grand-daughter

After reading many many posts on here I must say I'm thankful for this fact of myself. I read and reread the blue book I don't know how many times but never really got it or believed it for some reason. I believe in God and believe the bible is his word, therefore I had to definately learn to trust him and to believe but this is the way I think. I believe it when he says to trust him and have no fear but that doesnt mean I have ever been opposed to say seeking a doctor for my child when they needed it. Some may say well then you didn't believe God. I say quite the contrary, I just believe God can work in the doctor. As for material abundance or safety or any other thing you want to put in the category of you must believe God for it, I say this.... God said he would take care of me but that doesnt mean I shouldn't be wise about things just because I confessed his word orally and it also doesn't mean I shouldn't do my part such as work or the such. So call me simple I believe God and try not to fear but this world is a scary place at times.

UM.....Not to appear stoopid...

but whats a WayGB?

I'm in the same boat Michael, what the heck is a WayGB?

Friends? I was taught that I was to have no friends when it came to the word and guess what....thats true! I can honestly say that in my life I really have no friends. (tears)

Sure I have my kids whom I'm a friend to. I still have my Lord Jesus Christ and oddly enough if you have read my story at all you may find this odd but I have my mom. But other then that I have no real honest to goodness friends here on earth.

(tears)

Well I guess I can add my two cents here since I do have free will, right? Yes, ok yeah thats what I was taught. So anyway, I happened to come here for help a few years back which I so thankfully received. You see I was in a position of possibly going back to my little splinter group but once I was finally privy to the whole story I decided against it. Now to my point... why am I back do you ask? Well you see this same junk that started way back is still going on and on and on so it only serves to continue to keep up with the truth being rehashed as you say. I can totally appreciate your point, honestly I can and if you choose not to come here more power to you but I'll tell you this...my baby is still in the junk pile as are many of my dear friends so if I can come here in search of a little more information that may help them I will. To all of you who have so lovingly or even angrily shared your experiences I say thank you and share on!

Ok so here we go... I was accepted and I spoke in tongues to prove it! I threw myself headlong into everything. I ate, slept and breathed the word. Talk about climbing a ladder quickly. Dave and I became the twig leaders assistants. Life was going at a pace I never expected and honestly things were good for a while. SV and I ran a childrens fellowship in my apartment every week which I enjoyed greatly. MV and I or sometimes just myself would run childrens fellowships on Sunday mornings. Our twig was very sweet, we all seem to really care for one another and we even had fun. If it could have only stayed that way. :(

To this day I don't know what happened between Dave and I, I believe he was jealous so to speak. I don't think he expected me to rise up like I did but whatever the reason I rose and he descended. Our lives became quite the mess. It was like he lost all spark to him and there was no way I could help him. We began to fight about everything. There would be days on end that we wouldn't even talk. Our sex life became next to nil and that was the introduction to violence in our home.

I tried everything I could to be what I believed the word told me I should be. I cooked and cleaned constantly. I was always trying to do little things to show him my love, you know, love notes in the lunchbox, keeping myself as pretty as I could be, making sure everyone knew he was head no matter what, nothing worked. Deep inside I was so hurt because I thought if I could only.... but it only caused me to fall into depression. I kept it to myself for the longest time, believing it would all work out because with God on my side I couldn't lose. I was determined to make it all ok.

Hi Oldskool,

I was never in The Way Ministry but in a little splinter group in Finlayson Mn, when I came here to GS it was all the junk that I read about the true Way that really opened my eyes to what was going on in my group, which fortunately caused me to never go back. Praise God! So please share away. Welcome by the way! :)

Oh the old nasty lockbox ...., I wish I'd never heard of it and certainly wish I never taught it to my children. :(

How can one truly lay out their life in a short summary and express the emotions that accompany each step? I will attempt it hoping that all who read can read the feelings in the words. Of course this will not, nor could it ever cover all that has happened over the years. Please bear with me. I am going to start off from the beginning in hopes of it showing a way to a glorious end.

