Waygone and Seth I was born February 2, 1967. That makes me your elder and superior in every way. While you guys were spitting out breastmilk, I was walking and getting into trouble by getting into everything I could walk or creep to. So now, you have to listen to me and do all I tell you to do.
Okay, maybe not but I figure I would give it a try.
I do not know if this post of mine will be a depressing post, a helpful post, or one of sympathy but I promise it will be one of honesty.
Seth when one tells you to keep your chin up, your chin may feel so heavy you don?t think you can even lift it. But there is a lot of truth in trying to keep your chin up and look for the positives. This forced "move" may open up wonderful doors for a bright future.
But I do know where you are right now. My dark cloud sometimes is so bleak I can only hope to sleep all the time to escape it. To actually make it to the mailbox and back has been an exercise in using all my energy. Nobody understood and kept telling me "Ya gotta do this... Ya gotta do that..." Like one friend thought taking me to "happy hour" would be magic. I found myself in the midst of all those people and felt alone and uninterested.
My family was so horrible with their suggestions, I stopped opening their letters or taking most of their phone calls. At one point, my X had taken my money, that same week I was punched in the eye at work by the bosses son-in-law and fired. And I needed a new place to live as I left my X. I asked my Father for help and he sent me a card which said "hang in there." Now, that may have been great words from some of my loving friends, but this was my Dad and my world collapsed and he sent a $.99 card telling me to "hang in there" and I was about to be divorced,jobless and homeless. And there was that personal dark cloud looming, waiting and watching.
I had gone into the abyss and is slippery sides forbade my escape.
My darkness was like a vortex I would be sucked into and could not find my way back. Worse, I did not know what caused it to appear or what caused it to leave. I could not bring it up while involved with TWI because they just made it spiritual and that would depress me further. After I left TWI, which caused some depression "lost time, career lapse, etc."
I was still afraid to admit I was severely depressed because I was still in fear if I admitted it, somehow it gave the devil the edge and I could not get help because it was a battle with a spirit. I needed professional help which TWI had build in me distain towards those kinds of professionals, how could a psychologist get rid of a devil spirit?
Finally, one day I asked God to please help me.
"Please show me how and why this happened?"
Shortly after, my sister called and was speaking of her son. I told her, "Well at least it was not like the bad boys in the woods."
She said why do you always say that? And I did not know. I recalled these boys scared my friend and me and they were mutilating animals. She said what happened before that?
Well, I got to be alone and I told God I was ready and to show me. And it was like a walk back in time. Those rotten boys had molested me and my little 5-year-old girl friend Karen. My knowledge of sex was null and I did not understand what had happened. I remember being mad that they put Elmer?s glue on me as I had no other comparisons.
I was shocked and realized that incident had held me captive my whole life. I went to a rape counselor and it has been "work".
The sad news is my choices in life placed me out there in the world as "prey" to any sexual predator. And they came in the form of bosses, dates and ministers. Things continued to happen to me that would harm me in that area because I had this open door I was unaware I even had. I did need some meds to help me recover from the emotional spiral. I also thrived by being able to talk to a professional (after and during many long talks with God).
Sometimes it is something we can inherit. Sometimes it is what happened to us. Chemical imbalance all kinds of things. But I ask do you have any pictures that flash through your brain? Reoccurring dreams? When you watch certain things on TV or read a particular thing in a book do you get a weird feeling?
There is a great book called "Freeing the Mind from Memories that Bind" by Littauer. (Christian book) which can help you get to a root of this. But as others have stated take your meds, try and keep your chin up and exercise and eat healthily. I would like to add to that list, ask God to direct you to the root cause, whatever your root cause -- he knows it.
I still battle the cloud but at least I know its origin.
As I was reading your posts, I could identify with what you said. I too had moments in my life where everything was so dark that I could not stand to face another day. TWI doctrine just made matters worse. After awhile, you start to think nothing will help you and no one cares. I am a failure. All that is not true, of course and one day you realize it.
I said this to you before and I mean it, you are a gem Dottie.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't be so quiet about this...praying for Seth. Here is someone who seems to be not fooling himself at all, but is a real fighter, and deserves support.
