Baptist Squirrels

[moony3424]

There were four country churches in a small TEXAS town:

The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the

Methodist Church and the Catholic Church.

Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to

decide what to do about the squirrels. After much

prayer and consideration they determined that the

squirrels were predestined to be there and they

shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

In the Methodist church the squirrels had taken up

habitation in the baptistery Bowl. The deacons met

and decided to put a cover on the baptistery bowl and

drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped

somehow and there were twice as

many there the next week.

The Catholic group got together and decided that they

were not in a position to harm any of God's creation.

So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them

free a few miles outside of town. Three days

later, the squirrels were back.

But -- the Baptist church came up with the

best and most effective solution.

They baptized the squirrels and registered them as

members of the church. Now they only see

them on Christmas and Easter.

[topoftheworld]

You know you're in a TEXAS church when:

People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.

The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.

The restrooms are outside.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

When it rains, everyone is smiling.

The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale".

The pastor wears boots.

Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.

There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.

Baptism is referred to as "branding".

There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.

People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"

[ex70sHouston]

Topoftheworld you need to hold on a minate.

I am a member of a Baptist church in a small town in Texas.

We are on city sewer and don't have the septic system.

Whats wrong with the preacher wear'n boots? Doen't everybody.

The organ doesn't bother the dogs. It bothers the sound guy and everyone else in the balcony where the speakers are.

You forgot about the goats. They outnumber the sheep 3 to 1.

Yes everyone smiles about rain for the first 3 inchs. After that everyone cuses. You got to repair all the gaps, fix the road, and watch for flooding.

We only have one Bubba. Mikes on the other hand are evrywhere.

By the way it was catfish. They are a lot biger than the bass.

No one gets buried in their truck. It cost to much to dig the whole. People get ticked when you start blasting in the cemetary. Now blasting at the river works great for getting the biguns.

He usally finishs with I'll see yall down at Luby's.

[topoftheworld]

I two step corrected.