Pirate1974

Are those buzzards circling in the sky?

Victoria's Secret sells jeans? Who knew?

These models are nice at look at, but who wants to cuddle up with one? Too many bones sticking out. In the words of Kurt Vonnegut, "A woman's body should feel like a hot water bottle filled with Devonshire cream, not a paper bag full of coat hangers."

If you want to see something on tv that's really degrading to women, check out "The Bachelor." 25 supposedly intelligent women throwing themselves at a guy in hopes of receiving a "marriage proposal" from him, knowing nothing about him except that he's a hunk and has money. Very weird.

You sexist pig. I can't believe you posted those pictures. Got any more?

Have a great birthday, chinny. Can I have a ride on your motorcycle?

Sure, I'll go see it with you, excathie. I will admit that I've watched it on tv and thought some of the stuff was pretty funny and a lot of it was just stupid. I can't imagine 90 minutes of it.

You didn't actually pay real money to see this, did you?

[This message was edited by Pirate1974 on September 21, 2002 at 11:56.]

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate all the good wishes. Hey, Robin. It's been a long time since the good old days of Herbie's twig hasn't it?

President Merkin Muffley has one of the greatest movie lines of all time: "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room."

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes. Still waiting for those bunnies to show up, Ginger. I guess they got lost on the way. My parents came for the weekend to help celebrate my being over the hill. Way over. Lots of love to both of you

Thanks for the birthday greetings, folks. Warms an old man's heart. (((((excathie)))))

These aren't dumb jokes. They're "shaggy dog stories." I tell these to the Cub Scouts all the time. Here's a classic: A Czechoslovakian hunter and his French partner were in the midst of a safari when they happened upon two hungry tigers, a fierce male and his mate. A furious battle ensued, in which the hunters were killed. After which, each tiger ate a hunter. Far off atop a hill, a shepherd had witnessed the whole battle. He ran home, grabbed his high powered assault rifle, and returned to blow the tigers away. After descending the hill, he first cut open the female tiger, discovering the remains of the Frenchman inside. "That settles it," said the shepherd, "The Czech's in the male."

Kenny Chesney Well, me and my lady had our first big fight So I drove around 'till I saw the neon lights Of a corner bar, It just seemed right, So I pulled up Not a soul around but the old barkeep Down at the end and looking half asleep But he walked up and said what'll it be? I said the good stuff He didn't reach around for the whiskey He didn't pour me a beer His blue eyes kinda went misty He said you can't find that here 'Cause it's the first long kiss on a second date Momma's all worried when you get home late And droppin' the ring in the spaghetti plate 'cause your hands are shakin' so much And it's the way that she looks with the rice in her hair Eatin' burnt supper the whole first year And askin' for seconds to keep her from tearin' up Yeah man, that's the good stuff He grabbed a carton of milk and he poured a glass And I smiled and said I'll have some of that We sat there and talked as an hour passed like old friends Saw a black and white picture and he caught my stare It was a pretty girl with bouffant hair He said that's my Bonnie, taken about a year after we wed He said I spent five years in the bottle when the cancer took her from me But I've been sober three years now 'Cause the one thing stronger than the whiskey Was the sight of her holdin' my baby girl The way she adored that string of pearls I gave her the day that our youngest boy Earl married his high school love It's a new t-shirt sayin' I'm a grandpa Bein' right there as our time got small And holdin' her hand when The Good Lord called her up Yeah man, that's the good stuff He said when you get home she'll start to cry When she says I'm sorry, say so am I And look into those eyes so deep in love And drink it up 'Cause that's the good stuff That's the good stuff

Hold the weenies and pass the Southern Comfort.

