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Dot Matrix

Do you think of past loves?

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I do. I wonder about them -- if they are happy.

sometimes I want to find them to say I am sorry about "this or that" -- or to see if they are sorry about "this or that"

I think of my highschool love often. He never did get married and he is having health problems...

When I hear this song it sets me on a road of rememberance...

Your Wildest Dreams

Once upon a time,

Once when you were mine,

I remember skies

Reflected in your eyes.

I wonder where you are,

I wonder if you

Think about me

Once upon a time,

In your wildest dreams.

Once the world was new,

Our bodies felt the morning dew

That greets the brand new day.

We couldn't tear ourselves away.

I wonder if you care.

I wonder if you still remember.

Once upon a time,

In your wildest dreams

And when the music plays,

And when the words are

Touched with sorrow,

When the music plays

I hear the sound.

I had to follow,

Once upon a time.

Once beneath the stars

The universe was ours.

Love was all we knew

And all I knew was you.

I wonder if you know,

I wonder if you think about it

Once upon a time,

In your wildest dreams

And when the music plays,

And when the words are

Touched with sorrow,

When the music plays,

And when the music plays

I hear the sound.

I had to follow,

Once upon a time

Once upon a time,

Once when you were mine,

I remember skies

Mirrored in your eyes.

I wonder where you are,

I wonder if you

Think about me,

Once upon a time.

In your wildest dreams.

In your wildest dreams.

In your wildest dreams.

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icon_smile.gif:)-->

Jim, my first love in Kindergarten.

He's a pedophile now.

Richard, my second love in 6th grade, I stole some marbles for him.

Happily married now for 23 years.

Tom, high school sweetheart, engaged to be married for 2 years.

Broke engagement when he slapped me.

Bob North, the one I married and truly loved, the father of my daughters.

Him I miss.

icon_smile.gif:)-->

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Sigh....

Love is a funny thing, huh?

I read your story in the story section, it did read that Bob was the love of your life. I am sorry he passed.

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yes it is. love doesn't come around very often, we better grab it when it does eh?

icon_smile.gif:)-->

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Thinking of past loves?? Uh-uh, no I don't. Sometimes I will see something that reminds me of someone in my past, but other than that, no.

And as far as saying "sorry", or having them say "sorry", I don't worry about that anymore either. Water under the bridge..........

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I always wanted to get back in touch with Tracy. Tracy had recently moved from El Paso, Texas, to the DC area when I was in fifth grade, and I loved her Texas accent. I fell in love with her in because she was way cute, and, she had a pet raccoon. I had read the book "Rascal" (a book about a boy and his raccoon-delightful reading even for adults) about five times, and when I learned that Tracy had one, I spent alot of my time over at her house with her and that coon, "Rinky". But I was never able to get her to be my girlfriend, and after I ran off and joined the Merchant Marines, and came back after my first voyage, I learned that she too had gotten into drugs, and that she had been having regular sex with a number of my friends. Ouch. That was kinda hurtful, and I felt that she had been used by my "friends". I was still in love with her, even when I hooked up with TWI a couple of years later. My new found friends in The Way helped ease me of my "mooning" over her. I wonder what she is doing? I hope her life worked out ok...

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I guess I have not had that many "loves" in my past. But the few I had, I think about only occasionally. Much like dmiller said, something will remind me. I suppose that each one was special at that particular time in my life.

I am now hopelessly devoted to my wife of 12 years. Not much time or room in my brain to hold much more that a quick memory for those past.

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Remembering past loves…

I look back with the famous “what if” questions.

Most of my “previous” girl friends are now married (as far as I know) to someone else. Sigh…

Remembering past loves is bittersweet. I think on the good times, and I recollect the heartache when we broke up.

Sometimes I wonder how they are and what they are doing. I sometimes wonder if they ever think of me.

Later, (when I am sober) I wonder, what was I thinking…

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YEah I think of all of them--I have no contact with them for a variety of reasons usually because we just lost touch--But I remember them all some fondly and othrrs its good they are gone

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Dot here is another song good for a trip down memory lane.