I have some questions on the subject that I do not want to discuss on a public forum at this time. So many people would be willing to listen. But that has not always worked out. It is probably too much to expect to try find someone not just willing but wanting to listen. If you think about it, that's asking a lot.
I'll leave it at that. smile092850@hotmail.com
No takers, I guess.
[This message was edited by Lifted Up on August 28, 2002 at 20:25.]
There are hundreds of people who are lifting us up for our need to be met. You here, friends in Nevada, out east, in Australia! all these people are helping us believe for perfect healing!
Curious word, 'lift'.
The picture I get is being lifted up to God so that we are all above the grime and crap that the world will give us.
If we are lifted up, we are not mired in the crap and grime.
Mental imaging has been used for years to assist in healing, mental, physicial and spiritual.
When our friends, family and those we don't even know are lifting us up, we have the pressure lifted from us so that we can trust, believe and see the remedy in front of our noses.
Is this easy? NO! No it is simple!
The hardest lesson I have learned is to let the problem go, but this doesn't mean I sit and wait for the answer to drop on my lap. God honors action. I have told my friends and family that God can't bless nothing. In mathematics 0 times any number is still 0. If we sit in the grime and crap, it isn't God not doing his part, it's us
not doing something!
Often when Tim and I have financial needs, I bake cookies and give them away. We need money, but giving is honored so I give of my abundance! We have seen the need met zillions of times! Tim has said that he can't wait to see how God is going to help us get out of this one!
Are these lessons I learned from twi? Yes. But this is what I have seen WITH MY OWN TWO EYES, and it is a system that works.
Seth and all, (You too Dot!) we are the winners!
We just have to act like we are!
I have said before that everything twi expounded is crap and garbage. I have seen this system work. Try it and see? What do you have to lose?
Well, I'm tired, and praying for a manic episode or at least a break in the blues. I got close today, but my suicidal ideation comes and goes.
If the lead ever fell out of my *** I think NASA could get rid of those solid rocket boosters for the space shuttle, because I could launch the thing with my own power. But I guess this is just how it's going to be.
It is in a different class then Prosac and others and may work for you. I know Zix wrote about it and it was not good for him. I think he said he got dizzy. But I know others have used it successfully.
At least you know you are a manic depressive so you know you are in a cycle. That is a big deal -- to know the problem and recognize you are in a cycle.
You will be alright. Your mind is saying what?
I am no good, I can not do anything right, nobody cares...
Things like that? Stop the cycle by answering each question without an always or never.
For instance -- I am no good. Of course that is not true. You have done many good things in your life. You have prayed for others, you have shared God with others -- So it is not that YOU are no good -- But the situation you are in is not good (right now).
I can't do anything right -- That is not true. Have you ever made someone smile? Did you ever share a great story that made others laugh? Your creative web sites are very nice.
Nobody cares- that can not be true. I am sure that people you interact with do care. They may not beable to change things for you but they care. Look at all the responses you have gotten on your post... People care and are praying for you.
Answer your defeating statements with TRUTH. It can stop you from cycling.
I worked in a pysc ward for awhile and bipolars could cycle in a matter of weeks and sometimes a matter of 15 minutes. Realize it is a cycle and take charge of the cycle with the truth.
I want you to remember that you are not alone in all this!
We are going through some rough stuff in our lives and it helps me beyond measure to know that Tim and I are going to make it through, in part because we have zillions of people praying for us!
I am praying for you mightly, and if you would like to email me I am here! The last 24 hours would have been just impossible without the support of my children and friends here in Janesville, and you my friends on the cyber map.
You are standing with help just a click of a mouse away! The cycle will break and you will get a breather!
I've been getting through things a minute by minute at a time. It is a technique that works!
I'm still not done packing, I hit another downer in my depression which put me in bed for 16 hours or so. I'm dragging my butt out to visit some friends.
I think I'm going to start smoking again, what's a good brand these days? My friend started smoking Camel Jasmine's I wonder what they're like? Well there's always Kool unfiltered...
Seth, Please DO NOT pick up smoking. It is an expensive unhealthy habit and it will not be helpful.
I think that you are receiving excellent help and suggestions here at the spot. There are a lot of caring people here.
Please take care of yourself. Keep praying. I am not a deep religious person but I know how very powerful prayer is and it works.
