Sudo

Satori,

Geocities no longer allows you to link to their sites but never fear.. I've got just the thing for Ex!

Happy Birthday Ex!!!!

sudo

Happy Birthday Suz!!!

sudo

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in

despair, he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum, chum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...

you a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we

do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, beer.. you

name it!

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it!

Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars

from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer

- no biggie -

you're already dead, remember?

Guy: Wow...that's....awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack,

Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go bankrupt...well you're

dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?

Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...

Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great

big bowl of crack. Or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.

You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right

- you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!

Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: Are You gay?

Guy: No.....

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) You're gonna hate Fridays...

sudo

Adios,

That's great! We'll all get together so you can taste Carol's potato salad and my bar-be-qued ribs and chicken! If it looks like it's really gonna' happen, click on my name and get my e-mail address. I can clue you in on good places to live and places to avoid. Memphis isn't a sleepy little town anymore. The metro area is over a million population, now.

Actually, you'll be in Millington, no? Now, that is a sleepy little town full of country boys and souped up cars. More muffler shops in Millingtom than the rest of the state put together. Hee-hee! But the rest of the area is pretty metropolitan. Lots of ethnic restaurants (have you guys ever eaten Thai or authentic Cuban food?) and all kinds of cultural goings on. We have the fastest growing Hispanic population in the state and some of the Mexican restaurants are to die for!

We have all your usual artsy bohemian spots as well as the tourist (read "Elvis" and "blues") sites. I think you might like it here if you can put up with the Summer heat. But as they say around here... it ain't the heat... it's the stupidity. (G)

Adios,

Re:"On a side note...I gave us five stars today. We are down to three. I guess some don't like it."

That was me messing with your thread. I gave it a one star rating and it brought it way down. I think it must go by the number of votes. Tell you what.. why don't you go and rate my Hair Cut thread a one star and see if it doesn't bring it way down as well? Probably one vote wouldn't make much of a difference if there were, say, 50 votes but if it was just you and me voting, it'd make a big difference. I think they let you vote on a thread only one time, though.

I didn't mean to offend you. Heck, I think 'yo momma jokes are pretty funny. I was just testing out the voting thingee.

Adios,

Count those stars again. I think there are five of them, no? The answer is that the forum computer makes an assesment of how good the thread is... 'yo momma warranted no stars but my excellent joke made the computer LOL!

P.S. It also might have helped that I rated the thread a 5-star rating when I posted it. Hee-hee!

A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get

a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How

long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at shop full of

customers and says, about 3 hours."

The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long

before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says,

"About an hour and half."

The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow

that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for

a haircut, but then doesn't come back."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says,

"Your house!"

Hope,

Re:"Make sure your kids aren't around."

Sorry but I don't see the humor. I remember when I was in elementary and junior high school that we would all laugh at vulgar words. But when we grew up most of us realized that we laughed because we thought it was "naughty" but ultimately lower class. Hence the name "vulgar".

Pirate,

Re:"Now you can hear at least four of those words every week on "South Park."

I watched South Park only one time and was pretty disgusted. I'd a thought you could hear every one of the seven. Call me a prude but the general level of vulgarity that surrounds us furthers the coarsening of our culture, IMO. And TWI encouraged the most vile language. Even the women used the "F" word with careless abandon.

[This message was edited by Sudo on June 19, 2002 at 9:04.]

Oh, but don't we have ourselves some potty mouths around here? Reading Ex's post made me think of this little ditty... the fact that it technically doesn't contain vulgarity is what makes it funny..

WHO IS JACK SCHITT???

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Read on and you'll be able to handle the situation intelligently.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc.

Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After 15 years of marriage, Jack & Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married a Mr. Sherlock, and out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, and became Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt. The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, inseperable thoughout childhood subsequently married the Happens brothers. The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt.

So, NOW if someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can beg to differ. You not only know Jack Schitt, but the entire Schitt list!

Paw,

I love what you've done with the 'Open' forum. Could you use those settings on the other forums? Not only are both replies and views listed but the latest thread post and popular threads are listed before actually going to the forum. Good work!

Suzie,

Tell "old" George he has to come here in person to pick up his birthday greetings. I'll turn 50 in September and in some ways feel that George is like my twin in the way we feel about things.

sudo