Cindy!

Psychotherapists, social workers, clinical chaplains, etc., need to learn to be more EMPATHETIC with those who have the guts to disclose they've left a cult (albeit, a recent departure or one that took place 30 years ago) and not just shrug their shoulders, in a "So?" attitude because they've never heard of the cult.

It doesn't matter that they (the counselor) have never heard of the cult - it matters greatly to the former member of the cult that they're accepted in main stream culture. The best thing the counselor can do (even if they've never heard of the cult) is act like it MATTERS that this person was involved and that they left AND that they're admitting they were a part of it. It takes balls to disclose that kind of personal information - never mind any of the crap that came into their lives because they were in the cult - and the counselors need to treat it as such.

I've encountered about five different professionals in a counseling situation and ALL of them acted like it was NOTHING. No big whoop. Oh, so what. And that told me that the 13 years I spent in the cult - something that very much shaped who I am today - did not matter at all.

I am so very sorry that you were made to feel this way by counselors who were SUPPOSED to be there to help you.

That is inexcuseable and you deserve so very much BETTER.

Words are inadequate, Chas.

Wayside....I think you hit the nail on the head.

Addictions ...especially cult addictions....but any addictions you can name....are insidious.....they seep into areas of life that we don't even know about...and pop up when we least expect them.

More please.....these posts are wonderful!!!

Chas....thank you...that is precisely what I want to know....what we want the mental health professionals to know so that they don't brush us off and are prepared for the issues we present.

Please, others chime in with their beefs on what counselors did not "hear"

Excathedra.....I would LOVE to hear your words of wisdom.

This presentation is our chance to be heard........please speak.

I have been asked to give a presentation at my university on Cult Addiction. I've done a lot of reading, looking through personal stories of ex-cult members, and, of course, drawn on my own experience.....but I got to thinking that there is a lot of good this forum could do in expressing to mental health professionals the cult experience and leaving it.

So here's what I'm thinking.....if you feel up to it, please write either in a personal email (I will keep all names confidential), in an anonymous email that you have set up so that your id is not disclosed, on this forum, or any way you choose (by phone is available), anything you would want a mental health professional to know about how to treat someone who has left a cult.

You can share personal experience, give your thoughts and ideas, explain where lots of "normal" folks are in regards to ex cult members, just anything you think would be helpful to a certified counselor trying to help ex cult members.

If you live in the chicagoland area and would be available on a Wednesday night in early April (I can also switch it to a Wednesday evening in early May) to come in in person and speak, that could be arranged and would be most welcome.

Please feel free to email me if you have any questions, suggestions, comments, etc. chindy004@yahoo.com

Any/all information will be kept confidential, even first names and locations will be changed if needed.

This has been a difficult process for me to go through, reliving some things I'd rather not have to think about, but if it even helps ONE person I feel it is more than worth it.

If you decide to help, thank you very much.

If you find that you just cannot "go there" at this point in time, no worries, and thanks for considering it.

Cindy

Thank you for looking, dmiller....you're a prince!!!!

Yeah, I found a few online....they aren't quite what I want, but they'll do.

A decal for my back window is exactly what I'm looking for!!!

We go in today to exchange the silver outlook I have for a garnet outlook.....yeah, I know....spoiled AND picky.

It's ALL Steve's fault!!!!! HE SPOILS ME......so there.

That's awesome jeast.....I'd like one that says Indiana University and also has the school logo, but the I with the U on it would be great, too!!!

Thanks!!!

Steve! and I signed up to be independent travel agents last month, they have pretty good prices on travel and if you want to travel VERY cheaply, you can sign up to be an agent and take trips that cost very very little money (it's why we signed up).

We weren't gonna post it on gs cuz it seemed like it would be a shameless plug for business, but we got to talking about the walk in April for Diane (Raf's sister) and decided to post our website and give most of the proceeds (except for the ten bucks a month we pay for the membership) to the walk until April (with your permission, Raf).

Here's the website: !'s Travel Website

You have to register to search for deals, but it's free and confidential.

Lets see if we can make Raf double his goal amount a few more times and get some good travel, too!!!!

It's been a long, hard road going through a chapter 13 bankruptcy with a new marriage and four kids that aren't yours. We've had so very many challenges through the last few years and had to give up so much that we and our kids didn't really want to do without. Yet through it all, Steve! has been loving, supportive, standing with me when we hired lawyers to fight for the rights of our kids, my staying home from work on unpaid leave to help our kids, working together on all the financial cutbacks we had to institute in our family. Steve has been working side by side with me and our kids, being loving, patient, positive, applying discipline when needed, and also allowing me to direct how we handle the kids...through some very difficult times. (hospitalizations for four of us in the family, schools that didn't "get" what real education is, pregnancy and miscarriage for one of our kids, bi-polar and adhd diagnosis in some our kids, my exhusband...the list goes on)

So I guess it goes without saying that we've gone through a bit.....come out on the other end.....and are still so much in love with each other as a family and as husband and wife. I think that is why I feel so strongly that.....

