Eyesopen

My mom (and now me as well) actually use that phrase and embelish upon it by saying "Bless your little pea picking heart" She had been saying that for many many years before twi. But it usually meant "you poor thing dont you have a brain that you can borrow because the one you're using isnt working very well?"

On another thread the topic turned to debil sprits and possession and it was noted by several posters that twi made a big deal about the Debil and what he and his were doing (or not doing). But they seldom mentioned God or Jesus Christ and what they and theirs were doing.

I mentioned that I believe that I have actually had a conversation with an Angel and that same Angel took the time to save my LEAD partner and I from an unknown fate. After mentioning this on the other thread I was asked if I would share the experience with all of you. I am sure that I was not the only one to have God's personal intervention in my life nor am I the only one that has spoken to an Angel. So please feel free to add your own experiences.

So this is an exerpt from my own autobiography. I have edited it a bit for clarity since I am not printing the entire book here. It takes place after my rather dismal LEAD experience on the hitchhike home from New Mexico to Emporia.

Michael and I were dropped off on the highway below the Chalet in Tinnie just like hundreds of other Corps had been before. There was nothing exceptional about the day in any way, it was warm. We started walking in the appropriate direction and when a vehicle would pass going our direction we would turn to face it and stick out our thumbs. Eventually we caught a ride. Each ride that we caught would take us only a small distance down the highway and we would be out on the road walking again. We spoke very little, being content with quiet contemplation of the events that we had just endured and thankful that we had both escaped physically unscathed. I know that I reveled in regaining my long lost ability to just silently talk to God as my Father.

On the second day about midday Michael and I opened our eyes for what seemed like the first time since leaving the mountain and found that we had no idea where we were at. We were on a long, barren stretch of highway that was intermittingly criss-crossed with overpasses that seemed to go no-where. Quite literally there was nothing as far as the eye could see; no trees, no brush, no cars, no signs identifying the highway, no buildings…nothing…and we could see quite a ways. The road was gently rising before our feet and gently sloping away. We had not slept at all since leaving Tinnie. We had not eaten anything but compressed peanut butter bars with sesame seeds that were washed down with warm, stale water since leaving Tinnie the morning prior. Our stomachs growled and our legs felt like lead and jello alternately. We were quickly becoming discouraged.

With unspoken communication Michael and I decided to sit amongst the cheat grass beneath one of the overpasses. It was just for a moment; to drop our packs and close our weary eyes, to remove our tortured skin from the unrelenting heat of the sun. There wasn’t even a breeze to caress our baking flesh. With a heavy sigh of resignation and defeat we sat in the sweltering shade. I closed my eyes and I do not know if I slept as I leaned against my backpack. I know that I sent only one silent prayer or pleading to God, “Help us” as my eyes shut.

I opened them with a start, as did Michael. Suddenly we were awake, not just awake but energized and alert. We turned to look at one another from across our chosen seating areas. “What is different?” was the question on both our tongues. A gentle but insistent breeze played in my hair; it was noted on the edge of my mind. Michael and I looked first one way down the highway and then the other. We were faced with a barren landscape that was similar but different from the one that we closed our eyes too. We stood and examined our surroundings as if we had stepped from a different world. It was changed but it was not changed. Something was most definitely different but we could not decide exactly what so we shouldered our packs and began to once again walk up the highway. If we did not get a long ride soon we would most certainly be late returning to Emporia.

We had walked perhaps 200 yards when suddenly a car was coming down the highway, going in our direction. It was a simple 4 door sedan of a nondescript color but it looked like a gold plated limousine to us. We stuck out our thumbs and the car pulled onto the shoulder. We rushed to the passenger side of the car and Michael opened the front door. The driver told him to stash our packs in the back seat and I suggested that Michael climb in after them and get some sleep. Somehow I was still wide awake. Michael, completely outside of character readily agreed and sleepily crawled into the back seat. He had been wide awake just scant moments previous but now suddenly he was barely able to close his door before he was sound asleep.

I sat down in the front seat and for the first time took a good look at the driver. Were he standing he might reach 5’ 10”. His little tummy extended out from his body and threatened to rest on his rounding polyester encased legs. Short but not quite stubby arms protruded from his white cotton button down shirt and as he moved the “farmers” tan on them became evident. A short fleshy neck upon which a double chin rested when not jiggling, bloomed from the crisp collar. Soft brown deer eyes peered at me from behind a black pair of horned rim glasses that perched on the small bridge of his nose. Dark brown eyebrows gently arched over those eyes. Around the tall expanse of his forehead, which extended to the back of his head, grew an Olympic crown ring of slightly lighter hair. Beneath his nose was a warm smile. He was exactly what I pictured in my mind of how a traveling salesman would look.

