A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man.
The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.
The old man glares at the young punk for the next ten miles, as the bus travels across the city.
Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, "What are you looking at, old man! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot... I thought you might be my son."
These three were scrambling for cash to pay their bar bill. The bartender says, "Forget the bill - if the three of you can show me 21 inches, I'll pick up the tab."
The three guys all looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and agreed.
So, The first guy pulls his out his 10 inch 'blue-veined diamond scratcher.' Then, the second guy pulls out his 10 inch 'one-eyed dragon slayer.' All eyes are now staring at the third guy. He unzips his pants and pulls out his 1 inch 'member.' They all have a good chuckle and then leave the bar.
When the three fellows get to their cars, the first guy says, "You guys were lucky that I had 10 inches."
The second guy says, "Yep, well you guys were lucky that I also had 10 inches."
The third guy says, "true, but you were all lucky that I had a stiffy."
This open forum has become real electric of late. I understand the need to inject humor, it is my middle name but Norm how much can you actually balance it out with humor if you are starting threads so you have a forum to fight with folks?
We email each other, I think I know a little about you but to be honest to read some of the current threads going on over here is making my stomach sick. I mean it is literally making my stomach sick.
I was screwed by twi beyond description, and I want you to know that to read how you are speaking to some folks is adding to that for me. Don't you think there is a balance to free speech amongst each other? No one here is all right in all things we are saying, are we? Not even me right this second in time to you.
Maybe I am just still too tender in the wound area, but I can't take this stuff. Do you think others may feel the same?
This Tragic person got lost in that thread--now moved to soap opera. Had they returned I have to wonder if yall would have noticed.
Sorry but my stomach just can't take it over here right now.
Norm, you have much to offer here, give us that stuff okay?!
An 80 year old man went to Hollywood to pick up a prostitute and to get some action. He noticed one hooker in particular and started flirting with her. The prostitute quickly became annoyed and yelled, "Get lost old man! You're ruining business!"
"Sure would like to get some action tonight," blurted the old man.
"You've got to be kidding! You're too old! You're all finished!"
"What did you say?" asked the geezer.
"You heard me! You're all finished!"
"Oh, dear," replied the old man, as he reached into his pocket, "how much do I owe you?"
A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
"... the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot... I thought you might be my son."
I think that I may have bar crawled with that guy.
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ChattyKathy
Firebee,
You know the one about the sister, add that one here also.
Kath
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firebee
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
from the poster formerly known as 'firebarrier'
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firebee
A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man.
The young punk has spiked, multi-colored, green, purple, and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.
The old man glares at the young punk for the next ten miles, as the bus travels across the city.
Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, "What are you looking at, old man! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"
Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot... I thought you might be my son."
from the poster formerly known as 'firebarrier'
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ChattyKathy
Thank you my dear bug man.
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MillionsNowSmoking
and she's oh so smart and oh so intuitive
it would scare you!!! it does me!!!
My Blonde Joke:
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the
loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for
two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security
for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls
Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,
she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to
accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at
the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a
$5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the
Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest,which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss,
we are very happy to have had your business, and this
transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
"While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are
a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to
borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park
my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there
when I return?"
to quote Perry Ferrell:
"...and I'm going 'bout my business...and I'm wonderin' what I'm missin'.."
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firebee
These three were scrambling for cash to pay their bar bill. The bartender says, "Forget the bill - if the three of you can show me 21 inches, I'll pick up the tab."
The three guys all looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and agreed.
So, The first guy pulls his out his 10 inch 'blue-veined diamond scratcher.' Then, the second guy pulls out his 10 inch 'one-eyed dragon slayer.' All eyes are now staring at the third guy. He unzips his pants and pulls out his 1 inch 'member.' They all have a good chuckle and then leave the bar.
When the three fellows get to their cars, the first guy says, "You guys were lucky that I had 10 inches."
The second guy says, "Yep, well you guys were lucky that I also had 10 inches."
The third guy says, "true, but you were all lucky that I had a stiffy."
from the poster formerly known as 'firebarrier'
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ChattyKathy
---am I going to wish I wasn't in this thread.
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firebee
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Scroll down...
scroll up.......
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MillionsNowSmoking
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive blonde lady arrived and bet twenty thousand
dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, " I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when
I'm nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice
and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up
and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up
all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared
at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"
I think we all (non blondes) secretly envy blondes
to quote Perry Ferrell:
"...and I'm going 'bout my business...and I'm wonderin' what I'm missin'.."
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ChattyKathy
This open forum has become real electric of late. I understand the need to inject humor, it is my middle name but Norm how much can you actually balance it out with humor if you are starting threads so you have a forum to fight with folks?
We email each other, I think I know a little about you but to be honest to read some of the current threads going on over here is making my stomach sick. I mean it is literally making my stomach sick.
I was screwed by twi beyond description, and I want you to know that to read how you are speaking to some folks is adding to that for me. Don't you think there is a balance to free speech amongst each other? No one here is all right in all things we are saying, are we? Not even me right this second in time to you.
Maybe I am just still too tender in the wound area, but I can't take this stuff. Do you think others may feel the same?
This Tragic person got lost in that thread--now moved to soap opera. Had they returned I have to wonder if yall would have noticed.
Sorry but my stomach just can't take it over here right now.
Norm, you have much to offer here, give us that stuff okay?!
Kath
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firebee
Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is both male and female."
This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses him so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this Little Johnny?s face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"
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CoolWaters
What do you call two polar bears sitting on the ice too long?
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*
*
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Polaroids! LMAO!
********************
********************
If cleanliness is next to godliness, and if godliness includes obsessive-compulsive house cleaning tendencies, then bless my mess!
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Cindy!
ROFLMAO...thanks firebee...I needed that!
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firebee
An 80 year old man went to Hollywood to pick up a prostitute and to get some action. He noticed one hooker in particular and started flirting with her. The prostitute quickly became annoyed and yelled, "Get lost old man! You're ruining business!"
"Sure would like to get some action tonight," blurted the old man.
"You've got to be kidding! You're too old! You're all finished!"
"What did you say?" asked the geezer.
"You heard me! You're all finished!"
"Oh, dear," replied the old man, as he reached into his pocket, "how much do I owe you?"
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firebee
A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
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Galen
firebee -
"... the old man replies, "Yeah. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot... I thought you might be my son."
I think that I may have bar crawled with that guy.
galen
ET1 SS
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