So as I said I would start with my introduction to fellowship:
So as I was saying my friend introduced me to this guy named David. I was of course unsure about being with anyone ever again but I agreed to meet him. He was drummer in her boy-friends band. I honestly didn’t think it would work at first because I’m kind of the shy type until I get to know you, well I used to be and he wanted me to be a part of a practical joke right of the bat. But lo and behold we did start talking through some unfortunate fighting that occurred by my ride home, which I wanted no part in so he offered. The weeks went on and he started to practically cling to my side. But I was fine with it because he was always a gentleman and he shared The Word of God with me. We would stay up all hours of the night just talking and talking, it was great. Sooner or later we just became a couple and he moved in. With him he brought tons of books. Oh I was in heaven so to speak. I devoured them. That was in 1990. He wasn’t even twigging at the time but I did talk him into going back. I followed him after a few weeks. I loved it. My first twig coordinators became very good friends of mine. She and I even started running a children’s fellowship in my apartment.
While going to twig I heard of this class called PFAL. I was really excited to go although a little scared. Being that I had read all the books I knew I would learn more about speaking tongues. I really wanted it but didn’t realize how bound up with fear I was until that last class of course. The people were nice and this was the first time I had met whom I would later call my Father in The Word, V.B. Well actually let me share this, although everyone was nice I still had the feeling especially around the women that I was less than they.
So anyway when the time came for us to speak in tongues I couldn’t do it. I was so upset and afraid that I ran out into the night in the cold with no coat and no idea of where I really was. I don’t remember who chased me down but I was thankful they did. V.B. took me into a bedroom and after much work with me somehow I finally did it. OK, so he had to yell at me, lol. I was so amazed by the fact that even I could do it. I was embarrassed though because I felt like everyone was waiting for V.B. and I was taking his time. But I never felt so loved by anyone in my life at that moment. Years later I would be teased about my little running habit but I’ll get to that.
So as time went on David and I continued to go to fellowship. I was knick-named the sponge because of my great desire to learn. I would ask so many questions and I ate, drank, and slept The Word. I never cried with joy so much before as when I led my own three children into speaking in tongues. I was so gun-ho. I loved it the few times we went out witnessing, I spoke to anyone and everyone I could about the wonderful works of God.
Time passed and things stayed the same as far as twig. It was loving and fun. David and I were even considered the twig leaders helpers. But things started falling apart between David and I. I can’t say why because to this day I don’t know why. He just stopped talking to me and we began to fight all the time. We never spent time with one another any longer and our relationship even began to get physically abusive. We still weren’t married yet even though we had a baby together. I just figured it was pressure and just tried to live in forgiveness. I had at times confided in my twig leaders about the abuse. She told V.B. at one point I know and this probably should have been my first red flag but it didn’t register with me. V.B. called me and we discussed the situation some. He said, ”Well you spread your legs.” That was that. I felt stuck because of my great desire to be right before God that I stayed and endured it.
A lot of things get fuzzy for me at this point because I think I was just trying to escape into the Word and be what God wanted me to be to let things really sink in. Even though I felt like crap at home with David I figured it would get better because The Word never fails right? We were encouraged to go through counseling with leadership, which we did.
It seemed as if we talked to everyone at some point.
Somewhere around this time period our twig leaders decided they needed a break and we changed twigs. They were another lovely couple. Then we were all encouraged to attend Momentus. David and I were even told that V.B. wouldn’t marry us unless we went through it. I must express the fact that I grew to love and see V.B. in such a bigger way than others even had seen him at that point. I honestly would have done almost anything that he said believing he spoke for God himself. I still struggled with my self worth so what he said went. To me it was the only way out of that worthless feeling; I just wanted to be my best for God. Let me back up a little and express some of what was going on between David and I. We were going to leadership meetings because of our helping with the twigs and this is where some of the extent of the abuse began to come out. One incident I will share was a time when David must have been possessed and tried to push me out of a second story window and when that didn’t work he pushed me down the stairs instead. I know people would ask me, “Why did you stay with him”. I can only say I felt bound to my vows before God. So we married. I don’t really know why but we didn’t get married by V.B. after all anyway. I believe it had to do with money if I remember right. So we just went before a judge and had our twig and prior twig leaders stand up for us along with one other couple.
So now I will just touch on my time at Momentus a little. I know not everyone here has taken it but I’m sure you have read some of the threads so I won’t go into all of the details except some of my own .... that came out. With all that had been going on with David and I there was a time period before we went that his mother died and he went to Canada to take care of her final business and to bury her. I hate to say it but I went out with old friends at that time and buried a lot of my pain in the bottle with them. I did a big mistake and slept with someone else and got pregnant. Oh I tried to explain it off in my heart and mind saying David don’t sleep with me and he’s abusive so I deserve this. Nobody knows it better than me that it just wasn’t going to work. Well it did come out in Momentus and it was very ugly. I ran out at one point, running again and V.B. followed me and encouraged me to come back and finish with him. My love for him, as the man of God grew all the more. I felt like dirt but he still wanted me, I couldn’t believe it. After it was all over we had to decide what we were going to do. David took me to have an abortion and counseling between us continued. He stopped hitting me through it all but we were still in the stagnant no talking relationship that we had all along.
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FreeAtLast
My heart goes out to you. I can feel your pain. looking forward to hearing the rest of your story. I
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excathedra
i have no words dear lovely grand-daughter
july 24.... 20 years.... dear darling nathan.... can't wait until you see him in heaven
and jamie too
i'm so very sorry for your precious heart that was held in his hands. i understand
too many hugs to type and too little words to express my feelings
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I Love Bagpipes
Grand-daughter...
Dittos to FreeAtLast and Exchathedra...no words to express the kind of pain you have endured.
