CoolWaters

There are some new pics up now. I'll work on getting more up tomorrow. The first one is an animation, so let it load...and read it! LOL

T-Bone wow!!!!!! Exactly what I was trying to say...except couldn't get it out quite that way. LOL GREAT sharing!!!! Abi...yeah...that magical thinking is usually something we grow out of at about 9 or 10...so it would send alarm warnings to someone like your mom. Bliss...yep...I get ya. :)

For the record, I am not blaming twi for anything. IMO, twi attracted people who were already into some thinking patterns that were questionable. (Not to say that these are the only type of people twi attracted.) What I am saying with this thread is that twi fostered instability. The very first thinking pattern taught, beaten into our brains, expected and exalted that leads to instability is the Believing=Receiving thought pattern. I've discussed this before but can't find the thread...but it's magical thinking at best...delusions of grandeur at worst. The very idea that one can control the world around one simply by thinking one way or another is not of sound mind. It leads to manipulation, denial, hypervigilence, paranoia and a whole host of unstable thought patterns. Then there's the whole 'devil spirit', 'seed boy', 'dealing with the adversary' mentality. Always, always, always there was something out to get one if one followed twi's mentality on the 'spiritual competition'. Of course, this is not exclusive to twi. While I was in the hospital I happened to mention to a nurse how I am seeing more clearly the verse John 17:3. This mere mention of a bible verse gave, in her mind, this nurse the permission to 'preach deliverance' to me. She spent the next 1/2 hour telling me how the devil was out to get me and that's why my life was so marred. That "He" (meaning the devil) didn't want me to step into God's service, so "He" had my father kill my mother, had the state adopt me and my sister into a physically and sexually abusive home, and put a cult (twi) in my path to dissuade me from serving God. Then she handed me hard copies of some sermons by Joyce Meyer. I told her that I can take Joyce only in small doses because she sounds so much like the cult. The nurse went off about how she was "getting vibes" from me about "the devil". (What kind of psych nurse acts like this, anyway?) Come on! Can anybody get more tweaky? Not imo. Then there's the idea in twi that we were the 'elite', the creme de la creme of God's Chosen People. This thought pattern was so deeply entrenched in our minds that many, many of us still have a hard time attending church...or listening to anybody else teach or preach the bible. It has been said (by me, at least...and I've heard it from televangelists) that in this day and age, Jesus would be considered mentally ill. Well, I'm not going to go so far as to say that he was. What I do think now is that if Jesus was who he said he was, and if he did what he was born to do, then fine. So why, then, are there so many people who believe that Jesus didn't do enough, isn't here to do more, and that one must try one's best to live up to the standard of Jesus? Seriously. If Jesus was who he said he was, it's impossible for mere humans to follow in his steps...or, as twi taught, take his place. To even try is an effort in futility...even according to the bible. (Our mind is an enmity against God and such other verses.) Did Jesus do a complete job? If so, then one must simply accept the gift...and stop trying to 'perfect' it. There's a whole lot more I'm thinking, but I just wanted to get the conversation started. Thank you.

At this point I need to bow out of this thread. I have deeply appreciated a majority of the comments and thank each of you for your willingness to discuss this topic, and especially to those of you who have shared some of your personal journeys.

It seems as though the most often repeated sentiment in this thread is that we all deal with something. Successful, long-term interpersonal relationships are difficult enough in 3D. Here on the internet they are next to impossible. For example, I met White Dove more than 30 years ago. I've known him off and on throughout the years. More off than on. Who he was over 30 years ago is not who he is now even if it seems that way to me. And vice versa. If I were to say something like, "White Dove has always been the same and will never change," that is telling of my inability to comprehend reality. However if I say, "White Dove was always kind to me," when asked what I think of him, that is telling of my willingness to remember his kindness. Neither statements are the whole truth about White Dove. I couldn't possibly know the whole truth about him unless I lived with him throughout all those 30+ years. Even then I wouldn't know his whole truth. (Sorry Brother Dove for 'picking' on you...you're just the one person I've known the longest who also frequents GSC.) My point is something Ginger Tea (Remember her? I miss her.) said to me a few years back: "Attach no expectations, CoolWaters." It made no sense to me then...and I tried and tried to make it make sense...but now I know exactly what she was saying to me. Attach no expectations. It's becoming my mantra...hopefully. :)

Relationships with those diagnosed with mental illness are difficult at best...insane at worst. It was said that someone wants to have relationships with healthy people...and it was said that someone didn't know when a person was in a healthy mode or in the throes of the disease. That's the problem in a nutshell, imo. So, imo, if I tell you that I have PTSD and depression, that's the 'warning' or the 'opportunity' or whatever one wants to call it for you to decide how much time, energy, longevity and tough rows to hoe you want to go through with me as a friend. Abi, I totally get that being a cyber friend is all you can do right now. Sheesh, like you said, with your plate so full you have hardly enough time and energy and stuff for low-maintenance friends! I absolutely respect that you just came out and said so, too. :) It wasn't like a closer friendship would be possible given our long distance from each other, anyway. :) Now here's the clincher, imo: when do I tell people? I mean, seriously, do I introduce myself to you as, "Hi! I'm Vicky. I have PTSD and depression. Do you want to be my friend?" LOL I wouldn't do that, but some may think I should. But it's like having cancer or diabetes, imo. It's just something that comes up in the getting-to-know-you conversations. At least I think it should. Maybe that's not a good time, either. I dunno. I'm outted now for the whole world, so it doesn't really matter, huh? LOL Oh! And the worst of it all is when two people in the throes of an episode are trying to make friends!!!!! Yikes!!!! I have come to realize that all but a handful of relationships I call friendships were made while one or both of us were having episodes. Explains a whole lot, imo. And don't add in denial!!!!!!!!!!!! If someone is in denial of what's happening with them, LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!! Personally, THAT is what happened in twi. IMO. ::shiver:: Well, what I'm trying to say is that I am far more aware of myself now than I was a week ago. That's a good thing. It's also a difficult thing...because now I have to be more careful of who I call friend...for both my sake and theirs. Sigh.