year2027

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Wrote while I was in Life Spring “Hardin Memorial Hospital”

05-07-2013

I am having a friend write this for me. My doctor will give a colonoscopy because I have needed one in the past and I have finally asked my doctor due to the fear of having a colonoscopy. Dis Spell told me I write about everything that would be embarrassing, and this I cope with these things.

Because putting it out in the open everyone can see and you do not have to hide it anymore and I can have Pride. Thanks for reading this with love and a holy kiss of friendship Roy.

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

What I wanted to write but I was afraid

5-09-2013

I was shy and I could not write I wanted too having write is hard but I wanted to try because they bless my heart more than words could say or write. I really was bless by all the friends it made sad because my colon was given problem so dang all over myself but I am going to have colonoscopy because ask my doctor. I am also going to have sleep and test for other things I ask my doctor to do. You see I listen in on another person trying to help another and yes it embarrassing to post this but how other am I to remove pride from myself.

I am not going to not be tested again but will come my path that makes me go into another test of pride but I am flesh human that thinks he will turn into spiritual as he move past these flesh word into the next stage of life. Having the courage to ask my doctor so I an take a colonoscopy because what others might think. When I was in my teens others called me names that made me fear things but I going to be bold and not worry what they think.

When I was on some boards some told me they wanted to hang me on a tree, stone me with rocks or burn me alive but I give my real address and told to come because the police trow lead back. Sure I should not given my address but I am going to run from either. When I think about boards that I am been banned from for blowing holy kisses at them because the voices told me to do and I read in book called the bible to greek everybody with a holy kiss.

If I going to say I am a apostle which I say I am self appointed apostle and I claim that I know the year I will die 2027 AD. A lot of people claim the bible is God's word but I do not believe they do not know what a false book and what God holy truth. The books from Genesis unto Revelation but the cover and back and anything that gives created to Price James because that not God. One can find truth in a fairly tale than man made church of the bible because the bible is not holy truth but fairly tales that have things to teach us about life that is what truth comes from.

I learn more about what is truth by going into Mental Hospital and listen to people that were trying to help me than any cult I ever been in and I call churches cults. Truth is what helps us learn about life like Revelation that teaches us wisdom of life like Revelation the different kinds of people. I tired now but I have teaches what wisdom comes from faces we are fools their not truth in us only hope that learn before its too late thank you with love and a holy kiss of friendship unto you from Roy.

God first

thanks my friends

I got out the hosial today and its the things are better than ever drean they could ever be

I doing really good today my friends but tired

I sign in the day after my birthday because I needed to

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God first

thank waysider and David

thank you two my friends

yes kids made me feel life is of value

thank you two

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God first

thanks Human

thanks my friend

yes I love my friend

I will hang there

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God first

thanks all my friends and others

it gets hard at times

but thanks you guys and my family and close friends

I am trying hard to live

is May 3th the day I was born

I love all of yall

thank you

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

It is something I wrote to my Psychotherapy

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Schizophrenia the voices have change

04-29-2013

I no longer a voice of reason it is unreasonable that louder the voice of reason tells me to kill myself but my unreasonable of Christ yell do not kill yourself your my apostle an unreasonable thing. I once said after my father and mother had died I would kill myself they were my only reason I did not do it long ago. For now I will listen to that unreasonable voice of Christ and that voice of flesh that tells me what is reasonable I will live for hoping to discover something that I am over looking.

The voice of reason tells me I am of no value I have no children and I will never have a wife while the unreasonable voice tells me the children that have loved me are more than I can count. I known that kids have always love me I have a way with children but it not the same then the unreasonable voice would say how? I do not have an answer to the unreasonable voice because the children I love are dear to me and my friends are dear to me.

It is hard to do what is unreasonable because I never will have a mate to love at my age I cannot give a women what she needs my hearth will not let me anymore. I fall for the wrong person like my Social Worker it would be easy for me to far for her but like the good ones she out of the picture to far away. Thank you for now I will live even that is unreasonable thing to do with love and a holy kiss From Roy.

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Schizophrenia hell bell

05-01-2013

I think the drug Citalopram is changing my feeling I feel like biting myself and cutting myself with razor blame I feel depression just lay there. All night and all day unless I have an appointed to go tomorrow I see the hearing doctor for a free check on my hearing because I can only hear up close if a person is more ten feet away I have trouble hearing. Then Thursday I see my doctor again for a check up I plan on telling that the drug is changing me and other things.

