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Priceless Corps Moments


tomtuttle
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A 5th and 7th Corps Moment.

My wife, 7th, was up in the Ambassador Room at Emporia for the after meeting after the Sunday Five O'Clocker. She's pretty sure that it was in the Amb Room any way. Hell, it could have been a 10:30 fellowship for that matter. Did we really go to three meetings a day?

Anyway, whoever was running the meeting asks if anyone would like to pray or have anything to lift. And so, this fellow, whom I remember well, Anthony Pa*ch, stands up and begins to pray "for little Larissa who is being bitten by devils right now at this moment even as we are praying....."

Apparently his prayer didn't laugh much longer than that, due to the laughter. And if she remembers correctly, Anthony got chewed out pretty good for it. Oh I think that this was definitely a "Priceless Corps Moment". Wish I'd a been there. Anybody else know any more details on that one? Igotout?

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bitten-150.jpg

Bitten By Devils

The amazing and true story of Clarita Villanueva, what happened to her while in Manila, Philippines in the Bilibid Prison. The story made major national TV and newspapers. While in prison she suffered tormenting attacks by demonic spirits that actually left bite marks on her body.

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Ala P.

You must have missed out on that one. Dr, Wierwille, played a tape for us in the advanced class, an account of a little girl in the Phillipines who was being "bitten by devils". There was a minister there who ran a radio program in the Phillipines who gave a blow by blow account of this poor little girl who was posessed and being bitten by devils. According to the broadcast, bite marks appeared on her body, even though there was no visible "biter" biting her. And this minister had a prayer thing going on over the radio, and finally according to his account, the spirits left the little girl, and she was healed.

It was a fairly harrowing account, if one believed it to be true, and so, when this Anthony guy started praying for "poor little Clarita" who was currently being "bitten by devils", the whole Corps cracked up at his audacious and possibly twisted humour...

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Priceless corps moment:

when i decided to leave icon_biggrin.gif:D--> i'll never forget that feeling of relief.

excie,

hubby remembers that incident you spoke of. i'll try to get him to post...he says the details are foggie, but he remembers the meeting for sure.

lingo bro,

i remember it vaguely now. i somehow think i remember the bite marks ... was it a video?

anthony was married to a canuck...i think his sense of humour had be a little askew to begin with. icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

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As Joe Pesci would say; "Ok! Ok! Ok!"

When my wife was in the 7th Corps in rez at HQ, they were down in the Wierwille basement (of their home ya know), and having some kind of a meeting with Vince F*nnegan. So Vince was up at the front of the room in a chair, and Bob L*adman was up there in front as the 7th Corps in residence corps coordinator. At the conclusion of the meeting, Vince asks tenderly if anyone had any needs or needed to be prayed for.

At this point, someone who knew of this little trick my wife liked to pull on unsuspecting people says; "Hey Tialani (Mrs Lingo's fake name-I love Hawaiian names), why don't you have Vince pray for that problem that you told me about?" Many of the other people in the room chimed in as well. But she says; "Naa, it's no big deal, I'm not that worried about it". But then Vince, taking the bait, said; "Well come on up here Tialani, I be blessed to pray for you". And she said; "Well, ok, but it's not really a big deal..." But he continued with; "even a little deal is a big deal to God, so come on up". And so she started walking to the front of the room, looking as if she was "in need", and while doing so, began to rub the right side of her jaw as she approached Vince, who was by then, standing and reaching an arm out to put on her shoulder.

Then he asked; "What's the problem?" And she explained that she had sort of a "swelling in the jaw" ever since she was little, and that when it acts up from time to time, it swells to the point that she can hardly open her mouth. She went on to say that down in Oklahoma, where she grew up, the nick name for this regional malady is "dog jaw".

