Hi,
I've been lurking around so I guess I should introduce myself. Well, I can’t really introduce my SELF because I’m not ready for the WAYGB to know who I am.
I'll add to this as I get time.
I got involved with the ministry in the early 90’s and was really on-again, off-again, on-again, etc. with them. Then I had a major tragedy happen within my family and I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I needed someone I could trust to turn to who was most likely to make proper ethical decisions based on honesty and integrity. I called my then twig coordinator. At the time I was emotionally bankrupt and he really helped me practically and emotionally. Then I felt sort of obligated to start coming to fellowship again. Again, after a few months, I became fickle with my attendance and involvement.
Then we got a new set of Way Corps people in our area and they started dropping by my house unannounced and even more frequently if I wasn’t at fellowship. At one of the meetings I did attend a guy I had met talked to me about how I say I want to live one way and then I act the opposite. He talked about the consequences of not lining up my actions with my words. It really hit home for me and I was concerned about my standing with God and my ability to get the blessings in life that I wanted. I decided that it was time to buckle down and get real. I started doing everything they told me to do even if I didn’t want to or didn’t agree with it. I felt like they must know better than I because I had not done such a good job on my own.
This guy was a perfect follower of The Way and we ended up getting married. We always had such a great time together and could talk about anything. When we started planning the wedding, as any girl wants to do, I was involving my (non-ministry) mother very heavily in the planning. Everything we had talked about got pushed to the side as the Way Corps minister and other people in my area started dictating how we should do things. As a good little follower I had chosen another girl in my area to be my maid of honor instead of my best friend from all the way back in grade school because she wasn’t with The Way. I didn’t even ask her to be a bride’s maid. (That breaks my heart to this day). They said over and over again that when you got people who weren’t with The Way involved in things you could guarantee they would screw something up. They said important events like our wedding would bring out the worst in all the unbelieving non-Way people involved. The whole wedding turned into one big ministry event and none of our family members were involved in the planning in any way. My mom has since admitted to me that they felt pretty left out and shunned, and now I can really see how she and my family could feel that way. She told me about some things she did and brought to my dressing room to help me enjoy my day, but was told she couldn’t do what she planned because it was “believing negatively” for our big day.
Anyway, we got married and right away I felt the pressure to get involved more in the ministry and attend all the events. We were handed quite a bit of responsibility and didn’t really have much time to ourselves. Didn’t newly married couples have a year with little to no responsibilities so they could enjoy being married and learning each other? Not with The Way, apparently. Several times we tried to have them take some of the responsibility from us, but there always seemed to be some kind of crisis come up at that time and we were “really needed.” We eventually quit asking them to lessen the load on us even though we desperately wanted less to do. I was all for putting our foot down and insisting, but my husband was afraid of being seen as less of a believer in the eyes of the leadership and I didn’t want to appear to be usurping his authority or acting out from under the cover of my head.
We went through a few harsh reproval sessions and he always cowered to the leadership and told them we were sorry and those things would never happen again. Then he would follow up with a thank you note for their loving us enough to tell us the truth and set us straight. I hated that, especially since we weren’t wrong. One time we got upset with some Way Corps and went up the Way Tree on it. We asked for a meeting about the situation and were floored to find out that we were being told all the things WE did wrong and that we should be apologizing to them and the Way Corps couple for wasting everyone’s time. I tried to fight back, but my husband just sat there staring at the floor unable to speak and on the verge of tears. Then they started attacking me even harder and he still just sat there and let them. I eventually apologized just so we could get out of the meeting. I was so disappointed in my husband and could see that he was so afraid of them that it would take a lot of work or a miracle for him to feel strong enough to do anything about the blatant injustice we faced on a regular basis. Even now I think he has convinced himself that they are correct and we must have been missing it somewhere.
A few times I did or said things to trusted friends in the ministry only to get called into reproof sessions for the things I had shared in confidence. For example, I had lunch with a girl in the branch and we BOTH talked about how stupid the no debt policy was and how wrong the ministry was in how they taught some things and treated people, but that we knew they would never apologize to anyone, and especially not publicly. Later she turned me in for going on the internet and that I was angry with The Way and waffling in my loyalty to the leadership and the ministry. I was reproved for going on the web and for not talking to leadership about how I felt so they could help me. Sure. Help me see things their way again. No thanks.
*edited to clear up some details*
