Jade Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 FUNNY LAUGHS FOR WOMEN One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to Me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb... _______________________________________ A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..." _________________________________________ "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. ________________________________________ He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. ______________________________________ He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror ____________________________________ A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! __________________ A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN ________________________________ Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. __________________________________ Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: one-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. _________________________________ Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. _________________________________ Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A: Because not one will stop and ask directions. __________________________________ Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts. ___________________________________ Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. _____________________________________ Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. __________________________________ Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digitalis Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Jade .............. I can't stop laughing ................... this is great ....... sending it on to my mom. Digi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolWaters Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 OMG!!!! I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants! My favorite: Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. LMAO!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Digitalis
Jade .............. I can't stop laughing ................... this is great ....... sending it on to my mom.
Digi
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CoolWaters
OMG!!!! I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants!
My favorite:
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
LMAO!!!!!
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