Try to do at least one positive thing for someone other than yourself everyday and it will help you feel better. Please take care and keep us here at the greasy spoon updated. nk
Seth - I'm certainly in no position to discourage you from whatever vices you wish to cultivate in your life.
With me, it's food.
When I'm in a blue mood, I want my comfort food and lots of it.
After baby, it was tapioca pudding - and it had to be warm.
Or it was American chop suey.
Or it was chocolate.
You get the point.
Lately, I've been having some health problems which have also gotten me down a little (nothing major - no worries - just frustration) and have been getting into chips - salty things.
Anyhow, I've now put on two dress sizes (the psychotropic drugs helped, too!) and have to get back into my old clothes. I have to undo what damage I've done -- that alone is depressing, in a way.
You may encounter the same thing with smoking.
I'm now trying (underscore the word 'trying') to "refocus my energies" to exercising or having a glass of water, if nothing else, whenever I feel that need to dig into something a bit more distructive, like Lays Sour Cream and Dill chips or Terra Chips (you know, those funny colored froo-froo chips). Or M&Ms.
God help me!
Seth -- I don't have all the answers but boy, do I relate with how you feel. All I can give you is what works for me -- little goals each day, easy to accomplish.
Baby steps in living.
Maybe it's just getting one load of laundry done.
Maybe it's just getting showered and dressed.
Maybe it's just getting some bills paid up...
Whatever it is, set what you feel like you can handle that day but make sure you stick to it.
It may sound silly but reward yourself for your accomplishments -- promise yourself some 'treat' when you've finished like listening to a favorite CD or calling a friend.
Do what works for you - I don't know what your hobbies and interest are, but I'm sure you understand what I'm saying...
More hugs to you.
And if you find you're craving some American chop suey, Mathman can tell you I make a mean batch of it!
Sheesh some of you folks have hard friggin' nicknames! Any way, here are some of the details.
First I'm not moving, nope, too stressfull and too much uncertainty. (pardon the spelling and grammar)
Second I'm on meds Prozac, it works and I'm getting the effects, not the full effects but enough to keep me from buying a box of shotgun shells and blowing my head off.
Third I'm in counseling, and will continue with it untill my therapist says.
Fourth I'm looking at getting some humble work to pay the bills, I don't need to be rich, famous or good looking. All I want is food clothing and shelter.
Fifth I'm looking forward to my anniversary on the 23rd of Sept. 2 years sober. (Hmmm No pun intended. LOL only an ex-drunk might get this.)
BTW, Dot Matrix I'm not Bipolar, I'm a unipolar depressive, so my "cycle" is from average mood to depressed, and I don't hit manic, I wish I did maybe I'd get something done. So I cycle every 3 months and it's all depressive and it varies from week to week when I'm in a cycle, like friday is my worst day of the week in my down cycle. My cycles are Oct, Jan, Apr, July. July being my worst month of the year, and every year is worse then the last. The best years were my teen pre highschool years when I went to summer camp. Except the last year when I went on teen travel camp, I hated it, I had no idea I was so depressed untill I looked back at it.
I'm getting tired I need to close this, I'm feeling better, except for the side effects of the prozac, but the side effects are managable.
Seth, you are open and honest. That can be hard to do sometimes.
A Question for Dot...how do you answer a question like...sure, I've done some good things, I have done some things right, and there are people who care, but if these people really knew (this, that, and the other thing) about me, they would know how screwed up I was.....?
Try to do at least one positive thing for someone other than yourself everyday and it will help you feel better. Please take care and keep us here at the greasy spoon updated. nk
yup! yup! great advice...imho
you'll be alright....when i lost absolutely everything and was totally alone...i finally found myself
it was me and God and that was it!! no ****!!
seth, feel free to e-mail me....i could tell you what I did, when I was in that position, might help?
It being my first time through on this whole "living" thing,
this is STRICTLY a practice run!
[This message was edited by MillionsNowSmoking on August 31, 2002 at 9:50.]
Hey folks, I'm hopefully going to start working for a vending machine division of a big coin-op company fixing and maintaining their vending machines. It's something I like to do and I probably will be great at it.
