nicoleq23

My family has been out of the ministry entirely for five years now, ever since I was 17 years old.

This is my issue. I refuse to tell people that I spent the first eight years of my life living basically on a commune (headquarters). I lived in a trailer with another family. I ate meals with people in a communal setting. That's not really a normal setting to grow up in. But looking back, I was free to play on grounds anywhere I wanted. I caught frogs and turtles and ran with a big group of kids constantly in a place that was basically a safe zone. (I know there is a lot of talk of sexual abuse with way kids. I never experienced any of that, thank God. But like anything else, I would be pretty positive that the statistics for sexual abuse within the ministry match the statistics outside of the ministry.) Honestly, living in Headquarters until second grade wasnt a terrible time. It was pretty flexible from what I remember. People took care of me. And I learned a great deal about independence and breaking rules. (I once picked a bunch of flowers from Mrs Wierwille's garden and gave them to people around headquarters. As enraged as some people were, I think I was more encouraged than anything else.)

In thinking about my utter refusal to tell anyone about this, I first think that because it isnt normal, people wont accept my background or my family's background. But this is my issue. As much as I slam the Way, I often think that I am slapping my parents in the face. For them to spend a majority of their adult years dedicated to something that may not necessarily be the best organization is almost embarassing to me. However, I know the intentions of my parents. I know that they were in it for the RIGHT reasons. That they wanted to be able to reach out to people because they believed in what they were doing. They had passion. I dont think they were brainwashed. I dont think that they were unaware of what was REALLY happening within the way. I really dont. My parents helped alot of people in their time in the ministry. They reached out, they made so many friends, and in my mind, they made a difference in peoples' lives. I am proud of my parents for what they accomplished within the Way. And I think that is a fair statement.

What else is there? We can slam the ministry all we want. We can say that we're glad we got out of it. I am glad I did. It wasnt for me. But there are good people still working in its ranks. And they are working for the right reasons even if they realize the weaknesses. Nothing is perfect.

Everyone thinks they were so blinded. That all of the brainwash-type, villainous mechanisms is an excuse for why they remained in the ministry. Honestly, I think that people do things for good reasons. That there are still alot of people in the ministry who are believing for the right reasons. And by bashing on everything, I feel that we are demeaning those people. And in a way, I feel like I am demeaning my own family. You know, you can place blame anywhere you want but until you own your own decisions, you wont get anywhere with personal growth. Until you own the fact that you became part of something that wasnt all GOOD, you wont get anywhere. It is your fault. So ....ing take responsibility for that and quit being a victim. I was born into it. I never had to make that decision for myself. And for a long time I was angry with that. I was angry because I thought it killed my dad and ruined my family.

And I'm done with it. I'm finished with being angry. Without the Way, I wouldnt exist. My family wouldnt be in existence. So I have to be thankful for something. And I have to believe that my parents had the best of intentions in their time in the ministry, because that's honestly what I do believe. That in spite of all the ...., there were still honest people that were trying to get past whatever muddy business was going on.

Am I supporting the ministry in this argument? No. But I am supporting the fact that there are good people within its ranks. And that those good people will eventually come out on top, regardless of whether the Way has anything to do with it or now. It's easy to look down on them, to say they are naive or bound, but then we are just as arrogant as anyone else. Then we are as much the criminal as those that have negatively functioned in the way are.

To be honest with everyone, I'm just over it.

Thanks for all of the kind things that everyone has written.

If so many people just on this website have been touched so profoundly by my dad, I can only imagine the impact that he had within the ministry. I remember being small and walking around with him at the Rock of Ages and stopping literally every ten steps so he could catch up with an old friend. He may have not lived the longest life but his impact on the people he cared about shows the immortality of love. He was a man of service until the day he died. And that service is still living in so many of us.

Thanks again. It means so much.

You know you were a TWI/Way Corps/Headquarters kid when...

-seeing a wooden spoon in the kitchen brings back fond memories of the "rod of correction" as well as spatulas, other spoons, or anything in reach of anyone who thought that they had the permission to spank you (A certain Linder hit me with a belt as a child for cutting his daughters hair...my mom laid into him for that one)

-You went to play at a friends house in New Knoxville but got turned away when the parents realized you were a Ministry kid (I was five)

-Going to Children's fellowship made you want to poke your own eye out, until you turned twelve and had to go to the adult SNS...which made CF seem like a field trip (I think I spent most Children's Fellowships out in the hall. It was more fun that way)

-You got in trouble incessantly for giggling during Twig, and you know that a Twig, Limb, and Branch isnt just a part of a tree.