I thanked him for stopping for us and asked him where he had come from. Both Michael and I had just looked behind us and saw nothing when this car had suddenly appeared and pulled off of the highway in front of us. He asked me, “Did you not see me?” I told him that I had not. “Well no matter. I am here now am I not? And you need a ride…yes?” “Yes” we did in fact need a ride and he was here and willing to take us down this Twilight Zone highway. I wondered then what Michael would think of this unexpected boon and I turned slightly to ask. But Michael was breathing deeply and in the midst of the deepest of sleep. “Looks like your friend was tired. I don’t think that you will be able to wake him.” In fact I did halfheartedly try to rouse him; he only groaned lightly and rolled over. So I let him be. I had forgotten what it was that I wanted to ask him anyway.

I turned back to the driver, from whom I never requested a name. He was smiling. I could not help but be drawn into that smile. It soothed me, comforted me and made me feel safe. This man was sent from God. I knew that as fact just as I know that at this very second I am breathing. I asked him what he did for a living, not quite certain what I was expecting to hear. He told me that he was a traveling salesman. "What do you sell?" I asked. “This and that” He said. I did not pursue the topic. The mischievous grin on my host’s face bespoke of more play with words and no real answers. My silence opened the door for him to ask me questions. He asked my name and the name of my companion. Then he asked me what we were doing on the highway hitchhiking. My answer was quite extended as you might imagine. The Way jargon that I now used as a matter of course was difficult to translate into the normal English language. Concepts such as LEAD were foreign to my new friend.

As we spoke the miles sped by beneath the wheels of the sedan. The highway lay unchanged before us. Off ramps occurred often but they bore no identification at all. There were no numbers and no names assigned to any of them. There were no signs on the highway identifying it either; in truth I saw no signs at all; no speed limit signs, no destination signs…nothing. It simply droned on without any distinguishing marks or sights. Strangely enough there was occasionally another car on that stretch of road, some were going the other way and one showed up behind us for a short time and then it was gone. Perhaps it took one of the off ramps. I realized that I had forever to tell him my story…and I did tell him. From time to time he would ask a clarifying question but for the most part I happily chattered along without any further encouragement from him. I don’t remember the specifics of what I told him beyond my happy childhood, despite the illnesses and injuries and my quest to become a minister for God. I don’t remember one actual word of the conversation I only know that I told him about my life and my dreams and goals. All that I remember is that I talked for a good long time, while the highway stretched out unending before us.

When at last I stopped and he had no further questions the road changed. The tires of our sedan picked up the sound of uneven pavement no doubt where it had been patched. It was this sound that caused my head to turn and behold in wonder the vision before me. Trees and dark green brush had sprung from the earth and signs had sprouted from the rough shoulder. A truck stop now rose in the distance. “This is as far as I should take you. You can get a ride here with a trucker.” There was nothing left for me to say except “Thank you” so when I stepped out of the car that is what I said. Michael had become fully awake when we pulled into the parking lot. He sat up, looked around, said “Thanks” and stepped out of the car with the bags in tow. I waved as our “salesman” drove out of the parking lot and watched as he drove onto the on ramp. His car was lost from sight for just a moment but I kept watching because I was certain that I would see it enter the highway at the bottom of the ramp which was clearly visible to me. The car never exited the ramp; it never drove back onto the highway. I know some of you are thinking that I have completely gone off of the deep end. But I assure you that I never turned my head or closed my eyes. The car got onto the ramp but never got off of it. I told Michael what I had seen when he asked me why I was still staring at the ramp. He discounted it and told me that there was probably a fork or something on that ramp. Well it was possible I supposed. The ramp does curve out of sight for a short bit. I determined that we would need to use that ramp one way or the other if we were to get back to Emporia so I would see what I would see at that time.

It is possible that it is here at this truck stop that we used our $10 to get some food. The entire place seemed like an unfortunate disappointment to me after talking with the salesman. Inside I felt freer than I had for what seemed like an eternity. My heart was light. Which considering what I had just endured on Mt. Capitan seemed like hypocrisy. It wasn’t like I had forgotten the ordeal, or that I was no longer angry. It was more a kin to a deep seated peace. The kind that comes from an unerring, untainted, complete and total trust in the path that you are on or in the fact that you are safe. I knew beyond any doubt that this salesman had been an Angel. There had been too many irregularities. Michael of course thought that I was nuts. Perhaps I was or am, but I know what I saw and I know what I felt.