My depression is getting less everyday, but some days I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of talking about my problems, when there is preciouslittle help, unless you have money, and wheels. Soon I'll have money and wheels, but not soon enough.
Hi, Seth. How ya doing? I was going to send you an email but it was returned, so I decided to post it on this thread. Hope you are well. I have been thinking about you everyday since I read your thread last month. The 23rd is Monday, as you well know. My anniversary was the 13th. It was my 10th.
Amazing how I still want to drink sometimes. But, ya know, I would just have to start all over again if I started and my time is very important to me. When that isn't enough to keep me sober I remember my last drunk. I will NEVER do to another person what I did to someone that night. Never! The only way I can guarantee that is to not drink. That memory, although my most painful, I never want to forget.
With each year of soberiety the depression has lightened up. For the last few it has been very manageable. I'm actually happy, which is something I never thought I would be again.
Well, I have been thinking about you and wanted you to know. You are never alone.
you know that i have been where you are. sometimes i still get down but much less often and i dont sink near as deep as i did once. i am glad your on meds and seeing a therapist. both have been of great help to me.
the one thing that i would like for you to remember is that when you get to the other side, that there is still a lot of joy to be had in this life...so the struggle is indeed worthwhile.
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AdiosMiCorazon
Waygone and Seth I was born February 2, 1967. That makes me your elder and superior in every way. While you guys were spitting out breastmilk, I was walking and getting into trouble by getting into everything I could walk or creep to. So now, you have to listen to me and do all I tell you to do.
Okay, maybe not but I figure I would give it a try.
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excathedra
uh excuse me
i'm like the big sister here
lots of love and hugs and encouragement, that's what i'm about
and you are about who i adore
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excathedra
seth, thank you for inviting me over here
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Dot Matrix
Seth:
I do not know if this post of mine will be a depressing post, a helpful post, or one of sympathy but I promise it will be one of honesty.
Seth when one tells you to keep your chin up, your chin may feel so heavy you don?t think you can even lift it. But there is a lot of truth in trying to keep your chin up and look for the positives. This forced "move" may open up wonderful doors for a bright future.
But I do know where you are right now. My dark cloud sometimes is so bleak I can only hope to sleep all the time to escape it. To actually make it to the mailbox and back has been an exercise in using all my energy. Nobody understood and kept telling me "Ya gotta do this... Ya gotta do that..." Like one friend thought taking me to "happy hour" would be magic. I found myself in the midst of all those people and felt alone and uninterested.
My family was so horrible with their suggestions, I stopped opening their letters or taking most of their phone calls. At one point, my X had taken my money, that same week I was punched in the eye at work by the bosses son-in-law and fired. And I needed a new place to live as I left my X. I asked my Father for help and he sent me a card which said "hang in there." Now, that may have been great words from some of my loving friends, but this was my Dad and my world collapsed and he sent a $.99 card telling me to "hang in there" and I was about to be divorced,jobless and homeless. And there was that personal dark cloud looming, waiting and watching.
I had gone into the abyss and is slippery sides forbade my escape.
My darkness was like a vortex I would be sucked into and could not find my way back. Worse, I did not know what caused it to appear or what caused it to leave. I could not bring it up while involved with TWI because they just made it spiritual and that would depress me further. After I left TWI, which caused some depression "lost time, career lapse, etc."
I was still afraid to admit I was severely depressed because I was still in fear if I admitted it, somehow it gave the devil the edge and I could not get help because it was a battle with a spirit. I needed professional help which TWI had build in me distain towards those kinds of professionals, how could a psychologist get rid of a devil spirit?
Finally, one day I asked God to please help me.
"Please show me how and why this happened?"
Shortly after, my sister called and was speaking of her son. I told her, "Well at least it was not like the bad boys in the woods."
She said why do you always say that? And I did not know. I recalled these boys scared my friend and me and they were mutilating animals. She said what happened before that?
Well, I got to be alone and I told God I was ready and to show me. And it was like a walk back in time. Those rotten boys had molested me and my little 5-year-old girl friend Karen. My knowledge of sex was null and I did not understand what had happened. I remember being mad that they put Elmer?s glue on me as I had no other comparisons.
I was shocked and realized that incident had held me captive my whole life. I went to a rape counselor and it has been "work".
