ChasUFarley
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Posts posted by ChasUFarley
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Thanks for the well wishes, Kit!
The 2 years have screamed by -- seems like yesterday we met via Waydale and I asked Mathman to email me...
Funny story about that -- He emailed me and I responded with a little information about myself. I was a little reluctant to let anyone on the www know I was a single woman -- I'd heard too many stories and was really new on the net.
When I wrote him, I disclosed I was a woman but asked that he didn't tell.
When he responded, he said, "By the way, I'm really Mathwoman," and then there was some line about how (s)he was also scheduled to appear on The Sally Jesse Raphael Show in a mudwrestling episode about thong wearers, or something weird to that effect...
I remember thinking, "OH MY GOD -- IT IS TRUE! THE WEB IS FULL OF WEIRDOS!"
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There was a great tribute to them on NPR the other day -- very touching.
It seems they were in their 50's and died earlier this week in a plane crash. They were either coming back or going to a site.
I heard the story about him running to get the perfect shot of the rainbow -- he was risk taker and had a love for nature. He'd been a rock climber before he became a photographer.
It was also said that his wife was pretty much cut from the same cloth -- they were one of those "perfect match" couples.
It sounded to me like they died doing what they loved.
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Hugs to you (((Seth))) at this dark time you're going through.
I hit a low that I never could have imagined was achievable shortly after the birth of my baby. Although much of it was hormone-related, it was added to by a lack of sleep, nervous about suddenly being a parent to a premie, a new home owner and all sorts of other fun things.
I just wanted to lie in bed, with the shades drawn. I did what I had to do to take care of baby, but really didn't give a rat's a$$ about anyone or anything else.
To make a long story short, all the doctors I spoke with, meds I tried, etc., the best thing I found that helped was a book called The Depression Workbook.
http://www.idyllarbor.com/cgi-bin/SoftCart...1.HTM?E+scstore
It's more than reading. It's answering questions, looking at things in life that you wouldn't have considered for help, and suggestions for better living.
No, it won't be the answer to your problems but it will help you get more understanding of what you're going through and why you feel the way do.
BTW -- about your posts... You're one of my favorite posters to read and hubby and I often get a chuckle out of your irreverant attitude -- love it!
Take care of you!
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I've explained this one before, for I'll do it again for those of you who are new...
ChasUFarley = Chuck U. Farley
The nickname for Charles is Chuck. If you swap around the 'C' and the 'F' it says something not very nice... It's actually from WWII, where the enemy was referred to as "Charlie", which is how I felt about TWI when I left. I didn't want them to know who I was, at first.
Now I could care less.
For professional and personal reasons, I will give you my real first name - Krista.
No, I'm not a guy.
I am married to a former poster, Mathman, and we met via Waydale a little over two years ago. We also have a one year old son, Kristopher (see the BIRTHDAY FORUM for details). Our second wedding anniversary is coming up this month!
See, there is life after TWI!
BTW - I use the black cat icon because I love cats and this icon wasn't being used back when EXTWI (Waydale) taught us how to use the icons back when one of EzBoards fameous upgrades happened. I decided to adopt the little chap because no one else was using him.
It's also sort of a warning not to cross me.
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Most of these drugs - Paxil, Prozac, Effexor, Paxil, Celexa, etc. can be addictive. They are usually started with a low dose and then the dose level is increased as the patient needs it, as he/she gets used to them, etc.
Interestingly enough most of the same drugs that are used to treat depression are also used to treat epileptics, just that the latter group takes higher dosages, as a rule.
Typically, patients under treatment for depression are monitored closly with regular doctor visits and those who are opposed to putting chemicals into their bodies for long periods of times can request to be taken off meds after a year to see how they will function -- it's just something to discuss with your doctor.
If you are on meds NEVER go off them cold-turkey.
You mentioned that if it couldn't be grown, then you wouldn't take it -- Consider St. John's Wort, Kava Kava (be careful - this herb can also cause deeper depression), cammomile, and many others. Talk with a doctor who specializes in homeopathic remedies -- it's becoming more common.
Have you considered finding a support group? Most people I know who have been diagonosed with depression felt they got the most help just from talking with people with the same condition, who had the same concerns, questions, etc. as they did.
Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, nor does it mean you have to go around crying everyday. Although I do agree that doctors are quick to hand out this diagnoses when patients just complain of having a bad hair day, this condition also encompasses many other symptoms -- sleep patterns, thought patterns, mood swings and so on.
Aside from the consideration of alternative medicines and support groups, you may want to look at ways you can change your life -- diet and exercise are some of the biggest factors. Stress and job situations play a big part in it too.
I don't know what your entire lifestyle is like, but I do wish you the best in your efforts!
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Thanks for all the lovely thoughts and wishes.
We really never realized how much a part of our lives Emmitt was. Just this morning, the baby crawled to where the cat's food dish used to be (Kristopher seemed to think the food dish was something else just for him...). The dish wasn't there, and it seemed like the baby noticed it...
