Sushi

Abby knows my tenacity---at any rate...there is a Special Ed teacher supposed to be teaching reading) who on more than one occaision I have had to remind that telling my child "Hurry Up" will not make her hurry up.

This goes into the 'art' of control. The 'law' of control dictates, never take any more control than you absolutely need (i.e., when life or limb are in danger). Because when you try to get ALL the control, you end up giving it all away. Would you rather have control on your terms, or your kid's?

Over and over we say things and yet these things we say don't work....

Yes, the definition of insanity.

Maybe parent talk ---Or even Drill sargents, helicopters and sargents applies to adults in more than just parenting circumstances.

I think it does also. These methods have a good likelihood of working for adults as well.

By the way -- I think this topic can be intimidating for some and boring for others...consequently only us clinical types will entertain this stuff.

While I don't consider myself a 'clinical type', perhaps you're right. Maybe what it comes down to, most of the people's kids here are grown and out of the house. Those who have kids at home may have to hit 'rock bottom' in order to consider other parenting styles.

Two words.

Irwin Schiff.

Since this seems to be a private conversation , my apologies for not getting back sooner. It's been a bit hectic around here.

This is why I think we cut them off at the knees many times by not trying to communicate with them in terms that demand our standard to parenting but show respect at the same time.

Agreed. Imagine if we talked to our spouses (significant others) the way we sometimes talk to our kids. Say they come home with a traffic ticket. This isn't the first time. You say, "You know, dear, this isn't the first time you've gotten a traffic ticket. How many times do we have to have this conversation? (said with appropriate disdain)".

How many times as a kid did we get lectured? Did it change our behavior? Perhaps, just to avoid the lecture. But is that how we want to teach our kids?

Now, imagine this scenario. Significant other comes home with the traffic ticket. You say (with appropriate, real, empathy), "Wow, dear, that really sucks. What are you going to do about that?"

When I first moved to Michigan, I got popped for not having my seat belt on. In New Jersey it wasn't a reason a police officer could pull you over. A while later, I got popped again (apparently, I'm a slow learner ). Amazingly, the officer didn't lecture me either time. He just handed me the ticket. I am now rather fastidious about putting my seat belt on. :)

What I'm getting at is, the anger, lectures, threats and warnings parents often employ are less than optimal for raising the odds of raising responsible kids. If we can manage to eliminate (a lofty goal, no doubt) these from our vocabulary, we will have a much better time with our kids.

No, you're not the last, Tcat, Abi and I wanted to be the last ones, so she would remember it better (her juvenile Alzheimer's and all ).

That frying pan is in the mail, Shell.............

okay - maybe nobody will read this, but I will still get reminded of the things I want to think about--up front - thanks Sushi!

He (Greg Baer, M.D. breaks these phrase out to:

1. The Lie

2. The Truth

3. Discussion

1st phrase - "how any time do I have to tell you?"

I have tried not to say this, I have ,but not often as I am the only 1 out of 4 that is not Dyslexic an there are 2 out of 4 with Add or ADHD n the house, but what I read made me stop using this phrase.

The truth: "I can't believe you're so stupid-but you must be, because I have to keep telling you the same things over and over. My life is so empty and unhappy that I require everything around me to go smoothly or I get upset and angry. So when you don't listen to me, or when you inconvenience me in any way, I don't want to think about teaching and loving you. I selfishly attack you and try to make you do what I want."

That may or may not be the case, ww. The reason I believe it is difficult for parents when they get stuck in protection mode from the birth of the child. It is appropriate when the child is a baby, or the baby likely will not survive. However, if this is continued, the child will not pick up on those survival skills (such as not touching a hot iron, meaning, how is my next decision going to affect ME) necessary for when they leave the house.

The difficulty comes in because the parent loves the child dearly and doesn't want anything bad to happen to them. I believe this is a counterproductive approach to raising a responsible kid. You let them make mistakes when they are young and the price tag is affordable.

It is much more painful for the parent than it is for the child, not like when we were young and our parents said, "This is going to hurt you a lot more than it's going to hurt me!!!"