The sad news is my choices in life placed me out there in the world as "prey" to any sexual predator. And they came in the form of bosses, dates and ministers. Things continued to happen to me that would harm me in that area because I had this open door I was unaware I even had. I did need some meds to help me recover from the emotional spiral. I also thrived by being able to talk to a professional (after and during many long talks with God).
Sometimes it is something we can inherit. Sometimes it is what happened to us. Chemical imbalance all kinds of things. But I ask do you have any pictures that flash through your brain? Reoccurring dreams? When you watch certain things on TV or read a particular thing in a book do you get a weird feeling?
There is a great book called "Freeing the Mind from Memories that Bind" by Littauer. (Christian book) which can help you get to a root of this. But as others have stated take your meds, try and keep your chin up and exercise and eat healthily. I would like to add to that list, ask God to direct you to the root cause, whatever your root cause -- he knows it.
I still battle the cloud but at least I know its origin.
God bless you!
Dot Matrix
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excathedra
(((((((poor dottie)))))))
(((((((poor little girls)))))))
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AdiosMiCorazon
((((Dot)))
As I was reading your posts, I could identify with what you said. I too had moments in my life where everything was so dark that I could not stand to face another day. TWI doctrine just made matters worse. After awhile, you start to think nothing will help you and no one cares. I am a failure. All that is not true, of course and one day you realize it.
I said this to you before and I mean it, you are a gem Dottie.
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Lifted Up
For now I'll try to slip this one in quietly.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't be so quiet about this...praying for Seth. Here is someone who seems to be not fooling himself at all, but is a real fighter, and deserves support.
I have some questions on the subject that I do not want to discuss on a public forum at this time. So many people would be willing to listen. But that has not always worked out. It is probably too much to expect to try find someone not just willing but wanting to listen. If you think about it, that's asking a lot.
I'll leave it at that. smile092850@hotmail.com
No takers, I guess.
[This message was edited by Lifted Up on August 28, 2002 at 20:25.]
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Kay1952
Our whole family is in crisis, (see Lift list)
But we are not alone.
There are hundreds of people who are lifting us up for our need to be met. You here, friends in Nevada, out east, in Australia! all these people are helping us believe for perfect healing!
Curious word, 'lift'.
The picture I get is being lifted up to God so that we are all above the grime and crap that the world will give us.
If we are lifted up, we are not mired in the crap and grime.
Mental imaging has been used for years to assist in healing, mental, physicial and spiritual.
When our friends, family and those we don't even know are lifting us up, we have the pressure lifted from us so that we can trust, believe and see the remedy in front of our noses.
Is this easy? NO! No it is simple!
The hardest lesson I have learned is to let the problem go, but this doesn't mean I sit and wait for the answer to drop on my lap. God honors action. I have told my friends and family that God can't bless nothing. In mathematics 0 times any number is still 0. If we sit in the grime and crap, it isn't God not doing his part, it's us
not doing something!
Often when Tim and I have financial needs, I bake cookies and give them away. We need money, but giving is honored so I give of my abundance! We have seen the need met zillions of times! Tim has said that he can't wait to see how God is going to help us get out of this one!
Are these lessons I learned from twi? Yes. But this is what I have seen WITH MY OWN TWO EYES, and it is a system that works.
Seth and all, (You too Dot!) we are the winners!
We just have to act like we are!
I have said before that everything twi expounded is crap and garbage. I have seen this system work. Try it and see? What do you have to lose?
Love, Kay
Kay1952
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Kay1952
I didn't mean that all twi taught was crap!
I meant that everything they taught WASN'T crap!
??????(OOPS!)
Kay
Kay1952
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Dot Matrix
Thanks Adios, Ex and Gtea-
Seth I hope things are better for you!
You are in my prayers
Dot Matrix
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Seth
Well, I'm tired, and praying for a manic episode or at least a break in the blues. I got close today, but my suicidal ideation comes and goes.
If the lead ever fell out of my *** I think NASA could get rid of those solid rocket boosters for the space shuttle, because I could launch the thing with my own power. But I guess this is just how it's going to be.
Reality sucks.
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Seth
"Why you be here four hour? You go NOW!"
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excathedra
love, ex
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Dot Matrix
Seth
Have you tried Efforx?
