Thanks to my friends who have called and written - I love you.
Listen, this idiot just caught me at my bottom. He KNEW I was at a low and moved in for the kill. Now, that I have my "legs" back, I would have not given him the TIME of day. Washing my hair would have been a better use of my time and I would have never been upset that a selfish weirdo and I did not work out. It was a gift from God we parted!! If he called now, I would not even pick up the phone. If he came to see me, I would not open the door.
And if he tried NOW what he tried then - a few days after my husband and I split? I would not have been interested. He is NOT my type. At the low point, I was thankful for a friend -- that was the open door.... Not interested in his type. I like guys with a great sense of humor, who are intelligent, caring, love God and "genuinely" care about me. He was NOT a keeper, he was a toss back... He pretended to be what I wanted. I would have caught on in about 5 days if the timing had been different.
So, either he knew EXACTLY what he was doing - and picked a person at a low point to destroy OR he went after a broken person because he does not have what it takes to "win" the heart of a "healthy" woman. Either way, I was temporarily pathetic - he continues to be. How do I know? If a person KNEW they did what they did to "hurt" someone - a person really knowing and teaching Jesus would have called to apologize. So, I bet it continues...
"He" has an associate pastor who is a woman who told him she "loved him with ALL her heart" when she found a picture of me in his desk. I said, "Throw the picture out if it is going to cause trouble." He responded, "She can't hurt me, do you know HOW MUCH STUFF I HAVE ON HER?" What kind of genuine, Jesus loving man thinks like that? He should have sat down with her and suggested she go to another church or straighten her out... not begin to develop a way "to hurt" her if she caused trouble. Geeezzzz.
Just like TWI never confessed they hurt a lot of people with sexual misconduct and nor did they denounce that kind of teaching. Yet, they claim to be kinder and really living the WWJD life style. Actions speak louder than words. Where is the apology? Naw, the cover-up is probably just better. IMO
Ah, I just prayed for the pastor she is just a lonely old broad like myself. God help her find love. God help Raj find true love. Mend his heart and remind him of the loving Jesus who died on a cross with him in mind. Thank God for deliverance for all concerned. Bless his sons and "daughters". May they find a wonderful life in "Montana".
Ahh, who knows why we go goofey. But I know Jesus delivers "goofey".
I wish I could go back and re-layer these cool things into the story where they belong.
I wanted to share how GOD tried to TELL me and I did not listen to attempts to “save “ me from this situation.
Back on March 30th of last year the minister and I had a long talk about healing. I told him how I read all I could find and searched out “healing”.
He then “imparted” to me his gift and asked for double. He told me this was the first time he had ever done this.
I must tell you that I felt something happen. It was odd. It was like cotton candy – you know, how it wraps around the cardboard stick and sits there lightly covering the stick? It was the SAME thing that happened, except I was the stick and something wrapped around me.
One day, I was in the bathtub thinking how God was restoring that which the locust had eaten with this guy. And I heard the still small voice, “You think the last one was bad? This one will be worse and he will do it in my name.”
I thought on this for sometime then dismissed it. I should have listened.
Later, I was a wreck after he just disappeared for no apparent reason. After a parade of unusual things I do not want to list, I got sick. I had a woman minister to me who told me that the “guy” in my life was using me as some kind of an experiment. Giving me things then pulling them away to see what would happen.
Then, I kind of broke. After the 20-year-storm, then the “rush” of this “dream guy” in my life, and his unexplained departure. In a dream/vision I had been in a car wreck. Jesus held my face in his hands and said, “Look at me you have been in a wreck, you are injured and you need to focus on me.”
I tried to look for who caused the accident and it was the minister I saw him as they pulled him out of the other car. He was unscathed in a suit. Not dead but not functioning either. Like a non-feeling human. I was concerned about him. Jesus said again and again as my eyes went left and right, “Look at me. Look AT ME!” I gazed forward looking at Jesus and could see in the rearview mirror. In the mirror I could see miles and miles of destruction. Burning cars all over the highway with ambulances strewn all the way back on this highway.
I knew then there were MANY others in his destructive pathway. I was not his one and only love nor his one and only victim. I was “fun” something to do out of curiosity.
But as is my nature, when he called, we made-up. I still had hopes the “guy” that presented as wonderful was “still in there” and we could fix things and “get” IT back.
I did not see that “IT” was manufactured as part of the experiment. The "game", if you will.