I was born into a very confused family. I don’t have many memories of my real father but I do have knowledge of what I was told. My parents were both alcoholics and divorced while I was still a baby. My grandmother told me a few things of my father. Not that he was a great man but they weren’t all that bad. On the other hand my mother when I could get her to share anything only had a negative take on him. So as you can see there was confusion from the beginning. I do know that it irked my mom to no end when I was curious about him. I really don’t even know why I was, it’s not like he was around for me or my brother and sister. I did hear a few times from my mother, you’re just like your father. So I guess it was a piece of the puzzle that was missing for me.

Later on my mother married again and once again it was to an alcoholic. With this marriage came three more sisters. Our lives were riddled with poverty, pain and much hurt, though my mother in her delusion referred to us as the Brady bunch. I was not a happy child there never seemed to be enough of anything to go around. I guess my first mistake was to be outspoken enough to speak out about it. At times my parents would try to do the family thing and have discussions where we were to feel free to speak. Ha! I like her she’s got moxy they would say but it sure didn’t seem like they liked what I said.

I find it hard to express the torment my heart went through as a child. How does a mother turn away from her own flesh? Is it possible that a child can do something so wrong that the concept of a hug is terrible? Is it also possible that all that went wrong was their fault? I struggled with that for many years. Sooner or later the pain started to overwhelm me. Enough to run to God knows where. The streets were better than that place. At least then I knew why I wasn’t eating. Then it was my fault to be walking in the rain and sleeping on benches. It would have been fine with me if it ended there.

At the age of eleven I had already seen so much but it was just the beginning. I then was sent to various group homes, foster homes, and treatment centers for unruly children. If you have ever heard that these places were formed to help children, think again. Abuse runs rampant in these places. All forms all overlooked because of course we were the crazy ones. Our word wasn’t any better than all the men who said I love you now pull your pants down or of the drug dealers that say I have something that will make all of your problems go away.

Let me backtrack a minute. I must say that I always loved God. I believe it stemmed from the fact that my parents in order to have it quiet during hangovers sent us kids to church. I didn’t have much knowledge but I had a great feeling that He loved me somehow when even my own mother couldn’t.

I was in the eighth grade and in probably one of the most abusive homes that I’d ever been in when ironically enough I heard speaking in tongues for the first time. The group home mother was very into the Pentecostal church. I didn’t except it readily. But when I heard speaking in tongues I felt a strange craving for it. I knew in some odd way it was truth. Though out of order.

Jumping ahead to the age of sixteen I ran away for the last time. The courts finally emancipated me. Still in the midst of it all I was caught up in drugs and sex and anything else I needed to do to survive. Oddly enough I still had the terrible feeling that God was displeased with me. There was just never anyway that I could see to do the right thing when everything in my life was wrong. How could God love a girl who ran with gangs or slept with men? How could He forgive the lies and the manipulation I took a part in to survive? I myself had a hard time looking in the mirror how could He accept me and bless me?

While at yet another party I ran into a guy who I knew from an old foster home I had been in. I knew he liked me then but I had no time for him. But was this my way out? He asked me to marry him. I did. I was eighteen. I didn’t love him but I used him and tried to finally do something right. I even asked him to read the bible with me. I ended up getting pregnant and I was so happy. Nathan was born and became my world. It started rough, oh so rough. Nathan was born three months premature. Death seemed to be knocking on the door. Little did I know you can’t trust a nurse. I became pregnant again while Nathan was still in the hospital. Jamie was born also three months early but only survived a day and a half.

My husband couldn’t seem to get the partying out of his system so after a while we rarely saw him. He would go away for a week at a time. Not leaving much behind. I still don’t know how I made it through with no telephone, food or money. But I can say this if there was anything ever good in my life it was my son. He was my joy and my hopes. He held my heart in his hands.