East Carolina University Pirates Class of 1974 Pirate1974

GODLEY, Texas (Reuters) - An argument over who was going to heaven and who was going to hell ended with one Texas man shooting another to death with a shotgun, police said on Monday. Johnny Joslin, 20 was allegedly shot by Clayton Frank Stoker, 21, on Sunday. The two had spent Saturday with two other men night bar hopping in Fort Worth, about 40 miles northeast of Godley. Johnson County Sheriff Bob Alford said a witness who was the designated driver for the group told police the four men were sitting at a table outside a trailer park after their night on the town and entered into an argument about religion. The talk became heated when the subject turned to who would go to heaven and who would go to hell. Stoker said he would settle the argument and went into a house and returned with a shotgun, which he loaded and placed in his mouth, Alford said the witness reported. "The victim Joslin then took the gun out of Stokers mouth, saying, 'If you have to shoot somebody, shoot me,'" Alford said, citing the witness report. The shotgun went off, hitting Joslin in the chest and killing him. Stoker, a Johnson County corrections officer, has been arrested and charged with first-degree murder, Alford said.

This show's only "claim to fame" was introducing the Bay City Rollers to the U.S. That alone should have been enough to get it cancelled.

BERLIN (Reuters) - Forget palm-reading. A blind German psychic claimed Tuesday he could read people's futures by feeling their naked buttocks. Clairvoyant Ulf Buck, 39, claims that people's backsides have lines like those on the palm of the hand, which can be read to reveal much about their character and destiny. "The bottom is much more intense -- it has a much stronger power of expression than the hand in my experience," Buck told Reuters. "It goes on developing throughout your life." By running his fingers along a number of lines on the surface of a client's posterior, he says he can tell them about their future monetary success, family life, health and happiness. He says lines representing success, career and artistic ability extend inwards from the outer extremities of the buttocks, while a further five lines radiate outwards. "I began on a circle of friends and the circle grew," Buck said. "I am not a new-age freak. I treat people with great care and conscientiousness." Buck, who lives in the northern village of Meldorf, northwest of Hamburg, says all types come to him to have their bottoms read. He sees his blindness as a great asset, not least because it means customers do not risk having their identities revealed. "All sorts come, from cleaning ladies and secretaries to prominent members of the community. For them, my being blind is an advantage because I can do it without recognizing them again in the future." Buck has been blind since the age of three. Although he claims to have spent many years training his fingers, with his index and middle fingers the most sensitive, Buck says even amateur buttock readers can make a broad-brush assessment of people's personalities. "An apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life," he said. "A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth." ************************************************ You gotta give old Ulf credit for being original, at least.

George Strait I got sent home from school one day With a shiner on my eye Fighting was against the rules And it didn't matter why When dad got home I told the story Just like I'd rehearsed And then stood there on my trembling knees And waited for the worst He said, "Let me tell you a secret About a father's love A secret that my daddy said Was just between us He said, daddies don't just love their children Every now and then It's a love without end, amen It's a love without end, amen." When I became a father In the spring of '81 There was no doubt that stubborn boy Was just like my father's son And when I thought my patience Had been tested to the end I took my daddy's secret And I passed it on to him I said, "Let me tell you a secret About a father's love A secret that my daddy said Was just between us I said, daddies don't just love their children Every now and then It's a love without end, amen It's a love without end, amen." Last night I dreamed I'd died And stood outside those pearly gates And suddenly, I realized There must be some mistake If they know half the things I've done They'll never let me in And a voice spoke from the other side And I heard those words again He said, "Let me tell you a secret About a father's love A secret that my daddy said Was just between us He said, daddies don't just love their children Every now and then It's a love without end, amen It's a love without end, amen."

The picture does look faked and the people look like they were added later, but the sand sculpture is definitely real. This picture first showed up just a couple of months after 9/11. It was on a beach in India and the guy who did it is supposedly a famous sand sculptor or whatever. He also made Osama's face out of sand. Pretty creepy.

I liked "Hogan's Heroes" too. I guess it's not politically correct these days. Excathie, "Woops" - The world is destroyed when kids accidently set off a nuclear missile causing the Russians to counterattack. Only six people are left in the US; Mark, the narrator, an ex-school teacher; Alice, a feminist; Curtis, a yuppie stock broker; Jack, a homeless person; Frederick, a black pathologist; and Suzzane, a sexy dummy. Lasted 10 weeks on Fox in 1992. Sounds hilarious, doesn't it?