Well, most of the corps in the room knew what her little trick was, and they were playing along beautifully, complete with endearing and compassionate looks on their faces. But Vince of course knew nothing He just wanted to help. And so, as she rubs her jaw, she said; "If you press your hand up against my jaw here, you can really feel it". And so Vince tenderly reached out and pressed his hand against her jaw to feel it as he begins to pray. And just as he said; "Heavenly Father, I just", she snarls like a mad wolf and bites him right on the hand while still snarling! So Vince flat out screams, no doubt thinking about "biting devils" while she's still hanging on to his hand! After a moment of all that, Tialani is so totally freaked out for having disgraced and terrified Rev F*nnegan, that she jumped into Bob L*admans lap for protection amidst the uproarious laughter that had by this time, totally consumed the room! But as she peaked up from Leadman's lap, she was happy to see Vince his own self laughing himself to tears. He said that it was the best little trick/scam he ever saw. And so, all ended well. Well almost.

Once the meeting was over, and people were milling around by ye olde snack shoppe, along comes Don Wierwille. Well, Vince see him, and says; "Hey Don, come on over here, we have a gal with a tremendous need, and needs to be prayed for". So, Don, being his usual self, comes on over to try and help. Well, my wife is kind of glaring at Vince, but figures that she kind of owes him one, so she goes along with it.

So, T goes through the routine, and as Don reaches out to touch her cheek, she gives a repeat performance and snarls and bites Don on the hand. But his reaction was different. She saw the same terror in Dons' eyes, but instead of reacting like Vince, he did something kinda neat. He throws his arms around her just and hugs her and holds her. That is, until it registers in his mind what all of the laughter is about. And then apparently, according to my wife, Don was just plain horselaughing for the longest time.

Then Don trys to convince my wife to do it to Mrs. Wierwille, but she wouldn't do it. Instead, they had some other gal be the "victim" in Mrs. W's presence. The wife says though, that she acted wise to it, and only laughed a little. The gag had losts it's punch by then.

Now when I first married her, she did the same damnable thing to me, and I swear, I about jumped a country mile! My instant thought (first thought? Hmmph!) as I saw those evil flashing eyes, gnashing teeth on my hand, and heard the vicious snarl, was of those hideous Biting Devils! Aggghhh!

Oh, what a woman I hooked into. 22 years and still going strong... icon_smile.gif:)-->

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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha good one, lingo

**

okay let me try the one i said i wouldn't try (jonny, you should be able to tell this, no?)

richard thomas (corps coordinator) - RT

10th corps dude - DUDE

(preface - losing your nametag: BIG NO-NO, definitely warrants a public spanking)

setting: afterglow mandatory meeting after the sunday night service meeting.... to bask in the after meeting love glow..... or whatever.....

RT: dude, you wanna' stand up ?

DUDE: at full attention, YES SIR !

RT: you wanna' tell me why..... (doesn't get to finish sentence)

DUDE: I'M SORRY SIR !!!!! I'LL NEVER MISS THE SERVICE AGAIN, SIR !!!!!

RT (puzzled look): ummmm, where were you ?

DUDE: I WAS IN THE CLOSET, SIR !!!!!

RT: you were in the closet ?

DUDE: YES SIR !!!!! WHEN BLESS PATROL CHECKED MY ROOM, I HID IN THE CLOSET, SIR !!!!!

RT: well, they found your nametag on the dresser and i just wanted to return it to you..... tosses him his nametag....

everyone wanted to crawl under their seats, but there were no seats, everyone was sitting on the floor.....

poor guy. you could die a million deaths for him, but it is one of the funniest things in the world to this day. hope i got it right icon_smile.gif:)-->

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I've posted it before, so I won't write the whole thing again but... I got peed on... literally.


I found it in the archives...


Here's the whole lurid tale - the names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent!

It happened sometime in our first week - during orientation classes we had in the chapel.

I was sitting on the end of the pew, another guy, (I'll call him Crusty) was to my right and Mr. Pee (no relation to Mr.P-Mosh) was to his right.

I felt something wet behind me and asked Crusty if he'd spilled some water or something. He very quietly whispered, "The guy next to me peed in his pants."

So I whispered back, "C'mon, really, did you spill something?"

He then gritted his teeth and whispered more forcefully, "The guy next to me just peed in his pants! Look!" He shifted his eyes towards his right.

I looked over Crusty at Mr. Pee and saw that the front of his WHITE pants was soaked... ugh.

