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Cult Eye for the Un-Cult Guy


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This is a treatment for a pilot show on the Lifetime channel.

Premise: 5 guys in TWI filled with righteousness give the "lucky" Ex-TWI (or any cult-like group) a life make-over. New hair-doo, new clothes, new language, new very thing.

The fun starts when the opening shot rolls, from the stage of the VPW:Prevailing Word Auditorium. Rosalie hands the guys a bunch of TWI paraphernalia photos of the BOD and stuff. Then they rush off to some poor souls house to "bless" them.

Please feel free to add the other details.


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They arrive at the poor dude's house to find that he has a (dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!) MORTGAGE Oh no...this will not do, you have (reeling back with horror) DEBT!!!!

You must sell your house right away and get rid of that horrible ''secular'' music! EWWWWWWWWWW!!! Here, try some of this (hands the guy a ''Singing Ladies of the Way'' cassette)

to be continued...

Love y'all,



''...show a little faith, there's magic in the night, you ain't a beauty, but hey, you're alright, oh, and that's alright with me...''

-Bruce Springsteen

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The "Bash" Patrol sees a small dog under the three-legged couch they rescued from the dump on their WOW year.

"Get rid of the EVIL pet!!!!" The Bash patrol snorts. One of the Bash patrol, who was very talented at killing chickens in an early corps, threatens "Or I will ring its neck."

The poor believer, visibly shaken, picks up his little dangzu and says with a quivering voice, "If you hurt Fluffy, I will hurt you!"

This infuriates the big fore headed guy with the road map veins....


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Okay, first we have to define the cast:

Bud - The big, burley WC grad who works a blue collar job, has two kids and a submissive wife. Uses the f-word in teachings and still wears ties from the 80's. Thinks that The Three Stooges are funny.

Dave - has a big mustche and gives even bigger hugs. Life is nothing but grace to Dave and his Bible has more notes in it than anyone elses.

Rob - Recent WC grad and zealot. Carries a briefcase and is current on the "Present Truth." Has the 'corporate' look. Plays golf, has designer clubs but never has a dime to his name.

Lori - tiny & cute, she packs a punch. Makes a mean cinnimon roll but can reprove the crack off your butt. Brings a lot of guys to fellowship and has been in TWI since she was in diapers.

Pam - has a heart the size of TX but can't understand why everyone isn't early to set up for every meeting.

Their vehicle: No, not a GMC Envoy... it's a Ford Winstar! (Paid for, of course!)

Their license plate: No, not FAB5 - DOULOS5

Their first case: Henry, a 35 year old, cross-dresser, accountant from New Jersey. He has a mortgage, auto loan on a Toyota Solora and over $15K in credit card debt. Henry also has two major pets (dogs), was raised Jewish and has never heard of TWI...

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So, you give me these pictures of some shet-kickers to what????? To put up around MY HOUSE!!!

And scare the kiddies!!!!

What's yo' problem?

TWI...or any other CULT #1,2,3 or twenty thousand ~ "fa get about it!"

btw, those pictures do look like the ones at the post office ~ you know, on the bulletin board...the most wanted ~ unwanted!

Hi Seth,

Happy Thankgiving and all to you ~



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  • 3 years later...

(I took the names but not the scene – opps! I missed that part! That would have been so much more fun to do than what I picked!) XP

*spoken in voiceover*

Rob: Today on Cult Eye for the Uncult Guy…

Lori: We’re going to meet a young couple named Tina and David Smith!

Rob: Don’t interrupt me while I’m talking woman.

Lori: Oops, sorry.

Rob: We are going to totally makeover their lifestyle!

Everyone: Yay!

*Some horrible music from TWI plays during the opening of the show – something about hating the gays most likely*

*Cut to the Smith house*

*Everyone in the cult group is walking up to the house because the Winstar has broken down a few blocks away*

*voice over again*

Dave: Tina and Mike have no idea that we’re going…

Rob: To be here today…

Bud: Because they might try to lock us out of the house.

Lori: And then they’ll never be blessed by God!

Pam: How horrible would that be?

*Bud does a foot plant on the front door and it crashes open*

*couple appears to be startled*

Tina: Oh my God what are you doing?!

David: Our front door!

Rob: You don’t know it yet…

Lori: But you are on…

Rob: Cult Eye for the Uncult Guy!

David: Is this one of those shows where you make over our house?

Rob: Not really! Anyways… let’s get to work!

Dun dun dun… to be continued!

I told you I liked to write. ^_~

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  • 3 months later...

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