Yet you have endured.
I'm sure it isn't easy writing this and that you have shed many tears in the process.
I hope you can finish writing your story; you stated there is a glorious end.
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grand-daughter
So as I said I would start with my introduction to fellowship:
So as I was saying my friend introduced me to this guy named David. I was of course unsure about being with anyone ever again but I agreed to meet him. He was drummer in her boy-friends band. I honestly didn’t think it would work at first because I’m kind of the shy type until I get to know you, well I used to be and he wanted me to be a part of a practical joke right of the bat. But lo and behold we did start talking through some unfortunate fighting that occurred by my ride home, which I wanted no part in so he offered. The weeks went on and he started to practically cling to my side. But I was fine with it because he was always a gentleman and he shared The Word of God with me. We would stay up all hours of the night just talking and talking, it was great. Sooner or later we just became a couple and he moved in. With him he brought tons of books. Oh I was in heaven so to speak. I devoured them. That was in 1990. He wasn’t even twigging at the time but I did talk him into going back. I followed him after a few weeks. I loved it. My first twig coordinators became very good friends of mine. She and I even started running a children’s fellowship in my apartment.
While going to twig I heard of this class called PFAL. I was really excited to go although a little scared. Being that I had read all the books I knew I would learn more about speaking tongues. I really wanted it but didn’t realize how bound up with fear I was until that last class of course. The people were nice and this was the first time I had met whom I would later call my Father in The Word, V.B. Well actually let me share this, although everyone was nice I still had the feeling especially around the women that I was less than they.
So anyway when the time came for us to speak in tongues I couldn’t do it. I was so upset and afraid that I ran out into the night in the cold with no coat and no idea of where I really was. I don’t remember who chased me down but I was thankful they did. V.B. took me into a bedroom and after much work with me somehow I finally did it. OK, so he had to yell at me, lol. I was so amazed by the fact that even I could do it. I was embarrassed though because I felt like everyone was waiting for V.B. and I was taking his time. But I never felt so loved by anyone in my life at that moment. Years later I would be teased about my little running habit but I’ll get to that.
So as time went on David and I continued to go to fellowship. I was knick-named the sponge because of my great desire to learn. I would ask so many questions and I ate, drank, and slept The Word. I never cried with joy so much before as when I led my own three children into speaking in tongues. I was so gun-ho. I loved it the few times we went out witnessing, I spoke to anyone and everyone I could about the wonderful works of God.
Time passed and things stayed the same as far as twig. It was loving and fun. David and I were even considered the twig leaders helpers. But things started falling apart between David and I. I can’t say why because to this day I don’t know why. He just stopped talking to me and we began to fight all the time. We never spent time with one another any longer and our relationship even began to get physically abusive. We still weren’t married yet even though we had a baby together. I just figured it was pressure and just tried to live in forgiveness. I had at times confided in my twig leaders about the abuse. She told V.B. at one point I know and this probably should have been my first red flag but it didn’t register with me. V.B. called me and we discussed the situation some. He said, ”Well you spread your legs.” That was that. I felt stuck because of my great desire to be right before God that I stayed and endured it.
A lot of things get fuzzy for me at this point because I think I was just trying to escape into the Word and be what God wanted me to be to let things really sink in. Even though I felt like crap at home with David I figured it would get better because The Word never fails right? We were encouraged to go through counseling with leadership, which we did.
It seemed as if we talked to everyone at some point.
Somewhere around this time period our twig leaders decided they needed a break and we changed twigs. They were another lovely couple. Then we were all encouraged to attend Momentus. David and I were even told that V.B. wouldn’t marry us unless we went through it. I must express the fact that I grew to love and see V.B. in such a bigger way than others even had seen him at that point. I honestly would have done almost anything that he said believing he spoke for God himself. I still struggled with my self worth so what he said went. To me it was the only way out of that worthless feeling; I just wanted to be my best for God. Let me back up a little and express some of what was going on between David and I. We were going to leadership meetings because of our helping with the twigs and this is where some of the extent of the abuse began to come out. One incident I will share was a time when David must have been possessed and tried to push me out of a second story window and when that didn’t work he pushed me down the stairs instead. I know people would ask me, “Why did you stay with him”. I can only say I felt bound to my vows before God. So we married. I don’t really know why but we didn’t get married by V.B. after all anyway. I believe it had to do with money if I remember right. So we just went before a judge and had our twig and prior twig leaders stand up for us along with one other couple.
So now I will just touch on my time at Momentus a little. I know not everyone here has taken it but I’m sure you have read some of the threads so I won’t go into all of the details except some of my own .... that came out. With all that had been going on with David and I there was a time period before we went that his mother died and he went to Canada to take care of her final business and to bury her. I hate to say it but I went out with old friends at that time and buried a lot of my pain in the bottle with them. I did a big mistake and slept with someone else and got pregnant. Oh I tried to explain it off in my heart and mind saying David don’t sleep with me and he’s abusive so I deserve this. Nobody knows it better than me that it just wasn’t going to work. Well it did come out in Momentus and it was very ugly. I ran out at one point, running again and V.B. followed me and encouraged me to come back and finish with him. My love for him, as the man of God grew all the more. I felt like dirt but he still wanted me, I couldn’t believe it. After it was all over we had to decide what we were going to do. David took me to have an abortion and counseling between us continued. He stopped hitting me through it all but we were still in the stagnant no talking relationship that we had all along.
I can’t share anymore right now.
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QuietThinker
Sharing your story must be exhausting, grand-daughter, and I couldn't share as much information as you did in this post.
I am so glad that you're here and have a place to be...and having chatted with you, I think you're pretty terrific.
*many hugs*
QT
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