After a bit of looking we did catch a ride out of the truck stop. Michael insisted that I climb into the sleeper and use it for its intended purpose. I was “obviously” delusional from the lack of sleep. He had been completely awake and fully refreshed until he looked at his watch and it told him that he had only slept for around an hour. So now he was weary and grumpy. I did climb into the sleeper but I did not close my eyes until I had checked out the on ramp. There were no forks in the bloody thing. There were no other ways off of the ramp except for the openings at either end. A quick look at the highway showed me that it looked as normal as any other highway in both directions; black pavement lined in greenery and signs. There was no sense in pointing out any of this to Michael as he had seemingly made up his mind that I was hallucinating. So I went to sleep and I slept all the way into Kansas.

So there it is my Angel story. Originally I had promised to tell this story after I had finished telling my LEAD story...now I have. I was called crazy by my fellow Corps. But if I had claimed that I had cast out 12 debil sprits they would have given me a medal or something. Our focus was really wacked!

No, I don't think they planned it.

It just oozed from their pores like sweat from a Sumo wrestler.

And thank you Waysider for that incredibly descriptive and disgusting insight. :blink:

I find it strange that one can be addicted to a cult but then again a workaholic is addicted to work and I've seen some athletes addicted to a sport or aspect of it. I think perhaps we as humans need some sort of structure or groove that we can fit into and move in without having to apply a great deal of thought or what we perceive as extreneous effort. After a while whatever we were doing in twi became our little groove and it made us feel good to be in that groove. It gave us a sense of accomplishment...even if we were standing still.

After they kicked me really hard, I cried.

Then, I was told I had a sullen (sad) spirit.

It's true I was sad about the way I was treated.

Like Belle and MStar I was and probably still am accused of being possessed and maybe I am... :o I always figured it was a lot like being crazy, if you have to ask if you are...you probably arent.

And not to derail the thread too much but I was wondering does anyone know where they actually got the names for all these debil sprits? I dont remember there ever being a list of them in the Bible or even too many verses that really definitively named one. I know there are places that appear to be calling some spirit by a adverb style name but even those seemed a little hinky to me. Jesus asked one what his name was and I get the impression from those verses that he was looking for an actual name like George or something. I mean Lucifer is a real name right? It doesnt say that he changed his name when he fell from heaven only that he was now using a title that depicted his nature. There are some books that give the angels names and I'm pretty sure there are some that give debil sprits names as well... actual names. So where did twi come up with all of their names? Anyone know?

He hee that was fun! I got it to change red, green, purple, sage, pink and then back to green and then purple then I stopped.

Do I have too much time on my hands?

Thanks Belle! I found that to be quite interesting.

Well said, Lifted. And I will take it a step further. Shame, yes, is a big part of it. But for a little kid - especially a little kid who has been abused and neglected (and preditors are soooo very good at picking out the kids who have been abused and neglected) it is more than just shame. Mixed with that shame - causing that shame to be even greater, is the thrill that someone has finally noticed you exist. So yeah, there is a feeling that what is going on is wrong and that causes shame. There is also a feeling of being happy that someone knows you exist and on some level that happy feeling over something you know is wrong makes the shame oh so very much worse.

This sounds like the proverbial 'any kind of attention is better than none at all'. I have been told that sometimes the abused allow it to continue even when they know it is wrong because they believe that the person abusing them is really doing it out of love. Another aspect is when the abuser convinces the abused that they are the ones causing the problem. I cant tell you how many times I have heard a battered wife say 'I deserved it'. Of course I've kind of dropped into the realm of physical abuse as well as mental, but I would think that on some level sexual abuse is similar. I have heard some people use the defense that 'she asked for it by the way she was dressed' or worse 'she asked for it by being so pretty'. I heard a father say that about his thirteen year old daughter once.

Socks that is an interesting way of looking at things. And I understand it.. :blink: Perhaps my own 'third track' being recognized?

Twinky, that's actually not a bad idea. I have to go and take care of my car right now but perhaps later tonight I will have the opportunity to start such a thing.

OKC, thanks for the article. He is a very brave man.

But that was a big chunk of my life – and in many ways evolved into a part of my life now – in that those experiences and more importantly my responses shaped me…and continue to shape me as I sort through the mental baggage. Hey, it wasn't all bad for me! And I now enjoy the freedom to look at each detail and see it for what it is.

