Pirate1974

Who would just give a 11-year old kid a handgun and then obviously have no idea what he's doing with it?

Moronic.

The first time I hear my teenage son talking about a girl and saying he wanted to "get her digits" I thought it was something dirty.

do believe that in this regard I'll stay with the girl things I had at that age. They were odorless.

Yeah, right. I've heard that one before.

That "Santa's Lap" ditty is sung by a group of real kids called The Little Stinkers. That's what makes it so darn funny. The first time I heard it on the radio I about went into the ditch.

I don't which is more politically incorrect, that one or "Hark the Hair-Lipped Angels Sing."

That's it.

That's not it.

I think that was Rule #3

"never change the deal" was Rule #1

Who's on first? What's on second?

If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart.

I thought that was Rule #2

The Transporter

Somebody's packing and gets busted for DWI

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The Charlotte Observer (December 5) -A retired Gastonia fire captain driving in the city's annual Christmas parade Sunday was charged with driving while impaired and carrying a concealed gun after he ran over a spectator's foot, police said.

Van Michael Johnson, 59, of the 100 block of Windsong Court, also was charged with resisting a public officer and carrying a weapon during a parade.

Police said Johnson struggled when they stopped him after the hit-and-run. According to an arrest warrant, Johnson blew a .22, almost three times the .08 legal limit. Officers also confiscated a .22 Magnum pistol from Johnson.

Johnson, who retired Feb. 1, 1995, was driving a 1965 Corvette in the parade, police said. Johnson couldn't be reached for comment.

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Gastonia is just west of Charlotte and is a true redneck cultural center.

Marky Mark Wahlberg

Planet of the Apes

Helena Bonham Carter

Batman Begins

Liam Neeson

Rob Roy

Cranking it up again, are we?

Spencer Tracy

Father of the Bride(the original)

Elizabeth Taylor

Very good.

Them panty hose aint gonna last too long

If the dj puts Bon Jovi on

Don't Cry for Me Argentina

No, wait a minute. That's not it. Same movie, different tune.

You Must Love Me by Madonna

Maybe we should bring back the stocks and the dunking stool too.

Charlotte, North Carolina

It was a moment right out the old tv show "Rescue 911."

A house on fire and she was trapped inside, no way out

...and pregnant (the tv writers would have loved that!)

Suddenly a brave CFD fireman appeared out of the flames and carried her to safety!

After the fire was out and all the firemen were sitting around on the ground exhausted, sweaty, dirty, she walked past all the others to the one who had rescued her and gave him a big kiss on his soot-streaked face.

A newspaper photographer who was there happened to capture the moment.

You guys are correct.

Nice hair!

Right. That's the first thing I noticed. I liked her better before she went blonde.

Seems like this guy was pretty stupid to sign the document admitting paternity. Sounds like he was being set up.

There's a lesson here: Be very careful who you give your sperm to.

OK, here's a classic

I want a doctor to take your picture

So I can look at you from inside as well

Albert Brooks

Broadcast News

Holly Hunter

A men's room at the Sofitel Hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand

Sofitel Loo

Check it out. It's a hoot.

That's it.

Good flick. Check it out if you haven't ever seen it.

If I was going to be hiding anybody it would be Keira Knightley, not Orlando.

A manly tale of the sea, it is?

Alrighty then.

A pirate walks into a bar and starts talking to the bartender about his adventures at sea.

Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook and eye patch, the bartender asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

"We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out, a shark came by and bit off me leg."

"Blimey," said the bartender. "What about the hook?"

"Me crew and I was boardin' a trader ship, guns blasting, swords swingin', and in the fracas me hand got cut off."

"Oh,my," remarked the bartender, "And how came you by that eye patch?"

"I was on me ship and I looked up and a seagull let one go right in me eye."

"You lost your eye to some bird poop?" the bartender asked.

"Aaargh, well, it was the first day I had me hook."