Pardon Me Mrs. Ford, or, Which Way To The Gangway?!!

[J0nny Ling0]

There was thread around here where folks were talking about Mrs Betty Ford, and her graciousness. But, I couldn't find it again. And so, I typed up an incident that happened to me and posted it on this thread.

Pardon Me Mrs Ford, Or, Which Way To The Gangway!?

Wow. I actually have a personal incident with Betty Ford, and, she was so very gracious. I was the Mate/Engineer aboard Washington DC's newest and coolest "restaurant" back in 1973/74. This restaurant was a 100 foot restaurant cruise boat that still plies the waters of the Potomac River, taking the guests on dinner and luncheon cruises while cruising past the sites of Washington, DC. While manning the helm, I always kept the jackstaff dead on the Washington Monument for the first half hour. Kinda cool...At any rate, you can check out the Cruise Ship Dandy's website at:

http://www.dandydinnerboat.com/dandy.htm

One afternoon, we had the Dandy chartered to bring aboard "all the ladies of the White House" for a luncheon cruise, including Mrs. Gerald Ford, and her esteemed guest, Mrs. Yitshak Rabin, wife of then Prime Minister of Israel, who was later asassinated. This cruise left from the west bank of the Potomac River in Alexandria, VA, and headed north for an hour up to the city of Washington, DC, where we would turn circles to the port side just off of the infamous Watergate Hotel. It was neat, cool, and for an eighteen year old like myself was an "adventure" every afternoon and evening. I got witnessed to on the Dandy by a WOW Ambassador who worked with us as a cocktail waitress.

On this particular day, it was late August, and very hot (90+ degrees), and very humid out. And so, There I Was, the operator of all of the air conditioning, sanitary ammenities (pronounced "bathrooms"), potable water, proper functioning of the boats' main engines, and part time helmsman to give the Skipper a break while he "mingled" with the passengers while making our way up river from Alexandria toward the Capitol. Life was good, and we were all proud of the celebrities we had on board, from the Owner of the boat, the Captain, my brother Miles the bartender, all the way down to the lowest dishwasher. Life was good, and the air conditioniong seemed to be working just fine, which was of major concern to all of the crew, especially with all of the Ladies aboard. But just when things were looking fine and the cackle fest was in full swing, the air conditioning shut down! "And to a miner that's Hell!" No wait, I mean to say; "And to a fancy restaurant boat owner with the President's wife aboard, that's Hell!"

And sure enough it was Hell. Those Ladies of the Whitehouse had already had their second round of drinky-poo's, and they were ready for more! This was a " day time girl's night out" on the grandest of scales, and they did not need to be cooped up inside of a glass enclosed restaurant boat, without any ventilation or air conditioning! But, that was the situation we were all in, and there was lots of pressure on me to get the system back on line. As an aside, I must insert this bit of information:

Do you all remember who Walter Washington was? He was the first black mayor of any city in America, and was at that time, the Mayor of Washington, DC. Well, his wife, Mrs. Walter Washington (can't remember her first name) was aboard with all the Ladies Of The White House. And it was the weirdest thing. Mrs. Washington, for some reason unbeknownst to us, had some sort of weird "white powder" on her face, as if to diminish the color of her skin or something. I mean, here she was, this lone black woman, amongst all of these white women, the wives of the "creme de la creme" of Washington, DC, and she definitely seemed to be uncomfortable in her surroundings. But, this was nothing compared to the discomfort that she felt as the temperature of the boat rose to 85 plus degrees, and finally 92 degrees, and the sweat began to trickle down her cheeks, making little rivulets in the white powder that she for some reason had put on her face!

And not only was she sweating, but the entire gaggle of Important Ladies were sweating, and their perfumes intermixed, and some of them were farting, and it was just plain awfull!! Meanwhile, I was running down to the engineroom compartment, using a Co2 fire extinguisher (extremely cold spray) to cool down the overheated breakers that kept tripping out due to the overload, which worked for awhile, until the intense cold destroyed the breaker altogether, rendering our entire AC system totally useless. Fortunately, my action upon the breakers was at the direct command of the totally freaked out Owner who had told me in desperation (he actually grabbed me by my shirt collar with both hands and pulled my face into his) to "do whatever the hell it takes to get those AC's back on line!" I even told him that the Co2 extinguishers would wreck the breaker, but he said; "Just do it! Get those AC's online! I don't care about the breakers!" And so, I had them going in that capacity for about an hour with only minimal relief, until they totally crapped out, and The Ladies Of The White House continued to drink, sweat, emminate their mixed perfumes and fart...