I don't feel the need to pronounce judgment on whether or not someone was born again, or play Advanced Class grad to explain life – God knows what's going on – and for some reason He's not saying a whole lot – and I'm at the place in my walk where I'm okay with that . Doctrinally, I'm not intent on throwing out the baby with the bath water. Heck, I'm not sure where I stand on a lot of stuff anyway – or whether it matters – but I do enjoy re-evaluating everything with other Grease Spotters and I'm learning to appreciate people as people rather than seeing them as a viewpoint.

Great post T-Bone! I can really relate to the part about how those experiences shaped me. It wasnt all bad for me either, but when it was bad it was really ugly. But that which I experienced is a part of me and it helped shape me into who I am today, good or bad, right or wrong. I also find myself sifting through things as they kind of just show up. I dont do like some people do and try to break down PFAL or specific doctrines because their 'bugging me' or I feel the need to regurgitate it. But as things come up, like believing = receiving, I re-examine the doctrine with everything at my disposal and I reach a conclusion that I can live with. Now that conclusion may change tomorrow but it no longer hovers over me like a dark cloud.

I totally believe that only God has the true 'formulae' for spiritual perception and awareness and He's gonna teach it to whomever he wants to. The Huckster got a lot of money, time, energy, love and just years and lives from a lot of good Godly people. But I feel that I learned from it and I moved on with my life and today I love God and have my own walk with Him.

Rascal, I actually wrote it all down when I wrote my autobiography a couple of months ago. If you like I can send you that chapter. I'm not publishing the book until next January. I didnt want to overlap Kris's book in any way.

I tend to think that because people's minds were "conditioned" to think and see things in a certain way...many of them actually "saw things"....things they thought were legitimate spiritual experiences...such as "devil spirits"...

Looking at life through the prism of twi's dangerous and bogus doctrines is bound to produce "interpretations" of various life experiences that would fit with their teachings.

Wearing twi tinted glasses, the guy was possessed out of his mind...whereas to someone else, maybe they had a bipolar disorder or maybe they were just drunk and acting stupid...it all depends on your point of view.

I think that you are absolutely correct in this assessment but I do not rule out that their is a spiritual realm and I honestly believe that there are times that it crosses over into our realm and if we are paying attention or are meant to we see it.

It's an area of gray for me.

Well, now, myself, my wife, and her sister have all read Kris' book - all without basically putting it down. Sister in law mentioned her own abuse (it would rate as criminal) in addition to other equally criminal cases she personally knows about -- by a different figure right next to Victor. Two of these, she's never mentioned before.

Interesting how the cleansing of one person's soul onto paper has caused others to find a kind of similar type of desire and ability to cleanse their own soul.

My roomate who was never in twi but had the unfortunate misadventure of living with a twi fanatic for six years also took the time to read Kris's book. She devoured the thing. When she was done she told me that now she understood how her previous 'roomie' had similarily brainwashed her from day one even to the extent of telling her that if she ever moved out she would be damning herself to the pits of hell. The abuses inflicted upon her were also criminal. But with some of what Kris shared about the thought processes involved with certain teachings she believes that she better understands how she was abused and can now start to making more positive changes to facilitate healing.

The "spiritual perception and awareness" seemed to promote more finding a devil spirit under every rock (or in every person) rather than seeing the Godly side (could we say, positive?) of spirituality. Everybody (okay, a little exaggeration) saw devil spirits; how many saw angels or spirits acting on God's behalf?

Actually I saw one that I'm certain of once. It was during my infamous LEAD trip. On the way home to Emporia were hitchhiking in the middle of no-where and I'm certain that it was an angel that picked us up and took us down the road. It's a long story and nobody believed me, even my partner who fell asleep in the back seat the second he got in and somehow never heard anything for the next few hours but was automatically wide awake the second we turned off the highway. I stopped telling people about it rather quickly because they thought I was insane (I was in res for crying out loud!). But it was real. I know it was.

But I also saw some other things that have to be chalked up to the other side.

As far as spiritual perception and awareness...i think that only God and the spirit within can truly teach us that, and its not all black and white. There are degrees of evil just as there are degrees of good. I was never one to see devil spirits under every rock. I always figured that most of those 'sightings' were a bunch of crap. But people certainly began to expect us to be able to see them. Even my immediate leaders encouraged me to 'see' things with my spiritual eyes when we were running big classes out on the field. Gotta protect the babes from the attacks of the debil dontcha know!

