Scout Finch

Oh Rascal,

My heart goes out to you. I went through a similar situation at my last job. It got so bad I had to resign or risk a nervous breakdown. My physical health had already taken some very serious hits. I went to a therapist because it had me so messed up. I thought there was something horribly wrong with me.

The conclusion my therapist came to was that I was working with some very sick people. I tended to be very honest and open and tried to be kind to everyone - even the "unpopular" people. That was seen as weakness even though it had nothing to do with my job performance.

I thought I had left the whole "devil spirit" phenomenom behind me with TWI. After that last job, I have to think there was some kind of spiritual influence that made these people act like this. It just didn't make sense. I was doing a good job, not hurting anyone. I just couldn't understand their motivation for acting that way towards me and being so adamant about it.

You are in my prayers and thoughts. I will pray that this job works out or that if it doesn't, you will get a better job immediately.

Peace to you.

Scout

Thanks for the encouraging words and your prayers. I really need both. I have had a rough couple of panic stricken days. I feel better knowing that you guys are praying.

Thanks so much, Steve! and Krysilis.

It means a lot to me that you are praying.

I was getting really discouraged and was crushed when I found out that I didn't get the job I was supposed to be the favored candidate for.

Thanks so much.

I have been unemployed for a few months. Thought I was very close to getting the job I needed. It fell through and I am very disappointed and worried.

I would appreciate it if you could pray for me to find the job I need very soon.

Thanks.

Steve brings up a good point about physical scars and their impact on Rochelle.

Another thing that most people do not understand is the physical changes that do occur in the brain that manifest themselves through changes in behavior, emotions and even in intelligence.

I have a good friend who suffered a head injury in an automobile accident. Her injury was serious, but probably not as serious as Rochelle's. My friend, S., was very changed after the accident - she was no longer in TWI at the time of the accident, had a support network of family and friends, received excellent medical care, but still had a very difficult time.

S., a highly intelligent person told me her I.Q. dropped 20 points from the accident. She lost her sense of direction, would be in a building and not be able to remember how to find the exit. This did not happen in unfamiliar buildings, but in the building of her doctor's office where she'd been many times. When she couldn't find her way out, she'd have panic attacks. Sometimes she'd get frustrated and just burst into tears.

There was also some shame involved. She'd always been a highly intelligent, independent, self sufficient individual, and now she couldn't find the bathroom, the elevator or the building exit. She said sometimes she'd see the sign that said "exit", could read the word "exit", but couldn't remember what it meant. Some of the most simple, fundamental things were a challenge for her. A brilliant mind that used to process things at nearly lightening speed slowed to a snail's pace. She needed things explained to her in great detail and repeated several times. She couldn't make even the most simple decisions without a great deal of agonizing. She needed 12 to 14 hours of sleep per day to even begin to function. Depression was inevitable as a result of these symptoms. The depression was also worsened by the chemical changes that were occuring in her brain as it was trying to heal from the jarring sustained from the car wreck.

S. said she didn't even know herself anymore. She was moody, she didn't understand why she thought and felt as she did. Who was this stranger that took over her body she wanted to know?

The lucky thing for S. was that she had loving supportive parents, friends that remained her allies and support system even though she sometimes lashed out at us, forgot she was supposed to meet us somewhere and seemed to be in outer space or half asleep when she was with us.

Thanks to her attentive physicians and caring family and friends, S. was put on antidepressants and many other meds when she needed them. She did get therapy. Today she is much better. She recovered most of her lost intelligence and memory. She is witty, funny and the warm caring person I knew before the accident. She is more patient and understanding and has incredible spiritual insight that I rely on when I need some direction at crisis points in my own life. She still needs more sleep than most people (8 - 10 hours per day), but she can hold a job, live alone and heal others with her insight and compassion.

I posted this story to show what Rochelle might have been given the help she deserved as a human, and what I believe she was legally owed by TWI.

Rochelle may have had other things in her life that may have CONTRIBUTED to the depression, but the LEAD accident and subsequent lack of treatment and mistreatment were the final blow that drove her to suicide.

I took an introductory law class several years ago. The professor was a practicing lawyer and knew the law very well. We studied a case where an already compromised person died because of injuries inflicted that may not have caused the death of a perfectly healthy person, but did cause the death of this health compromised person. During discussion of the case, several in the class said that the person's death could not be blamed solely on the person inflicting the final injuries (defendant) because there were other contributing factors. The professor said that the condition of the deceased prior to the final injuries did NOT lessen the responsibility of the defendant for the death.

Thanks for adding your stories. I guess the cruelty I saw wasn't my imagination after all.