But then the real disaster struck! My brother Miles came up to me just after I emerged from the engine compartment after a failed attempt to revive the breaker that serviced the AC units, and he said to me; "Jonny! Ya gotta get down to the heads (bathrooms)! The toilets'r overflowing and it stinks like hell!" And so I go, and sure enough, at the bottom of the stairwell where the heads are, there was two inches of overflowed ....water", sloshing from port to starboard, and with the intense heat, it stunk worse than a dead skunk in the middle of the road covered in Limberger cheese in the hot sun! Oh man, this was bad, way bad. The reason it had overflowed is because it was a faulty system in the first place that needed to be totally changed out. But the owner never took heed to me and my brother's and the Captain's advice. He was cheap, and would not get the bigger amp breakers we needed, nor the proper marine toilets we requested. What we had, in essence was two toilets that were nothing more than "RV toilets", the kind that circulates the sewage water over and over and has the blue chemical mixed into it to curtail the smell. And the reason that it clogged was because of the plague of tampons that all women seemed to think was okay to throw into the toilet, even though I had a big sign that said not to do it, "or, an alarm will sound!". There really was no alarm, but I had thought this might be a deterrent. Silly me....

And so, there I was down at the bottom of this stairwell between the mens and ladies heads, with a mop, sweating and mopping, and cursing under my breath, only to look up and see Mrs Ford coming down the stairwell with two Secret Service guys coming behind her. The stench must have been overpowering, but she was very gracious to me. I said to her; "I'm so sorry Mrs. Ford, I'll have this cleaned up asap, and I will make sure to let you know the instant I am done". And she said; "That's fine young man, and you are doing a wonderful job, keep up the good work, and don't feel bad, it's probably not your fault." She was very kind to me, although there seemed to be an edge in her voice when she pronounced the words "not your fault". This seemed to directed at the owner, and or possibly her staff who did not do their "homework" on picking a place for this VIP Get Together. The looks on the faces of the Secret Service guys were not friendly at all...

And so, I got it cleaned up, picked the "debris" out of the clogged up pump (man that was humiliating), got it back on line, and informed the First Lady that she could then use the facility. When we finally docked, it was almost a stampede to the gangway after the First Lady and Mrs. Rabin got to the end of the dock and into the big black limo and drove away. Once they were all gone and I'd hooked up the shore power, and shut down the generators, my brother Miles, the Skipper, and I cracked a few cold ones while the Owner drank three successive shots of Scotch., and then poured a stiff one on the rocks

After this cruise, the word got around town, and the Owner was sunk, socially speaking. I am reasonably sure that the new Cruise Ship Dandy is managed better by far. On that URL, there seems to be a brand new Dandy, but it seems that the older one is still in service.The original Dandy is the one that is wider in the beam...

Edited December 5, 2005 by Jonny Lingo

[krys]

What a great story!

[J0nny Ling0]

Why thank you Krysalis. I thought it was kinda cool myself. It was one of the events that my brother Miles and I used to reminisce about, and now that he's fallen asleep, I guess the story means even more to me now...

Edited December 6, 2005 by Jonny Lingo

[dmiller]

That is a good story!

First off I thought you were spinning one of those great *yarns* you tell so well, but I see it isn't.

(If I was the owner, I might have just poured some scotch into a glass, left it on the table, and drink straight from the bottle! Poor guy, what a thing to have happen to him). :wacko:

David

[J0nny Ling0]

Yeah, overall, it was a real bummer. But, I kept my job, and we conitinued to have a "full boat", but Mr. Donald Stetson Davis, from England, was sunk, socially speaking. He just misjudged the importance of having the proper equipment for running a good show. Maybe he was under-financed, and the took a gamble, which ended up not going in his favor...

Oh, and Mr. D Miller, thanks for the compliment on the "yarns"!

[dmiller]

Oh, and Mr. D Miller, thanks for the compliment on the "yarns"!

HA!! I will never forget the one you *spun* about tatoos, and witnessing!

You have the gift. You really do. :)

David