So, we temporarily went “back”. Then, came more of the Delilah behavior FROM him. He would call me regularly and I would respond in e-mail as he was busy and I was not free to call. So, he would SAY something and I would think about it and send a note.
Anyway, the whole time he told me he was "sensitive" to me. And I could FEEL him in this cotton candy constructed spiritual cone that hung on me. I could sense moods and subtle changes and it was just odd and had NOTHING to do with “healing”. I thought it was this shared annoiting he imparted to me.
I was used to this ministers voice and had been TRAINED to respond to it by him. Subtly it happened and I could no longer hear the still small voice of God – which I almost never had a problem hearing.
So, God reached me in dreams.
There were 5 feral cats. 4 over to the left and one to the right. The one to the right was more tender, trusting and needy than the others. She was black and white. The people in the hospital fed them and took care of them. Then, one day a brown skinned man appeared and he began to say, “here kitty kitty…” The trusting black and white cat went to him as the recent other people had been so kind she thought he was like them. And he would call her near then do mean things, like kick her, then call her again offering much needed food. Then, one day he threw something on her like acid that stuck to her coat and she could not get it off. The more she licked her coat the more ill she became. Then, finally the hospital people ran out, chasing away the brown skinned man, took the cat and washed her fur off for her and let her repair.
The interesting thing was the DAY after I broke from him in our finale a WONDERFUL, walking, talking for God genuine guy contacted me saying, “Suddenly, you were on my heart…” HE prayed for me and saw a network created from this man’s mouth to my ear. Like the old fashion tin cans on a string. He told me a non-walking or fake, or a prophet who got off sent “familiar spirits” when they could no longer get revelation from God. I knew then that was part of the cotton candy thingy I felt on me.
And even after broken it continued to come back for a period until another walking talking genuine and I went through scripture “It is written” and attacked the places he taught me things that were “just not right.” It was then it left.
The next day was a Sunday and I planned to go to a new church recommended to me. But I had no “church” clothes to wear. I only had scrub pants and an ugly sweater.
I sat in my car and cried to God about all that had happened. I thanked him for the “real” men who loved him and I was truly sickened at the very thought of the other guy. I begged God to work with me again so I can re hear and relearn HIS voice. I started my car and began to drive to the new place in my ugly clothes, with my tear-swollen eyes, and my broken soul.
Then, I saw another (different) church on the way to the one I was heading to attend. And I was DRAWN to it. I knew I was really running late to make the other NEW church so I went in to the one I was DRAWN to instead, a little late and a lot worn out.
The teacher then began to teach and he said, “I have not shared this teaching in about 20 years but feel compelled to share this story. When I was a younger minister I had a church in the hills and I taught a Wednesday night church service. The church was small and we all knew each other in the church. So, when the door opened and this stranger came in we were surprised. And he was late and in blue jeans with an old shirt, not worn to church back then. He sat down and joined the service and after wards I introduced myself and he told me how he came to be in our service.”
He said, “Well, I train hawks. And I had my hawk out flying and I would call and she would come back to me each time. Then, on one flight she flew away and did not return. I drove around calling and calling and calling. I did not stop calling her name. Finally, she returned. I always go to church on Wednesdays but I knew I was too late to make my service and I saw the lights on in your church and was drawn to your church. I was embarrassed by what I had on but I went in anyway.”
I thought, “I am just like the man in the story.”
I went to the preacher afterward and told him I was just like the man in the story and I was pleased to be there in my ugly clothes and cry-swollen eyes.
I thought on the teaching the preacher shared all day. How the master never stopped calling the hawk and for a little while she did not hear or respond to his voice. But he never stopped. God was like that man and I could also be the hawk in that story.
The next day, I went to work and the other hospital my Doctors owned, the manager Cory called to tell me someone left a box of kittens or something (as was always happening) but when she opened the box it was a HAWK. THIS had never happened. The hospital then took the bird in to help it with its injured wing.
I KNEW then what God was confirming for me. Through all that had happened he has NEVER stopped calling me. Not ever not once.
I knew to NEVER turn off discernment, to never replace HIS voice with any other and that I was injured but in the repair shop. Where I was suppose to be.
And I do pray for his deliverance cause he may have gotten off track, but when he returns humbly to the Lord, he can be a GREAT, loving, caring genuine God-guy (IF and when he straightens out).
Hello I go by Dot Matrix and I am a co-dependant….
Well, the family corps Doctor graciously helped me through oodles of stuff. I also have a Christian counselor I have been seeing for over a year now. I see her every other week.