It is in a different class then Prosac and others and may work for you. I know Zix wrote about it and it was not good for him. I think he said he got dizzy. But I know others have used it successfully.
At least you know you are a manic depressive so you know you are in a cycle. That is a big deal -- to know the problem and recognize you are in a cycle.
You will be alright. Your mind is saying what?
I am no good, I can not do anything right, nobody cares...
Things like that? Stop the cycle by answering each question without an always or never.
For instance -- I am no good. Of course that is not true. You have done many good things in your life. You have prayed for others, you have shared God with others -- So it is not that YOU are no good -- But the situation you are in is not good (right now).
I can't do anything right -- That is not true. Have you ever made someone smile? Did you ever share a great story that made others laugh? Your creative web sites are very nice.
Nobody cares- that can not be true. I am sure that people you interact with do care. They may not beable to change things for you but they care. Look at all the responses you have gotten on your post... People care and are praying for you.
Answer your defeating statements with TRUTH. It can stop you from cycling.
I worked in a pysc ward for awhile and bipolars could cycle in a matter of weeks and sometimes a matter of 15 minutes. Realize it is a cycle and take charge of the cycle with the truth.
Love - (((Seth)))
Dot Matrix
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Kay1952
I want you to remember that you are not alone in all this!
We are going through some rough stuff in our lives and it helps me beyond measure to know that Tim and I are going to make it through, in part because we have zillions of people praying for us!
I am praying for you mightly, and if you would like to email me I am here! The last 24 hours would have been just impossible without the support of my children and friends here in Janesville, and you my friends on the cyber map.
You are standing with help just a click of a mouse away! The cycle will break and you will get a breather!
I've been getting through things a minute by minute at a time. It is a technique that works!
With Love,
Tim and Kay Burt
Kay1952
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excathedra
dear seth, are you going to have access to a computer after tomorrow?
love, ex
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Seth
I'm still not done packing, I hit another downer in my depression which put me in bed for 16 hours or so. I'm dragging my butt out to visit some friends.
I think I'm going to start smoking again, what's a good brand these days? My friend started smoking Camel Jasmine's I wonder what they're like? Well there's always Kool unfiltered...
Seth
"Why you be here four hour? You go NOW!"
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nknative
Seth, Please DO NOT pick up smoking. It is an expensive unhealthy habit and it will not be helpful.
I think that you are receiving excellent help and suggestions here at the spot. There are a lot of caring people here.
Please take care of yourself. Keep praying. I am not a deep religious person but I know how very powerful prayer is and it works.
Try to do at least one positive thing for someone other than yourself everyday and it will help you feel better. Please take care and keep us here at the greasy spoon updated. nk
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ChasUFarley
Seth - I'm certainly in no position to discourage you from whatever vices you wish to cultivate in your life.
With me, it's food.
When I'm in a blue mood, I want my comfort food and lots of it.
After baby, it was tapioca pudding - and it had to be warm.
Or it was American chop suey.
Or it was chocolate.
You get the point.
Lately, I've been having some health problems which have also gotten me down a little (nothing major - no worries - just frustration) and have been getting into chips - salty things.
Anyhow, I've now put on two dress sizes (the psychotropic drugs helped, too!) and have to get back into my old clothes. I have to undo what damage I've done -- that alone is depressing, in a way.
You may encounter the same thing with smoking.
I'm now trying (underscore the word 'trying') to "refocus my energies" to exercising or having a glass of water, if nothing else, whenever I feel that need to dig into something a bit more distructive, like Lays Sour Cream and Dill chips or Terra Chips (you know, those funny colored froo-froo chips). Or M&Ms.
God help me!
Seth -- I don't have all the answers but boy, do I relate with how you feel. All I can give you is what works for me -- little goals each day, easy to accomplish.
Baby steps in living.
Maybe it's just getting one load of laundry done.
Maybe it's just getting showered and dressed.
Maybe it's just getting some bills paid up...
Whatever it is, set what you feel like you can handle that day but make sure you stick to it.
It may sound silly but reward yourself for your accomplishments -- promise yourself some 'treat' when you've finished like listening to a favorite CD or calling a friend.