But, the good news is - it will though. The Messiah is coming for Israel in His glory, the Jewish people will realize who he was and mourn over him as a son for what happened to him. I love the Book of Revelation - the earth is righteous, it is superabounding, the Jewish nation once again is Holy and rules with Christ over the men of the earth, their mission finally fulfilled.

At the end, Heavenly Jerusalem - the real, true temple, that Israel had made on earth, which was the "type" or a shadow reflection of what was really in heaven, comes down - it is magnificent, with a tribe's name written over each gate, and the names of the 12 apostles written on its foundation.

Genesis - Paradise lost, man's spirit - God's "image" - lost. Revelation - Paradise regained, God's "image" restored to man, the woman calls mankind to eat of the tree of life. Israel, the Holy Priests and Kings of Christ restored. What a magnificant book of hope for Israel.

That was a beautiful synopsis! I just love the way makes things come full circle using the same or similar imagry. It really is beautiful.

I also found God's relationship with Moses to be interesting. So very few people, even those spoken of in the Bible really got to have that special treatment from God Almighty. Such an honor and a great responsibility.

I absolutely believe that God had a special place in his heart for Abraham. I believe that he is one of the very few that God personally went to visit, outside of Adam that is. Just before the Sodom and Gomorrah thing God appeared to Abraham with two of his angels and had dinner. Then the angels were sent on to Sodom while God and Abraham bargained for thier salvation. Abraham got him all the way down to only ten righteous and all five cities would be spared but the angels only found four and one of those was pretty shakey. That whole account speaks to me of the respect and love that God had for this one man. So yes I think that in a lot of ways the Jewish people were blessed by association. Not all ways of course but it sure didnt hurt their case any when they screwed up.

Once upon a time God had a plan that included a fully populated earth that wasnt such a mess. He planned on an entire race of humans that lived in harmony and joy with one another and lived immortal, that is if I'm reading Genesis correctly. I think that you and I spoke of this briefly once concerning the tree of good and evil and the tree of life. God didnt put them there as a temptation. It was in the plan that they would partake of them but they jumped the gun.

I really think that if mankind could only follow the simple rules of love God and love your neighbor as yourself the world could heal.

I really wish I had a house with a yard big enough to have one of those. But then I would get all wierded out if it got windy or overcast. It's always windy and overcast in the movies when people get lost in the labyrinth.

You know...if vp hadn`t been a slime ball, scum bag, serial sexual predator, drunken raping PIG....we wouldn`t have anything to TALK about vindictive or otherwise WOULD we?

Heres a clue friend, if one DOESN`T wish to be villainized after their death...If one DESIRES a legacy of being viewed as being a minister or having decency and being of moral character....then LIVE that way.

Wierwille SHOULD have had to face the music while he lived. I`ll be darned if you boogers will keep his crimes hidden now that he is dead.

Boogers! Great word!

The rest are good too, but "Boogers"...great word! Says it straight.

Your discussion on this subject made me think of this verse:

Matthew 4:23:

And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kindom, and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among his people.

Why did I think of this verse? Because there are two words in this verse that mean almost identical things but the second one 'disease' has one definition that is different from 'sickness'. That is "a problem in society: a serious problem in society or a serious problem with a particular group of people or person within a society."

Jesus was also a Jew and would understand the concept of shunning in the context of someone harming the community. According to this verse Jesus came to 'heal' even that. Which would explain the tone that Paul used when he spoke of 'marking them and then avoiding them'. It also explains why Paul and others spend so much time explaining how the family is supposed to act towards each other and how the body works.

hm

seems twi/pfal may be a maze

where one may become lost in all the many dead ends

but this one life is already being on a labyrinth

a single path with two primary directions ...coming and going

Or we were just chasing our own tails while vp was chasing his own kind of tail...

Actually I can see twi being both or either depending upon the individual and what they were actually looking for and being fed. Personally I was in a the labyrinth and then I got placed in the maze but I thought that I was still in the labyrinth, in other words I still thought that I was 'going somewhere' but I was really stuck in a series of dead ends.

Suits? If I recall correctly, the suits came in to lend legitimacy and to *get* the folks with the big bucks.

Hippies were fine for enthusiasm, but it takes $,$$$,$$$,$$$ to run a business. Let's face it, TWI was a business and not a ministry.

True dat! Knowing what I know now I wish I had turned the bird loose.

I didn't see the suit-wearing, briefcase-toting types in any great numbers until near the end of the 70s. I have a good friend, born and raised in New Knoxville, who quit going to HQ when Sunday morning fellowships ceased to be simply "teaching the Word under the apple trees" and when the suits began to appear.

