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Juan Cruz

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Posts posted by Juan Cruz

  1. Someone I admire, Phil Schaap, asked me (us) to spread the word regarding 72 hours of commercial free birthday celebrations for Lester "Prez" Young and Charles (Bird) Parker this weekend (8/27-28) beginning 12am Sat. (midnight Friday night).

    Where: Wkcr 89.9 NYC

    or

    http://www.wkcr.org

    http://www.columbia.edu/cu/wkcr/

    Phil Schaap is one of the world's great experts re: jazz. He lectures at length between long sets (but he is only one DJ... and, in fact, his almost addictive arcana is amusing).

    Check it out if you like jazz - and if you don't... what's up with THAT?

    JC

  2. OH WE'RE COOKIN' NOW, MOMMA!

    Carry on, gents!*

    Yes, CG gets a gun license!

    CG runs in the Boston Marathon,

    stopping in Natick

    for ice cream

    and some high speed PFAL.

    CG fights forest fires in Nevada.

    CG coaches a girl's cross country team.

    CG returns to Rye and tells the country club set that their money won't save them.

    CG nails 99 feces to a church door.

    *(Except one thing -- the East River runs between Manhattan and Queens/Brooklyn.

    New York Harbor, and the Hudson River is between NY and Jersey.

    But don't let that slow us down)

  3. Jim, The longer I'm out, the stranger they sound. No wonder we got such strange looks.

    We were legitimately cuckoo. Now take someone who starts out a bit odd, and it just gets ridiculous real fast.

    Yes, I think TWI has all the makings for a David Lynch project - with Monte Python overtones. lol

    "What did he say? 'Blessed are the Cheesemakers?!'"

    "Well, you can't take it too literally. I suppose he's referring to all who work in dairy."

  4. I have dedicated my literary life to arcane insider jokes for Way-o-bites.

    to my friends:

    JC: "Hey I wrote a poem last night."

    "Oh, can i see it?"

    (They're nice)

    JC: Well, it really doesn't make any sense unless you were in the Way."

    "Oh"

  5. CG: Intensive Care unit please.

    Are you a relative of a patient there?

    CG: Yes, my younger sister is critically ill.

    What’s her name?

    CG: Talitha Kumai

    I’m sorry I don’t see that name here.

    CG: Well, she sometimes uses other names..can I just speak to one of the nurses at the nursing station?

    …

    (CG ducks into Men’s room and puts on clergy collar)

    As he approaches the nursing station he pauses to eye a mop bucket, then proceeds on…

    CG: Hi, I’m today’s Eucharistic Minister. I’ll just be delivering holy communion to the inmates this morning.

    The WHAT, Father?

    CG walks slowly past each room, pausing occasionally to read the charts hanging outside the doors, muttering things like:

    “Wow, that’s a lot of urine.”

    “How come they don’t say if they’re virgin?”

    Excuse me, Father? Can I help you?

    CG: Oh, oh, blessings to you in the wonderful name of our risen Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ!

    I’m Muslim.

    CG: Well, I’m sort of trying to bring the mountain to the bedside here, know what I mean? Say, I was supposed to deliver communion to a young girl that was very seriously ill. I forget her name, she still here?

    I’m sorry, she passed away last night.

    CG: Saints preserve us! I’ll just go deliver last rites.

    Father you know, of course, that Last Rights went out with Vatican 2. [she opens the window.]

    CG: I know, but some of us can't get used to the new language. Well, allow me to go Anoint the Sick.

    But Father, she DIED.

    CG: Well she needs SOMETHING to get her blessed soul into the grave properly where she can sleep awaiting the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord, when all the dead in Christ shall rise and meet Him in the air and at the bema and claim her inheritance for which all her earthly spiritual blessings were just a foretaste of glory divine!

    CG: You’re not really a priest, are you.

    CG departs the ICU, stepping in the mop bucket on his way out

  6. "It's a perfect pander!" lol

    *Artist: Toots And The Maytals Lyrics

    Song: Sweet And Dandy Lyrics

    Etty in the room a cry

    Mama say she must wipe her eye

    Papa say she no fi foolish

    Like she never been to school at all

    It is no wonder

    It's a perfect pander

    While they were dancing in that bar room last night.