I like it because we pray and go to the Bible for answers.
So, I am speaking with her and she tells me I am a co-dependant.
Now, I must tell you I do not like that buzz word, partly because I do not understand it. Not in application anyway.
So, I say how so?
Well when one of these “types” of people get involved in my life a pattern begins to take place and it is relived over and over again.
At first something seems so right. This is “it”. I found the answer! This person is my dream guy!!! This “church” (TWI) is the church and I have finally found it!!!
On and on it goes…
At first, is the honeymoon period. All is well. The person/church is too good to be true!!! They are all my dreams and all I ever wanted!!!!
Then, after I let my guard down and become a fan/member/sell-out the nature of the relationship changes. Signs of abuse begin to surface. I dismiss them because after all, we all make mistakes and I already saw all the wonderful stuff. Soon the abuse and weirdness is too much to deny. But I stick around trying to “fix” it or to “get back” all the neat “feelings” that baited me to begin with.
So – Okay I did that in my male-female relationships. So how does that make me dependant?
When I try to leave, they will dose me with a dose of “wonderful” to give me a glimmer that we can get “it” back. And I begin to go “up” with their good treatment of me and go “down” with their bad treatment of me. I am wonderful because they think I am wonderful and I am crap when they think I am crap. My idenity becomes what they FEEL about me.
They target people like me and like the bad kid who pulls off the wings of the fly to torture it, I become that insect and they become the bad kid. But the SWEET things were so intoxicating that I dismiss the bad and continue to delude myself with thinking the original banquet of delightful deliciousness will reappear and STAY that way. IT will make a few brief reappearances just when I feel like leaving… but the banquet was an illusion. The feast was an oasis that a thirsty person sees in the distance as the sand and heat rob them of their sanity. And they chase after the water only to find more heat and more sand…
So, I say how are they DEPENDANT on me? Ya know? CO –dependant?
They get their power by robbing you of your “life” of your power. Of watching your hands shake at their mistreatment of you, or watching you crumble into goo as they withdrawal the “good” words providing the “good feelings” and instead “reprove” you by picking you apart and cruelly watching you writhe in a pitiful hunger.
They make you “addicts” of them. Always seeking the “good” in them which was manufactured to make you an addict – so they could give and withdrawal the drug at THEIR will --- they get their power from making us into sock puppets…. Dependent on the hand that wears us as the sock.
Yes, I have been THAT person in my relationships. IT is a STRONGHOLD of the devil.
We need to get our “fix” from Jesus. We need to let him steer our ship and when the world wants to feed us to the lions – we are not to look in the mouth of the lion but at the one who shuts their mouths. We need to look up to our God for our source of who we are and not subject ourselves as addicts to the ups and downs people provide for us as they bait themselves as an addiction – trying to get us to take the first snort of their “feel good” answers so we spend a life time chasing them in the blistering heat to the desert. Hoping we will “feel” that way again.
I guess I am these things. I was a co-dependent. It led me to controlling men and to a controlling cult. I wanted to fix my marriage, the cult, the ministers' and my relationship. When in reality there was "nothing" to fix. The good stuff is what a person "pretends to be" to get us. Or the devil puts on the hook as a tastey lure to hook us. I wanted those magic moments, however brief, I chased them like they were the reality and I was going to get it. What I got was deceived. And lived in an illusion of chasing after rainbows. The only thing worth SEEKING after is God! Then, filter all else through him.
Same principal with a little twist with TWI
The thing with TWI that worked so well was it WAS other people's successful ministries TWI put on the hook as bait. No wonder it tasted so good. It was real. But the fake part was it was never REALLY part of TWI "the hook" to evil. (IMO)
Like if I bought a wonderful dinner and fed you - telling you I cooked it. So, you began to date "the cook". The food was great - but I was never really the cook.
The article above surely can be looked into and made into a bad "woman" or a cult --- as well.
How about the gal who pretends to like sports, doesn't mind you going golfing, likes wild sex, also enjoys junk food and after you are married, she Hates sports, sex, golf and junk food and said it all to get you -- same stuff, I could make the list longer to make the point, I am not saying that these few things = that. I am merely trying to say the article is about MEN - but woman can be just as awful.Women can steal the dreams out of a man's life as well. And same in a ministry, I mentioned in another thread and will bring it up here.