I plan telling him that I was tested for seizures and sleep disorder but the found nothing I was order to take a five sleep study that I never took. I feel like I am running to must from one appointed I have three on the sixth of May the 15th , the 20th, the 26th, and 6th of June. Thank you with love and a holy kiss from Roy.

here is what Psychotherapy wrote to me

I am very glad you will be able to see Nancy Williams on 5/15 - she will get your medication straightened out. She really does "discuss risks and benefits" of medication, and she will take your concerns about side effects seriously.

It is possible that you are having negative side effects from the celexa, but that is a medical question I will leave to the experts. It is a good idea to ask your doctor about that - tell him you have a psychiatric consults scheduled on 5/15 but you have questions about the celexa (citalopram) in the meantime. The psychiatrist who prescribed it at LifeSpring was Dr Lydon.

I hope the upsetting thoughts and feelings get better soon. if they don't and you find yourself thinking about hurting yourself all the time, you can't wait for two weeks. One option is to follow up with Dr. Lydon at LifeSpring. If you are sure that you can keep yourself safe, another option is to call the Crisis Unit and talk to a nurse or MD there. The number is 270-737-1360.

If you are not sure that you can keep yourself from harming yourself, you need to go to the Crisis Unit or the Emergency Department right away. I want you to keep all your options open. You are still needed in this fleshly world. It is no fun keeping up with all those appointments, but I am hopeful that we can get you feeling better soon.

Be well, and keep your fleshly self safe.

On April 23, 2013 I cut on myself somewhat

On May 2 2013 I did it again

On May 3 my friends took out to eat

On May 6 2013 I see my Psychotherapy again

do not know what he is going to do

God first

thanks Waysider

thanks my dear friend

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God first

thanks e my dear friend

I doing fine and things are good my manament now

I take magnesium pills everyday for a long time but I did know that

I love you my friend

I am not thinkin a lot about my hearth right now been dreaming about other worlds

thank you

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Schizophrenia my life my prophecy

04-24-2013

I hear the voices clearer than before I see the visions with shapes of each color more detail it is like seeing in the day light with my eyes open but my eyes are closed the light off and a thick covering over my eyes. But today I going to write as the voices give me every word has I done so many times before or they God and his son Christ I do not know or care. Yes I have written with help of the voices guiding one as what to write about me and the unknown space out there because I see my self traveling out of this body.

Must I be struck in this body all the time No I say because there are world to travel to in my spirit has I ride on a comet to the far space the I see in my visions. Mankind has different forms God did not just creative us God creative all life out there because of distance their Sun, Moon, and other things they evolve different than us. I see their faces in my visions clearer than before but I only see the color Violet which shades of purple, shades of green, shades of black, shades of red, and white but no shade of yellow or brown yet.

My mind spins fast and faster as I hear the voices today I am listening to the radio and listening the voices as I write to you and thinking about other things at the same time. God wrote his word in our DNA the star dust that we evolve from the love God loves us with the God given ability to change into life again and again but the mind goes to God where we came from to live forever. Can I slow down my mind from spinning no but the drug Citalopram and others that I take once a day so far?

The vision are more clear than before a bonus that I like it supposes to help curled my desire to kill myself but I cannot seeing it doing anything yet. Life has the value it always has but maybe something has changed while I see no big change in willing to live it does matter one or anther to me. When I had the stroke I had to decide to live because I know what could happen my aunt should what could happen while mine should what might happen. One of two outcomes is a possible I must live with because a new will happen and nothing I do to stop it but if I take my medicine maybe I will have time here.

Time is all we have the time I live in this body with love I can share until I am dead hope not of my own hand because spirit time is different than fleshly time. Spiritual time does not end nor it changed it does move forward or backward it the same all the time. Thank you with love of truth and a holy kiss from Roy known as year2027 the man of flesh now.

God first

thank Seth

hang in there my friend

hearth is a hard to deal with as is trig memories

thank you

with love of truth and holy kiss of friendship from Roy

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Schizophrenia a night that I will not forget

04-21-2013

On Monday I did not get a lot of sleep, Tuesday I did not get a lot sleep, on Wednesday I got a fight with the management where I live. It was short fight she said was going to give so I told “I would kill myself” she said “over shower rod” I said “yes” she call the law. After things begin to settle down I talk to the person that was teaching the ropes I calm down some so sign in the Life Springs for a few days.

I have been there before so no big deal there was three guys and girl that had problems like my own but one seem on the edge more than the other one's. They all touche my heart a lone with the one's that would come into picture later they told their story's but the girl seem more willing to listen and get help. There would be another girl and another guy come into this place before I would told I could go home the doctor said I could go home after putting on a drug called Citalopram 20MG a drug no side effects that made me sorry about given it a try.