Do what works for you - I don't know what your hobbies and interest are, but I'm sure you understand what I'm saying...
More hugs to you.
And if you find you're craving some American chop suey, Mathman can tell you I make a mean batch of it!
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Seth
Thanks everyone, Ginger Tea, Excathedra, Kay1952, Masterherbalist, Hope R., Doggiepapa, Zixar, ChasUFarley, itchley, pausonne, corrydj, AdiosMiCorazon, Freebird, Krysilis, Waygone, Plotinus, LiftedUp, NKNative,
Sheesh some of you folks have hard friggin' nicknames! Any way, here are some of the details.
First I'm not moving, nope, too stressfull and too much uncertainty. (pardon the spelling and grammar)
Second I'm on meds Prozac, it works and I'm getting the effects, not the full effects but enough to keep me from buying a box of shotgun shells and blowing my head off.
Third I'm in counseling, and will continue with it untill my therapist says.
Fourth I'm looking at getting some humble work to pay the bills, I don't need to be rich, famous or good looking. All I want is food clothing and shelter.
Fifth I'm looking forward to my anniversary on the 23rd of Sept. 2 years sober. (Hmmm No pun intended. LOL only an ex-drunk might get this.)
BTW, Dot Matrix I'm not Bipolar, I'm a unipolar depressive, so my "cycle" is from average mood to depressed, and I don't hit manic, I wish I did maybe I'd get something done. So I cycle every 3 months and it's all depressive and it varies from week to week when I'm in a cycle, like friday is my worst day of the week in my down cycle. My cycles are Oct, Jan, Apr, July. July being my worst month of the year, and every year is worse then the last. The best years were my teen pre highschool years when I went to summer camp. Except the last year when I went on teen travel camp, I hated it, I had no idea I was so depressed untill I looked back at it.
I'm getting tired I need to close this, I'm feeling better, except for the side effects of the prozac, but the side effects are managable.
Thanks again,
Seth
"Why you be here four hour? You go NOW!"
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Lifted Up
Seth, you are open and honest. That can be hard to do sometimes.
A Question for Dot...how do you answer a question like...sure, I've done some good things, I have done some things right, and there are people who care, but if these people really knew (this, that, and the other thing) about me, they would know how screwed up I was.....?
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MillionsNowSmoking
yup! yup! great advice...imho
you'll be alright....when i lost absolutely everything and was totally alone...i finally found myself
it was me and God and that was it!! no ****!!
seth, feel free to e-mail me....i could tell you what I did, when I was in that position, might help?
It being my first time through on this whole "living" thing,
this is STRICTLY a practice run!
[This message was edited by MillionsNowSmoking on August 31, 2002 at 9:50.]
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Seth
Hey folks, I'm hopefully going to start working for a vending machine division of a big coin-op company fixing and maintaining their vending machines. It's something I like to do and I probably will be great at it.
My depression is getting less everyday, but some days I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of talking about my problems, when there is preciouslittle help, unless you have money, and wheels. Soon I'll have money and wheels, but not soon enough.
I'm done running, the fight is over.
Seth
"Why you be here four hour? You go NOW!"
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JesseJoe
Hi, Seth. How ya doing? I was going to send you an email but it was returned, so I decided to post it on this thread. Hope you are well. I have been thinking about you everyday since I read your thread last month. The 23rd is Monday, as you well know. My anniversary was the 13th. It was my 10th.
Amazing how I still want to drink sometimes. But, ya know, I would just have to start all over again if I started and my time is very important to me. When that isn't enough to keep me sober I remember my last drunk. I will NEVER do to another person what I did to someone that night. Never! The only way I can guarantee that is to not drink. That memory, although my most painful, I never want to forget.
With each year of soberiety the depression has lightened up. For the last few it has been very manageable. I'm actually happy, which is something I never thought I would be again.
Well, I have been thinking about you and wanted you to know. You are never alone.
Jesse
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oenophile
seth,
you know that i have been where you are. sometimes i still get down but much less often and i dont sink near as deep as i did once. i am glad your on meds and seeing a therapist. both have been of great help to me.
the one thing that i would like for you to remember is that when you get to the other side, that there is still a lot of joy to be had in this life...so the struggle is indeed worthwhile.
namaste,
robin
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