Just call me Darling

But for all the wrong that TWI did, I have things I am so grateful for. In the early days, we were told to "read for ourselves" "confront leadership" "make up our own minds". That was vastly different from the church I had grown up in. The Word was living and real. I have so many miracle stories, and they did not stop after TWI, I have them from recent times as well, they just keep happening. My lost dog falling out of the air at my feet is among my favorites. She had been lost three days and we live near ranches with cattle, coyotes, owls, pigs... just so many things that could have killed her. I spent three days putting one verse in my head "I will trust in the Lord with all my heart and lead not to my own understanding. In all my ways I will acknowledge Him and He will direct my path." I emphasized WILL direct my path. I kept thinking and dreaming of a large bird and I prayed that was not a warning of how she would die. I went home for lunch on probably the third day and I was so uncomfortable that I went back out driving and calling her name. I went over a mile from home. I saw a vacant lot that had just been cleared with an incredibly large bird in the tree in the back. I got out of the car thinking that bird had to mean something. I called and called but nothing. As I turned to walk away to go back to my car, I saw her tumble out of the air at my feet. I learned that kind of unstoppable believing through TWI only because they did at times teach the truth that no other ministry taught. I believe God did put me there for a reason, but I stayed longer than I should have. So while they were also not perfect, as so many other religions are imperfect, they helped "perfect" my believing, even if inadvertently. I won't throw the baby out with the bathwater. I am grateful for many of Wierwille's teachings whether he fully lived in that light or not. He was right on so many things. Maybe God worked through him as best as He could. Something about that man had to have been right with God at some point. TWI was something God lead me to for a reason that altered my life favorably forever, so I will take the good and learn to part with the bad. Men fail, God never fails.

I did not know this site was still up. When I got out of the ministry (around 1993 or 1994) I was so hurt and confused. I eventually went to this site and No Way Out (my story is still up there, I was Jennifer). http://minet.org/www.trancenet.net/noway/experiences/jennifer.shtml I did not have bad initial experiences with The Way other than their persistence that I go to as many meetings as I could. It was not "each one win one" - it was a quota contest. (Please excuse this digression) I left when it became too difficult to fight the leadership anymore. The midnight scream fests, the accusations where they grabbed onto any innocent thing I said or did and tried to turn it into some kind of spiritual disobedience (before a meeting started I mentioned I was so stressed I considered a wine cooler before a meeting, but I decided not to. That comment was met with "So you said you felt like having a wine cooler at dinner before a meeting. Why would you think that?? What did you mean by that comment?"). Then I was a little too stubborn. At one midnight meeting I was yelled at for something I did that was as simple as missing a meeting or telling someone something biblical, and I yelled back "and what is wrong with that?"... and no verses were ever brought up, no "bringing it back to the word", just a fight. Then when I moved to a new location, I walked in to say hello to the new leader's wife, and she immediately began to tell me all my problems (excuse me, we just met)... and when I answered with "I am sorry, I will try to not do that in the future" she became livid because I would not engage with her. (Wow it felt good to finally say all of that "out loud"). Now to this thread of sexual abuse. When I was in, there were groupies that I nicknamed "darlings". I hung out with the Reverend P. because he spoke the word to me. It was that simple. I was so in love with God, and this leader talked about the bible constantly. I was shocked when he tried to become physical with me mostly because I was naïve and young, and I was living a dream to be around so much Bible - I saw it coming but so many people talked me out of those observations when I brought them up. I must have misunderstood, right? I was a groupie for God! I think so many of us were, right? Isn't that what excited us? Once I declined the leaders overtures, that was when the really bad things happened as mentioned above. I was suddenly accused of things I never did, my fellowship was told to stop coming, but no one told me they were not going to be there. When I asked where, they said "you didn't know? We were told to have twig at a different location". I was pushed into a very bad marriage with a dishonest man (Way Corps, who has since earned his practical ministry degree and is in a new ministry. I hope God worked a miracle.). In spite of all the backhanded dishonest tactics, I tried to stay. I fought for the way it had been in the early days, and I reminded leadership of the verses of love and tolerance. I dared once to pray for believers in every ministry, not just ours! I stood up to them in front of others, and I nearly died trying to put it all back together. I became so ill. When I left, I was labelled "mark and avoid"... and I was in good company but didn't realize it yet. The reason the leadership got away with so much is: (everyone sing along) "if you were not there and did not see it yourself, it did not happen". You can't accuse anyone based on "rumor", only my story was not a rumor. I was a witness. And believe me, no one in that ministry will believe anything said by any of us because of that saying. CL