You see every drug has some side effects but one can pick the one they are willing take a spin on dice of luck one must take a change on something. I came to see that it can not be normal for me to want to end it all over small things like the voices told me many times doctrine misunderstanding are just that. Otherwise there only small things that seem big at the moment the truth is your right and your wrong because there many view that one can look at something.

I went to get my new drug and than I drove to were it all begin my management office not to fight just to see her because she did a needed thing for me to try to thank her. I do know if I got more sleep if it would of not happen at all or happen anyway that somethings we may never know. Life has so many ups and downs anywhere but for me like so many others it is more intense.

The visions are more clear than ever before or the one I had last night the voices told me I must see the evil visions to understand the good ones better. The faces that so many are afraid of it look creature of different worlds which I know that there must be more than just us because different in biophysical would evolve into a different looking creature. Is this world traveling on a path that we will over took by outer worldly creature of another kind because that just shows God bigger to me.

I know this is odd but it is it lead me if there a God no drug can turn God away God is bigger any drug in the truths says “Mark 16:18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover” but that not temping God. Otherwise if you take something that a poison to your body unknowing it God will take care of you has your body fight to live it is a Nature things that God set up in the beginning. Thank you with love and a holy kiss from Roy.

God first

thanks Ex

thanks my friend

yes i cannot wait either when everyone will be healed

thank you my friend

I see my doctor again on the 4-22-2013

everything is going good my friend

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God first

thanks Raf

thank you my friend

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

Chronic Schizophrenia and me what am I

04-08-2013

I went to my doctor today I had a good visit today we talk about my life things that borrow me and things that make me happy but all and all I feel it was good. Now my slyness held me back from opening up like I wanted to because I think I want to work my feeling of lose and hopeless because that is when I feel lost. I get those feeling when something goes wrong with keeping it simple otherwise not getting upset at the drop of the pen.

Spinoza on Philosophy {On the Improvement of Understanding, by Benedict de Spinoza, [1883]} a book that I enjoy reading this book. Riches, Fame, and the Pleasures of Sense I am not into riches today , I am not into fame either, but I am into pleasures on sense in my life of enjoying being known as a person that helps others in everyday life. Helping others think outside the box of life seeing things they might of not ever dream was possible like thinking they can do that which they believe is not possible.

For me it is written God's truths but for others it might something other never knowing whether you help one soul which not getting into the fame of it and not getting rich from doing it that is true pleasures that I enjoy. Human character that I have pick that is to be a person that lives love like Gladys Aylward a English missionary in China that was called the person that loved the people. I love to be noted has a person that walk in love of God that is what Spinoza was getting at not that I can ever reach such a goal in life but just reaching for it makes me a better person.

Perception that I know that I see things that others cannot and that I hear things that others do not while I have perception that math is a illusion that we have been taught. Like John Tyndall which was noted for the Tyndall Illusion otherwise the blue sky you see is really red showing us perception is not always what we think it is. Just because our math teacher tells us one plus one equates two it might not be so that just the way we are taught which does prove anything other than by the rules we been taught.

When I look at myself I see a weak person of no true knowledge lower myself of no knowing anything the voices are able to teach me wisdom above my years making Spinoza perception void to my understanding. Otherwise the voices in my DNA tell me God is more and less at the same time or time means nothing at all. The voices I hear are the God of myself, the Christ of myself, the voice of my mind, and the voices that talk for comfort.

That the way I understand it to be because I hear two talking with each other like a phone line I over hearing in my head so loud it is hard to think on something other. My mind can talk with them listen to the radio watch television and read a Email at the same time while I am not as good as I use be I can still do it if I set my mind on it. I am written this to help my doctor understand the way my brain works hoping that he will be able to help me thank you with love and a holy kiss from Roy.

thanks ex

yes he does my friend

me too

with love and a holy kiss from roy

God first

thanks ex

i like that I feel good about it

but I cannot point at one thing

yes only a week

I guess it is only the begining

I guess that main thing is I am not under key lock door

I guess he just got to known me

He told me I one of a kind

otherwise he has no clear answer for me has to my dianose

thank you my friend ex

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God first

thanks waysider

it went goodand I see him again 4-15-2013

thank you my frend

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God first

thanks WordWolf

cult |kəlt|

noun

a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object: the cult of St. Olaf.

• a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister: a network of Satan-worshiping cults.

• a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing: a cult of personality surrounding the leaders.