This is what I am learning with my counselor
Co-dependency is a treatable illness of lost selfhood. You are not born with it. It is learned behavior from things like being married to an alcoholic, bipolar, sociopath, etc. you learn the “egg shell” walk to avoid explosions, you learn to do certain things to get them to "love" you... etc.
Or like being in a cult: If you “submit” you are a “favorite son” if you question you are “the devil”. If you tithe you are “walking with God” if you are not “You are shunned and cold shouldered or yelled at” You hunger for their approval so you stop questioning…you just act in obedient servitude. They supply the drug “approval” and you supply the “worship” they need to function and crave. And when you are starving for them, they enjoy your hunger and the power to supply the “drug” or withhold it.
There are different stages of co-dependency:
The early stage, where we experiment, such as if we act a certain way TWI leadership or Sociopath responds with love. We are tasting the drug. We want that "good" stuff we saw, it made "me feel good about myself".
The middle stage we begin to not always get the response we want so we TRY to please our “source” even more. We now go up and down with their infrequent responses of kindness. We experience hurt and disappointment. Where did the "good feeling" go? What did "I do" to make them stop "loving" me? How can I modify MY behavior to get my "drug" (their approval - love)? We are addicted.
Advanced stage with the accumulation of pain and not understanding why we can’t re-experience the “good feelings,” the "source" supplied in the beginning, we can become neurotic in trying to get them to approve of us again. Other addictions spin off and it becomes a full on illness
Last stage known as “terminal”(but I still believe behavior modification will save you) we cannot get the “feeling back” we will not listen to our friends and family who suggest this “source” is unhealthy. Our mental health declines and well as physical health can decline.
Even here at Greasespot when person after person tells certain posters they need to wake up, it is like an intervention. We have seen many people delivered. We have seen a few where the “intervention” just does not work because they just do not get the “extent” of their addiction. They have not “hit bottom” or cannot see the fact that they are bottom dwellers as they are so engrained in protecting the “source” that their “lives” have shrunk and not expanded. In their small sphere of life the “source” has been protected, the drug is still available and the fact that their life has become "small" is lost on them and they do not see they were robbed of all they could and can be.
Biblically TARES among the wheat
Matthew 13:24-30
The Parable of the Weeds
24Jesus told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. 25But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.
27"The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?'
28" 'An enemy did this,' he replied.
"The servants asked him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?'
29" 'No,' he answered, 'because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. 30Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.' "
Matthew 13:36-43
The Parable of the Weeds Explained
36Then he left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to him and said, "Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field."
37He answered, "The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. 38The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the sons of the kingdom. The weeds are the sons of the evil one, 39and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.
40"As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. 41The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. 42They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 43Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.
According to wikipedia:
Tare - Ryegrass (Lolium) is a genus of nine species of tufted grasses, family Poaceae.
Lolium temulentum
It usually grows in the same production zones as wheat and is considered a weed. The similarity between these two plants is so extensive that in some regions cockle is referred to as "false wheat." It bears a close resemblance to wheat until the ear appears. The ears on the real wheat are so heavy that it makes the entire plant droop downward, but the "false wheat", whose ears are light, stands up straight. It parasites wheat fields. The French word for darnel is "ivraie" (from Latin "ebriacus"), which expresses that weed's characteristic of making one feel poisoned with drunkenness.
I think the "tares" are the sociopaths and that God used symbolism to stand the ages to warn us.
Some books if you are interested:
Dr. Robert Hare, a recognized authority on psychopaths, has written a book for the lay person called "Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us," as well as a book on psychopaths in the workplace, "Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go To Work."
Oh well, its Easter and I am looking for the death of the old me and the rebirth of the new me (or the real me). The gestation period was only about 30 years!!!!
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Dot Matrix
Thanks to my friends who have called and written - I love you.
Listen, this idiot just caught me at my bottom. He KNEW I was at a low and moved in for the kill. Now, that I have my "legs" back, I would have not given him the TIME of day. Washing my hair would have been a better use of my time and I would have never been upset that a selfish weirdo and I did not work out. It was a gift from God we parted!! If he called now, I would not even pick up the phone. If he came to see me, I would not open the door.
And if he tried NOW what he tried then - a few days after my husband and I split? I would not have been interested. He is NOT my type. At the low point, I was thankful for a friend -- that was the open door.... Not interested in his type. I like guys with a great sense of humor, who are intelligent, caring, love God and "genuinely" care about me. He was NOT a keeper, he was a toss back... He pretended to be what I wanted. I would have caught on in about 5 days if the timing had been different.