I was wearing a coat sweater - remember those? It was GROSS!

Since I moved up towards the front of the pew when I first felt wet, the pee had by-passed me and went onto the floor next to me. A small puddle had formed.

Before I knew it, LCM had dismissed the class and Mr. Pee was GONE.

Then my Waybrain kicked in and I thought that perhaps there was something wrong with this guy. Maybe he was sick or had a bladder infection or something.Maybe I should minister to him!!

I went up to him in the lunch line and asked him if he was okay. I told him I'd been sitting near him in the chapel and wanted to know if he needed to be prayed for. He said (and I believe this is a quote), "No, I'm fine. I just didn't want to get up in the middle of Reverand Martindale's teaching."

I WANTED TO SCREAM!

I told him he'd have to use some of his allowance to get my sweater DRY CLEANED. He really thought I was nuts, that he had done the right thing. How bizarre was THAT???

I should have taken that as a sign, I mean - who gets PEED on the first week of the Corps????

Yikes!!!

BTW, he never gave me a nickel towards cleaning it. I think I washed the sweater in Woolite - but I can't recall ever wearing it again.

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Oh geez, ExC,

I was there and it was a terrible moment, but funny, but sad icon_biggrin.gif:D--> icon_frown.gif:(-->

The way I remember it, and you had it really close as far as I can remember, was that RT himself went into the guy's room to turn off the light that he left on, and to find out who the perpetrator was, for, leaving lights on was another major no-no.

When Rt asked him why he would not only leave his light on, but would also go to a Sunday Night Service forgetting his name tag, he responded with; "I didn't forget my name tag sir!" And RT said; "Well yes you did, because I was in your room, and I found your name tag and the meeting had started! So how can you say that you did not forget your name tag when I have it right here?" And he said; "Because I was still in the room sir, and I had not left yet, therefore not forgetting it sir!!!" And Richrad T, fairly confused, says; No, you were not in the room because I was in the room! What do you mean you were in the room?!" Then the guy takes a deep breath and says; "Because I was in the closet sir!"

To which, as you hit it on the nose, we all felt like hiding from this poor fella so he wouldn't feel the embarrassment.

Then Richard flips him the nametag and told him to see him after the meeting. I think everybody was embarrassed for the guy, including RT..

Sadly hilarious...

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quote:
LCM: "What the HELL do you thing you're doing!!!!????".

M@rtha: "I'm smoking.".

LCM screaming: "Do you see any ASHTRAYS???".

M@rtha innocently: "No, I'll just use my plate."

TomTuttle, ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT did he SAY?????????????????????????

Please don't leave us hanging.

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And Hope Rich-

Come on! Where's your comittment?! That guy didn't want to disrupt the Word of God! What love and comittment! Surely you see this?

Oh my God. Hope, that must have been really really weird man. And to think that he did it on purpose for the "overall movement of the Word or some inane reason....." Uggh!

But you seem like a really sweet gal, to want to help him out like that....

Well, God keeps the score, and I wouldn't be surprised if He remembers your love on that one!

P.S.

Did you warn the person on your right that the pee was coming their way?

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Sixth (sickth) Corps precious moment #1: At A Public Speaking Training meeting in the Sonlight Room of the campus center we were all to give a speech about something we were passionate or really angry about. We all took our turns, then one of the men began to speak and he was so into his incedent that he punched a hole in the drywall.

Sixth (sickth) Corps precious moment #2: LCM got hacked off about people missing the 5:30 AM CO3 meetings, so he said that everyone would have to meet in the library one hour earlier at 4:30 AM the next day and if anyone missed the meeting everyone would have to meet one hour earlier the next day.

One man, N*** Y***, was so afraid that he'd oversleep, he took his sleeping bag to the library and went to sleep that night on the floor. The next morning there was a SIT alert and the meeting location was changed to the chapel. When they counted noses, NY was absent! LCM was livid and declared that there would be a meeting at 3:30 AM the next morning. He later relented and the meeting became a formal dance. Many got dressed up and went. I stayed in bed...