It was so very sweet to watch mystevey's excitement as we looked at and test drove the eclipse. His eyes were so lit up, so excited, as he got to chose whatever options he wanted!!! It's sporty, but it is also practical in that he or I can drive a kid or two to whatever they need to go to (sports events, games, mall days, etc...) When he put the top down during the test drive and when the car growled as it accelerated, he was chuckling....it was adorable!!!!!!

And watching him negotiate for a better deal.....my heart was just swelling with love for this man who has been denied his dreams in the past, for so many years and can finally be who he really is. I was also very proud of him for getting them to take THOUSANDS off of the MSRP. (though he confessed to me later that he didn't do the cut-throat bargaining he usually would have done because he was so in-love with that car.....I told him I thought he did wonderfully and that the price was very fair for the great car we are getting)

On a more personal note....it was more thrilling for me than I can express to watch the man I was born to be with cut loose and get exactly what he wanted to get, without worrying about a parent, partner, or spouse ragging on him to achieve their own agenda. I LOVE seeing him come out of his years of being denied his dreams and being clear about and going after those dreams because he knows he can.

We have champagne chilling in the fridge for when we drive his dream car home Monday night!!!

Congratulations, my darling!!!!!

Ewww Ron, that sucker's FUGLY!!!!!!!

That's a sweet lookin car, baby!!!!!

Now that I have my new car, I'm trying to get Steve! to come up with HIS dream car so we can get it for him in a few months.

He doesn't have a dream car......he says that since he could never think of what HE wanted before marrying me, he just hasn't put any thought into it.

LETS HELP HIM THINK!!!!!!

What would be your dream car ......

...what make, model, year....

...and why????......

Maybe we can give him some ideas!!!!!!

Come on myStevey....you chime in, too!!!!!

The cool thing is that everything on Hap's list is covered in full.... AND....they will come to my house and fix it all.....so no worries there!!!!

Turns out that Onstar does not yet have voicemail technology....so bummer on that front.....but I still have unlimited minutes on my hands free car phone, so that doesn't hardly suck!!!!

Will try to get a pic loaded.

And to top it off....I got three job offers this week and accepted the one that pays over 50k.....not top pay for my line of work....but not bad either.

Getting some environmental protection added this week, too....so that will also cut down on wear and tear.

And going from a little sedan to a HUGE SUV....means I can actually SEE what is up ahead in traffic.....so nice!!!!

I also burned some cd's made especially for my car.

This is so much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna put an Indiana University sticker on my new car, but put the last one I had on the Saturn I just traded in.

If you live in/near Bloomington, IN or know of someone who does, please email me if you wouldn't mind running an errand to the IU bookstore

My email address is: chindy004@yahoo.com

Thanks!!!!!!!!

Highway....as my kids say, SATURN RULES!!!!! Can't wait to see your post about YOUR brand new car in two years!!!

Linda....I remember your new car.....YAYYYY!!!!!

My car is now on our wireless plan....so I have unlimited minutes and voicemail on my new car!!!!

PLUS

Oh you'll not believe this....

MY CAR EMAILED ME THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!

It will email me once a month with a diagnostic report on itself and any reminders I need to follow up on.

It's been an amazing 24 hours!!!!!

But....

...As my wonderful husband says whenever we've had a run of good luck ....

...."Some times things just work out!"

Socks....thanks! That is wayyyy sweet!!!!!

(yeah, it has at the least SIX air bags....front, side, and back!!!)

And the headlights turn on and off automatically!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steve and I were lying in bed this morning talking…..he said to me, “Whatcha wanna do today?” I replied, “I dunno…..stay in bed all day and be lazy????..... No wait…we have a couple errands to run, lets do that!”

And so we were off….we had breakfast with the kids that were awake and left the other kids with breakfast, so that they could eat when they were ready. We were taking Steve’s car in to be serviced, so he left in his car and I left in mine. (my beloved 2002 Saturn that I had waited YEARS to get) We were talking together on our cell phones as we drove to the dealership. (we do that a lot)

We’d just had a bit of snow, so the roads were lined with snow laden trees, yards, and houses…but traffic was moving pretty well. We got to his dealership and they could not see his car today, too many customers already, so we came up with an alternate plan….I take his car in on Monday, get a rental for the day, and we pick up his car when it’s ready.

Meanwhile, Steve and I had been talking about upgrading my Saturn to a car that would fit our four teenagers. We knew we had just come out of a Chapter 13 bankruptcy, so we were expecting to wait about six months until we could qualify for a car loan. But we’d just gotten a mailing from our local Saturn dealer, so decided to stop by and see what they had and what kind of time frame we could count on for buying a bigger car.

Steve has a great job……I’ve been in my line of work for a few years, but took a Family Medical Leave to stay home with a couple of my kids who have been facing some issues. My medical leave extended past the allotted time, so I resigned from my position and passed on a great new job in order to be home with the kids who so need that extra time and attention….and I was very happy to do it. Only this past week, all of our children are doing quite well…..I had two job interviews for two very good schools and got two job offers on Thursday. I have an interview on Monday, too and will probably get a job offer from them.