So, either he knew EXACTLY what he was doing - and picked a person at a low point to destroy OR he went after a broken person because he does not have what it takes to "win" the heart of a "healthy" woman. Either way, I was temporarily pathetic - he continues to be. How do I know? If a person KNEW they did what they did to "hurt" someone - a person really knowing and teaching Jesus would have called to apologize. So, I bet it continues...
"He" has an associate pastor who is a woman who told him she "loved him with ALL her heart" when she found a picture of me in his desk. I said, "Throw the picture out if it is going to cause trouble." He responded, "She can't hurt me, do you know HOW MUCH STUFF I HAVE ON HER?" What kind of genuine, Jesus loving man thinks like that? He should have sat down with her and suggested she go to another church or straighten her out... not begin to develop a way "to hurt" her if she caused trouble. Geeezzzz.
Just like TWI never confessed they hurt a lot of people with sexual misconduct and nor did they denounce that kind of teaching. Yet, they claim to be kinder and really living the WWJD life style. Actions speak louder than words. Where is the apology? Naw, the cover-up is probably just better. IMO
Thanks again, my friends. I love you.
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Dot Matrix
Just prayed with a friend...
Ah, I just prayed for the pastor she is just a lonely old broad like myself. God help her find love. God help Raj find true love. Mend his heart and remind him of the loving Jesus who died on a cross with him in mind. Thank God for deliverance for all concerned. Bless his sons and "daughters". May they find a wonderful life in "Montana".
Ahh, who knows why we go goofey. But I know Jesus delivers "goofey".
Thank you Jesus, deliver us from "goofey".
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The God Factor
I wish I could go back and re-layer these cool things into the story where they belong.
I wanted to share how GOD tried to TELL me and I did not listen to attempts to “save “ me from this situation.
Back on March 30th of last year the minister and I had a long talk about healing. I told him how I read all I could find and searched out “healing”.
He then “imparted” to me his gift and asked for double. He told me this was the first time he had ever done this.
I must tell you that I felt something happen. It was odd. It was like cotton candy – you know, how it wraps around the cardboard stick and sits there lightly covering the stick? It was the SAME thing that happened, except I was the stick and something wrapped around me.
One day, I was in the bathtub thinking how God was restoring that which the locust had eaten with this guy. And I heard the still small voice, “You think the last one was bad? This one will be worse and he will do it in my name.”
I thought on this for sometime then dismissed it. I should have listened.
Later, I was a wreck after he just disappeared for no apparent reason. After a parade of unusual things I do not want to list, I got sick. I had a woman minister to me who told me that the “guy” in my life was using me as some kind of an experiment. Giving me things then pulling them away to see what would happen.
Then, I kind of broke. After the 20-year-storm, then the “rush” of this “dream guy” in my life, and his unexplained departure. In a dream/vision I had been in a car wreck. Jesus held my face in his hands and said, “Look at me you have been in a wreck, you are injured and you need to focus on me.”
I tried to look for who caused the accident and it was the minister I saw him as they pulled him out of the other car. He was unscathed in a suit. Not dead but not functioning either. Like a non-feeling human. I was concerned about him. Jesus said again and again as my eyes went left and right, “Look at me. Look AT ME!” I gazed forward looking at Jesus and could see in the rearview mirror. In the mirror I could see miles and miles of destruction. Burning cars all over the highway with ambulances strewn all the way back on this highway.
I knew then there were MANY others in his destructive pathway. I was not his one and only love nor his one and only victim. I was “fun” something to do out of curiosity.
But as is my nature, when he called, we made-up. I still had hopes the “guy” that presented as wonderful was “still in there” and we could fix things and “get” IT back.
I did not see that “IT” was manufactured as part of the experiment. The "game", if you will.
So, we temporarily went “back”. Then, came more of the Delilah behavior FROM him. He would call me regularly and I would respond in e-mail as he was busy and I was not free to call. So, he would SAY something and I would think about it and send a note.
Anyway, the whole time he told me he was "sensitive" to me. And I could FEEL him in this cotton candy constructed spiritual cone that hung on me. I could sense moods and subtle changes and it was just odd and had NOTHING to do with “healing”. I thought it was this shared annoiting he imparted to me.
I was used to this ministers voice and had been TRAINED to respond to it by him. Subtly it happened and I could no longer hear the still small voice of God – which I almost never had a problem hearing.
So, God reached me in dreams.