    Johnson in the room afret

    Uncle say he must hold up him head

    Aunty say she no fi foolish

    Like a no time fi him wedding day

    It is no wonder

    It's a perfect pander

    While they were dancing in that bar room last night.

    One pound ten for the wedding cake

    Plenty bottle of cola wine

    All the people them dress up in a white

    Fi go eat out Johnson wedding cake

    It is no wonder

    It's a perfect pander

    While they were dancing in that bar room last night.

  7. " ____ will____will not be able to attend "

    For Meaghan and Philip, August 20, 2005

    Something old and cold

    poured down the ice swan’s throat

    on the sultry veranda

    into a fine glass with olive

    Something new abrew in the garden

    with lesbian photographers from Queens

    Something borrowed from a sonnet

    made father fear and tremble and

    think he might go back to church.

    Something blue between us two

    left alone at the table.

    “Our minister didn’t care to visit

    but Father Larry made it sound

    like he’d known him all his life.”

  8. Laleo,

    For your reading group:

    Consider "Meeting Jesus Again For the First Time" by Marcus Borg. He challanges our preconceptions in way that's full of intellectual integrity but also pastoral sensibility.

    Would my good friend George Aar like him? I'd like to think so. icon_cool.gif

  9. Laleo,

    strictly speaking, probably only the first three that follow are what you're looking for,

    but God forbid that anyone should mistake my lemonade for cherry juice - it was made out of LEMONS - the last items make that clear - and they are postive (negative) learnings that enhance my life and make my work easier... like learning to walk around manholes is a good idea.

    I learned:

    -how enjoyable it is to be a full-time Christian

    -how interesting and holy the Bible is (though later learning far surpasses the fatal erroneous inerrant stance of TWI)

    -the art of public speaking (which I do for a living)

    -just how it can come about that well-meaning, sincere people can be Way screwed up and not know it and how to live in the same world with them (valuable these past 5 years).

    -the dynamics of mass hysteria and the dangers of fundamentalism

    sorry, I fear this lemonade has too many lemons!

    -the sweetest drink was from my parents, my community, my family, my friends, my own values, my church etc. It was nice to return to them after my sour sojourn.

  10. CG; (at the morgue) Hi, what's your name?

    CC: How did you get in here?

    CG: I was looking for the soda machine. Say, do you like working here?

    CC: It's quiet.

    CG: Gee, that was a shame about those two girls. Are they here? I hear the boy was driving almost 100 miles per hour.

    CC: Look if you're not authorized you have to leave.

    CG: OK. Gosh, my shoes are wet, mind if I sit on this bench a second? ... One of those girls was wearing a bracelet that belonged to my daughter.

    CC: You would havae to see the desk sargeant about that.

    CG: OK, but I don't want to go to the trouble if she's not wearing it. May I check?

  11. CG: I'm on my way. Can you tell me, sir? Where do you get the bodies from?

    FHD: The familes call us and we pick them up from the hospital, home, nursing establishment or morgue.

    CH: Oh, thanks for your time. God's richest blessings to you in the wonderful name of our risen Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

    FHD: I'm Jewish.

    CG: Oh, so am I. It's in Romans. Let me show you...

  12. FHD: Why yes, I do. Can I help you?

    CG: Well, I'm not here to take business away from you but... Here's $20.00 if you'll permit me into your embalming room for half an hour.

    FHD: That's a highly irregular request, I must say. I'm afraid I can't allow it.

    CG: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't tell you. I'm the new hairdresser. Shirley couldn't make it this week.

  13. from DMiller:

    quote:
    Did someone mention walking on water?

    I do it all the time (especially when it is frozen, and goes by the name of ice)!

    Of course you have to wait until it is winter, but ice is still water, and easier to walk on than water in the summer.

    I never did master walking on *puddles* first (like CG from Gartmoor suggested back in the mid 80's) as a way of learning to walk on a larger *liquid* body of water though.

    edited to correctly quote Dmiller - sorry!

    Response:

    CG has obssesed about 'walking on water' for along time.

    Given his personality, it's a good thing I figgur, that he didn't obsess on raising maidens from the dead.*

    Walking on water was just right; a safe CG activity for all of us. All he got was all wet(er).

    *CG: "Excuse me sir, do you run this funeral home?"

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