Unfortunately I saw a lot of the suit wearing bible thumpers that always complained when the local folk just wanted a real bbq and not a rented, bought in the store, 'decent and in order' dinner. I really hated it when they would try to turn a day in the park into an afternoon and evening in a stuffy rented 'room' with lots of sitting an listening to them talk. I can see why some folks stopped going.

Jesus taught under the olive tree and people heard him and got healed. He didnt wear a suit that I'm aware of so why did twi think that this was the way to go?

I should have taken the bottom off of ole Buzzy's cage or just let him out. He might have made some lovely decoration on Mr. Perfects pressed silk shirt. But then his poor wife would have had to clean it.

You know those clean pristine 'dont sit on the furniture' homes just annoy me. Our house was always clean but we could sit on the couch and pet the cat if we wanted. My first TC tried to get my parents to get rid of our pets and when they told him to take a flying leap he tried to have mom move the bird into the bedroom during twig because Buzzy liked to sing when we were singing and he often told the tc to 'shut up'. Because that's what the tc said to him. Turn about is fair play in a parakeet world.

With regard to the parental supervision, Eyes, my parents divorced when I was 8. My father was very busy building his career and had limited visitation with us anyway. My mother went back to school, worked, and eventually remarried only to lose my step-father to cancer a short time later. So, by the time she was done with school and somewhat done grieving (his loss really took a lot out of her - she pretty much disappeared inside herself for about 4 years) and remebered she had children, it was pretty much too late. I was 17 when she finally decided I needed some discipline and guidance in my life, at which point I was convinced I was all grown up, new everything, and was not going to stand for being treated like a child. I moved out when I was 1/2 way through my senior year.

That really sucks for all of you. It is hard on all of you when this type of thing happens.

I cannot imagine my childhood without my parents. My father was the bread winner my mom was a 'domestic engineer'. (gotta love the title! ) My parents were old school, real old school not like the gangsta crud they call old school today. My parents were born when life was good in America and then they fought a world war and saw what they had fought for take a serious downhill slide. The last major news my mom saw before she passed was 9/11. It made her sad, profoundly sad.

Unfortunately their grandchildren live a life similar to yours, parents divorced and for whatever reason they dont get the type of supervision that really nurtures a child. I hope they turn out as well as you sound like you have, minus the whole cult thing. I personally never could have children so the ones that I often claim were actually my ex's. I havent seen any of them in years and have only heard from one of them in the past two. They have no structure now either, but I cannot help that if they wont let me.

ROFLMAO - Obedience was definitely something that didn't come naturally to me!! I think somewhere inside I knew that, even though I didn't think of it on a conscious level back then. That probably has a lot to do with why I never went WOW or Corps - it was hard enough just to be obedient on a twig level!!

I was always the kid that did what she was told and was respectful of her elders and all of that so when the Corps came along and I got talked into going because it was the thing for me...well, I was obedient...and I'll never be blindly obedient to anyone again...except God but he's another subject.

I bet you were a pain in some unsuspecting TC's tail! That could have been fun to watch.

She certainly did! I have never been able to explain that part of it to anyone, I guess in many ways I didn't truly understand it myself, but when I read Kristen's book it all fell into place and made sense.

Yes it did and I really loved the way that she said some of the things. Some of it even sounded 'logical' for that split moment before I remembered what year it was...

My roommate said something to me yesterday that really kind of made me mad...because she was right...I was good in the Corps because I was obedient, not because I was spiritual, or called, or gifted, but obedient. When I ceased being obedient they told me to leave. That just p!sses me off!

Wow Abi if I had done that as a child I would have gotten my own switch, if you know what I mean but then again I wouldnt have been at the party in the first place. I kind of came from a different lifestyle than you or Kristen so in that area I saw no paralells with my own life.

The thing that stuck out for me was the mindset once we were in. The insidious cancer thinking that kept me doubting myself and yet always wanting more to correct the doubt. It was a horribly sick circle. The line that a person wasnt spiritually mature enough for whatever was a great hook to keep a person going to more classes and repeating the same ole stuff over and over thinking that somehow you missed something because the MOG keeps saying I'm not spiritually mature. What a crock!

I know that they really used the whole believing and spiritually mature stuff a lot on the 16th and to some extent on the 14th Corps. We were in res when the great Man of God for our day and time died of devil spirit possession! Oh holy cow did we drop the ball somewhere. He died on our watch because our believing didnt protect him!

Anyway Kristen really showed the entire Corps thinking mind set that kept us from questioning, kept us in and kept us under their thumb.