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Pirate1974

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Everything posted by Pirate1974

  1. According to TV Guide, these are the 50 worst TV shows ever: 1. The Jerry Springer Show 2. My Mother the Car 3. XFL 4. The Brady Bunch Hour 5. Hogan's Heroes 6. Celebrity Boxing 7. AfterMASH 8. Cop Rock 9. You're in the Picture 10. Hee Haw Honeys 11. The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer 12. Hello, Larry 13. Twenty-One 14. Baby Bob 15. Manimal 16. The Chevy Chase Show 17. Casablanca 18. The Ugliest Girl in Town 19. The P.T.L. Club 20. The Pruitts of Southampton 21. Baywatch 22. The Powers of Matthew Star 23. Sammy and Company 24. One of the Boys 25. Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire? 26. Life With Lucy 27. Turn-On 28. Supertrain 29. Howard Stern 30. Unhappily Ever After 31. Homeboys in Outer Space 32. Co-ed Fever 33. Holmes and Yoyo 34. Alexander the Great 35. Pink Lady... And Jeff 36. The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo 37. Saturday Night Live with Howard Cosell 38. Hell Town 39. Still the Beaver 40. Makin' It 41. The Tom Green Show 42. The Flying Nun 43. Woops! 44. She's the Sheriff 45. A.K.A. Pablo 46. Me and the Chimp 47. Rango 48. Bless This House 49. The Ropers 50. Barney & Friends Agree? Disagree? Half of these I don't even remember. Homeboys in Outer Space? Have any to add? I don't see how they could have left off MTVs Undressed, which should be #1.
  2. The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A: Always wear a condom. Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car. Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too s**t faced to find your keys. Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster. Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully. Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics. Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons. Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would be tough to be a dick all day long. Well, what do you expect in a state that issued drivers licenses to 16 people who claimed their legal name was "Jesus Christ?"
  3. And I thought it would be "Scooby Doo."
  4. Aaron Tippin Well if you ask me where I come from Here's what I tell everyone I was born by God's dear grace In an extraordinary place Where the stars and stripes and the eagle fly It's a big 'ol land with countless dreams Happiness ain't out of reach Hard work pays off the way it should Yeah, I've seen enough to know that we've got it good Where the stars and stripes and the eagle fly There's a lady that stands in a harbor For what we believe And there's a bell that still echoes The price that it cost to be free I pledge allegiance to this flag And if that bothers you, well that's too bad But if you got pride and you're proud you do Hey, we could use some more like me and you Where the stars and stripes and the eagle fly Yes there's a lady that stands in a harbor For what we believe And there's a bell that still echoes The price that it cost to be free No, it ain't the only place on earth But it's the only place that I prefer To love my wife and raise my kids Hey, the same way that my daddy did Where the stars and stripes and the eagle fly Where the stars and stripes and the eagle...fly Where the stars and stripes and the eagle fly
  5. I wish I had a good story about how I got my hands on Mary Ann's shorts. Unfortunately, the truth is not quite that interesting: http://www.dawn-wells.com/
  6. OK, all you Mary Ann fans. You don't want to miss out on this. A pair of "authentic" Mary Ann denim shorts, signed on the back pocket by Dawn Wells. Only $39.95 (!) It doesn't say if they were actually worn by Mary Ann or not. Better hurry. Supplies are limited. Dawn Wells has made an entire career out of being Mary Ann.
  7. Brad Paisley Well I love her But I love to fish I spend all day out on this lake And hell is all I catch Today she met me at the door Said I would have to choose If I hit that fishin' hole today She'd be packin' all her things And she'd be gone by noon Well I'm gonna miss her When I get home But right now I'm on this lakeshore And I'm sittin' in the sun I'm sure it'll hit me When I walk through that door tonight That I'm gonna miss her Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite Now there's a chance that if I hurry I could beg her to stay But that water's right And the weather's perfect No tellin' what I might catch today Well I'm gonna miss her When I get home But right now I'm on this lakeshore And I'm sittin' in the sun I'm sure it'll hit me When I walk through that door tonight That I'm gonna miss her Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite Yeah, I'm gonna miss her Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite
  8. Pirate1974

    Sign Fun

    This is an actual sign from the Netherlands that's supposed to show where camping is permitted. That's supposed to be a walking stick, of course. What did you think it was?
  9. Franklin's brother Foster sells real estate in Summerville, SC. He has a web site that lists his phone numbers and e-mail address. You might be able to contact Franklin through him. http://fostersmith.com
  10. Kenny Rogers The greatest little boy, in a baseball hat, stands in the field, with his ball and bat. Says "I am the greatest player of them all!" He puts his bat on his shoulder, and he tosses up his ball. And the ball goes up, and the ball comes down, and he swings his bat all the way around. The world's so still you can hear the sound, as the baseball falls, to the ground. Now the little boy doesn't say a word... Picks up his ball. He is undeterred. Says, "I am the greatest there has ever been!" And he grits his teeth. And he tries it again. And the ball goes up, and the ball comes down, and he swings his bat all the way around. And the world's so still you can hear the sound, as the baseball falls, to the ground. He makes no excuses; he shows no fear He just closes his eyes, and listens to the cheers. Now the little boy, he adjusts his hat. Picks up his ball. Stares at his bat. Says "I am the greatest, and the game is on the line!" So he gives his all, one last time. And the ball goes up, like the moon so bright, swings his bat, with all his might. And the world's as still as still can be, and the baseball falls; and that's strike 3. Now it's supper time, and his momma calls. Little boy starts home, with his bat and ball. Says, "I am the greatest, that is a fact... but even I didn't know, I could pitch like that
  11. Guess I shouldn't have asked permission first. Hope your day was great!!
  12. A toast to you on your birthday. Have a great day. I second AHAT's motion for a celebration at the Hotel Charlotte.
  13. Anybody want some Chinese today?
  14. You guys are so bad. Yo mama is so fat - if somebody told her to haul foot, she'd have to make two trips.
  15. George Carlin first did his routine "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television" in 1973. Now you can hear at least four of those words every week on "South Park."
  16. Pirate1974

    Rock of Ages 1973

    The Way That It Used To Be...
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