Shelly

Thanks, Wafer Not! and Rottie. So, I guess what I glean from this thread is, 1) It is nice to be remembered, and missed! 2) Avoid icky feelings at ALL costs, but do what you have to do. Which is why I hadn’t been posting for 11 months. (Well, that, and becoming too lazy to type out my thoughts.) I become emotionally involved with a particular poster and I didn’t like what I was becoming. You would think they have 12-step programs for that? -->

I quit drinking while going to AA. I was court ordered to go. It really helped me get honest about what was going on with me. They are there to share their experience, strength and hope. No preaching. As I learned how other people stayed sober I was able to take their experience and see if it worked for me. When one guy shared how he dealt with the anger, he said, “I get so angry by not drinking I just have to go outside and weed-eat everything in sight!” Didn’t work for me, but I did throw myself into home repairs and my dog, Jesse Joe. I had experiences similar to you, Rottie. I tried quite a few meeting that left me with a very icky feeling. The bright lights, sitting in a circle, looking at people I didn’t know or even want to, was not my idea of a good time. But then I found a meeting that dimmed the lights; I didn’t feel so exposed. They were set up more like a living room, with some of the chairs in the back. I would sit in the back by the door with most everyone’s back to me. When everyone got up to do the Lord’s Prayer, I would sneak out. I attended this meeting until I stopped going to AA. Every meeting has it’s own personality and I tried a few before I found one I liked. Kit, I don’t know if the bumper sticker you saw is 12-step related but they do have “thirteen steppers” at the meetings. They are people that attend just to find dates. A “thirteen stepper” generally doesn’t have anyone’s best interest at heart but his or her own. Groups are still made up of individuals. I have often felt the same way, as you WordWolf, about GSC and 12-step programs. People often share their experience, strength and hope here. Say what you will about GSC, but for me it is a place I feel understood. I don’t have to post, just from lurking I know people understand what I have gone through in TWI. I’ve gained from their experience and strength. They have given me hope. Not everyone can deal with 12-step programs. That’s ok. For me though, it helped me take an unmanageable area of my life and change it to something I could live with.

Hi Daryl, I haven’t posted at GSC in a long time, although, I still lurk from time to time. Your post brought me out. I wanted you to know that I really admire your courage. It is not easy talking about something that is so personal. Especially when you know, you will be judged by doing so. Such is life, huh? Can’t stop other people from thinking what they want, can we? But what they think is not important. What is important is what we think about ourselves. I’m sorry you never had a chance to entrust your sister with the real you. From what little you wrote about her, she sounds like she was a remarkable woman. For whatever reason, I have no doubt, that she would embrace you for your heart, comfort you in your pain, and let you know she loves you just the way you are. Keep your courage, guard your heart, and do no harm. Your sister would be proud. Shelly aka JesseJoe