I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore

Bryan White

WE AGREED THAT IT WAS OVER

NOW THE LINES HAVE ALL BEEN DRAWN

THE VOWS WE MADE BEGAN TO FADE

BUT NOW THEY'RE GONE

PUT YOUR PICTURE IN THE SHOEBOX

AND MY GOLD RING IN THE DRAWER

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU ANYMORE

NOW SHERRI SAID SHE'S JEALOUS

OF THIS FREEDOM THAT I'VE FOUND

IF SHE WERE ME SHE WOULD BE

OUT ON THE TOWN

AND SHE SAYS SHE CAN'T IMAGINE

WHAT ON EARTH I'M WAITING FOR

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU ANYMORE

OH I SHOULDN'T CARE OR WONDER WHERE

AND HOW YOU ARE

BUT I CAN'T HIDE THIS HURT INSIDE MY BROKEN HEART

I'M FIGHTING BACK EMOTIONS THAT I'VE

NEVER FOUGHT BEFORE

'CAUSE I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU ANYMORE

NOW I'M WRITING YOU THIS LETTER

AND IT'S KILLING ME TONIGHT

THAT I AGREED WHEN YOU BELIEVED

IT WASN'T RIGHT

AND I COULDN'T SLEEP UP ON THE BED

SO I'M DOWN HERE ON THE FLOOR

WHERE I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU ANYMORE

OH I SHOULDN'T CARE OR WONDER WHERE

AND HOW YOU ARE

BUT I CAN'T HIDE THIS HURT INSIDE MY

BROKEN HEART

I'M FIGHTING BACK EMOTIONS THAT I'VE

NEVER FOUGHT BEFORE

'CAUSE I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO LOVE YOU ANYMORE

I'M FIGHTING BACK EMOTIONS THAT I'VE

NEVER FOUGHT BEFORE

'CAUSE I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LOVE YOU

ANYMORE

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My first love was in 7th grade. We went into a janators closet fot the first kiss. I was scared to have the lights on so we kissed with them off. He kissed my eye, I kissed his nostril.(nose) After that I didn't kiss again till I was 20. That was my first reality of romance.

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If we are doing songs...

Send her my love - Journey

(Steve Perry/Jonathan Cain)

It's been so long

Since I've seen her face

You say she's doin' fine

I still recall

A sad cafe

How it hurt so bad to see her cry

I didn't want to say good-bye...

CHORUS

Send her my love memories remain

Send her my love roses never fade

Send her my love

The same hotel, the same old room

I'm on the road again

She needed so much more

Than I could give

We knew our love could not pretend

Broken hearts can always mend...

CHORUS

Callin' out her name I'm dreamin'

Reflections of a face I'm seein'

It's her voice

That keeps on haunting me

Send her, send her my love

Roses never faade

Memories remain

Send her, send her, my love

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Oh yes! Often...

Lessss ssseeeeeee this really cute girl I knew that refinished FURNITURE!!! wowee zowee!!! Da ummmm

C'mon Dot!!! (girlfriend you got too much time on your hands!!!)

okay... yeah I do wonder how life turned out for one pycho inparticular... but that's the only one.

I am so blessed (yeah I hate to use that word but I am blessed ) with my wife I have no room for reminicing about "what ifs".

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yes all the time. Without those experiences

I could never have become the makeout master

that I am today so I'm truly in debt to the ladies. Some I'm VERY in debt to and each month

at bill time is a painful reminder of that....

But jokes aside I cannot possibly imagine not thinking of past loves because aside from a few bad experiences they were all pretty wonderful so its great daydream material.

Of course I realize that its all in

the past and I don't go rooting around for

old phone numbers trying to figure out what

happened to them - in most cases I already know but I'm happy to live off the memory and move

forward creating new memories.

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Oh well I dim the lights, put on some gentle samba music, make them a drink, look into

their eyes, and tell them all about my past with

The Way International :> Too easy.....

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Dot

You made me think on this one. But honestly, I was 21 when I met my beloved. We married soon after.

I really don't think I had any "loves" before him. Not that I didn't date or anything, but I wasn't "invovled" like with him.

So I guess I'm not qualified to answer really, but I can't imagine being with anyone but him. icon_biggrin.gif:D-->

I've had old high school and college buddies call and hint at "what if." Honestly, I can't go there. icon_biggrin.gif:D--> I know I'm wierd.....

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I actually heard from the Major-College-Boyfriend-Who-Broke-My-Heart a few years ago.

About a year after we broke up--a difficult time--his brother died in a car wreck. This was about four months before I met the wows, my senior year in college. Anyway, I had known his brother well (they were only a year apart in age and very close,) and had visited his family several times, so I went to the funeral with a mutual friend. Nearby town.

The ex was a mess. He was in law school so we weren't at the same college anymore, hadn't seen each other in a year. We talked for quite awhile, not about us, but about his brother, no animosity. It was good.

Anyway, the ex contacted me after he saw an obituary for a family member. My maiden name was unusual, and he knew my home town etc.

He sent a card, because he remembered his brother's funeral. We emailed a couple times, just catch up stuff, how old our kids are etc, no fishing for anything.

It was good to hear from him after all these years.We dated for three years, so I have lots of memories of him. I had always wondered what his life turned out like.

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I had one true love that got away....sigh

When I was married to my ex I thought about my true love all the time...wondering....thinking....what could have been.....too truly love a person as I did to this man....sigh

Of course it was truly an unhealthy kind of love.

And now.....I feel so happy I did not marry what I thought was my true love...sometimes I wonder what his life is like....but now I never wonder what could have been......

Because I have a true love that is healthy and good.....I don't look back as I once did wondering...because if it really happened what I had always wondered, I would not have what I have now....Really true love of giving not just by me but by my true love to me....to my children.....and I don't even have to have my rose colored glasses on....yahoo!!!!!

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