• [ usu. as modifier ] a person or thing that is popular or fashionable, esp. among a particular section of society: a cult film.

a school is directed toward what they believe a good student should be

not saying they are right or wrong

it is contoling like anything other

if you do not learn you are called slow and so on

sports are contoling you must follow the rules

it is conroling

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God first

thanks Steve

thank you my friend Steve

it is good to hear from my friends

the 8th will be here soon

I hope I am ready

thank you

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

thanks ex

thank you my dear friend ex

I have known HORRIBLE shrinks too but looking forward to a good one

they are just anybody other there is good ones and there are bad ones

only time will tell

thank you for wishing me luck

I love you

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

the bigest cults are ones that you don not think so lets name a few

Schools

4H

sports

games

these all control your thinking

God first

thanks ex

thanks my dear friend

my doctor E-mail me here what he wrote

________________________

I did look at your note and the YouTube video.

You're right, nobody really understands what schizophrenia is (and there is not a very good definition of it in the first place). For that matter, nobody really understands what dreams are, why we have them or what they mean. And the medications - I wouldn't say guinea pig, but I would say trial-and-error.

For many people, voices and visions are negative and terrifying, but if it doesn't bother you, treating those particular symptoms may not be that important. Feeling misunderstood, confused, depressed, wanting to die - those are symptoms that you need relief from.

It's good that you are comfortable being open with people, but not everybody is open and understanding - many people are easily frightened. It is a actually rare to come across someone who is open and ready to meet you on your own terms. Being able to tell whether someone is ready to listen is a skill we may need to work on. It is important to tell the truth, but there are times when it is wiser to be silent. Kim didn't want your information to be public because it is very important to our work that people know they can speak in confidence - we have to go out of our way to let people know that we won't talk about their secrets. Not everyone is like you - some people are terrified that people will find out their secrets, and we have to be very careful to make them feel safe.

Thanks for giving me some background. We'll only have an hour on Monday, and this could save us some time.

I look forward to seeing you in person on Monday.

Nick Watters PsyD

_______________________________________

sounds like he a understanding doctor

I am doing fine now my friend

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God first

thanks excathedra

it is hard some times but I keep on going

I cry all the time

some your loving are a help thanks

with love and a holy kiss from Roy

God of nothing, God of something, and God of everything first

What a day I have had!

03-27-2013

What was a day that I believe never over I was so down with my feeling and I told God I am going to give with life one more time but be patience I about to tell the part of God's plan for me. I wrote my life story to many times I told ask God to send me help the thing I know the phone ring it was my doctor office wanting me to report my self to LifeSpring”s again the nurse said Dr ~~~~ wanted to check myself to LifeSpring's again I was upset. I just last night when down to LifeSpring's and they said there no need “the doctor read everything I wrote and share with my Home Hearth Nurses Care by LifeLines's so I whet to visit my doctor.

I arrived at his office but I was so afraid of might happen I left his office then I call his office to cut a story short I whet back to his office. The next thing happen the doctor order a pill for to take to help me relaxant but it was no pill I would ever unless I was out of control take unless it was the drug Seroquel XR 150 MG for Chronic Schizophrenia so was afraid of might happen next. So I whet down to local hospital and ask to talk a doctor about the drug she told me that I do have take drug as as I am not going to harm myself or some other person I was not I just afraid of what might happen otherwise making me do as they say but that doctor Said no one make with a judge order and seem same in my right mind to her.

I no longer fear going to Communi-Care on 04-02-2013 where I agree to see a doctor about my Psychotherapy because now they cannot make me do anything I do not want. Where I visit my doctor again like he ask he ask me if I took the pill he gave me I told no said he I kill him look who thinking of death here but let leave with next appointed 04-01-2013 because he wants to watch me. I have no problem with that because that not my fear but the doctor fear so one thing another life happen that way as God teaching us life.

Let me tell you a story about when I was young about six year old it my first day of school the teacher let us go to bathroom a class mate said pee on you so .... on him he told the teacher. The teacher made me sat on her hap and gave me candy while the other children play that was the last memory of school beside small parts of grammar school. Now I do know if she did anything wrong but she place in her class two years in a roll even that there were two other teachers.

Let me move you up in time I was in ninth grade of school a teenager that was catch not understanding where babies came from with nine other in the room. You see something bad happen to where I never ask but that something good happen those nine young boys never told one word. Can you image a young boy never asking where babies came from in tenth grade I would watch a film of live birth in hearth class.

The reason I telling you this because I want freedom from everything could hold me back in my life otherwise the things that cause us pain reveling them help you face your life better. Most people are being destroy from things in their own past but uncovering them free us from the though and what came to show us the way unto freedom where your really free. Thank you with love and a holy kiss from Roy.