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Personal victory


rascal
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Well...I went and checked first thing this morning...The belt is still there...I guess I am going to have to accept that it really DID happen :)

Thank you all SO much for all of your well wishes and support.

I just never felt like I had ever accomplished anything noteworthy in my life...I was tired of being minimum wage earning, ex cultie, mom....etc...I wanted to feel like I had accomplished something...like I had some kind of identity of my own.

Excathedra asked me why?

Well... I guess that I started with simply admiring the grace and agility of a karate student.

I know that one time a group of teenaged kids kids attacked and visciously beat the two men I was with...to this day, I think that an angel intervened to stop them from killing us.

I remember thinking that I never ever wanted to feel helpless again.

Those were a few of the reasons in the beginning. I started with my kids because I didn`t want them to ever feel that kind of helplessness....

One day my instructor sat the children down and asked us all why we studied karate.

He then shared with us why he taught it. He said quite simply, that it was important to him that in addition to developing the moral character in kids to stand up for what is right...not just for themselves, but for others....but the physical ability to do so as well....

I thought ..too many times evil succedes because no one has the ability to stand up to it.

I was impressed with the black belt principles...honesty, integrety, courage, discipline, etc.

I knew at one point this summer that I had achieved my goal...that I was indeed a black belt...well before my promotion...I knew that something had changed inside of me ...that the recognition from the federation and my belt were simply technicalities to be later observed.

I was confronted with a frightening situation,....one that I know previously would have had me cowering behind closed locked doors with a gun in hand...(as a matter of fact my mother was doing just that..lol)

I remember sucking it up, unlocking the door, knowing that this was the very LAST thing that I wanted to do....but calmly walking out shoulders squared back to confront the situation.

I remember starting to get terrified...thinking that I didn`t WANT to be the adult here....but then calm, a peace infused me and over came the terror. I knew then...I knew that I had changed.

Turns out that the situation was harmless...but I didn`t know it at the time...the demons (figuratively speaking) that I confronted and conquered were all very real to me. :)

Belle, that tatoo is really very cool...Lol....I will be in your neck of the woods soon...maybe then???

lol I am afraid....that I am too afraid of germs to allow someone to stick a needle in me....(parently that sense of courage gained doesn`t extend to germs darn it ) but I love them.

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