We were only at the Saturn dealer to look…..that’s all……just get an idea of what time frame we could expect. After all…..I hadn’t been working since the middle of November, have two job offers, but nothing on paper yet, and we were expecting to be told to wait about 6 months for the bankruptcy to be discharged, us to re-establish our credit, and for me to have proof of employment. We told this to the sales person we spoke to at Saturn.

But the day was determined to take a different route than we had planned…

We got approved for a new car….and drove away from that dealership with a BRAND NEW 2008 Saturn Outlook with Onstar, a hands-free phone in the car, and a bumper to bumper coverage that even includes car washes, interior cleaning (including replacing the upholstery if it gets stained), all maintenance and repairs, undercoating, and lots of other bells and whistles.

We went in hoping for a time frame…..we came out with a brand new GORGEOUS car!!!!!!!!

Is that cool or what?????

(I’ve NEVER had a brand new car before!!!! I was crying when I got into it the first time!)

So now we have a 2008 Silver Saturn Outlook.......

....in other words.......

We have a brand new car!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!

'course I remember you, Ron! Thanks for the great advice!

Scout....fish oil....good suggestion, thanks!

I took my son to a pediatric cardiologist who has an excellent reputation and I also got the ultra sound report and images and took em to another excellent doctor, and it was confirmed.

I had just had an echo and a stress echo, so I'm clear....gonna take my other three kids in very soon.

Was kinda scary at first, but I've gotten a lot of info since then and now know about what to do and what to look for.

Havin kids truly is having your heart walking around outside of your body.

Congrats, batcave!!!!

Dunno if it would help, but I wrote my entire wedding ceremony, would be happy to email it to you if you'd like to scan it for ideas!! Hubs and I aren't in any church, either and we had our wedding at a hotel (got a great package deal!)

Jus' lemme know.....

my email is: chindy004@yahoo.com

Happy planning and have a WONDERFUL life together!!!!

Does anyone know first hand or through experience with family or friends what a Congenital Bicuspid Aortic Valve is?

My son was diagnosed with this yesterday, and while the hospital gave me literature on it....I would really like as much information on it as I can get!!!

We were at the hospital for HOURS yesterday while they did test after test....he is very active in sports.....the dr. said he can continue, but that we should get him checked by a pediatric cardiologist once a year, every year and report any chest pains and shortness of breath. He also suggested that we get our other three children tested...and we certainly WILL.

I read the article the dr gave me....but as a mom....I still want/need more information!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE:

Jess is now on a med. cert. and is home from school until the middle of February....also took her to a dr. who placed her on anti-depressants. Had a meeting with her school yesterday and they are totally "on-board" and working WITH us so that Jess can get through this difficult time (with finals next week and assignments that need to be turned in) and return to school with the credits she needs to graduate with her class.

It is gonna be a day-at-a-time around here for a while....so your prayers are welcome and very much appreciated!!!

I have also passed on the job I was offered to be home and with Jess for as long as she needs me.

You got it, irish.....you're up

George is right....it was Al Pacino in Author! Author! one of my favs.....LOVE the theme song sung by Michael Franks "Coming home to you is like coming home to milk and cookies, coming home to where the love is, waiting at the door for me..."

Here's an easier one (one of my all time favs), I'm gonna post a central line from the movie ya'll will probably get without even thinking about it....

...you need a license to buy a dog or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish. But they´ll let any butt-reamin´ a$$hol@

be a father.

Our family thanks you for your prayes, caring and support (your post brought me to tears, Krys). It is a difficult time, but one that a lot of us have experienced. I had a miscarriage before Jessica was born and she and I have spent time talking through the things that float through the mind and heart. She is a strong, self-determined, and caring young lady and is hanging in there. Jay is also getting through it as best he can and he and Jess are supporting each other lovingly.

It really is grieving the death of a child.

And there are some steps to go through (in no particular order, sometimes).

There is no quick fix for something like this....it is a process....a process that prayers and caring can help.

We are looking forward to the future and future babies!

No guesses in a while.....

Should I solve this and come up with another movie?

Ok, can't find the script online so here's a bit more....

Why do you take aspirin with champagne?

Oh, champagne gives me a headache.

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No ex-husband of Gloria's ever has to apologize to me about anything. We're like a little club.

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I have done many terrible things in my life but I have never put another man's wife in my bed.

Wasn't she married to that Spanish painter when you slept with her?

Don't prove me wrong, Larry, I hate it when I'm proven wrong.

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Larry and I are moving to the Good Harbor Beach Inn in Massachusetts. We've agreed to live there for a three month trial period and if it works, we'll be married on Larry's birthday in March.

Okay... okay-I guess I'll be heading back to rehearsal. Enough taking time off from work for fun, huh? You can keep the night table, Gloria.

No...

I just wanna say that you are the craziest person I've met since the guy blocking the bank door. He was wearing a Superman cape and pantyhose... crazier than you... maybe not.