There were 5 feral cats. 4 over to the left and one to the right. The one to the right was more tender, trusting and needy than the others. She was black and white. The people in the hospital fed them and took care of them. Then, one day a brown skinned man appeared and he began to say, “here kitty kitty…” The trusting black and white cat went to him as the recent other people had been so kind she thought he was like them. And he would call her near then do mean things, like kick her, then call her again offering much needed food. Then, one day he threw something on her like acid that stuck to her coat and she could not get it off. The more she licked her coat the more ill she became. Then, finally the hospital people ran out, chasing away the brown skinned man, took the cat and washed her fur off for her and let her repair.
The interesting thing was the DAY after I broke from him in our finale a WONDERFUL, walking, talking for God genuine guy contacted me saying, “Suddenly, you were on my heart…” HE prayed for me and saw a network created from this man’s mouth to my ear. Like the old fashion tin cans on a string. He told me a non-walking or fake, or a prophet who got off sent “familiar spirits” when they could no longer get revelation from God. I knew then that was part of the cotton candy thingy I felt on me.
And even after broken it continued to come back for a period until another walking talking genuine and I went through scripture “It is written” and attacked the places he taught me things that were “just not right.” It was then it left.
The next day was a Sunday and I planned to go to a new church recommended to me. But I had no “church” clothes to wear. I only had scrub pants and an ugly sweater.
I sat in my car and cried to God about all that had happened. I thanked him for the “real” men who loved him and I was truly sickened at the very thought of the other guy. I begged God to work with me again so I can re hear and relearn HIS voice. I started my car and began to drive to the new place in my ugly clothes, with my tear-swollen eyes, and my broken soul.
Then, I saw another (different) church on the way to the one I was heading to attend. And I was DRAWN to it. I knew I was really running late to make the other NEW church so I went in to the one I was DRAWN to instead, a little late and a lot worn out.
The teacher then began to teach and he said, “I have not shared this teaching in about 20 years but feel compelled to share this story. When I was a younger minister I had a church in the hills and I taught a Wednesday night church service. The church was small and we all knew each other in the church. So, when the door opened and this stranger came in we were surprised. And he was late and in blue jeans with an old shirt, not worn to church back then. He sat down and joined the service and after wards I introduced myself and he told me how he came to be in our service.”
He said, “Well, I train hawks. And I had my hawk out flying and I would call and she would come back to me each time. Then, on one flight she flew away and did not return. I drove around calling and calling and calling. I did not stop calling her name. Finally, she returned. I always go to church on Wednesdays but I knew I was too late to make my service and I saw the lights on in your church and was drawn to your church. I was embarrassed by what I had on but I went in anyway.”
I thought, “I am just like the man in the story.”
I went to the preacher afterward and told him I was just like the man in the story and I was pleased to be there in my ugly clothes and cry-swollen eyes.
I thought on the teaching the preacher shared all day. How the master never stopped calling the hawk and for a little while she did not hear or respond to his voice. But he never stopped. God was like that man and I could also be the hawk in that story.
The next day, I went to work and the other hospital my Doctors owned, the manager Cory called to tell me someone left a box of kittens or something (as was always happening) but when she opened the box it was a HAWK. THIS had never happened. The hospital then took the bird in to help it with its injured wing.
I KNEW then what God was confirming for me. Through all that had happened he has NEVER stopped calling me. Not ever not once.
I knew to NEVER turn off discernment, to never replace HIS voice with any other and that I was injured but in the repair shop. Where I was suppose to be.
And I do pray for his deliverance cause he may have gotten off track, but when he returns humbly to the Lord, he can be a GREAT, loving, caring genuine God-guy (IF and when he straightens out).
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Additional God stuff
I went to the Father after my eyes were clear and I had to know the following things:
1. Did the minister ever care?
2. What did he think now?
3. Should I write him?
(I figured God would tell me what to write and maybe I could “reach” him with reproof and correction or whatever God wanted me to say.)
The next morning the last three dream images were
1. A man kissing a woman
2. A night time city cab ride with the driver in the front and two strangers in the back
3. And a picture of a bad check.
The symbolism was GREAT!!! God was amazing!!!
1. He wanted “passion”
2. Now we are “strangers in the night”.
3. Do not write (bad checks) Do not write him!
God is hysterically funny sometimes and very individual with his conversations with us.
So, he wanted passion. Then, out of that came my being an experiment or easily malleable…. The rest … well you get it
I love you God!
More stuff but I will type later about God's goodness!