On 7-24-1986 death struck its horrible blow once again. My world was buried that day. A rare disease took his little body and killed it. I lay on the floor for days in his room not even moving to relieve myself. If that wasn’t punishment enough I was blamed on top of it all. Who was the carrier of this rare disease? Nobody knew but I wasn’t able to fulfill all the medical tests that were needed to prove it not to be me. People I thought were my friends would have nothing to do with me for fear. And being that I was receiving welfare at the time because I had a baby I lost my only source of money because he was no longer alive. I was kicked out of our apartment for lack of payment. Once again I was on the street.

I went nuts over the next two years. I was angry at the world. I was angry at God!

I went from one bad relationship to another. Abuse and drugs once again filled my life.

I had three more children, from different men. One of them took place because of a rape.

Seemed fitting because hadn’t I been raped all my life anyway?

So on I went, a single mom just trying to straighten out the mess that was my life. I decided to stop dating. Until one day my friend said I have this man I want you to meet. It took her a while to convince me because all I wanted was someone who loved God and would treat us well. Because during that time when I refused to date I cried many tears to the God I once loved and then hated. She said, “He is the Godliest man I have ever met”.

Next segment my introduction to fellowship.

Ok, I'm back after a few years to try to finish this story somewhat. Please bare with me for not knowing dates but rest assured the feelings and experiences are all very much locked in my head and heart.

So the name of the Godliest man my friend had ever met was Dave. To tell you the truth I didn't like him much at first. He wanted me to be a part of a practical joke to his friend and for some reason that just didn't sit right with me. However through weeks of continuing to go watch them play (oh I forgot to tell you,he was a drummer in a band) we talked more and more and finally because of a disagreement between the people I was to get a ride home with I allowed him to drive me home, thus starting a whole new world for me that I never really expected. He was kind to me and the kids. He never tried to even kiss me let alone anything else, and then the kicker... he knew about God in a way that I had never heard before. We would talk for hours and hours, into the night and morning even if he had to work the next day. It was so exciting for me that I hung on his every word. He told me of a group that he had been in years before that sounded so wonderful, I was amazed he ever left. I was hooked in, I wanted to know everything he could teach me.

It turned ot that he ran into a person he knew from this group again and they invited him to a fellowship. He wasn't going to go because he felt shame he said because of his past marriage to a woman in this same group. Boy if I only knew then what I know now I certainly wouldn't have encouraged him to go. Even though he invited me, I didn't go at that point but knew deep down that I would sooner or later.

When I went to my first twig I thought, "wow, so this is what it is like to be at peace with God?" Everyone was so kind to me and didn't seem to care about what I had ever done wrong in my life. It was so refreshing! The twig leaders, MV and SV became my new best friends. At that point I was nick named the sponge because I couldn't seem to get enough of God's Word. I took the put away everything else you watch, listen to or read for 3 months rule quite seriously and then some. I was addicted, so to speak.

Things between Dave and I were steady so far and life seemed to be calming down for me finally. He moved in...before marriage mind you...which looking back on it now seems so strange to me in light of the direction we were going with God.

I ended up taking the power PFAL class in the midst of all of this. Now remember I was the sponge, but for some reason I was so full of fear it was crazy. I knew that at the end of the class I would be led into speaking in tongues. Oh my god was I scared. Although I had devoured Dr. W's books, deep down inside I still had the feeling of not being good enough for God to really want me as a child of his. Throughout the class, which was held in the basement of PS and SS's home, the fear continued to build. But even through all my fear, I couldn't stop going. I was mesmorized honestly. Looking back now I know it was a mixture of the word I was hearing but also by whom was teaching the class. Victor Barnard was his name and I had never met a person with such great presence in my life. I remember feeling like if I could just take in every word this man said that my life would never be the same. Well at least I got that right.

Final night of class, it was in the winter and I really didn't even know where I was location wise due to all the chatting on the way to classes. It began, breathe in and remember to move your lips to form the words. Your worry is not what you speak but just that you speak! You guessed it, I couldn't do it. I was devastated and so depressed. See I knew God didn't want me. Without a coat, not knowing where I was, I got up and ran out into the night.

