buenaonda

*WOMAN'S PERFECT REVENGE* "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country... #15. "Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." #14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." #13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." #12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that¹s the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun." #11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" #10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?" #9. "Warning? You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." #8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Is Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" #7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop." #6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven" #5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." #4. "Just how big were those two beers?" #3. "In God we trust, all others we run through CPIC/NCIC." #2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours At least you know someone who can post your bail." And ... THE BEST ONE! #1 "You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't - Sign here."

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them... you get a bicycle!"

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This tedious and lengthy process is....... done by the Chip-Monks.