Sixth (sickth) Corps precious moment #3: LCM was complaining about people missing breakfast, so he mandated that everyone must come to breakfast. They counted noses the next day and discovered that J*** M*** was absent. A crew of husky men went and retrieved him out of bed and carried him into the Campus Center bundled up in his bedsheet. Rumor control maintains that he was not wearing anything under the bedsheet. The event was so funny that the head table relented and he was given breakfast at the head table.

Sixth (sickth) Corps precious moment #4: It was a tradition to announce birthdays at lunch and to allow the birthday boy or girl to request what song they wanted sung. On the day in question there was a reporter from a newspaper present. The song requested by the birthday person, Mrs, R****, was Father Abraham. In this song everyone spazzes out and shakes their arms and legs. The next day there was an article about the W C of E in the paper with a picture of everyone spazzing out in the lunch room.

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Gawd, this stuff makes me laugh. I remember "the guy hiding in his closet" incident...I was there when Richard confronted him in front of everyone...I recall thinking to myself at the time, "at least I didn't fu*k up that bad" icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

My favorite was when they were dedicating Anderson library at Emporia...They were all standing on the front steps for the ceremony...Veepee was there along with the other trustees, about 50 people crowded together in the front of the library...I was about 200 feet away on the sidewalk...suddenly a car full of "Townies" comes driving through the campus...when they get near the library, they honk the horn...when EVERYBODY turned to look...some guy was hanging his bare a$$ out of the window "mooning" them.

I had to turn my head and walk the other way, so that nobody would see me laughing.

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I remember that too UH! I myself was "militant" about it. Wish I'd a seen the humor in it like you did...

RG!

I am sitting here dying with laughter! I have tears running down my face!

And the storie about Je*f M*hn is one I'm familiar with. As I understand it, he sat there at the head table still wrapped in his blanket as he realized his celebrity status, smiling as he ate!

And, OH-MY-GAWD! Father Abraham? SPASMO baby, SPASMO!

Too funny man, too funny! Yeah, I loved all that kinda .......Time of my life.

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It was a hot summer day at the Indiana Campus and we'd been painting barns all afternoon. Aside from the heat, it was a fun job. We cranked up the devil music as high as we could and joked and laughed and slapped paint on everything that didn't move.

When we finished for the day, we talked our work coordinater, Dennis McG, into drving us into town so we could buy some nice, cold beer.

He was nervous about it, but somehow he gave in, and we all piled into a van, picked up a 6-pack, and enjoyed our break under the trees next to the Gene Stratton Porter cabin near the campus.

I thought Dennis was going to pee his pants for fear of getting caught, but he was a good sport.

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Someone spread the word before a meal that when we sang roll-away, at the end of the final chorus everyone was supposed to roll out of their chairs onto the floor.

It went off like clockwork. Everyone hit the floor like a precision water ballet team. Fadder Moynihan just stood there stunned and speechless.

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Kathy O. came up to the stage to lead songs for about 500 people...she was wearing a tube top and when she lifted her arms to lead the song, her breasts came "popping out" of her top...

Her face turned the color of a red rose...

Ross T then came on stage to teach and thanked Kathy for keeping us all "abreast" of things...

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So we're sittin' at supper one day in the lunchroom at Emporia lookin' down at our plates. A bunch of the usual suspects. Some of us around the table were part of the same group of wild foot crazy 11th Corps guys that Radar talked about running in slow motion to the Chariots of fire background music JAL was playing for effect.

Today's topic, however was...

"What is THAT?"

"I dunno."

"I aint eatin' it."

"Well, I'M hungry."

"ME too, but I aint eatin' THAT!"

"If I knew what it was I MIGHT eat it, I'm hungry."

"I know what it is..."

"Ok smartass, you know what it is, YOU eat it."

"NO. YOU eat it. I told you, I aint eatin' it."

"I know what it is, that WHY I - AINT - EATin' it."

The plurality bowl went by and each guy in turn picked up his fork and stabbed his perfectly round, igloo-shaped scoop and plopped it onto the bowl, making a little perfectly shaped mountain of the dreaded....

Brocoli/Millet caserole... Ugh.