How I got back into the house I don't remember but all I know was, I was in a little room with Victor and he was for the 1st time of many times getting me to do something I'd never thought I would or could do. He was very patient through all of my jibber jabbering about how he should just forget about me and go to everyone else. I didn't want to waste his time. But over and over again he reassured me of God's and his love for me and went through each step. I did it. I didn't know how, I didn't remember exactly what I said but he did verbatim. He grabbed my hand and we went flying into the other room, "spoke 5 words!" repeating what I guess I said. I was thrilled to no end. I was accepted by him the others by most of all by God. There was no stopping me now!

:wub: You said that soo well Shellon...

Hi Dawn...Yeah, what she said!

Hi Jeff and thank you Shellon. I believe since I started telling my story here and I left of before we moved up north thats where I will begin again. I may not have dates like so many of you all but the hurt, pain and anger is still the same. :(

Geesh and I thought the monkey was bad!

Wow! the attention to detail in your story is amazing. It's a shame that the best stories are usually those of such heartache and sorrow. By best I don't mean I am happy you went through any of this of course but that you share it well. I'm sorry for all the pain you have suffered but trust that it will have a sweet ending. (hugs)

Hi Highway, I can sadly concur with Jeff's telling you about MF and his family moving to Washington. It hurts me too, I seen them just the other day while taking 1 last opportunity to try to help my own daughter see the evil which is happening within this group before she moved to washington herself. My words unfortunately fell flat to her ears at this point :(. MF had helped me alot over the years in certain situations while I was in the group and it breaks my heart to see him follow in the destructive path. I can only continue to pray for them all.

It's such a shame that over the years I too have stayed generally silent. There have been reasons for it. For so long and even still today somewhat, I have fear of speaking evil of brethren although it is true. Great shame and embarrassment has been another issue not to mention not even really knowing who to share things with. But at this point for loves sake I have decided to speak as much as I can to whomever will listen. There is no fear in love, right? Being in the same little splinter group that Jeff was in, I know all the hurt, anger, frustration and every other adjective you can think of when we go back and think about all those years wasted (IMO) on a self righteousness, maniplutive, glory monger. If I can stop even just 1 more person from being hurt by this man and his group, I will share what I know.

Boy, how this one resonates with me.

I left my hometown, at the "request" of the Limb Leader, to serve TWI.

That assignment was followed by time in a training program which was followed by yet another assignment, etc..

I regret that decision greatly. All those graduations, births, deaths, birthdays, family reunions, and various other milestones of life went on without me and I can never get them back.

"You (don't) know you are in a screwed up cult when you"---------are oblivious to how your future is being permanently and irreparably altered.

Oh I so agree, the time I have missed! Then in the burns I was talked into burning even pics of events and times we did have. :(

You sit up all night worrying about what may be the last time you ever see your child again because the next day you will meet with her and tell,ask,beg and plead her to leave like you did and why.

Posted 17 October 2009 - 11:44 AM

I heartily agree with those who say to start with a clean slate, to question everything that was taught. I have run across many people who claim to have "checked out" what was taught in TWI, but have only done so wearing PFAL-colored glasses, i.e., reading scriptures in light of what Wierwille taught, using Wierwille's definitions and Wierwille's assumptions, including made-up definitions of Greek words, distinctions between words that were nonexistant and leaps of illogic.

Tzaia mentioned reading the gospels as written to us, not just "for our learning. That's a great example right there. Wierwille taught (and he may have gotten this from Bullinger) that scripture was either "to us" or "for our learning" (i.e. not to us). When it says that that which was written aforetime was written for our learning, why should we assume that that's the opposite of "to us", or that "for our learning" and "to us" are mutually exclusive. That was a conclusion that Wierwille came to that I don't believe is warranted. Even if you want to believe that some scripture is not written to us, where do you draw the line at "aforetime"? Why Pentecost? Why not before Jesus' ministry? This isn't an agrument against or in favor of "not all scripture is to us", but a point to show that Wierwille's conclusions are not necessarily correct for all that he acted as if his take was the only logical and/or godly conclusion

I was talking to my 19 year old son about this very thing last night. He said, "What do I believe now? Was it all a lie?" All I told him is to take it slow and after all these years, make it your own. God is still God and loves him regardless of what men say or do. Take the simple things he knows are good, such as put away lying and be ye kind one to another and run with those. Because in a cult or not those are just good simple ways of life. I also added as an after thought that if God isn't even real when all this is said and done (which of course I don't believe) we can't go wrong by doing those things that are right and if we die and it was all a lie then all we are is dead anyway so what the heck.