This is by no means a guarantee the child will grow up to be a responsible adult, but I do think it significantly raises the odds.

Discussion: "When we feel unloved and empty ourselves, its easy to forget that our role as a parent is to teach and love our children. When we don't have any love to give, we require them to make our lives easier, or at least not to inconvenience us. When they fail to meet that expectation, we attack them. When we say "How many times do I have to tell you..." our children finish that sentence in their heads with the words, "you idiot," or something similar. Its a terrible thing for a child to hear."

Again, that may or may not be the case. I agree with the "How many times do I have to tell you" thing, though. But sometimes, imposing consequences is more painful for the parent than it is for the child. Perhaps they feel like they're setting a trap for their kids, and maybe, they are. But at least it is under more controlled conditions than they would encounter in the real world, the one we're preparing them for.

I remember watching Marty Stouffer's "Wild America". On one show, it showed him raising a bear from a cub. While the cub was growing up, they had a grand old time. At the end of the show, he had to prepare the bear for the real world. What he did was to set a trap. Not one that would permanently injure the bear, but one that would cause enough pain to cause the bear to think about what it was doing. It was a heart wrenching point in the show. The cub he had grown to love and cherish was now a full grown bear, and he had to cope with the knowledge of what he had to do in order for his 'child' to go out in the real world and make it on his own.

I suspect some will say this is a bad analogy, kids aren't animals (you haven't seen ours on a Saturday morning ), but analogies have a tendency of not being exact.

I think this is saying its a cop out to blame the kid....

Perhaps. But, what I think happens is, saying it relieves the child of the responsibility of their behavior.

like the definition of insanity...if you keep telling a kid something and its not working...why do the same thing and expect different results.

Kids are a lot smarter than we generally give them credit for. In time, they will learn, if only we will teach them, however painful it is for us as parents.

edited for spelling

bump

This was posted by *****ABIGAIL****** Sushi doesn't cook vegetarian - ROFLOL

Hooner,

The chickpea recipe you posted sounds like falefal (I LOVE THAT STUFF). They aren't as good baked though. :( A great dip for them . . . take a small container of low fat cottage cheese, add about 4 tablespoons of plain low fat yogurt. Season with a bit of salt and some Mrs. Dash garlic and herb seasoning. YUM!!!

Here's another vegie recipe I cooked up today.

16 oz package of dried peas

1 large onion

2 elephant garlic cloves (not the entire bulb!!) or a about 1/2 bulb of regular garlic

salt

cayene pepper

garam marsala (should be able to find it among the spices at most grocery stores)

soak the peas in a couple of cups of water for an hour then boil them. You will probably have to add more water as you are boiling them. You want them to become a mash - thicker than soup, a paste, but not too thick.

While those are cooking brown the chopped onion WITHOUT oil in the pan. When they are starting to turn brown (NOT BLACK) add a bit of oil and the minced garlic.

Brown for a few minutes more then add the pea paste, salt, cayene (I like a LOT) and just a shake or two of the garam marsala.

It is great served over Injura Bread - recipe as follows (though I am playing around with this recipe a bit still)

• 1/4 cup teff flour or whole wheat

• 3/4 self rising flour

• 1 cup water

• 1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp baking powder

• peanut or vegetable oil

sift dry ingredients. Mix in water, fry thin pieces on one side until the top side is dry flip and fry on other side for about 10 seconds and remove from pan.

You want to make them about the size of small pancakes and you want the batter to be on the thin side - it will puff up when it cooks.

I'm going to try the Injura bread today with some modifications.

I'm going to use

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1/4 cup flax seed flour

1/4 cup self rising flour

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/4 cup vinegar

3/4 cup water

Just thought I'd dredge this one up again.

Did she write you a note? My mom used to write a note to the beer depot to tell them to cell me cigs for her!

There may have been the first couple of times, but I don't really remember. After a while, I didn't need the note if there was one.

I'm so old that my daddy used to send me to the corner store for his ciggys when I was 8. It was legal then!