The next after the minister what God revealed to me about my "open door". What I need to do to rise up.
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Praise God! Thank you Jesus!
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Hello I go by Dot Matrix and I am a co-dependant….
Well, the family corps Doctor graciously helped me through oodles of stuff. I also have a Christian counselor I have been seeing for over a year now. I see her every other week.
I like it because we pray and go to the Bible for answers.
So, I am speaking with her and she tells me I am a co-dependant.
Now, I must tell you I do not like that buzz word, partly because I do not understand it. Not in application anyway.
So, I say how so?
Well when one of these “types” of people get involved in my life a pattern begins to take place and it is relived over and over again.
At first something seems so right. This is “it”. I found the answer! This person is my dream guy!!! This “church” (TWI) is the church and I have finally found it!!!
On and on it goes…
At first, is the honeymoon period. All is well. The person/church is too good to be true!!! They are all my dreams and all I ever wanted!!!!
Then, after I let my guard down and become a fan/member/sell-out the nature of the relationship changes. Signs of abuse begin to surface. I dismiss them because after all, we all make mistakes and I already saw all the wonderful stuff. Soon the abuse and weirdness is too much to deny. But I stick around trying to “fix” it or to “get back” all the neat “feelings” that baited me to begin with.
So – Okay I did that in my male-female relationships. So how does that make me dependant?
When I try to leave, they will dose me with a dose of “wonderful” to give me a glimmer that we can get “it” back. And I begin to go “up” with their good treatment of me and go “down” with their bad treatment of me. I am wonderful because they think I am wonderful and I am crap when they think I am crap. My idenity becomes what they FEEL about me.
They target people like me and like the bad kid who pulls off the wings of the fly to torture it, I become that insect and they become the bad kid. But the SWEET things were so intoxicating that I dismiss the bad and continue to delude myself with thinking the original banquet of delightful deliciousness will reappear and STAY that way. IT will make a few brief reappearances just when I feel like leaving… but the banquet was an illusion. The feast was an oasis that a thirsty person sees in the distance as the sand and heat rob them of their sanity. And they chase after the water only to find more heat and more sand…
So, I say how are they DEPENDANT on me? Ya know? CO –dependant?
They get their power by robbing you of your “life” of your power. Of watching your hands shake at their mistreatment of you, or watching you crumble into goo as they withdrawal the “good” words providing the “good feelings” and instead “reprove” you by picking you apart and cruelly watching you writhe in a pitiful hunger.
They make you “addicts” of them. Always seeking the “good” in them which was manufactured to make you an addict – so they could give and withdrawal the drug at THEIR will --- they get their power from making us into sock puppets…. Dependent on the hand that wears us as the sock.
Yes, I have been THAT person in my relationships. IT is a STRONGHOLD of the devil.
We need to get our “fix” from Jesus. We need to let him steer our ship and when the world wants to feed us to the lions – we are not to look in the mouth of the lion but at the one who shuts their mouths. We need to look up to our God for our source of who we are and not subject ourselves as addicts to the ups and downs people provide for us as they bait themselves as an addiction – trying to get us to take the first snort of their “feel good” answers so we spend a life time chasing them in the blistering heat to the desert. Hoping we will “feel” that way again.
I guess I am these things. I was a co-dependent. It led me to controlling men and to a controlling cult. I wanted to fix my marriage, the cult, the ministers' and my relationship. When in reality there was "nothing" to fix. The good stuff is what a person "pretends to be" to get us. Or the devil puts on the hook as a tastey lure to hook us. I wanted those magic moments, however brief, I chased them like they were the reality and I was going to get it. What I got was deceived. And lived in an illusion of chasing after rainbows. The only thing worth SEEKING after is God! Then, filter all else through him.
Same principal with a little twist with TWI
The thing with TWI that worked so well was it WAS other people's successful ministries TWI put on the hook as bait. No wonder it tasted so good. It was real. But the fake part was it was never REALLY part of TWI "the hook" to evil. (IMO)
Like if I bought a wonderful dinner and fed you - telling you I cooked it. So, you began to date "the cook". The food was great - but I was never really the cook.
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Now going to the clinical and away from the spiritual for a moment
http://www.takebackyourheart.com/
Kiki Anniston Reveals: “The "Secret Reason" Why Women Are Attracted To Jerks, Players and Just Plain Dangerously Wrong Guys.”
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The article above surely can be looked into and made into a bad "woman" or a cult --- as well.
