I was wondering, OKC, did you write that, or did you cut and paste it? If you wrote it, congrats, it was rather amusing. If not, well, it was still amusing.
I was wondering, OKC, did you write that, or did you cut and paste it? If you wrote it, congrats, it was rather amusing. If not, well, it was still amusing.
No I never write anything..I didn't think we could post names. I just find things to make people laugh
it's like my hobbie!
That is from a magazine on relgious satire called the wittenburg door.
I am at Bible Camp. They told us we have to write a letter today during Meditation Break to somebody we admire.
I don't really have anything to ask you. I just want to see the look on Counselor Joe's face when he sees who I'm writing to.
I thought of a joke for you! "Is it hot enough for you?" Ha ha!
Your friend,
Billy
Dear Satan,
How are you? I am fine.
There's a really mean girl in my class named Michelle. She's always picking on me at recess and calling me ugly and stupid.
Do you think you could get some of your demons to tie her to the monkey bars? And cover her with glue? And hit her in the face with sticks until her skin comes off? And set her on fire? And cut off her arms? I could send you a picture if you want.
I have a new puppy named Wiggles.
Love,
Sally
All Hail Satan, Ruler of the Underworld!
I'm fourteen years old and I'm lead bass guitarist in a heavy metal band called Kings of Satan.
I have worshipped you since I saw Fantasia when I was little. My room is practically a shrine to you, almost. I have all kinds of black t-shirts and posters with skulls and blood and stuff. I used to have a dead mouse from out by the gravel pit, but my mom threw it out.
Our band is really great and we sound a lot like Black Sabbath or Iron Maiden when we play their songs. If you made me and my friends really popular and rich and famous, we could tour hotels all over the place. We would throw away those little Bibles you find in hotel rooms and put Kings of Satan CDs there instead.
We played at a big school talent show last month, and we kicked hiney! Except the doofus announcer read our name as "Kings of Stan."
My soul is yours for eternity. Would you please send me an autographed picture, and a girlfriend?
Rock on!
Crash
Dear Satan:
How are you? I am fine.
I am twelve years old and I have a really serious problem. I have prayed and prayed and prayed about it, and I even went to see Benny Hinn with my problem, but either God isn't listening or God doesn't understand how important this is to me. So I am writing to you instead.
Here is my problem. I lost an eye in a freak military ordnance accident when I was really little, and I have to wear an eye patch in school and on the playground. My vision is all messed up, and I always get picked last for baseball, touch football, and dodge ball. And my mom dresses me up as a pirate every Halloween, even when I try to tell her that I could be, like, a Borg or Ray Charles or something.
If you could make my eye grow back, you can have all of my marbles, my slingshot, my X-Box, and the Victoria's Secret catalog I found in my brother's room.
If you can't make my eye grow back, could you give me something cool instead, like maybe an extra arm or super strength or x-ray vision or a bubble gum recipe?
Your pal,
Bazooka Joe
To Hoom It May Consern:
Please excuze Albert from eturnal damm nation. He is not filling well.
While on vacation in Israel, you suddenly find yourself conscripted into the dark army of Apollyon.
After winning American Idol, a weeping Satan says, “It’s just nice to finally get some recognition.”
You wake up, go to church, have lunch with your cell group, and return home to find that your dog has disappeared but his bone collection is neatly arranged on the patio.
You attempt to call grandma from a payphone only to be instructed by the operator to insert 77,777 quarters for an “extra-galactic call.”
You use the number 666 to win the lottery and use the money to coax KISS out of retirement.
You Google the word “Christian” only to find all search results have disappeared.
You just spent your entire Friday night eating pizza and watching TBN’s latest Praise-a-Thon.
There’s a rush to pick up all the “free clothing in the streets.”
You now realize that Kirk Cameron really is the only person left who can save the world.
Every television channel airs live broadcasts of John Hagee explaining that you are now in the apocalypse.
There is still a place in the world where some people believe lightning is caused by a demon. It's Montgomery, Alabama. The people are Stan and Liz, and the demon is called Chango. Here they give you top tips in casting out more spirits than you could ever imagine – demons of perfume, the game snap, Christmas trees, paisley, hospitals, Catholics (natch), India, goat hair... WARNING: If you don't like the midi hymn tune, the demons have already got you. You must tape it and play it forever to get rid of them. Apparently demons have taste.