I'm very sorry, may you find comfort in the hard times and strength for the road ahead. God Bless you and your family.

Reproof ....aka....Look out, run for cover, I had a bad day and in the love of God I'm giving it to you.

Here he is Benjamin Dwight born Oct. 17th at 11:06PM weighing in at 5lbs, 7oz, 18.5" long, Very Easy Birth!

Extra Thanks to Pond for calling Grandma! Our new Greaser! Hope to talk to you all soon!

Hi Warren,

I wasn't even in TWI and Grease Spot to me has been nothing but a place of healing for me because even though you may think TWI is dead, it still lives on through many splinter groups that ruin lives, break hearts and physically, mentally, and spiritually crush people. Being one of those people who believed the lies perpetuated by TWI and then passed down to us I am very thankful for a place I can come now to either air my heart out or just get a good laugh with people who understand me when I'm having a hard day. I pray for you the same thing.

I was involved in a group in Minnesota ran by Victor Banard. For the last 8 years of my time in it was like this but especially the last 4 when I moved to the main farm of the church. We were the ones that did most of the work in the ministry. I was in the church from 1990 until 2003-2004.

Oh boy definately Titanic, The Notebook and most movies on the lifetime channel. Thank God Tim likes to watch these shows with me as long as I don't say anything about the looks of another guy in the movie, he does just fine...lol

Wow! no pun intended. Although I never went wow the schedule I was expected to follow was just as rigorous. I still don't know how I got through it for all those years.

wake: 4:30 pray- read

make breakfast and lunch for husband so he could be out the door at 5:30

Run over check on greenhouse, work in garden

come back make breakfast for kids so they were ready for animal care by 6:30

sewing for family, doing dailies and any prep for homeschool

8:00- 12:00 homeschool children, make afternoon snack for men and young men, bring it set it up and get out before they could see me

12:30 lunch

1:00-4:00 work in garden

more dailies, check on foodroom (cleaning-stocking)

remembering to check greenhouse every hour and watering

5:00 make dinner men and young men needed to be back to work by 6:00

Don't forget to go down and clean up break stuff without being seen

stitch here and there to produce enough clothing for whole family and any others in need

kitchen clean-up

7:15 twig or music practice until 9:30

finding time to make bread, butter, snacks for family, homemade pasta

many times I had to fit in working with young men on property beautification (i was in charge of all flowers and shrubs on property)

during evening hours of course more sewing, poetry for ministry, little projects like invites, preparing classes in weaving or crafts for young girls, laundry, studying plants so I didn't kill all the food in greenhouse.

Saturdays was set aside to do all the errands for all houses and foodroom shopping for my family along with most major projects like butchering, cleaning chicken coop, etc

during lambing season we ladies had to move lamb fence every other morning plus check ewes throughout night - try checking 200 ewes butts at 2am while you got snow blowing in your face, if labor occurred could be another couple hours of work before you fell into your bed for an hour or so of sleep before you started all over again.

This does not include all reproof sessions that could and would take place at any moment of the day and being that I had the most kids it was more often than not.

Needless to say I ran away and at that point I was a whopping 98 pounds and limping. My earthly family saw me and cried for the death they saw in my face and body.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.

An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.

You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.

A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofintell...edoyouhavequiz/

hmm i wonder if this is why i write poems songs homeschooled and generally like to chat

Does anyone know if TWI has stock in the robotics industry? LOL!