growing up in the way and after

[nick]

Growing up in the way and after

Hi, my name is Nicholas, and my life was affected by the way.

"Hi Nicholas."

I was six with an eight year old sister when my newly divorced mom was introduced to the way by a man she dated briefly. I loved it. Singing, crafts, stories about magic (er, miracles?) Good times. The doctrines instantly became a major sorce of self esteem. Everyone who wasn't born again was on the same plane as animals, and I was above them. What six year old would hesitate to belive something like that? Hey, I could already speak in tounges, interprate, and prophesy, and I was prety sure I had recived discerning of spirits once or twice. I was going to be working gifts of healing any day. I was called, chosen, better than everyone else. Woot. We started visiting the family corps place, and were registered to join F-19. (I still have F-19 written on the side of some of my toys.) My mom failed to believe to get proper funding so I guess I dodged that bullet when we were dismissed after the aprentience year, although she was still able to run a twig.

As I got older, that faith began to take its toll. You can't belive those things without being a tad bit of a snob. Moving to a new school every year probably didn't help. So I was alone at school, not a big deal. Books and video games were my rock. On my Eleventh year we moved "for the last time."

At the last Rock of Ages my mom met a super happy man, who was super nice to me. I took to him instantly. Seperated from my Shannara books and Zelda, Sitting quitely was kind of depressing, even for a few days. I really didn't have anything resembeling social skills, I was even scared to talk to other way kids. He of corse made me laugh, and we wrested alot. It had to be my responce to his charm that made my mom marry him. Everything that hapened after that might have been diffrent had I been strong enough to be a little less of a target for "love bombing."

So like six weeks passed and they got married. Go figure, that was when I wasn't good enough anymore. Not washing the dishes was rebellion. Remember that verse about taking your child out to stone him? Aparently if I belived the word (I still did at that point) I would be preaching at school and children would come to fellowship with me. Not wanting to spend "quality time" with my parrents (by the time I was 13, all that wresteling was starting to get awkward) was proof devil spirit influence.

In hindsight I can see the real breking point was discovering Magic: the gathering cards. This game could be played at school lunch tabels and empowered me to make friends with people who, it turned out, also liked Shannara and Zelda. Now that I was asking to do things after school with unbelivers, I was a real disapointment. I couldn't visit a friend unless he had been to fellowship. Of corse after he came and didn't come back, he had refused the light of god's word and had to be avoided. So I got to experience socil interaction outside of school... once per person. Not that it mattered, moving "for the last time" suddenly became "things change." Oh, and all those books and cards that I was going to use to reach out to people in my new new school with aparently had evil spirts inside of them, so they had to go.

So I guess I started getting surly and the years rolled by, but I really still belived. Any peson who truely wanted god in thier life would have that chance, would be saved from war, hunger, aids, anything. I even started asking to teach at fellowship once in a while. I'm still proud of my teaching "practical unbeliving" about how someone who follows morality and logic would do gods word without even realizing it, untill the point that those right dessisions opend thier heart enough to believe. Everyone loved it... right up to the limb cordidinator who insisted I be reproved for "making up doctrine." I had to teach out of the way magizine after that.

Moved out at 18, quit going to fellowship at 19. See, I met this guy who was brutaly raped as a child like, everyday. I asked him why the **** he didn't ask god for help. He took it better than you'd think, but I couldn't really believe after he said to me "I did." I mean, if someone with unlimited power loves all of us, he probably wouldn't watch that sort of thing.

So like anyone who once belived that they were perfect, imortal, and invincible and lost it in a single day, I started taking more serious drugs (early 2000, lots of x to be found cheep,) burning myself (it really only hurts durring the healing process,) droped out of college (music school is kind of pointless anyways,) and got married to a woman I kind of hate thats 10 years older than me. (I tell everyone she's only 6 years older, that sounds better.)

But alas, after most of that phase ended (Still married), I did find meaning to my life. I was able to foster then adopt a child who's fellon mother is also a jehova's witness- can you believe there were already some in prison to convert her? One less person to be raised as a chosen one.

I visited my mom and her husband recently, who now live on grounds. She does the hair for the choir every sunday. I brought my daughter, and we stayed over night. My sister was there too, but didn't sleep over. While having a prety good family day, my mom suddenly starting acting nervous. At first I just tried to cheer her up but then I asked what was wrong. All she said was that she had to go to the bathroom, but seemed really unhappy about it. When my sister offered to go with her she cheered right up. After browsing the horror stories on this site the implications are kind of clear.

That night, they had given my daughter and I seprate rooms, but I went ahead and stayed in her room. (What kind of parent leaves a little girl alone in a strange place?) I had locked the door, but around 3 someone tried to turn the handle. Even before reading the horror stories here those implications were prety clear.

I'm scared that if I say anything to mom about my sus....ions I'm not going to get to talk to her much anymore, but I'm definitly worried about her. And her husband who's probably at the center of all of it (assuming im not just imagining things) wouldn't even be in the picture if I had just been a little slower to cling to him. Advice?

[waysider]

My heart goes out to you "kids", Nicholas.

As an adult, I made a conscious choice to take the class and follow TWI.

You guys, however, were conscripted into a life by someone else's choosing.

I hope you spend some time snooping around this place and find some answers you're looking for.

Welcome to GSC, Nick.

It's nice to have you here.

I'm sure you can bring a unique perspective that will be enlightening for all.

Edited May 25, 2008 by waysider

[nick]

thanks for replying waysider.

the more i read here, the more luck i see in my own tale- it could have been much worse.

that said, i think its important for anyone inside reading this to see a "second best case senerio" on how thier children will see the way, and more so, the loss of it.

i spent so much time dweling on how i felt about not feeling "perfect" anymore...

but unlike when trying to explain the "loss of the way" to my wife, or work friends, here i read others doing it, often with better wording than would have occured to me.

its nice to see that my experience is not so unique.

[MusicaLee]

Wow, Nick. I think our stories are very similar. However, my mom is not involved anymore. She was a divorced mom of me when we became active and I was about 10. She remarried when I was 16 to a man she met at a twig fellowship. They are still happily married 24 years later.

I too was lucky that Mom and I were not able to go into the Corps. I didn't know it then, but I sure realize it now.

Kathie

[RainbowsGirl]

Oh Dear (((Nick)))),

You are so amazingly strong and brave!!! I am so glad you stayed with You child and protected her!!! I am sorry You were hurt You can teach us here anytime any one of Your

Teachings!!!

and are on me

today!

With Love, RainbowsGirl