A STORY OF RECOVERY

[imbus]

I have been in recovery for 2 years for the abuses incured by my parents and being a follower of TWI.I had been severly abusesed by my parents growing up, so to follow TWI was a part of the cycling that I learned as child.I got involved with twig in 76. Jeff and Diane Tyler were wow twig-leaders in Miami FLA. Those two loved me back into living.At the time I was suisidal, had a psycotic break and was desperate. The Bible college I had attened prior to twig was extremly fundemental.I was taught that if I did not witness to people there blood would be on my hands.With that type of doctrine and my earthly father using the bible as a club ,I was very valnerable to hear and see something powerful and loving.I was loved bombed by the Tylers,Harvy Platig and his wow broyher,Walter. PFAL changed my life. I now had a way to contol my intrusive thoughts and a means to put the abuse of my parents behind.The anxiety I felt 24-7 was used as a tool to move PFAL.Its theraputic name is exsessive/ compulsive disorder. I went wow in 77. After a few years of going wow I finally went into the 15th wc.My first year was filled with so much amotional hell I should have left . Diane Tyler had commited suiside and no one gave me a reason why. Pat Lynn acused me of being a homosxual,guilt bt assocation and all my sins were put on a 3x5 card by a over zelous 13th corps breathern.I went befor John Lynn and was put on a 2 week probationary period. I had to get my act together or leave. Well TWI was my family now and leaving was out of the question. I endured public humilation, was taken of my assigned job working in the Banchi apt. and put on refinishind desk were I could do no harm. What harm I do not know.I was also held back from going LEAD with my group. I was watched 24-7. I did not amotionally breath till I graduated from the Corps.

One of the abuses I have hade to work through was that of the film shown as part of "Bedside manners" I was very nieive twards sex and was looking forward to understanding it in a healthy way.(My parents example of marrage and sex was very distorted.Women were victumized and treated a second class citzens.)To say the least I was tramatized by what I saw. Even though I was age approprate, emotionally I was not prepared for the images I saw.To see women only in that film spoke volumes of what VP sub-concsciencly thought of women.There was no warning just the film.That class also spiritually set a standard for what a womens role is and it was not about partnership or equality.

The Way Corps taught me not to trust my own inner core being, not to look outside of its own closed-system for help and certainly not to think for myself.I have struggled for decades to be my own person and thank God for greaspot...it is happening. I attend AA mtngs because of alcoholism,I take Paxil for my anxiety and have done some extensive EMDR work through a therapist.I'm finally at home with my core self. My nurturing,protective and spiritual core is alive and well.

One of the books that has released me from the bonds of traditional,fundemental christianity is "Why christianity must change or Die" by John Shelby Spong.It's a great read.

So much more had happened while i was in the wc, lots more. But for now I submit this bit of info and hope that those in a spiritual or emotional delima will know you are not alone.

[excathedra]

thank you imbus

and i'm very very sorry for the abuses you endured

love,

excathedra

[Radar OReilly]

Imbus,

Like ExCathedra I am very sorry for the abuse and pain you have suffered and am glad to hear that you are taking steps to help yourself and salvage your life.

I graduated from the 13th corps and remember the "bedside manners" class and movies that you described. That was a very wierd and dark time and you are not alone in your feelings of how creepy it was.

Thanks for sharing your story with us, welcome to Greasespot.....may you find a place to hang your hat!

Radar

[Shellon]

:)--> Imbus

[year2027]

God

Hi Imbus

I wrote my story a long time ago and it help me

alot too

This is the place for healing stay a while take

your shoes off and enjoy the fellowship here

with love Roy

May God the Father, Holy Breath the Mother, and Jesus Christ the Brother give you the saints the brothers and sisters of Christ love, grace, joy and peace

[imbus]

thank you who have responded in kindness. this is the last of my issues and yet the most painful to address. The betrayal runs so deep. when I allow my self to wonder into memory land about TWI my heart aches for what could have been. Christinity at its finest hour. But it is a story once again of religious pioty gone amuck at the expence of the pure hearted.

I like the culture of the Aboriginies. From a very young age spirituality is recognized in the young child.The morals and collective good is taught,what is best for the group. By the example set by the mature and elderly, children by the time of adolesence know their connectedness to the land, each other and to the "oneness" that is in all.Their gifts are recognized and developed by the elders as the children easily manifest them.If that is the longsuit of that child then it is respected and honored. Weither it be story telling ,cerimonial worship, hunting, basket weaving or herb finder. all is sacrad and a nessisity of the group.These people live a harmony that is breath taking.From within to everything that is without.A ONENESS THAT CANNOT BE VERBALIZE NOR DOES IT HAVE TO. so now I see christianities finest hour living in a culture that is as old as the beginning of time.It has no written language and communication is between the minds." You just know " It makes me have to ask some hard honest questions about what I believe. I know im in a first wold country were i dont have to beleive for my daily bread, like they do. Maybe thats the problem. We have moderinized our lives to the point that the nessisity of God no longer exist.At least the traditional God we have been taught.I do believe in a higer power (he, she, it, they). But that higer power is being redfined as my spiritual core is allowed to live and have the freedom to ponder and concider what resinates and what do not. So it is a journey( much like the Aboriginies "walk about"),that is the defining moment of who and what God is to me. I have a sneaking suspition that what I might find may be far removed from the Christianity of the last 2000 years.

"ONENESS HAPPENS"

[excathedra]

i wish you well along your journey, imbus

warm thoughts and hugs,