Just be there for him and love him. Learn what you can, and let the physical therapists and neurologists do what they know to do.
Then take a few hours for yourself - you need some time away as well.
Good advice dooj.
Nero, what you're going through emotionally is 'normal' (although it's certainly no picnic), continue to love and care... don't beat yourself up over things... follow your heart...
This stuff is difficult even for those who train for years to deal with it. Please don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. You've got enough going on in your heart to deal with.
Each day you're learning new things. I'm sure you won't allow another nurse to talk that way right in his room. That nurse really should know better. It's a lot you're learning in a short time. Just please don't give up. Whether your dad is aware of what's going on around him or not, please don't give up.
I worked with Terri Schiavo for 2-1/2 years and have heard all the arguments that her brain had deteriorated such that there was no way those facial expressions and such were actually her. Doesn't matter to me. She was a lady that needed tender loving care and that was my job to provide it. To me she was in there and she wasn't even related to me.
This is YOUR DAD. You go ahead and love him the best way you know how, then like dooj said, take some time for you - you need to keep your strength and health.
And if you take a couple days to yourself and don't come to see him, don't feel bad about that either. Just do the best you can. And remember to do nice things for yourself and for your mom.
Man I can't wait until he gets out of the hospital and into a nursing home. I'm not sure how it could get worse than here. He's got a few people who are good.
But I found out the other day when my dad was taken into hospice - that when we thought he was going to die (no feeding tube)... His stupid doctor said to the nurse: Why are you giving him morphene? It's not like he can feel anything anyway.
They were barely giving him enough for a small child. >_> Grrr...
It's like he was some sort of dead fish. Who cares? Just chop his head off.
I wouldn't be totally against letting dad go if he doesn't improve in a few months because I know he didn't want to be in a bed his whole life - but dear God - shouldn't these doctors be treating their patients like they would want to be treated if they were aware but couldn't move?
If I do a living will (which I will when I move) I'm going to put in that I better be given enough morphine to knock a grown man on his arse. Well... maybe not that much... but still. Dying of hunger and thirst sounds like painful business - I would definitely want some sort of comfort drug.
Anyways, enough of the whole death thing.
I'm hoping to take a day or two for myself so I can sleep. I think I'm starting to get sick. T_T
I am so sorry the medical staff where your dad is being treated is so lame. There is no excuse for their untoward behavior.
I would suggest keeping a journal of incidents such as that doctor who was so unfeeling.
Living wills do provide for comfort measures to prevent pain. My aunt had a living will and when she was dying they gave her injections of viscous Valium and continued to suction her airway until she passed.
You will want to look at skilled nursing facilities very closely also.
Mom is getting someone to work with dad that actually treats people in comas/veg states. They believe from what we've seen he is in a semi-concious state.
It almost makes me feel worse because he's been hearing everything that was said.
He heard my sister talk about pulling his plug and everything else while he was "sleeping" - freaky. =(
I feel even worse for agreeing with the doctor - but at least I appologized to him for what I said. Whew! He also seemed better after I did it. He watched tv instead of just snoozing after all.
The doctor that works with coma/veg patients wants to get him in a case-study... BUT he has to be acute first. He needs to be in this state for three months. One month down - two to go! =) So it's not so bad. In the meantime we are moving him away from this cruddy hospital into a home that will work with his limbs and take more care than his basic stuff.
I probably won't get to see him much after they move him - it will be a state away. =( My mother will be following after him so I won't be seeing her in maybe a few days. O_O
Recommended Posts
Top Posters In This Topic
4
4
5
16
Popular Days
Nov 6
14
Nov 5
12
Nov 7
6
Nov 27
5
Top Posters In This Topic
sirguessalot 4 posts
Tom Strange 4 posts
potato 5 posts
Nero 16 posts
Popular Days
Nov 6 2007
14 posts
Nov 5 2007
12 posts
Nov 7 2007
6 posts
Nov 27 2007
5 posts
Tom Strange
Good advice dooj.
Nero, what you're going through emotionally is 'normal' (although it's certainly no picnic), continue to love and care... don't beat yourself up over things... follow your heart...
Edited by Tom StrangeLink to comment
Share on other sites
bowtwi
This stuff is difficult even for those who train for years to deal with it. Please don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. You've got enough going on in your heart to deal with.
Each day you're learning new things. I'm sure you won't allow another nurse to talk that way right in his room. That nurse really should know better. It's a lot you're learning in a short time. Just please don't give up. Whether your dad is aware of what's going on around him or not, please don't give up.
I worked with Terri Schiavo for 2-1/2 years and have heard all the arguments that her brain had deteriorated such that there was no way those facial expressions and such were actually her. Doesn't matter to me. She was a lady that needed tender loving care and that was my job to provide it. To me she was in there and she wasn't even related to me.
This is YOUR DAD. You go ahead and love him the best way you know how, then like dooj said, take some time for you - you need to keep your strength and health.
And if you take a couple days to yourself and don't come to see him, don't feel bad about that either. Just do the best you can. And remember to do nice things for yourself and for your mom.
You've got my prayers.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nero
Man I can't wait until he gets out of the hospital and into a nursing home. I'm not sure how it could get worse than here. He's got a few people who are good.
But I found out the other day when my dad was taken into hospice - that when we thought he was going to die (no feeding tube)... His stupid doctor said to the nurse: Why are you giving him morphene? It's not like he can feel anything anyway.
They were barely giving him enough for a small child. >_> Grrr...
It's like he was some sort of dead fish. Who cares? Just chop his head off.
I wouldn't be totally against letting dad go if he doesn't improve in a few months because I know he didn't want to be in a bed his whole life - but dear God - shouldn't these doctors be treating their patients like they would want to be treated if they were aware but couldn't move?
If I do a living will (which I will when I move) I'm going to put in that I better be given enough morphine to knock a grown man on his arse. Well... maybe not that much... but still. Dying of hunger and thirst sounds like painful business - I would definitely want some sort of comfort drug.
Anyways, enough of the whole death thing.
I'm hoping to take a day or two for myself so I can sleep. I think I'm starting to get sick. T_T
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Watered Garden
I am so sorry the medical staff where your dad is being treated is so lame. There is no excuse for their untoward behavior.
I would suggest keeping a journal of incidents such as that doctor who was so unfeeling.
Living wills do provide for comfort measures to prevent pain. My aunt had a living will and when she was dying they gave her injections of viscous Valium and continued to suction her airway until she passed.
You will want to look at skilled nursing facilities very closely also.
WG
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nero
Mom is getting someone to work with dad that actually treats people in comas/veg states. They believe from what we've seen he is in a semi-concious state.
It almost makes me feel worse because he's been hearing everything that was said.
He heard my sister talk about pulling his plug and everything else while he was "sleeping" - freaky. =(
I feel even worse for agreeing with the doctor - but at least I appologized to him for what I said. Whew! He also seemed better after I did it. He watched tv instead of just snoozing after all.
The doctor that works with coma/veg patients wants to get him in a case-study... BUT he has to be acute first. He needs to be in this state for three months. One month down - two to go! =) So it's not so bad. In the meantime we are moving him away from this cruddy hospital into a home that will work with his limbs and take more care than his basic stuff.
I probably won't get to see him much after they move him - it will be a state away. =( My mother will be following after him so I won't be seeing her in maybe a few days. O_O
Lots of stuff is happening really fast.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.