of the woods) They call the police on their cell. He arrives and the first thing he says is "so do you want to keep the fresh kill", "cause if not I need to get on the horn right away and call someone on the list to come get it". Then he says to the hubby ya think it is still diveable back to your home?

Well at this point the hubby is just standing there fixated on the front of the truck, he don't even know anyone else is in the universe. This is his work truck (he owns it though) and he feels about his truck and tools like my hubby does. It is this odd affection they have going. LMAO

So he hears nothing the officer is saying but no matter cause my friend is the mouth for that couple anyway it appears. She turns and looks up at this man, she is all of 4'9" maybe and says "yea sure there buddy we want the kill, what the he11 did you think we were out here for anyway, that is how we hunt--with the front end of our truck, we only called you out here to document what a huge deer this is". Then before the man can speak she says "you will have to forgive my husband here I think he may have regressed due to metal shock, I will get him home now and take him into the garage where he can heal up".

This officer looks at the husband and touches him on the shoulder and says "God bless you man".

They get back into the truck and the only words he says to her is "gee honey sometimes you make me look like such a fool". To which she replies "only sometimes, well he11 I must be slipping then".

And my hubby thinks I am turning into a handful.

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A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde turns around and shouts, "Can't you see I'm winning!"

from the poster formerly known as 'firebarrier'

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A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead.

She points the gun at her boyfriend and stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.

Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."

The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

from the poster formerly known as 'firebarrier'

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  • 2 weeks later...

At a family reunion I went to in May, the husband of my niece Debbie (who is blonde) told this story, and had us going until the punch line.

Debbie was out taking care of the horses in the barn when a fire accidentally got started. It flared up quickly before she could stop it, and soon the barn was in flames.

She ran to the house and called the fire department. "You've got to come quickly," she said. "My barn is on fire and it's burning out of control and the horses are in there!"

The man from the fire department asked, "How do we get there?"

Debbie replied, "Duh! The big red truck!!!"

That line became a running joke all weekend.

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