Lindy,
I knew Joel. While I believe I'm your brother's age, and maybe on his WOW team (as the other FC) I have had very similar experiences as you.
It is funny that they teach you how to be an abuser, but they also teach you how to take abuse. They teach you how to confront people, but they also teach you how to fool them by what you say. Anger is good for you, I felt the exact same way for awhile, just "hearing" you brings a lot of it back. With time, I believe, the everyday intensity of it lessens, but you'll never forget. It hurts too much when the only people you truly loved turn their collective backs on you all at once. It hurts when you've lost the idealism of your beliefs on top of that, but with time, you figure out life is better. You are now capable of taking your life to the next level. You now get to figure out for yourself just who you are and what you believe, or don't believe. You'll find that, with time, you are a better person than you thought you were, a better example to the world, and a productive part of society in general. As long as you take responsibility for your actions, and work hard you will see you have a much better life than you did. Many of the basic principles you were taught in the JC come in extemely handy in the "real" world.
Life a few years physically removed and light years mentally removed is much more peaceful, satisfying, and fulfilling now.
You may know my sister, M. Elaine Rhodes George.
All my best to you and yours.
P.S. feel free to email me.
tide33@msn.com