"Now what are we gonna do?" I leaned forward and said to my good bud G@rl@nd H@rr!s.

"I'm STILL hungry," somebody else said, "Yeah What we gonna do about eating? We cant eat that sh$t."

G leaned forward, looked at me & said. "A BIG MAC sounds really good right now"

"Oooooohhhh, a BIG mac...!" It seemed like we all sighed in unison and sunk into our chairs.

"Theres a McDonalds, right down the street..."

"So close, yes SOOOOOOOOO far away."

If only we could get there.

Yeah.

We could have a BIG MAC.

AND fries.

AND a milkshake!

Everbody said, "miiiillllk shaaaaake."

G said. You know, there's enough time before class...

I said, "We could make it and be back, eat our food..."

Somebody else said... "And DRINK our shake!"

Yes MILK-Shake!

..."all that EATing...

...and drinking.....

"done by Corps time for class."

"Yes. BUT we have no vehicle. I only have a bike." I said.

Can't make it on a bike.

"We're not allowed off campus."

Another sigh.... "Mcdonalds." We lifted our glasses in toast to Micky D's.

G leaned forward again, turned towards me and said. "If we only had a vehicle."

I said, "And a College Division friend."

"Yes! Such a FRIEND could SAVE us."

"The FREIND could use his vehicle...."

"and his ABILITY to leave this wretched place."

"That fed us this stuff>'

"We CAN't eat it."

There was a College Division guy sitting between G and I the whole time. Everyone else at the table was staring at him through out the whole discourse.

He broke. He started flailing his hands in the air, "Ok .... OK !! I'll DO it! I'll go to McDon.."

"Shhh! We MUST be QUIET if this is going to work."

We passed a napkin around, everybody put their order on it and Garland & I put together this James Bond type plan where everone would quickly go back to their rooms and get their money to the college division guy who had to leave at precisely the right time from behind the building we ate in by the loading dock cause there was never any staff abck there who could foil the plan.

I zoomed back on my bike and literally just lept off of it and jumped into the side door of College Division guy's van as he was leaving. they shut the door & off we went.

We got the food and brought it back to garden level Wierwille and pigged OUT! The whole floor smelled like McDonalds & people were going NUTS!

We were like the Godfather. Yes, my son, A bite of this Big MAC will cost you the cookie or brownie from your next three sac suppers.

Some Staff & even JAL walked by. We all pointed in unison to College Division guy. We chipped in & bought his meal for transpoting us.

He shrugged his shoulders, we munched.

Nobody was late for class.

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We rebelled agains that Broccoli/ millet caserole. Basically nobody would eat it. If you've never seen it, it was a lime green scoop of plastic lookin' stuff with chunks of brocolli stickin' out of it.

It kinda looked like a huge scoop of bumpy, grainy IceCream, but ice cream, it wasn't. They told us it was really healthy, like a whole meals worth of nutrition in that scoop.

We didn't care how healthy it was. We weren't eatin' it.

One day at supper again, we were all sittin around laughing & stuff (we had time cause, like NOBODY was eating).

They made the announcement over the loudspeaker that we all craved. It was, in our minds, reserved for GOOD food.

"Seconds ARE available..."

A wave of hysterical laughter rolled through the lunchroom. People were mimicing the loudspeaker saying stuff like, "If ONLY we were EATING it!"

It was hilarious. A few of the really big. "I'll eat ANYTHING I can chew" guys actually got up from their tables & started walking up to get more food, like one at a time.

We started cheering... and applauding! Each time louder than the last. Guys started taking bows and holding up bowls of the stuff. Catcalls, Cheers, lots of other loud stuff followed. The guys started giving speeches, talking like D@ve B, JAL and others. We were rolling.

Then JAL heard the noise & came up from his apartment.

He yelled at us. We shut up. He said we were upsetting the kitchen staff who worked so hard to prepare these meals that were keeping us alive.

We started giggling.

"WHAT?" JAL said in his snarly voice. "What's so funny?...."

A voice came out of the sea of giggles. "Not with THAT stuff." another voice said. "I'd rather die...."

We burst out laughing again.

"Incouragable." JAL mumbled.........

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