The house is a little quiter, a little emptier and a lot less lively than it used to be.
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Last night we had to say good-bye to an old friend.
I had had Emmitt for almost 10 years, as I got him right after the '92 ROA and he was about 6 months old. I got him by answering a want ad in the local paper in Tuscaloosa, AL. It seems this woman who had a knack for aquiring cats was about to get married and her fiancee told her she needed to get rid of all but a couple of them.
Emmitt, who's name was Richard at the time, was laying at the foot of their couch, sleeping. My x-hubby wasn't crazy about many of the cats but commented on this one becuse he was so quiet.
The woman we got him from told us he was a stray and had been found by the dumpster at the local McDonald's.
I renamed him Emmitt because it just fit him - he wasn't anything special to look at but was all personality. There wasn't a friendlier cat.
We traveled all over TN, AL, ME, MA and NH together.
When I went WOW, Waygone, a poster here at GSC, took care of him for a year. Several other posters here know him and ask about him. We were a team!
In 1995 I found out he had asthema, but since it could be treated with a shot, I didn't see that it could all that bad.
When I left my first husband, I went over 4 hours out of my way to get him, as we had given him to friends to take care of while we were on Staff.
Just before moving in with Mathman and just prior to our getting married, I moved Emmitt in with Mathman first. Those two bonded - BIG TIME!
I would joke and say, "I used to have a cat..."
Last summer, Emmitt's asthema got worse. We took him to the vet's for a shot, but weren't informed that the steriod they gave him could cause him to become diabetic. That's exactly what happened.
Mathman did his homework on treating Emmitt and did everything he could to insure he got his insulin injections and proper food.
Over the past week we watched his breathing get more laboured - he was getting sick. Mathman had been to the vet's with Emmitt everyday for moniroting and tests.
Yesterday, it was discovered he had a large mass in his chest. The doctor couldn't tell if it was cancer, a twisted lung lobe, or a collapsed lung, however given the conditions he had and the pain he was in, we opted to euthanize. It was probably one of the toughtest things we ever had to do.
To say he will be missed is an understatement. He was a cat's cat - always dignified, always friendly.
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I, too, would like additional information.
This cancer is something that runs in my husband's side of the family. His father died from a blockage in his colon and lived on a very high-fat, low fiber diet - (a diet hewn from growing up during the Great Depression and from being raised traditional Greek!). In photos I've seen of him, his abdomen is always distended - not like a beer belly, but different.
Hubby has the same body type and traits, as do his brother and sister, who are older.
I want to know more about prevention, to stop the cycle of this nasty cancer in the family!
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Deanna Troi (Waygone calls her "Boobs", is the STNG character you are thinking about, SocketCreep.
Kay - I felt like that when I was younger and I also remember when I first got in the Word, I had leadership tell me I had one of the biggest hearts they'd ever seen... but then they'd bawl me out for not dusting properly or some stupid nit-picky thing they needed done.
I'd get "built-up" -- as in, told I'd done a good job, I was a great believer and how much God loved me, and then "torn down" on leadership's whim. I'd get screamed at for falling asleep at my desk at 3 AM because I'd been up since 5 AM the previous morning and was working on the Grapevine, or for not following dress code just so, or whatever they felt I'd done.
I got to the point where I didn't believe people anymore when they said good things to me or about me, because I knew it was temporary. I knew I would be reminded about what a crummy son-of-God I was in just a little bit, so it didn't matter.
It was unrealistic expectations placed on someone who was already driven to achieve success - OR ELSE. Failure was not and still is not option.
Shortly after my baby was born, who was also 6-weeks early, I found I could not breastfeed. I tried everything, but it just wasn't possible.
OH MY GAWD -- I HAD FAILED AT MOTHERHOOD AND THE KID WASN'T EVEN 6 WEEKS OLD!
That's how I felt at the time and it took my a LONG time to realize that Kristopher was going to turn out just fine and I wasn't a bad mother. However, at the time this took place and keeping in mind the lovely time known as post-partum depression, I remember telling hubby how I'd failed and asking him if he felt he'd be able to raise our son on his own, because I was a bad parent. I truly beleived, at the time, that that baby deserved someone better than me.
I had several doctors, lactation consultants, etc. tell me that Kristopher would be fine and that I did the right thing, but it wasn't until I saw the little guy was happy and thriving for myself that I was satisfied. Until then, I was emotional hamburger.
Come to think of it, that's pretty much how most of the TWI2 leadership treated us emotionally -- grind-'em-up and spit-'em-out. Nothing was good enough. Nothing was satisfactory.
Currently, there is another thread on the boards about how TWI tries to make the 'disciples' dependent solely on them. I think that applies to the emotional aspects of how they dictated we were to think, as well.