Vickles, Thank God you made if back to Emporia alive, no thanks to the she devil you had to travel with. Just making it through that experience makes you pretty tough.

Suz, I can't get past Oh my God! for how they treated your son. [shaking my head, speechless...]

HCW,

Did you ever talk to Kevin S. after the crash? Did he know about what eventually happened to Rochelle? Do you think he understands the impact of that crash on all of your lives? If he does, I can't imagine the guilt he must live with.

Do you know if Kevin S or others involved are still with TWI? I don't want to interrupt the flow of your story, so if you can't answer any of these questions until later, I understand.

...."an unalterable I can do attitude"...

I had forgotten that slogan. I guess that was why LEAD was so potentially dangerous: what is mildly difficult for one person is physically impossible for another in reality, but TWI took the one size fits all approach. LEAD was no big whoop for me physically, but the insanity around me really made me question if I wanted to be part of the Corps. I didn't mention my doubts, just shut up, kept my head low and finished the Corps training. The unalterable I can do attitude is not what stuck with me, but the unalterable "there are some things I just won't do and won't put up with".

I don't think LEAD was a good indicator of who could really be a leader/minister to people (which is what I thought the Way Corps was about). Some of the axxholes who could climb the rocks like monkeys and kissed up to the LEAD staff probably got stellar evaluations, became limb and region coordinators, etc. They were the types that I was either just wary of or repulsed by as humans let alone leaders.

Some of the people who were older (over 30 seemed old to me, then..), over weight, with physical problems were the ones who I'd trust enough to follow even if they fainted during the first 20 feet up a hike.

I don't even remember getting an evaluation for either of my LEAD sessions while in the Corps. I don't think I heard anything good or bad about how I did on LEAD. I didn't think anyone noticed what I did during LEAD because I just did what the staff said and tried not to .... them off.

The Corps LEAD session just seemed to contradict most things I learned in the "open" non Corps session. There was no helping each other, no encouraging, no telling stories and laughing at the campfire or teasing about who had the best "sour dough look". The Corps LEAD session just seemed like a lot of unnecessary nit picking, meanness and "me first, look at me" competition.

I am in my forties now and am thinking about doing an Outward Bound type of thing for middle aged women just to clear up some of the nastiness that Corps session LEAD memories stir up for me. I guess I want to re experience the fun, the joy, the fellowship of my nonCorps LEAD session.

HCW's thread reminds me of lots of other incidents, questions, oddities of the whole LEAD program. I don't want to dilute his story or detract from his memorial to his friend, his healing or anything else about that particular event in LEAD/TWI history.

I do have questions, none earthshattering, about things that happened at LEAD. Why they did some things the way they did and what the heck some of those LEAD staff were thinking.

I went on a LEAD session as a non Way Corps person and it was so much fun. At that time, none of us were Way Corps. We helped each other, encouraged each other, got to know each other. The staff was wonderful. It was physically strenuous, but didn't seem as challenging as I had heard it would be. I had great memories of that session of LEAD and wanted to do it again.

I eventually went in the Corps and went LEAD twice while in the Corps. Once again, the physical challenge was not that big of a deal, but the atmoshphere was so very different. It didn't seem as much about the staff setting up physical challenges as it was for them to make us crazy in other ways. There were rules. They seemed to be set up so that you would have to break one to follow another. You were supposed to trust God, but only in the context of reading your twig coord. thoughts. It was so Twilight Zonish...

And then there was the way they pushed some people who it was just plain wrong to push. Not everyone on those sessions was 20 something and athletic. I thought it was down right criminal to harass some of those folks the way they did...

HCW,

Did you and Kevin S. receive any medical attention immediately after the crash? Were you examined by medical personnel other than paramedics? Did you ever get counseling/therapy about this horrible experience after leaving TWI?

My heart goes out to you and your family, as do my prayers. Whether you realize it or not, they are living with this episode in your life in some ways, too.

Thank you for sharing the details of this event. My prayer is that you can in some way receive healing from telling all of this.

May the collective prayers of the compassionate souls who are reading this account be a catalyst for providing the healing you and other victims of this tragedy may still need.

I heard TWI sold (or was trying to sell) the Tinnie, NM LEAD location years ago. Does the Corps training still involve anything like the old LEAD program at another location? I thought I had heard years ago that Karin Pen**l went on staff at Gunnison and was doing something like LEAD for the Corps in Colorado. Does anyone know anything about this?

My dad always said to skip the engagement ring and use the money to put the down payment on a house. Makes sense to me.

Make your own traditions. Why be slave to someone else's when they become unsavory, unhealthy, destructive....

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