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Something to offend everyone


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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.

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What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

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What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bag.

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Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

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What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts.

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Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

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Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?

Because Janet Reno is her real father.

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What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

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What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

45 lbs.

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What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes.

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How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

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What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

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Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and

good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

driving.

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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.

Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

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Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

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What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying "Yo."

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Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

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What's the Cuban National Anthem?

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

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Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A different bar.

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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the

other?

A speech impediment.

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What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at

half-mast?

They're hiring.

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What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage

along with... "a recipe".

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How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

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What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern

fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale

begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe

this ****..."

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My, my, how times have changed.

Years ago...When 100 white men chased one black man,

we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR!!.

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Why is there no Disneyland in China?

No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

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