The Curtain Rods

[SafariVista]

The Curtain Rods

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

One the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything: cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned and air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the sage of the rotting hour. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and, within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

I just love a happy ending, don't you???

[Shellon]

LOL This story has often been one of my favorites.

[SafariVista]

And for me... this was the first time... thought it was clever... mean, but cleaver ;)

[Jade]

very funny! i will keep this info in the back of my mind ! ;)

[dmiller]

One of John McCutcheon's folk songs ----

The Red Corvette

words & music by John McCutcheon

One morning while reading the paper

In search of a new set of wheels

The classifieds had a most curious ad

In their listing of automobiles

I read in suspicious amusement

What seemed like a wild stroke of luck

"Corvette Stingray," it said, "low mileage, bright red,

"'83 model, 65 bucks."

I was used to my newspaper's typos,

Still I called up that number straightway

"'Bout that '83 'Vette: have you sold that thing yet?"

She said, "No, you're my first call today."

I said, "There's been some mistake in the paper,

"They've printed the price wrong somehow."

"Oh no," replied she, "they got that from me."

I said, "Don't sell that thing, I'm leaving now!"

Her address was in part of the city

Where I'd ventured just one time or two

Where the doctors, bank presidents, and lawyers are residents

And the houses are massive and new

And as I turned up her half-mile driveway

There in the cool of the day

In the sunlight it gleemed: the car of my dreams

Just $65 away

The interior was done in white leather

It had a 587 V-8

Gull-wing-span doors, Hurst four on the floor

And the 8-channel tape deck was great

There was chrome on the chrome on the fenders,

An aerodynamic design

A bar, a TV, and it was boggling to me

That for 65 bucks it was mine

Now I expected that this woman was crazy

To sell off this car at that price

But as we walked down the lane she seemed perfectly sane

She was charming and really quite nice

And she smiled in such great satisfaction

As she handed me title and keys

I said, "I've just got to know why you've let this thing go

"What's wrong with this car? Tell me please!"

Says she, "I'll be 60 come Tuesday

"And I've lived here with my husband, Earl.

"Well, after 30 years wed and without a word said

"He left me for a young teenage girl.

"But with his credit cards left here behind him,

"I knew that he couldn't get far.

"Last night from Florida he sent a wire to me:

"Said, 'I need money, dear, sell the car!'"

©1986 by John McCutcheon. Published by Appalsongs (ASCAP).

[SafariVista]

Oh my!