Lisa

Ex was right!! It was my fault! I didn't even consider going to the police.

Thanks Ex Waysider keeps saying that it's a twisted wacky logic. I put soooo much trust in the Way leaders and what they had to say. There was many times that I was probably just numb. I didn't feel anything at all. There's a theory by a Sociologist who studied flight attendants and what she saw with them was that they had to put on the "smile" all the time for the passengers and eventually the attendants would become numb to any emotions because the passenger is always right - just smile and agree. This is most likely how I felt - I had to put on the "smile" and always say I was blessed when in reality I was probably numb.

Waysider I have to agree that it was a twisted mess of wacky logic. I forgot about all the "joy" stuff. I remember that I was always supposed to be blessed for doing things that normally I would hate to do. Like cleaning under the stove to get rid of that one crumb that might have a devil spirit attached to it. While writing this it seems so ridiculously funny now. Funny but sick!

Were you happy or blessed, should I say. in TWI? I thought I was until 10 years after I left. The hardest thing for me has been the emotions I should have had. I should have been angry, sad, scared, disappointed, etc., etc. When I lived in Montana I witnessed to a guy and then I went out on a date with him. He kidnapped me for 3 days and raped me. It was in the middle of winter and he had taken away my shoes and coat. When I finally convinced him to take me back to my Way home, the leaders said I wasn't believing enough to get away. It was completely my fault! I had to suck it up! I had no opportunity to express any feelings from this incident. When I was a WOW in PA, there was 10 of us in pairs, most of us had been witnessing to this one guy. He took the PFAL class and then shortly afterwards he committed suicide. We weren't allowed to grieve his death. He must have been possessed!! I could go on and on with many stories like this and I'm sure all of you have many. I'm just curious to know what other people felt or didn't feel.

I almost have my master's degree in Clinical Sociology. Just finishing my thesis. I'll be teaching a Sociology class in the fall at a university. Volunteer work would have been a good choice to choose from. I volunteer by helping people who have been in cults, gangs, and hate groups. I also give presentations on these topics to educate people. Just wanted to mention these things because I'm 45 years old and I think I might know what I want to be when I grow up. :) :)

Excathedra, I totally believe what you're saying. I had some things happen to me, even though I wasn't at HQ. I started crying when I read your posts. PTSD rearing up its ugly head - especially in the spring. We were all so manipulated and controlled!! I recently finished writing my thesis on ex-cult members transitioning from a cult back into society and I interviewed six ex-cult members. None of them were from TWI and they were from all different groups - only four were from bible-based groups. I've also talked with many ex-cult members. The amazing thing is that these groups always seem to be hung up on sexual issues. And it seems like the women are always used and abused!! It was difficult at times to hear their stories. I'll have to save this for another thread sometime because the focus here is on the secret agenda society. Thank you for sharing Ex! You are so very brave. I know, personally, how hard it can be to tell one's story because it seems so horrendous.

Yes it was for real. That was why I was so scared to leave because maybe I could be born again of the wrong spirit. I know that Ralph's name was mentioned in the conversation with Donna's sister and a few others. They were marked as not really being born again of the right spirit. Athletes of the Spirit was such a big deal at that time and killing someone would be justified. I was scared years after I left - some of this had to do with having PTSD, but I was scared for my life.

I remember being so scared to leave. What would I say? I was told (this was in '87) from Donna Martindale's sister about people leaving and how they were possessed and possibly not really born again of the right spirit, but of the wrong spirit. There was possibly death threats out on some of the leaders who had left. Athletes of the Spirit seemed to come out at the perfect time to show us that a person born again of the wrong spirit could be killed. I was on my way to Gunnison, I was staying in Denver at the time, when I snapped. Someone, who had recently left TWI, asked me why we tithed. I never questioned this before. I realized I never really questioned anything. I freaked out!!! How could I go into the corps having all these questions and doubting everything I'd been taught? Two days before I was to show up at Gunnison I asked my very dear friend what I should say. And he said, "Tell them we're getting married." This sounded good enough for me. That way I was hoping I wouldn't be questioned. I actually wasn't! The two of us, along with my new fiance's brother went to Gunnison for a weekend to get all my belongings and tried talking many people out. We weren't very successful! To answer your question about those last words. I was able to avoid it by moving to Fort Collins, CO with my husband-to-be and we followed John Lynn's group for a while. Interestingly enough, at our wedding we invited TWI folowers, Geer's followers, and John Lynn's followers. There was a mix of all these people at our wedding. I didn't find out till later the interactions between each of these groups. It was interesting to say the least. Donna Martindale's sister (Teresa) and her husband (Lou Guigou) came to my wedding. I lived with them for a few years. They didn't say anything to me about leaving. I think I just tried to avoid talking about this topic, even though I was scared something might be brought up. Nothing was!!

When I was in TWI I always felt like sex was a free for all. My WOW sister had sex with men she wanted to recruit. I had sex with my WOW brother. This was in Pennsylvania. I lived in Billings, MT for a couple of years after my WOW year with Donna Martindale's sister and her husband (Lou Guigiou) and I found out a lot of inside information. Lou convinced me it was alright to give him a full body massage without questioning and I would also give the limb leader one when he would visit. I felt I couldn't question any of this because they were MOG. Thank goodness I wasn't raped, but I feel for those women who were at the mercy of the so called "MOG". When I left in '87, along with many others, the whole adultery thing all made sense. I could see how what we were taught in the PFAL class led into physical adultery being ok. What craziness!

Yes, I was hoping to get people from Colorado, since I am from here.

I left TWI in '88 and am now working on my master's degree in Sociology. I am conducting research on ex-cult members transitioning from a cult back into society. I actually lived in Montana when I left TWI and I know only a few people who left in Colorado. I am doing face-to-face interviews with ex-cult members. The interview only lasts 1-2 hours depending on your story. I am willing to travel to meet with you, if you are interested. This is very important research to educate people about the devasting effects from having been in a cult and then transitioning back into society. I know the impact it has made on my life and would like to know other people's story. You can contact me at monr1724@blue.unco.edu. By the way, I live in Greeley and my name is Lisa Monroney.