How about the gal who pretends to like sports, doesn't mind you going golfing, likes wild sex, also enjoys junk food and after you are married, she Hates sports, sex, golf and junk food and said it all to get you -- same stuff, I could make the list longer to make the point, I am not saying that these few things = that. I am merely trying to say the article is about MEN - but woman can be just as awful.Women can steal the dreams out of a man's life as well. And same in a ministry, I mentioned in another thread and will bring it up here.
This is what I am learning with my counselor
Co-dependency is a treatable illness of lost selfhood. You are not born with it. It is learned behavior from things like being married to an alcoholic, bipolar, sociopath, etc. you learn the “egg shell” walk to avoid explosions, you learn to do certain things to get them to "love" you... etc.
Or like being in a cult: If you “submit” you are a “favorite son” if you question you are “the devil”. If you tithe you are “walking with God” if you are not “You are shunned and cold shouldered or yelled at” You hunger for their approval so you stop questioning…you just act in obedient servitude. They supply the drug “approval” and you supply the “worship” they need to function and crave. And when you are starving for them, they enjoy your hunger and the power to supply the “drug” or withhold it.
There are different stages of co-dependency:
The early stage, where we experiment, such as if we act a certain way TWI leadership or Sociopath responds with love. We are tasting the drug. We want that "good" stuff we saw, it made "me feel good about myself".
The middle stage we begin to not always get the response we want so we TRY to please our “source” even more. We now go up and down with their infrequent responses of kindness. We experience hurt and disappointment. Where did the "good feeling" go? What did "I do" to make them stop "loving" me? How can I modify MY behavior to get my "drug" (their approval - love)? We are addicted.
Advanced stage with the accumulation of pain and not understanding why we can’t re-experience the “good feelings,” the "source" supplied in the beginning, we can become neurotic in trying to get them to approve of us again. Other addictions spin off and it becomes a full on illness
Last stage known as “terminal”(but I still believe behavior modification will save you) we cannot get the “feeling back” we will not listen to our friends and family who suggest this “source” is unhealthy. Our mental health declines and well as physical health can decline.
Even here at Greasespot when person after person tells certain posters they need to wake up, it is like an intervention. We have seen many people delivered. We have seen a few where the “intervention” just does not work because they just do not get the “extent” of their addiction. They have not “hit bottom” or cannot see the fact that they are bottom dwellers as they are so engrained in protecting the “source” that their “lives” have shrunk and not expanded. In their small sphere of life the “source” has been protected, the drug is still available and the fact that their life has become "small" is lost on them and they do not see they were robbed of all they could and can be.
Biblically TARES among the wheat
Matthew 13:24-30
The Parable of the Weeds
24Jesus told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. 25But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.
27"The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?'
28" 'An enemy did this,' he replied.
"The servants asked him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?'
29" 'No,' he answered, 'because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. 30Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.' "
Matthew 13:36-43
The Parable of the Weeds Explained
36Then he left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to him and said, "Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field."
37He answered, "The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. 38The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the sons of the kingdom. The weeds are the sons of the evil one, 39and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.
40"As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. 41The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. 42They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 43Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.
According to wikipedia:
Tare - Ryegrass (Lolium) is a genus of nine species of tufted grasses, family Poaceae.
Lolium temulentum
It usually grows in the same production zones as wheat and is considered a weed. The similarity between these two plants is so extensive that in some regions cockle is referred to as "false wheat." It bears a close resemblance to wheat until the ear appears. The ears on the real wheat are so heavy that it makes the entire plant droop downward, but the "false wheat", whose ears are light, stands up straight. It parasites wheat fields. The French word for darnel is "ivraie" (from Latin "ebriacus"), which expresses that weed's characteristic of making one feel poisoned with drunkenness.
I think the "tares" are the sociopaths and that God used symbolism to stand the ages to warn us.
Some books if you are interested:
Dr. Robert Hare, a recognized authority on psychopaths, has written a book for the lay person called "Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us," as well as a book on psychopaths in the workplace, "Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go To Work."
http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/sanity_1.PdF "The mask of sanity"
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Oh well, its Easter and I am looking for the death of the old me and the rebirth of the new me (or the real me). The gestation period was only about 30 years!!!!
Praise God!!!
Happy Easter!!!
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The longer things go on the clearer things become --
This really sounds like what happened to me:
http://toogoodtobereal.blogspot.com/2006/0...-sociopath.html
Edited to ADD this
http://toogoodtobereal.blogspot.com/2006/0...ic-partner.html
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