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Sushi
I was wondering, OKC, did you write that, or did you cut and paste it? If you wrote it, congrats, it was rather amusing. If not, well, it was still amusing.
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cheranne
No I never write anything..I didn't think we could post names. I just find things to make people laugh
it's like my hobbie!
That is from a magazine on relgious satire called the wittenburg door.
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Mark Clarke
I never thought I'd agree with Satan about something! :lol:
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cheranne
Dear Mister Satan,
How are you? I am fine.
I am at Bible Camp. They told us we have to write a letter today during Meditation Break to somebody we admire.
I don't really have anything to ask you. I just want to see the look on Counselor Joe's face when he sees who I'm writing to.
I thought of a joke for you! "Is it hot enough for you?" Ha ha!
Your friend,
Billy
Dear Satan,
How are you? I am fine.
There's a really mean girl in my class named Michelle. She's always picking on me at recess and calling me ugly and stupid.
Do you think you could get some of your demons to tie her to the monkey bars? And cover her with glue? And hit her in the face with sticks until her skin comes off? And set her on fire? And cut off her arms? I could send you a picture if you want.
I have a new puppy named Wiggles.
Love,
Sally
All Hail Satan, Ruler of the Underworld!
I'm fourteen years old and I'm lead bass guitarist in a heavy metal band called Kings of Satan.
I have worshipped you since I saw Fantasia when I was little. My room is practically a shrine to you, almost. I have all kinds of black t-shirts and posters with skulls and blood and stuff. I used to have a dead mouse from out by the gravel pit, but my mom threw it out.
Our band is really great and we sound a lot like Black Sabbath or Iron Maiden when we play their songs. If you made me and my friends really popular and rich and famous, we could tour hotels all over the place. We would throw away those little Bibles you find in hotel rooms and put Kings of Satan CDs there instead.
We played at a big school talent show last month, and we kicked hiney! Except the doofus announcer read our name as "Kings of Stan."
My soul is yours for eternity. Would you please send me an autographed picture, and a girlfriend?
Rock on!
Crash
Dear Satan:
How are you? I am fine.
I am twelve years old and I have a really serious problem. I have prayed and prayed and prayed about it, and I even went to see Benny Hinn with my problem, but either God isn't listening or God doesn't understand how important this is to me. So I am writing to you instead.
Here is my problem. I lost an eye in a freak military ordnance accident when I was really little, and I have to wear an eye patch in school and on the playground. My vision is all messed up, and I always get picked last for baseball, touch football, and dodge ball. And my mom dresses me up as a pirate every Halloween, even when I try to tell her that I could be, like, a Borg or Ray Charles or something.
If you could make my eye grow back, you can have all of my marbles, my slingshot, my X-Box, and the Victoria's Secret catalog I found in my brother's room.
If you can't make my eye grow back, could you give me something cool instead, like maybe an extra arm or super strength or x-ray vision or a bubble gum recipe?
Your pal,
Bazooka Joe
To Hoom It May Consern:
Please excuze Albert from eturnal damm nation. He is not filling well.
Albert's Mom
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cheranne
You May Have Missed the Rapture if...
While on vacation in Israel, you suddenly find yourself conscripted into the dark army of Apollyon.
After winning American Idol, a weeping Satan says, “It’s just nice to finally get some recognition.”
You wake up, go to church, have lunch with your cell group, and return home to find that your dog has disappeared but his bone collection is neatly arranged on the patio.
You attempt to call grandma from a payphone only to be instructed by the operator to insert 77,777 quarters for an “extra-galactic call.”
You use the number 666 to win the lottery and use the money to coax KISS out of retirement.
You Google the word “Christian” only to find all search results have disappeared.
You just spent your entire Friday night eating pizza and watching TBN’s latest Praise-a-Thon.
There’s a rush to pick up all the “free clothing in the streets.”
You now realize that Kirk Cameron really is the only person left who can save the world.
Every television channel airs live broadcasts of John Hagee explaining that you are now in the apocalypse.
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cheranne
Demonbuster
There is still a place in the world where some people believe lightning is caused by a demon. It's Montgomery, Alabama. The people are Stan and Liz, and the demon is called Chango. Here they give you top tips in casting out more spirits than you could ever imagine – demons of perfume, the game snap, Christmas trees, paisley, hospitals, Catholics (natch), India, goat hair... WARNING: If you don't like the midi hymn tune, the demons have already got you. You must tape it and play it forever to get rid of them. Apparently demons have taste.
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