I'll go you one better, Lucy. My mother sent me to the corner BAR for her cigs.

I know I'm a little late to this, but the quality of the the cd's you're using may be the issue.

When I had a Sony Mini Disc, I was having a similar problem. The fix for it was to use SONY cd's. How strange. (Or, it just may be my puter didn't like the cd's I was using.....)

Shoot, I still remember the sound of the milkman's truck at 4:30 in the morning. I also remember those small aluminum boxes on peoples' porches where they put their empty milk bottles for the milkman to replace and put the full ones in. I remember seeing the cream on the top and the "paper lids" that you pulled after you shook it up. Remember those nice big glass milk bottles? The milk seemed to better then too. :)

Getting old?

I can remember COAL deliveries, and I lived in an urban area.

You only know the acid bath you live in as it erodes your sensitivities and sensibilities.

Touche`, Catcup. Fine turn of a phrase.

You should go into marketing, bojc, I thought this was something COMPLETELY different.

:wub: awe, thanks.

I'd tell you what we did, but then I'd have to shoot you.

What she said.

Abigail Here

I will see if I can access any information through PACER when I'm at the office. Twinky, do you still have the links where you found the case names? If I had the court file number it would make it a lot simpler. If not, I will still look.

"Garth's breath smells like chitlins

But Garth's breath DOES smell like chitlins!

Good luck, Groucho.

It's kind of like that saying, "Guns dont kill people, people kill people."

The relevant part is from about six minutes in, but enjoy the whole clip (the whole performance for that matter).

This comes with the usual disclaimer of 'adult' language, etc.

HERE!

Thanks, Paw, I just wish I could do it all by my lonesome. I thought I put my big boy pants on a while back, but I just can't seem to do this. I've tried everything (obviously not, since I am still unable for whatever reason to embed).

The odd thing about this is, Abi can on the same computer, but if I try to, it's like doing dental work on a chicken.

i know, i know, if i don't like it here, i should just go

but this has been my home for years, and i still want it to be

i hope i can say this right

GSC has become, or is becoming, something....

predictable, boring, tiresome, a place where new thoughts ~ or stimulating thoughts ~ are not welcome

I've felt like that for a few years now. I never posted much, more of my time is spent in chat than anywhere else. But even that is minimal now, given people have lives to live and we don't have the luxury of spending hours and hours talking about our lives like we used to.

most of my favorite posters are gone

they've been shut down for one reason or another

I don't know who they are, Exc, but there are some who, imnsho, were justifiably shut down. Others, maybe not so much.

i don't know if it reeks of religion or cliques or the same old whiners or fighters

but i don't like it

Don't know either abouty the religion part, but as far as cliques, same old whiners and fighters, there is that everywhere, not just here. C'est la vie.

so ban me for saying how i feel

and if you ask me what i would do differently, i don't know the answer

i don't mean they've been "shut down" but they left

Neither can I, Saint, but hey....

HERE (The 12 Pains of Christmas)!

Yea, you can tell how old we are by the commercials we remember.

That's right, Lifted. I officially joined the ranks of the old two weeks ago. I hear you thinking, "Gee, Sushi, how did you officially join the fold of the old?" Well, I'll tell you.

I pulled a muscle in my side a couple of weeks ago. "But Sushi, that doesn't qualify you for membership in AARP". It is not that I pulled a muscle in my side. It is HOW I did it.

I was working and in the process of doing my job, I had to bend over in an untoward position. It was then I SNEEZED. Yes, folks, I pulled a muscle in my side by sneezing. My AARP card magically appeared in my hands. I now qualify for discounts all over the country for things like lodging, airfare, etc.

Ah, but they didn't, Socks. Don't you remember, "Raise your (holy) hands if you're 'Sure'?"

You live too far north if ---

You have a plug in heater for your car's radiator,

This would be a ---- but too true!

I remember my first South Dakota winter (not too long after The Rock), seeing the electrical outlets in the parking lots. I had NO idea what they were for. Someone had to explain it to me (we didn't have such things in NJ).