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Last night, after a tough day at work, topped off by a lousey job interview for a position I REALLY wanted, I went home feeling like a wreck myself, to hubby who had an emotional need.
He poured his heart out to me about something very, very important to him and I just couldn't respond. The tank was on "E" - empty - I had nothing to give.
This wasn't the first time I couldn't reach within myself for something to give. It happens pretty frequently, to be honest.
Maybe it's because of my time in TWI? Maybe it's my stoic New England upbringing? Maybe I'm just a cold fish?
I don't remember being that way as a child, though. I remember crying with my childhood friends when they cried.
Somedays I wonder if I underwent an emotion-ectomy when I was in TWI -- it was all I knew for my adult life, up until the past couple of years. I have a hard time really caring for others, expression love and seem more concerned about "doing the right thing", even to this day.
Sometimes, I hurt so bad inside I think there should be blood to show for it, but since there isn't any, then something must be "wrong" and so I dismiss it. To let it out or let my feelings show would be weakness to me...
How to begin to crack the shell?
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My LC flipped his lid when he found out his bookworm daughter was reading this classic by C.S. Lewis and made her throw it in the garbage.
He had no idea that the Chronicles of Narnia were written like the Gospels and the Epistles or that Lewis was a theologian. When I tried to gently enlighten him (hell, the kid was bawling because she loved the story so much), he told me I
d better get rid of my worldly ways or I'd end up dead in a year!
Come to think of it... that was over 10 years ago.
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I don't know if this belongs in the "Stupid Leadership" thread or not...
As we were walking to our cars after a bunch of us had seen The Titanic and we were discussing the ending where the main character, Rose, seems to die and sees her "old flame" again. Some were expressing that they were disappointed in the "life-after-death" aspect of the ending. So, I said something to the effect that that could have been considered a dream...
Well, my TC started yelling and I thought his head might start doing 360 degree spins when I said that.
Good grief, man! It was JUST A FRIKKIN MOVIE!
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The cookies are the BEST!
I had a friend of mine here at work bake a batch of them for me -- I pulled a few favors for her and since I have "WILL WORK FOR CHOCOLATE" on my cubie wall, she took it seriously. Bless her!
The cookies weighed a TON and were rich, chewey, sweet - but not too sweet. Everything a good cookie should be!
Word of warning; They do burn easily, so if you have those extra thick cookie sheets - use 'em!
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Hubby, baby and I are in the Lakes Region area and lovin' it!
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Programming SNAFUs can be blamed on the phase of the moon!
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Well, before everyone had a computer, we had to take the blame for things we did wrong.
Personally, I think there's a computer out there somewhere, in some scientist's office, who is tired of getting all the blame.
Ah, sunspots -- the new scapegoat!
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Martha --
I just went to the BE SEEN web site and they have a note saying that they are having trouble with the chatroom today but are trying to resolve it.
SO, IT'S NOT US!
Hope that helps!
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I'm having the same problem...
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Yo' mamma so ugly, she walks by the toilet and it flushs itself!
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Well, it was a year ago today that yours truly went to the hospital to have that little bundle of grumble, now known as Kristopher George.
He'll be a year old on Wednesday, July 3!
I'll try to have pictures for you tomorrow -- he's a little heartbreaker!
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Depression
in Health, Wellness, and Fitness
Posted
Seth - I'm certainly in no position to discourage you from whatever vices you wish to cultivate in your life.
With me, it's food.
When I'm in a blue mood, I want my comfort food and lots of it.
After baby, it was tapioca pudding - and it had to be warm.
Or it was American chop suey.
Or it was chocolate.
You get the point.
Lately, I've been having some health problems which have also gotten me down a little (nothing major - no worries - just frustration) and have been getting into chips - salty things.
Anyhow, I've now put on two dress sizes (the psychotropic drugs helped, too!) and have to get back into my old clothes. I have to undo what damage I've done -- that alone is depressing, in a way.
You may encounter the same thing with smoking.
I'm now trying (underscore the word 'trying') to "refocus my energies" to exercising or having a glass of water, if nothing else, whenever I feel that need to dig into something a bit more distructive, like Lays Sour Cream and Dill chips or Terra Chips (you know, those funny colored froo-froo chips). Or M&Ms.
God help me!
Seth -- I don't have all the answers but boy, do I relate with how you feel. All I can give you is what works for me -- little goals each day, easy to accomplish.
Baby steps in living.
Maybe it's just getting one load of laundry done.
Maybe it's just getting showered and dressed.
Maybe it's just getting some bills paid up...
Whatever it is, set what you feel like you can handle that day but make sure you stick to it.
It may sound silly but reward yourself for your accomplishments -- promise yourself some 'treat' when you've finished like listening to a favorite CD or calling a friend.
Do what works for you - I don't know what your hobbies and interest are, but I'm sure you understand what I'm saying...
More hugs to you.
And if you find you're craving some American chop suey, Mathman can tell you I make a mean batch of it!