Letter to my Brother

[rascal]

This is part of a letter that I wrote to my Brother in Afgahnistan this morning.

We were talking about spiritual betrayal and the impact.

I am amazed that you get it. Usually it takes having lived through it to understand. I do remember vividly giving God the finger and yelling FU, everything I have ever been taught about you is a lie...

I spend a lot of time on an ex cult web site working through how it could all happen. How people could be so thoroughly deceived and manipulated. You feel so foolish, so betrayed. Your right, the invariable conclusion for many is that there can`t be a God if such abuse is allowed to happen in his name.

What is horrible is that vulnerable people who are desperatly seeking God, when they get burned by the people who represent God...what is left? People have abused you God has abused you...there is no place left to turn. There were a lot of suicides, and now I know why. We were introduced to a ministry who promised to teach everything pertaining to life and Godliness, promised peace, healing...etc..we dare to to hope that the answeres to our pain are at hand...that the guidance that we have so needed, the family that the neglected needed more than air......to one day find out that we were simply duped into supporting very evil men whom inflicted great evil.....is shattering.

Course us peons that were supporting and enabeling this group never knew that we weren`t a legitimate Christian organization. To find out after a decade or two that everything that you have dedicated your life and energy to is one huge lie and betrayal??? My God how embarassing. Ones ego doesn`t want to admit that they were wrong, that they weren`t a part of God`s spiritual elite bringing his word to the world. So you have to quantify everything so that you don`t look so bad, tell yourself the stories aren`t true, that the people who were abused some how deserved it...because goodness sakes, we can`t have been that wrong about people whom we loved and respected.

When it all comes crashing down around your ears...when you realise how tragically wrong you all were, that people suffered and even died ... that everything you thought you believed is a lie...your belief system has crumbled, the way you view yourself, your understanding of the universe no longer valid....whew. You have been so utterly betrayed that you will never ever trust another person to teach you. The rules change, most marriages never survived.

Anyway, I wish that I had spent my life doing some legitimate good in the world. Of all of the things that I grieve losing the most, is the lost opportunities, the lost youth. All that I can do is try to be the best person that I can be, doing my best to ease anyones elses burdens, trying to be a force for good during my remaining time on this planet.

Sorry for the wierdness this morning Little Brother, You provoke some deep thoughts.

Love to you,

Your ohsowierdbutnowmaybealittlemoreunderstandiblenuttysister

[Lifted Up]

Just curious, since this obviously wasn't (from what you write) the first part of your discussion with him; which of you started the discussion, and was it a hard thing to get going? These are personal questions which I think are in bounds for asking, given how much you are telling with this letter.

While not dealing with the exact same things, I could contemplate a not altogether dissimilar discussion with an older sibling.

[notinKansasanymore]

Great letter, Rascal.

(((((you)))))

[Dot Matrix]

How is it going?

[rascal]

WOOOOHOOOOO! My brothers unit is returning!!! Thank you God!!!

[bowtwi]

WOOOOHOOOOO! My brothers unit is returning!!! Thank you God!!!

Outstanding! :)

[Dot Matrix]

Cool. Welcome back!!

[rascal]

Thank you. He is safely home. We are going next week to celebrate his homecoming and promotion :)

Lots of fishing boating poker and fun. All of the sisters, parents, kids :)

[Shellon]

How was visit, Rascal?