-You were told as a small child that being friends with unbelievers would lead you down a road of destruction, and that the person you would marry would have to be in the Ministry or else you would be marked and avoided by all of your family members

-You called Rev Martindale "Craig" as a child...Yep. I definitely did. He didnt care...but man, some other people did.

-You eat something with kelp in it and are instantly reminded of meals at the Way. Also, you know what rice pudding SHOULD taste like. (It's the only good thing to ever come out of the Ministry in my book. Well, other than me!)

-Your parents got married with fifty other couples.

-You could play outside all day at Headquarters, and get by eating the apples, strawberries, and blackberries that were actually forbidden fruits to us.

-You got in trouble for picking Mrs. Wierwille's flowers and then giving them to Craig Martindale while he was driving his golf cart around.

-You know what Co-op is. And hated naptime with a passion.

-You ever had to break off contact with a best friend due to their being marked and avoided, and then find out years later that the best friend passed in a car accident. Makes you really think twice about the value of friendship, doesnt it?

-You knew the names of all the horses from the farm...Queenie, Jake, Strawberry, etc. And you got in trouble for chasing the chickens.

-You woke up every morning with the goal of not being spanked.

-You were taught to SIT at the age of five, but hated interpreting with a passion once you were qualified to do so.

-You went to three elementary schools, two middle schools, and two high schools as a direct or indirect result of the ministry. You also lived in many different houses because your parents were forced to rent.

-You got in trouble in first grade for constantly correcting the teacher on the actual birthday of Jesus Christ. (Sept 11...duh!)

-You shared a double wide with another family for living accomodations commonly referred to as "Units". Unit 23 bitches!

-You refrained from using the word "create" in a sentence unless the sentence was referring to God.

-You werent allowed to have a pet while your parents were in the Way Corps, and then, once they got out of the Way Corps, you got a pet that some Way Corps had to get rid of because they were Way Corps!

-You spent your summers swimming in the Pond by the Wierwille's house, and know that the Horseshoe pond was dynamite for catching the biggest Bullfrogs known to man.

-You ran in packs of 10 or more kids with BB guns because of sparrow overpopulation.

-When upon seeing the Big Hill that you used to sled on as a small child, you almost burst into tears because you realize that it was not a Big Hill at all, but basically a dirt mound.

-After receiving a college education, you have learned that the power of education is far greater than any power exerted by the Ministry...

Alright. I'll stop. But I might be back.

This is hilarious to me! My mom and dad would always chastise me because it ALWAYS took more than three times for me to listen to them. It all makes sense...us former ministry/headquarters kids are so f-ed up. I remember the way being into all that numerology stuff. Didnt three mean complete?? Too funny.

Peter Qualtieri was my dad. I have no idea how I ended up on this website other than looking up things about the Way Ministry.

Reading all of these notes about my dad sent me into sobs. Although it is nearly eight years after he passed away, his presence is still felt in my life on a daily basis, and reading so many great things about him only further solidifies what an incredible person he was. I still have the notes/letters/cards from the year that he passed, and there are so many amazing stories of his kindness, humor, and genuine love for people. Although I only had him for fifteen years, I am so thankful to have his influence on my life. I will always be a Daddy's girl.

The only sadness I retain is that, on his deathbed, he was told by Way leaders that his cancer was a result of his disservice to the Way and his disbelief in God's Word, and if he "changed his mind" he would once again be healthy. My dad was dying from renal cell cancer, one of the rarest forms of cancer with one of the smallest survival rates of all of them. I find it interesting that Dr Wierwille also died of cancer, and I highly doubt that anyone would have said such a thing to him on his deathbed, which is all the more interesting considering what kind of a private life he led. My dad fiercely believed in and protected the Way, and this is what he received in return of 20+ years of faithful and dutiful service. He truly was a man of God in every manner, and in no way deserved the treatment he received at the most fragile time in his life.

To this day, I am disgusted with the Ministry and their lack of abiding with the true words of Jesus Christ. The Way's version of Christianity is vile and hurtful, and full of arrogance. Their lack of humility leads to a crumbling view of humanity, as is blatantly obvious in the case of my father. I was also not able to be present at the burial of my fathers ashes, which was near his house in a campfire circle because Craig Martindale didnt want me or my sister at the service. Thanks Craig, I really appreciated that one.

I had been skeptical of the Way since I was old enough to think for myself, even while my dad was still healthy, and after hearing what was done to my father, I mentally broke myself off although my mom continued to remain in "fellowship" for two more years.

I guess my message to those still involved in the ministry would be...how would you like to be treated on your deathbed after a lifetime of service?? It didnt matter in my father's case, and it probably wont matter in yours. There is a way out, and regaining control of your own life is as easy as walking away, no matter how many years you have "way-sted" in the Way.